Are you gay because you were molested as a child????

[ethereal~minx]

is this true? I read on another thread that this is one reason why a person is gay. another is they were born that way.

but because YOU WERE MOLESTED AS A CHILD??????
come on. who are you?
and tell me why it makes you gay. I have got to hear this.

 

[rickayster]

I am not bi I am gay married. molested or used as a 9 year old by a 26 year old male neighbour. I thought for years I had some how wanted him to use me and it was my asking for it that made it happen. when he undressed me I did not resist. I got hard so I must be gay. I wanted to tell him to do it . I dont blame him for my feelings only wish I could have been true to them. when I would read pornography I would imagine I was the female having to suck. I would tell myself thats ok when I get older I will get over this, things will change.I felt so quilty all the time. rather then dealing I went the straight life not to disapoint anyone. except for the 1 friend in high school and the odd washroom bj I have never really had anyone.
so to get back to your thread he did not turn me anything but to say he did the right thing to a 9 year old!! SHIT ASSHOLE is what he was! I am still trying to understand now at 44 why he would!! or how he could !!

 

[Etoile]

I didn't mean anybody specific, e~m. But yes, there are people out there for whom childhood violations cause them to prefer their own gender. This probably happens most often with lesbians - they were molested by a man in their past and end up with unresolved fear and distrust of men, so they turn to women for sexual partnership. It's not at all common, but it's certainly not unheard of, either.

 

[Pookie]

I didn't mean anybody specific, e~m. But yes, there are people out there for whom childhood violations cause them to prefer their own gender. This probably happens most often with lesbians - they were molested by a man in their past and end up with unresolved fear and distrust of men, so they turn to women for sexual partnership. It's not at all common, but it's certainly not unheard of, either.

It would make me wonder if those that do turn to their own sex after bad childhood experiences with the opposite sex were probably bisexual/biamorous to begin with.

 

[ethereal~minx]

I am not bi I am gay married. molested or used as a 9 year old by a 26 year old male neighbour. I thought for years I had some how wanted him to use me and it was my asking for it that made it happen. when he undressed me I did not resist. I got hard so I must be gay. I wanted to tell him to do it . I dont blame him for my feelings only wish I could have been true to them. when I would read pornography I would imagine I was the female having to suck. I would tell myself thats ok when I get older I will get over this, things will change.I felt so quilty all the time. rather then dealing I went the straight life not to disapoint anyone. except for the 1 friend in high school and the odd washroom bj I have never really had anyone.
so to get back to your thread he did not turn me anything but to say he did the right thing to a 9 year old!! SHIT ASSHOLE is what he was! I am still trying to understand now at 44 why he would!! or how he could !!

you are 44 years old now. you have carried around this guilt since you were 9. you must be gay because you were turned on?? you must be gay because you enjoyed it. you must be gay because you didn’t stop him from undressing you. come the fuck on. you were a child. you were a child that was inappropriately touched at a time in your life when your androgynous nature was affected. All the “should s” of society fell upon you and there you are, in a lie of a marriage ~ living a lie of a life because you must be gay because you enjoyed a man touching you when you were NINE????

you liked it, it’s okay. hell yeah it felt good. I see my son almost daily masturbating on the arm of a chair, I’m sure if someone were to help him feel good ~ he’d enjoy it ~! would I allow that? no. why? because I am not prepared to deal with the communication that MUST come with that type of interaction. Am I condoning that 26 year old behavior? no. Do I believe it was wrong? yes. Do I understand? yes.

That 26 year old is a human animal too. there is urge. there is strong, sometimes out-of-control urge, that makes people behave in ways that they KNOW is against their integrity.. it’s the edge, it’s the thrill, it’s the moment and then it’s gone and then the disgust and the anger and the pain eats them inside until they feel they are the worst person on Earth & they give in to their feelings and do it again…
it’s a deep misunderstanding of themselves that is searching for someone to understand them…

I still don't understand... I need to do some more thinking. I understand the confusion and the desire to be with men ~~I understand the turn on, I was trying to imagine if it had been a woman doing it to you... but I just can't imagine it because I don't believe innately feminine women are driven by this sexual urge as men are..

 

[rickayster]

I still don't understand... I need to do some more thinking. I understand the confusion and the desire to be with men ~~I understand the turn on, I was trying to imagine if it had been a woman doing it to you... but I just can't imagine it because I don't believe innately feminine women are driven by this sexual urge as men are.. [/B][/QUOTE]
hey take yor time it took me over 30 odd years to come out with it.
I still am confused and fd up about it as you can see!! but thanks for a reply it is food for thought

 

[Ms_Lilith]

I'm bisexual, and it's not because I was molested at all. My parents are fantastic people, and wouldn't have ever done anything like that.

I do, however, know a woman who lives a lesbian lifestyle because she was molested not only as a child, but as a teenager, and by her husband (got married at 18). One day, she just decided that she'd been hurt too often by men, and wouldn't have it anymore. She's been with her partner for 8 years now, and is one of the most passionate, beautiful people I know.. her pain from the past is expressed through sculpture (we used to work at the same art school/gallery), and I have nothing but respect for her.

In the end, you have to do what makes you feel right, and safe.

 

[Ms_Lilith]

Minxie, I just want to add something...

you're having trouble understanding this situation, and that's okay. You don't NEED to understand.. all you need to do is accept.

 

[ethereal~minx]

I still don't understand... I need to do some more thinking. I understand the confusion and the desire to be with men ~~I understand the turn on, I was trying to imagine if it had been a woman doing it to you... but I just can't imagine it because I don't believe innately feminine women are driven by this sexual urge as men are..

hey take yor time it took me over 30 odd years to come out with it.
I still am confused and fd up about it as you can see!! but thanks for a reply it is food for thought [/B][/QUOTE]

Okay okayokay...

and I do not believe you are living a lie because you are not... and I KNOW you are not gay because you were molested. I'll attempt to explain in another post.

 

[Luna_Wolf72]

is this true? I read on another thread that this is one reason why a person is gay. another is they were born that way.

but because YOU WERE MOLESTED AS A CHILD??????
come on. who are you?
and tell me why it makes you gay. I have got to hear this.

Pet's 2 cents

I believe that the main reason I grew to actively prefer women is because of my past physical and sexual abuse at the hands of 2 different men (my step father and his cousin). I also believe that i was BORN this way and that I became slightly hetero to keep others from thinking I was not normal.

Whether or not this is TRUE, i have no idea but it is what I deep down honestly believe.

Pet

 

[rickayster]

I was not blaming it on being used. I just think that it was a catalyst for what I was. I am not sure if I already knew or thought that men were more my prefrence. maybe if it did not happen I would not have the feeling I have to hide everything. in my life. He kept telling me this is a secret and I should never discuss it with anyone they would think I we wierd yada yada yada...!
don't get me wrong I know that most of that is bull. I also thought for many years I wanted him to do it thats why it happened.Lots of excuses and no real answers …or ones I know how to deal with.

P.S. side note: until I started writing this I did not realise how f--d up I sound…lol

 

[Queersetti]

is this true? I read on another thread that this is one reason why a person is gay. another is they were born that way.

but because YOU WERE MOLESTED AS A CHILD??????
come on. who are you?
and tell me why it makes you gay. I have got to hear this.

No, I am not, although I am sure that there are many people for whom that was a factor in their development.

I don't believe in any single causation theory of sexuality.

 

[ethereal~minx]

....He kept telling me this is a secret and I should never discuss it with anyone they would think I we wierd yada yada yada...!

exactly right there! what if he approached you as the adult sexual animal that he was with an awareness of you being the little sexual animal that you were... and did NOT shame you for what he and you were doing ??? what if he took a totally different approach??? an "enlightened" approach? What I mean is, like a mentor, like to bring you awareness of your body~ in communication with your family-- say it was your father, or your mother-- but in this instance your father because this person was a man.... I know I know, it's not something I could do~ it's not something most of the human population could do but it is FACT that we are ALL SEXUAL no matter what age we are!

would you still believe you are gay because you were molested as a child by a man if the "illicit" edge were removed from the situation?

 

[Etoile]

e~m, are you still confused about how it could be possible for some people? I can't tell if you're just using rickayster as an example for all people who might be gay, or whether you realize that he is just one person with one background. I know that you're not accepting that molestation is the reason he is gay, but have you accepted that some people (especially as described by vixenshe and pet) are? Or should we talk about that some more, rather than focusing on rickayster?

 

[rickayster]

Just for the record, if it is not clear. <B>I am married with kids.

 

[Etoile]

Just for the record, if it is not clear. <B>I am married with kids.

What's your point in telling us this? What statements have been incorrect that you feel you need to make this statement? I'm confused.

Are you married to a woman, but consider yourself gay? That's what your initial post seemed to indicate; perhaps I misunderstood.

 

[april-wine]

I want to contribute here, I just need to think about my response....I'll be back....

 

[deliciously_naughty]

is this true? I read on another thread that this is one reason why a person is gay. another is they were born that way.

but because YOU WERE MOLESTED AS A CHILD??????
come on. who are you?
and tell me why it makes you gay. I have got to hear this.

I was never molested...sorry

I was born this way...end of story

 

[Effigy]

The wierd thing about this is that girls are likely to turn lesbian, and guys are likely to turn bi/gay. and in most instances its men doing the molesting.

 

[ethereal~minx]

e~m, are you still confused about how it could be possible for some people? I can't tell if you're just using rickayster as an example for all people who might be gay, or whether you realize that he is just one person with one background. I know that you're not accepting that molestation is the reason he is gay, but have you accepted that some people (especially as described by vixenshe and pet) are? Or should we talk about that some more, rather than focusing on rickayster?

I understand some people are gay, of course. and of course I realize rickayster is just one person with a background. Nobody else's post struck me as his did. sorry everyone.

I accept that some people believe they are gay because they were molested.

 

[ethereal~minx]

Re: Re: Are you gay because you were molested as a child????

I was never molested...sorry

I was born this way...end of story

Hoooray : ) I can soo appreciate that!
perhaps another time, I'd have more questions for people that are born this way like---

are you innately masculine or innately feminine? I'm not talking about superficial looks but inside~ who are you inside--- your soul, you know?


anyway I --that's soooo another topic.

 

[ethereal~minx]

I guess ultimately it comes down to this~~~
believe what you want. if you want to believe you were a victim all your life, go for it. if you need a reason why you are the way you are, have it. you're right it is pretty weak.

we are ALL sexual animals, from the oldest to the youngest, from the sickest most perverted mind to the purest most innocent--- WE ARE ALL SEXUAL ANIMALS! and we all want the same thing, to be understood.

you are not gay because you were touched inappopriately. you were touched inappropriately and that hurt you deeply. it confused you and made you angry. but it didn't make you gay. it made you search and seek understanding from the ones that you feel give you that solace that support that care and comfort that you need. you are still not gay because you were touched inappropriately. you are a sexual animal. and you are okay. you are beautiful and you are not weird.

you may stay in these same sex relationships all your life, but take a different perspective. see it differently. I'm not saying you're wrong for being in the place you are. but realize you are not a victim. and embrace who you are. love who you are and what you've been through. you've pushed alot of boundaries for many many people, including yourself. You're not gay because you were touched. But check it out, being in a same sex relationship is pretty fucking awesome (I'm sure) and if you hadn't had the experience you had, you would have never known.

Just don't limit yourself. Don't see yourself as a victim. You're not gay because you were touched/molested/used when you were a child. You are in a same sex relationship because that is what you need. and what humanity needs. Your experience changes lives. it's changed mine.

 

[Luna_Wolf72]

I take umbrage to your last post and i will tell you why.

I guess ultimately it comes down to this~~~
believe what you want. if you want to believe you were a victim all your life, go for it. if you need a reason why you are the way you are, have it. you're right it is pretty weak


First of all, unless you have EVER been physically, sexually molested..you have no idea just what it does to a child. You have no idea how it hurts or where it puts you. It takes some of us a long time to feel worthy of love, companionship or a decent relationship of any sort. To look at it as if we are claiming victimhood is a fallacy. We are all survivors.

you may stay in these same sex relationships all your life, but take a different perspective. see it differently. I'm not saying you're wrong for being in the place you are. but realize you are not a victim. and embrace who you are. love who you are and what you've been through. you've pushed alot of boundaries for many many people, including yourself. You're not gay because you were touched. But check it out, being in a same sex relationship is pretty fucking awesome (I'm sure) and if you hadn't had the experience you had, you would have never known.

There is NO way to look at it from a different standpoint. True most children are sexual creatures. It is how we as humans ARE, but that does not make the pain of forced sex any less. It does not make it any easier to accept or embrace JUST because something good happened because of it. It damn sure doesn't make me want to have my children go through the same confusion, depression, hoppelessness and sense of failure I had for close to 7 years.

These two paragraphs make me feel icky. I can not argue for others but I know how they made me feel. To try and twist any sort of abuse into a good thing is ridiculous. I spent years..trying to feel worthy and believe you me..it was not because I all of a sudden decided I would be GAY or bi.

I knew what I was long before the molestation occured. I knew what I wanted long after. BUT the molestation made it harder...NOT easier..for me to get there.

I am sorry if this seems inappropriate or rude...but for someone who has NEVER experienced this thing called sexual molestation, your words make those of us who have dealt with it, sound stupid for not just accepting that our lives, our virginity, our innocence was TAKEN from us. To me, that is unacceptable.

pet

 

[rickayster]

It does not make it any easier to accept or embrace JUST because something good happened because of it. It damn sure doesn't make me want to have my children go through the same confusion, depression, hoppelessness and sense of failure I had for close to 7 years.
I too suffer from terrible bouts of depression and extreme hopelessness. I also self sabotage myself and my career every time I have become successful. I always seem to find a way to destroy it. This last bout was the worst I was earning well over 6 figures. Everything in my life was great and then I just slowly kept thinking I am a fake and I don’t deserve this and lived in fear that my bosses would see me for the fake I was (very silly). I left the job. I now know that I was the best they ever had. that is is Just 1 of many examples.BLAME THE MOLESTATION NO NOT DIRECTLY! I have never thought that was the problem at all. I guess it is not just a river in Egypt!

I knew what I was long before the molestation occured. I knew what I wanted long after. BUT the molestation made it harder...NOT easier..for me to get there.

I thought I was but too young to have really thought about it before. inretrospect I was always more intouch with my feminine side from a very young age to say that what happened changed me I think it might have retarded the whole process. like said earlier still very confused!! I am still traveling down the road.

I am sorry if this seems inappropriate or rude...but for someone who has NEVER experienced this thing called sexual molestation, your words make those of us who have dealt with it, sound stupid for not just accepting that our lives, our virginity, our innocence was TAKEN from us. To me, that is unacceptable.
I agree don’t belittle me and victimize me again. Hell you said it much better, but I just wanted to add something on this paragraph.

pet


[/B][/QUOTE]

 

[Etoile]

Must you have such a preachy attitude, e~m? Must you make such confident assertions about people you don't know? Must you establish that your word is law without knowing all the possibilities? You may be right...but you may not.