Are you a waxer?

[JustSkye]

I laughed so hard, I cried.


All hair removal methods have tricked women with their promises of easy, painless removal - The Epilady, scissors, razors, Nair, Magic.
And now... the wax.


My night began as any other normal weeknight.
Come home, fix dinner, do homework, and play with the kids.
I then had the thought that would ring painfully in my mind for the next few hours:
"Maybe I should finally pull the waxing kit out of the medicine cabinet and give it a try!"
So, I headed to the site of my demise:
The bathroom.

It was one of those "cold wax" kits. No melting a clump of hot wax, you just rub the strips together in your hands, they get warm and you peel them apart and press them to your leg (or wherever else!) and pull the hair right off.
How hard can it be? I mean I'm not a genius, but I am mechanically inclined enough to figure this out!
(Ya think!?)

Sooo
I pull one of the thin strips out. It's two strips facing each other, stuck together.
Instead of rubbing them together, my genius kicks in so I get out the hair dryer and it to a 1000 degrees (that's how it feels!). "Cold wax"... yeah right!
I lay the strip across my thigh, hold the skin around it tight and pull. It works!!
Ok, so it wasn't the best feeling, but it wasn't too bad.
I can do this!! Hair removal no longer eludes me!

With my next strip, I move north.
After checking the kids, I sneak back into the bathroom, for the ultimate hair fighting championship.
I drop my panties and place one foot on the toilet.
Using the same procedure, I apply the one strip across the right side of my bikini line, covering the right side of my hoo-hah and stretching down to the inside of my butt cheek (yes, it was a long strip!).
I inhale deeply and brace myself...RRRRRIIIIIIPPPPP!!!!

*blink*
I'm blind!! Blinded from the pain!! OH MY GOD!!!!!!

*tears*
Vision returning, I notice that I've only managed to pull off half the strip. CRAP!!
Another deep breath and RRRIIIPPPP!!!!

Everything is swirly and spotted. I think I may pass out...must stay conscious...
Do I hear crashing drums?!
Breathe, breathe...ok, back to normal.

I want to see my trophy - a wax covered strip, the one that caused me so much pain, with my hairy pelt sticking to it! I want to revel in the glory that is my triumph over body hair!
I hold up the strip!
Wait...
There's no hair on it. Where is the hair??!!
WHERE IS THE WAX!!??

Slowly, I ease my head down, foot still perched on the the toilet (can ya just see this?!).
I see the hair, the hair that should one the strip. I touch.
I am touching the wax.

CRAP!!

I run my fingers over the most sensitive part of my body, which is now covered in cold wax and matted hair!!!
Then I make the next biggest mistake... remember my foot is still propped up on the toilet?
I know I need to do something, so I put my foot on the floor.

DANG!!! I hear the slamming of a cell door.

Hoo-hah sealed shut!!! I penguin walk around the bathroom trying to figure out what to do and think to myself, "Please don't let me get the urge to go to potty, my head may pop off!!
What can I do to melt the wax?
Hot water!! Hot water melts wax!!!

I'll run the hottest water I can stand, into the tub, get in, immerse the wax-covered bits and the wax should melt and I can gently wipe it off, right??
WRONG!!

I get in the tub - water is slightly hotter than that used ot torture prisoners of war or sterilize surgical equipment - I sit.
Now, the only thing worse than having your nether regions glued together is having them glued together and then glued to the bottom of the bathtub in scalding hot water!
Which, by the way, doesn't melt cold wax.

So, now I'm stuck to the bottom of the tub as though I had cement epoxied myself to the porcelain!
God bless the man who had convinced me a few months ago to have a phone put in the bathroom!!
I call my friend, thinking surely she has waxed before and has some secret of how to get me undone.
It's a very good coversation starter-
"So, my butt and hoo-hah are glued together to the bottom of the tub!"
There is a slight pause. She doesn't know any tricks for removal but she does try to her hysterical laughter from me. She wants to know exactly where the wax is located.
"Are we talking cheeks or hoo-hah?"
She's roaring by now with laughter. I give her the run down and she suggest I call the number on the side of the box.
Yeah right.
I should be the joke of someone else's night!
While we go through the various solutions, I resort to scraping the wax off with a razor.
Nothing feels better then to have your girly bits covered in cold wax, glued shut, stuck to the tub in super hot water and then dry-shaving the sticky wax off!
By now the brain is not working, dignity has taken a major hike, and I'm pretty sure I'm going to need Post Traumatic Stress Counseling for this event.
My friend is still talking to me when I finally see my saving grace...the lotion they give you to remove the excess wax.

What do I really have to lose at this point?? I rub some on and OH MY GOD!!!!!
The scream probably woke the kids and scared the dickens out of my friend. It's sooo painful, but I really don't care. IT works! IT WORKS!!!
I get a hearty congrats from my friend and she hangs up.

I successfully remove the remainder of the wax and then notice to my grief and dispair...
THE HAIR IS STILL THERE...ALL OF IT!!!
So, I recklessly shave it off. Heck, I'm numb by now.
Nothing hurts. I could have amputated my own leg at this point.

Next week, I'll try coloring my hair...


Can you just feel that?? LOL

 

[killallhippies]

i generally wane, but whatever.

 

[Ms_Lilith]

Oh fuck. Oh fuck oh fuck oh fuck.


I've waxed my own snatch.

Hurt like a motherfucking motherfucker.

But I did it.

I will NEVER do it again.

 

[JustSkye]

Oh fuck. Oh fuck oh fuck oh fuck.


I've waxed my own snatch.

Hurt like a motherfucking motherfucker.

But I did it.

I will NEVER do it again.

I'm too chicken to wax my bits.

I'll shave!

 

[1HF]

Oh fuck. Oh fuck oh fuck oh fuck.


I've waxed my own snatch.

Hurt like a motherfucking motherfucker.

But I did it.

I will NEVER do it again.

*nods*

Same here. I tried it once.. *shudders* I screamed

 

[Flyin_Free]

Thank you...you have all convinced me to never, ever, ever try. I think I'll stick to the razor.

 

[Ms_Lilith]

*nods*

Same here. I tried it once.. *shudders* I screamed

I didn't scream. I bit my lip until it bled.

 

[1HF]

Thank you...you have all convinced me to never, ever, ever try. I think I'll stick to the razor.

Stick with the razor.. trust me. It's not worth it to try waxing yourself lol

 

[Ms_Lilith]

Stick with the razor.. trust me. It's not worth it to try waxing yourself lol

I would let someone else wax me.

However, waxing GENERALLY doesn't work for me, cus my hair, everywhere, is too fine.. it breaks halfway, and the wax rips off layers of skin, leaving blonde stubble.

 

[Cleopatra]

Thank you...you have all convinced me to never, ever, ever try. I think I'll stick to the razor.

If you get the stuff that will work for you, and you have a high pain tolerance, it's worth it.

It's the "getting the stuff that will work for you" part that's nearly impossible.

 

[bunnislippers]

Oh fuck. Oh fuck oh fuck oh fuck.


I've waxed my own snatch.

Hurt like a motherfucking motherfucker.

But I did it.

I will NEVER do it again.

i too tried it once....

i'm into some really damn kinky things....

and nothing in my life has hurt as bad as that....

 

[Zinfandel]

Waxing is restricted to my eyebrows. And even after 12 years or so of having them done every few weeks, they still hurt every time, and they're swollen and sore for a day or two afterward. I have sensitive skin, and I'm a wuss. I can't even imagine how painful it would be to have it done on much more sensitive skin. No freaking way I'd let anyone go near my naughty bits with wax, and I'm sure as hell not going to do it myself.

 

[Flyin_Free]

I would let someone else wax me.

However, waxing GENERALLY doesn't work for me, cus my hair, everywhere, is too fine.. it breaks halfway, and the wax rips off layers of skin, leaving blonde stubble.

Someone else as in a professional? I "might" do that. I think I'd feel pretty uncomfortable bearing all to a stranger...not sure. I'd never let somebody who might not be any better than me do it. I might let somebody shave me though.

 

[Flyin_Free]

If you get the stuff that will work for you, and you have a high pain tolerance, it's worth it.

It's the "getting the stuff that will work for you" part that's nearly impossible.

So what IS the stuff that works? Even for your legs and armpits.

 

[1HF]

I would let someone else wax me.

However, waxing GENERALLY doesn't work for me, cus my hair, everywhere, is too fine.. it breaks halfway, and the wax rips off layers of skin, leaving blonde stubble.

So would I.

I'm a wimp though so when I did it I didn't rip the wax off hard enough and only pulled it off half way..Then it took me another 5 min to work up the courage to finish pulling it off.

 

[Cleopatra]

So what IS the stuff that works? Even for your legs and armpits.

Painful trial and error, I'm afraid.

Sorry.

 

[Ms_Lilith]

Someone else as in a professional? I "might" do that. I think I'd feel pretty uncomfortable bearing all to a stranger...not sure. I'd never let somebody who might not be any better than me do it. I might let somebody shave me though.

A professional, yes.

A professional sticks a cold speculum inside of me once or twice a year, a professional can deal with my pussy hair.

 

[MisterEdMe]

Oh wow. The pain. I guess this is how my car feels when I wax it. Think it would be painfully slower if I used 'Turtle Wax'? Get it? "Turtle Wax?"

 

[bunnislippers]

So what IS the stuff that works? Even for your legs and armpits.

i wax my own eyebrows, and legs

i like using the sugaring kits.... much easier to remove if you have leftover stuck on the skin, and no heating or fiddling required

silly me for thinking "it's not so bad on my legs, how much worse can it be on my cooter?"

 

[Flyin_Free]

A professional, yes.

A professional sticks a cold speculum inside of me once or twice a year, a professional can deal with my pussy hair.

Good point. Though I've avoided the speculum professional for a number of years now.

 

[Wok]

No, but my wife used Veet (or was it Sally Hanson?) and her pussy was redder than a beet for a week. I mean, that shit cooked her bits so badly she could not sit.

 

[Ms_Lilith]

Good point. Though I've avoided the speculum professional for a number of years now.

GO. GET. CHECKED.

Seriously, woman, one of the leading causes of late-stage discovery for cervical cancer, is people who avoid the OBGYN because it's icky, uncomfy, etc.

I hate it, but I go, and I have to go more than most, because of family history.

GO.

 

[Ms_Lilith]

No, but my wife used Veet (or was it Sally Hanson?) and her pussy was redder than a beet for a week. I mean, that shit cooked her bits so badly she could not sit.

I've used the creams, too, and they burn my bits.

 

[bronzeage]

No need to panic.

Keep your cell phone within reach and my number on the speed dial. I am on the waxing disaster qucik response team. I have the tools and the technology to rescue you from any wax crisis.

 

[Wok]

I've used the creams, too, and they burn my bits.

My wife does not bother with the bald look anymore and simply trims. She lets me do it, which makes it extra fun.