"As Bad as Each Other", sugarsugar84

[sugarsugar84]

Hi everyone,

I've never done any creative writing before, and never written anything erotic, so I'd appreciate ANY feedback on my first piece:

As Bad as Each Other

Please let me know what you think. I've entered the Valentine's Contest - what can I say, I was feeling gallus

Sugar xxx

 

[jeanvaljean23]

hmmm.. not a bad approach.. keep it up... nice work..

 

[sugarsugar84]

Thanks for your feedback Jeanvaljean!

 

[Jenny_Jackson]

Better than the average first time effort, Sugar. You did good. The most glaring thing I can see is your overly long paragraphs. The first two paragraphs are 11 and 12 screen lines long. The thirteenth is nearly 20. Those are hard to read on a computer monitor. You should keep your paragraphs down to 8 to 10 screen lines. It saves back clicks.

 

[sugarsugar84]

Thanks Jenny, that's exactly the kind of advice I need to improve in the future. I would like to write more, so I'll bear it in my mind for next time!

I did have a rage moment with paragraphing when all my formatting disappeared in preview...took a while to get any paragraphing back in there at all!

xxx