As an asexual person I am LOVING this website

[justspitballing]

I never thought I could have so much fun posting on and being a part of a sexual based community. Joining this site has been a wonderfully enjoyable experience. I know I'm fully new here, and I haven't done very much, but I'm fully planning to post on this site, likely on the sexual and online role play sections of it, on at least a daily basis. I'll also when I'm up to it maybe write a story for the main site.

I'm asexual. For the people that don't know, asexual means you don't find people sexually attractive. I have never been attracted to someone in that way, it's just never happened. Interestingly though, your attraction has no impact on your sexual drive, or what ideas and activities can turn you on. Many asexual people are for example into kink, spanking, all kinds of things.

I really love the concept of sex. I love the idea of having sex and doing sexual extreme fantasies, I love thinking about orgies and looking up different sexual kinks I didn't know about, but I don't relate this love for sex to other people. The two things, people and sex, never relate.

When I did try out dating the one I was with often brought up sex, it sounded like a must, and I got really excited about it, but then when we would get together to do the nasty I would just stand there, not wanting to be there. I felt far to awkward and I could tell I didn't want this. I didn't want any of this. She became more and more pressuring for me to put 'out' until the point where we had to break up. It was a horrible relationship.

Some time past and I came out as asexual and got on an asexual based website. I felt, at last! Going to bump into some like minded people! But when I made a post letting it slip that I loved the idea of sex and sometimes wanted to have it, I just didn't relate that to others cause I was still asexual, I was harassed off the site. Having a bunch of people call you out, claiming you're straight and just pretending to be queer, hurts. It hurts so much that I left the site and just stopped being open about my sexuality.

I still was curious about sex sometimes, still knew I was asexual, and felt at times conflicted like I didn't count anymore.

But on here? Well, on here I can engage in a full, sexual epic fantasy with skilled, and supportive writers and fully engage in whatever strikes my mind. And I can do all of that without ever bumping into someone I really wouldn't want to be with in real life. Sure, there will be that awkward moment on here where if someone asks me to send them some nudes I have to do this odd explanation about how I'm not actually into that, and sure, I'll never be able to vote in a poll on here like, "Who's the most sexy Bond?" because I have no idea.

But I can not tell you how rewarding and uplifting it is to FINALLY explore the sexual fantasies I have with others in a way I feel safe and secure with. It's something that my life has clearly needed for a LONG time and I am so glad to at last find it. This site is the best and I love it!

So as an asexual man that loves the idea of sex, but doesn't actually like sex, I must say, this site is the best site!

 

[BradG2365]

Yep, I hear ya.

 

[justspitballing]

I might be aegosexual, but I wouldn't describe myself that way. To be honest, when I was harassed off that asexual community some of the posters called me that, and they may have been actually trying to be helpful, but because of what was happening at the same time the term just felt as something that I could be labeled as that wasn't ace. I also feel you wouldn't call a gay man into porn involving women sometimes not gay, so having a different label for myself just because I am obsessed with thinking about sex feels unfair.

I will fully admit though my view is biased because of my past and is a bit bad on my part. Anyone should be able to call themselves whatever they want.

 

[saintcero]

I might be aegosexual, but I wouldn't describe myself that way. To be honest, when I was harassed off that asexual community some of the posters called me that, and they may have been actually trying to be helpful, but because of what was happening at the same time the term just felt as something that I could be labeled as that wasn't ace. I also feel you wouldn't call a gay man into porn involving women sometimes not gay, so having a different label for myself just because I am obsessed with thinking about sex feels unfair.

I will fully admit though my view is biased because of my past and is a bit bad on my part. Anyone should be able to call themselves whatever they want.

Welcome. I hope you find your niche wherever it may be and I hope you enjoy the trip getting there.

 

[yukonnights]

I might be aegosexual, but I wouldn't describe myself that way. To be honest, when I was harassed off that asexual community some of the posters called me that, and they may have been actually trying to be helpful, but because of what was happening at the same time the term just felt as something that I could be labeled as that wasn't ace. I also feel you wouldn't call a gay man into porn involving women sometimes not gay, so having a different label for myself just because I am obsessed with thinking about sex feels unfair.

I will fully admit though my view is biased because of my past and is a bit bad on my part. Anyone should be able to call themselves whatever they want.

Welcome! I think you're going to be a great addition here. You clearly have a good understanding of yourself, and with that I think you will be able to further clarify and shine your light on the broad range of human sexuality. I had to go lookup aegosexual, so I already learned something new

I too stumbled on this site, many years ago now. And the Forums and discussions offered a lot of new and valuable information to me. Hope you make friends and find a comfortable place here too. (if you have questions on submitting/publishing your stories, feel free to contact me.)

Since I had to look it up, might as well post the definition; Aegosexual
Used to be known as autochristosexuality. Many people in the asexual community have found, that a fair amount of individuals that do not experience sexual attraction to people, experience arousal to sexual activities that they are not involved in. [Urban Dictionary]

 

[Emstar303]

Welcome to the site!

I didn't know much about asexuality before. Thanks for posting!

I'm sorry you had a bad experience on another website. I don't care what you identify as as long as you're fun to roleplay with! (which you are) I'm glad you've found an outlet to explore sex in a way you're comfortable with.

Yukonnights thanks for the definition. I didn't know what aegosexual meant either!

 

[Susscrofa]

I've seen the term "asexual" being used as a description of a person's sexual identity, but I wonder to what extent people who describe themselves as such are so much a distinct category or just the end of a very wide spectrum.

At one extreme, you have people who think about nothing but sex all day and would go crazy if they had to go a day without some kind of sexual act, even if it's masturbation.

At the other extreme, you have people with no sex drive.

Most people are somewhere in between these two extremes, and their position on this spectrum can change with age, state of mind, etc. There are plenty of people out there who aren't averse to sex but for whom having sex simply isn't a priority. Take that a step further and you wind up with somebody who is asexual.

Just some random thoughts.

 

[justspitballing]

But asexual is an orientation. It relates to who you are sexually attracted to(in its case nobody), not your sex drive.

Sex drive and sexuality are two different things that don't really relate, though get confused often.

This is why you have people like me that can have a high sex drive and like some concepts, but still be ace. Cause the two don't actually relate.

The more you know!

 

[Susscrofa]

But asexual is an orientation. It relates to who you are sexually attracted to(in its case nobody), not your sex drive.

Sex drive and sexuality are two different things that don't really relate, though get confused often.

This is why you have people like me that can have a high sex drive and like some concepts, but still be ace. Cause the two don't actually relate.

The more you know!

It seems to me that if somebody has no sex drive he/she is asexual, not only in practice, but in theory. In the absence of a sex drive, you might find people of either sex aesthetically but not sexually attractive.

What you seem to be describing is a scenario where somebody has a sex drive but no specific target for it.

 

[justspitballing]

That's what asexual means, you are not sexually attracted to anyone. Some ace people may, or may not be into some stuff, but they all don't find anyone sexually attractive.

It's an orientation. Just like if you were homosexual you would find people of the same sex sexually attractive, if you are asexual you don't see people that way. It's an orientation, like any other, there for it does not relate to sex drive. Yes, I have no target for my sex drive. If someone in real life wanted to do anything with me it would be far to awkward to be any fun.

NOW! Don't think I'm talking down to you or something like that. We are talking about a lesser known sexuality and you are allowed to not be aware. That's ok. But, I'm pretty aware of this topic though.

 

[yukonnights]

That's what asexual means, you are not sexually attracted to anyone. Some ace people may, or may not be into some stuff, but they all don't find anyone sexually attractive.

It's an orientation. Just like if you were homosexual you would find people of the same sex sexually attractive, if you are asexual you don't see people that way. It's an orientation, like any other, there for it does not relate to sex drive. Yes, I have no target for my sex drive. If someone in real life wanted to do anything with me it would be far to awkward to be any fun.

NOW! Don't think I'm talking down to you or something like that. We are talking about a lesser known sexuality and you are allowed to not be aware. That's ok. But, I'm pretty aware of this topic though.

I agree that it is an orientation. But that raises another interesting issue; The fact that most all sexual orientations reside on a spectrum from 100% to some lesser percentage. Here's a snippet from Wikipedia on asexuality;

"...People may also identify as a gray-A (such as a gray-romantic, demiromantic, demisexual or semisexual) because they feel that they are between being aromantic and non-aromantic, or between asexuality and sexual attraction. While the term gray-A may cover anyone who occasionally feels romantic or sexual attraction, demisexuals or semisexuals experience sexual attraction only as a secondary component, feeling sexual attraction once a reasonably stable or large emotional connection has been created...."

I personally figured out long ago that I identify as demisexual, which implies that one must have an emotional connection with a person prior to any strong or serious sexual attraction.

Same gender attracted people also abide on a spectrum — bi to gay, etc.

What it all really implies is that human sexuality is much more complex than many people would make it out to be. We're all pretty much left on our own to try to figure ourselves out. It'd be a lot easier if there wasn't a large and seemingly angry part of humanity that seems to think everyone should be like them.

 

[uniqueusername]

Question regarding your asexuality.

I'm curious, since you are an asexual that admits to having a sex drive (and not having it associated with other people), how that might relate to your own sexual desires. I'm not trying to pin you down on anything, but I wonder, based on your comments so far, if your asexuality extends to masturbation or other self-pleasure?

I ask because I have been looking into autosexuality more as my opportunities for sex with others (wife, occasional friend from another state) don't meet my needs. I know there are tons of definitions and labels out there, but to me autosexuality is actually having sex with ones self, not "just" masturbating. Toys, porn, outfits, self-bondage and any other thing that can create a sexual "event" for yourself so that its not just a quick hand/finger job.

So as someone who doesn't have sexual attraction to others, do you have any sexual inclinations towards yourself? Do you enjoy self-pleasure, or is it limited to fantasies?

Thanks for sharing with the group. Always great to hear different points of view and experiences.

 

[justspitballing]

I'm curious, since you are an asexual that admits to having a sex drive (and not having it associated with other people), how that might relate to your own sexual desires. I'm not trying to pin you down on anything, but I wonder, based on your comments so far, if your asexuality extends to masturbation or other self-pleasure?

I ask because I have been looking into autosexuality more as my opportunities for sex with others (wife, occasional friend from another state) don't meet my needs. I know there are tons of definitions and labels out there, but to me autosexuality is actually having sex with ones self, not "just" masturbating. Toys, porn, outfits, self-bondage and any other thing that can create a sexual "event" for yourself so that its not just a quick hand/finger job.

So as someone who doesn't have sexual attraction to others, do you have any sexual inclinations towards yourself? Do you enjoy self-pleasure, or is it limited to fantasies?

Thanks for sharing with the group. Always great to hear different points of view and experiences.

I'm really just a big fantasy guy. I have tried out toys a long time back, and don't get me wrong, that was pretty awesome, but despite it being really and intensely fun for me, I just never get that curious about it. It's actually kind of odd cause it was super fun, so you would think I would have gotten more into that stuff, but nope!

I do like porn a lot, but I tend to like it animated and over the top. I can't get into porn with real people most of the time. I also just recently found out I'm really into erotic stories. LMAO

Most of my fantasies are about over the top stuff that could never really happen, with many a faceless, none descript people.

I hope you get a chance to properly explore your sexuality and I hope your partners are accepting of it.