Are you a baby?

[Keroin]

A couple of years back, I was sitting with a group of travelers, sharing drinks and adventure stories. I’d just finished reading an article on birth order and how it affects personality. I asked everyone what their place was among their siblings and every single person, (myself included), was the baby – the youngest – of their family. This was perfectly in line with the description of youngest children.

According to the article, among other traits, the youngest children tend to be the biggest risk takers and the most adventurous. Oldest children are usually the most responsible and serious. Middle children are good negotiators and a little mysterious.

Which child are you, in your family, and how do you think your place in the birth order shaped who you are? If you have children, what differences do you notice between oldest, middle and youngest?

 

[HisSexyPet]

I am the second child of four. I was always the peacekeeper in the family. The one to make everyone happy. Natural born sub.

I have two kids. The older is male the younger female. Not sure if the differences are gender related or birth order related or both. Son is introverted but assertive in the house and over his sister. She is more social and a spit fire when cornered, but a lot like her momma and wanting to please.

Hope this is what you were asking. If not, I'll try again.

 

[WriterDom]

Baby accident. 9 years behind the other 3. Yes, I'm spoiled. Suck my cock now please.

 

[the captians wench]

I'm the oldest, and I think that it did shape me into the leadership positions i have taken through out my life, even though I fight against them.

I've always been the planer. From the time i was 6 and figured out how many bible verses and atendance points i would need to earn enough bible bucks to buy the pair of skates in the shop that I wanted, to now figuring out how many miles I need to shave off to transfer some of my gas money into my "Ireland Pennies".

I've also been the one to take responcibility for everything, even things that were not my fault or out of my control.

The interesting thing is that these traits don't seem to match with other personality traits. I'm very shy, I'm very timid, and I'm quiet, not what you normally would pick in a leader. But some how, outside of my romantic life, this is the role I lead.

 

[Netzach]

I'm an only. The birth order people say this is the same as being the oldest.

I think it's like being the oldest AND the baby.

 

[graceanne]

I'm the oldest of six. I've been told this is no surprise, and that I act like an oldest child. LOL

 

[CutieMouse]

Youngest of two - not a risk taker, not adventurous, hatehatehate change, tend to be organized, responsible, the care taker, etc. (I blame this far more on the environment I grew up in than anything else.)

I don't know that the kids "fit" birth order stuff, honestly.

Eldest is an Aspie, which tweaks how he relates to the rest of the world.

#2 (eldest daughter) obviously feels far more of the burden than necessary (and we're constantly working on it).

#3 is very much the "baby" - petulant little mouse that she is.

#4 always seems a bit lost - closer to the missing middle child than #3.

#5 is still so young (5) that I haven't thought about it much.

 

[MisterSir]

Elder of two. I don't know what that makes me in the traditional archetype, but the first three or four qualities of CM's post apply to me as well. I can't also say that being the older one makes me any different than if I weren't the older one. I should also mention that I was an accident as well, there seem to be a lot of us.

Although, if the youngest sibling is supposed to be more adventurous, I'd agree. My kid brother is little short of an adrenaline junkie.

 

[BiBunny]

Only child. Parents couldn't really have kids, so I was the one stroke of good luck, thus was highly overprotected and had few friends the majority of my life.

Up until I was in high school, my father worked two jobs, so he was only home and awake maybe two or three hours of the day. Then, when I was in the tenth grade, he took a long-distance truck driver job and was usually only around on weekends.

Mother was either not working or only working part-time until I started college. Almost always there and almost always off her rocker. I learned to tiptoe around the crazy from a very early age. Neither of my parents were terribly affectionate.

I have little doubt that these circumstances helped to make me who I am. To this day, my first reaction to something unpleasant happening is to go hide. I bury most of my thoughts and feelings for fear of upsetting other people. And we won't even get started about my affection/intimacy problems.

On the other hand, I've never had a problem with spending time alone. I'm not the kind of person who always has to be in a relationship out of fear of being lonely or whatever. I don't mind my own company at all, even if I do tend to get boring after awhile. I'm also pretty capable, as far as getting things done goes, because I've always had to do things myself and not count on anyone else.

 

[Keroin]

Interesting responses!

Obviously, not everyone fits the mold and the article mentioned that there are a lot of variables, including gender, age gaps, parents and marital status, emotional/physical/mental skills, death of a parent or sibling, etc.

For only children, this article suggested that they can basically have any qualities of the first, middle or last born but generally have these traits:

# Mature faster
# Get along well with older people
# Responsible
# Self-Centered
# Perfectionists
# Attention seekers
# Use adult language
# Prefer adult company
# Have difficulty sharing

I call myself a "super-baby" because I was adopted when my sister was ten and she was both mother and sibling to me. I fit so well into the last born definition that it's almost spooky.

 

[jenniferbaby]

I'm the youngest of four. Definitely not a risk-taker, definitely not adventurous. In some ways, I felt like an only child because my siblings are so much older than me and I was the main focus of my parents for a long time. This was good in some ways, but in other ways it made me very attached and dependent and sheltered, things I'm still working through today. I have an insatiable desire to please, and I definitely believe my sheltered upbringing has contributed to me being this way. Being submissive allows me to both fulfill the need to please while still maintaining a sense of power in my choice to please and serve. And it's hot.

 

[nh23]

I'm the oldest. I have a younger full sister, a younger half-sister, and a younger step-brother. My and my full sis are three years apart. Me and the half sis are 11 years apart.

I grew up seeing my full sis all the time, my half sis only every other weekend.


I'm the risk taker and the adventurous one of us all. However I'm also the most responsible, and the only one that takes care of my own shit. My mom still very much takes care of my full sis.

 

[Sayyid]

According to the article, among other traits, the youngest children tend to be the biggest risk takers and the most adventurous. Oldest children are usually the most responsible and serious. Middle children are good negotiators and a little mysterious.

Actually I am the youngest of three brothers and those classifications sound totally bogus to me. In my family, my oldest brother is the first one, my other brother the second and I (the youngest) am the last of those three archetypes.

I understand these are supposed to be trends, not universals, but still. It couldn't be more off the mark for me.

 

[nh23]

As far as my own kids go. My daughter is the oldest. She's very dominant, head strong and independent. A huge risk taker, going to be an adrenaline junkie I think.She's eight. My son is the baby. He's four. He broke my pelvis when I delivered him so he'll be my last. Therefore I really baby him.

I probably shouldn't, but he's my baby! He's very much a mama's boy. He's independent, but prefers to be cuddled up in my lap. He's also very loving and cuddly.

 

[Keroin]

I am the second child of four. I was always the peacekeeper in the family. The one to make everyone happy. Natural born sub.

I have two kids. The older is male the younger female. Not sure if the differences are gender related or birth order related or both. Son is introverted but assertive in the house and over his sister. She is more social and a spit fire when cornered, but a lot like her momma and wanting to please.

Hope this is what you were asking. If not, I'll try again.

Don't be silly, no wrong answers here. (Besides, rules are a little lax in my threads).

Middle children are, apparently, the hardest to pin down but it was suggested that there are two different types:

Middle Born #1
* Loner
* Quiet/Shy
* Impatient
* Uptight

Middle Born #2
* Outgoing
* Friendly
* Loud
* Laid back
* Patient

It's also said that middle children tend to be the opposite of their older sibling.

 

[Keroin]

Baby accident. 9 years behind the other 3. Yes, I'm spoiled. Suck my cock now please.

Yeah...uh huh...

 

[DVS]

I'm one of four and we do follow the social order of siblings, in some ways, but not in others. I could write a book about being the only male with three sisters, two of which are 5 and 6 years older, and pretty much joined at the hip.

I've also been called the black sheep of the family , and I think that is mostly because I was the only boy. I had a brother, born a year before me, who died as an infant, and my two older sisters say I was pampered by my mother because of that.

I'm the only boy, and next to the youngest, two years older than the baby girl of the family. She was born with Downs, so I don't know if that changes how things are, or not.

The oldest does act like she's more mature, but she has a persecution complex and can cry at the drop of a hat if her opinion is challenged. The next does seem to follow in the referee position between the oldest and me, now that my parents have both died. But, she's not very good at the job, usually siding with the oldest (reference joined at the hip statement in first paragraph) in most every issue.

I know part of her rational is to just appease the oldest, because of her persecution problem, but I'm not one to back down, when I know I'm right. And "good negotiator" is not something I'd really say she is, mostly feeding an issue with whatever will calm it, be that money, offering a quick but inadequate solution, or that special dirty look she can often throw when I speak my mind.

None of us are married and it's safe to say I've had more girlfriends than the two of them together have even had dates. Perfectionists? I think they have inadequacies that have grown into phobias and the term "old maid" will be their legacy. Both are in their 60s and I don't remember either dating much later than high school.

In their defense, they could both have men on the side, as I do tend to keep my women friends secret from them, but I doubt it. Although neither of them are homely by any means, spinsters, they be.

I made the mistake of allowing one female friend of mine borrow my car one day. She knew someone who lived in the town I grew up in and, I said to just drop the car off at my folk's house, and I could retrieve it there.

My two older sisters were there that day, and this poor girl was paraded around the family as my "girl friend" and she was totally embarrassed from it. Thankfully, she didn't tell them off and say we were just fuck buddies.

I'm the only son and so I'm the only way the family name is carried on. I use to worry about that, because the family tree will die with me. My father had a sister, but she never had kids, so it's up to me. There are gobs of kids on my mother's side, but not on my father's side.

God, I could go on and on. Maybe I'll write a book..."My life, living with hell and her sister"!

 

[Keroin]

I'm the youngest of four. Definitely not a risk-taker, definitely not adventurous. In some ways, I felt like an only child because my siblings are so much older than me and I was the main focus of my parents for a long time. This was good in some ways, but in other ways it made me very attached and dependent and sheltered, things I'm still working through today. I have an insatiable desire to please, and I definitely believe my sheltered upbringing has contributed to me being this way. Being submissive allows me to both fulfill the need to please while still maintaining a sense of power in my choice to please and serve. And it's hot.

One of the variables mentioned in the article is age gap.

 

[Recidiva]

Baby. Accident. Seven to ten years behind other siblings, so it was sorta like having five parents, all of whom really just wanted me out of the way or to reflect well on them, and otherwise didn't care much.

I have a much better relationship with my family now, but risk taking is definitely up there.

I think the family profile thing is sorta like astrology. I'm a Pisces too. I match a lot of Pisces descriptions.

My elder siblings made a lot of choices that didn't work out so well. I tried to adjust my trajectory from their choices and ended up...pretty much taking lots and lots of risks, but suicide also ran in my family and to avoid killing myself...I decided "Fuck it, gonna go live some life" instead.

 

[FurryFury]

I'm an only from two other onlys.

My husband OTOH is the eldest. I could never be with either of his siblings.

I will call the middle child, the agitator type.

I call the youngest, the grumpy, perfectionist, uptight, anal retentive type.

*shivers*

 

[Keroin]

Baby. Accident. Seven to ten years behind other siblings, so it was sorta like having five parents, all of whom really just wanted me out of the way or to reflect well on them, and otherwise didn't care much.

I have a much better relationship with my family now, but risk taking is definitely up there.

I think the family profile thing is sorta like astrology. I'm a Pisces too. I match a lot of Pisces descriptions.

My elder siblings made a lot of choices that didn't work out so well. I tried to adjust my trajectory from their choices and ended up...pretty much taking lots and lots of risks, but suicide also ran in my family and to avoid killing myself...I decided "Fuck it, gonna go live some life" instead.

I just found the original article online, (there were some other related articles in the same mag but I'm too lazy to look today). This quote matches your sentiment:

"People read birth-order books the way they read horoscopes," warns Toni Falbo, professor of educational psychology at the University of Texas. "'I'm a middle-born, so that explains everything in my life'—it's just not like that."

Anyway, the whole article is here if anyone's interested.

 

[Recidiva]

I just found the original article online, (there were some other related articles in the same mag but I'm too lazy to look today). This quote matches your sentiment:

"People read birth-order books the way they read horoscopes," warns Toni Falbo, professor of educational psychology at the University of Texas. "'I'm a middle-born, so that explains everything in my life'—it's just not like that."

Anyway, the whole article is here if anyone's interested.

It is interesting. My sister was the eldest and then my parents sort of abdicated all responsibility to her, so that she was always responsible when something went wrong. And things were wrong all the time. So she became hypervigilant while I basically just withdrew to my room.

She's in therapy now and trying hard to get over this, but she doesn't know how to let go, how to stop controlling, or how to admit she doesn't know the answers to everything.

The two middle children in my family, my two brothers, are the things that blow the curve.

One ended up in the Naval Academy and is an evangelical Christian who believes that gay people and paganism are caused by demon possession. Didn't know the brother he shared a room with for almost 16 years of his life was gay until his funeral.

The other had perfect eidetic memory, was gay, a painter, a writer, probably one of the smartest, most talented people I've ever had the pleasure to meet. He ended up killing himself in his 30s.

They were only one year apart, two different people raised right next to each other in the same room I have yet to see short of science fiction.

And I'm the pagan. My niece and nephews were raised to believe I'm a demonic influence in their lives.

Oddly enough due to the highly socially functioning part, we're all extremely polite and helpful to each other in crisis, and will always be there if we need each other and for family events. We all just went on a really lovely trip in Alaska, and got along beautifully. My brother didn't try to isolate and convert my kids, and my nieces have gotten over the "Aunt Reci is a demon" thingy and it was all lots of fun. So there's hope for everyone.

 

[gloriann]

Interesting responses!

Obviously, not everyone fits the mold and the article mentioned that there are a lot of variables, including gender, age gaps, parents and marital status, emotional/physical/mental skills, death of a parent or sibling, etc.

For only children, this article suggested that they can basically have any qualities of the first, middle or last born but generally have these traits:

# Mature faster
# Get along well with older people
# Responsible
# Self-Centered
# Perfectionists
# Attention seekers
# Use adult language
# Prefer adult company
# Have difficulty sharing

I call myself a "super-baby" because I was adopted when my sister was ten and she was both mother and sibling to me. I fit so well into the last born definition that it's almost spooky.

I'm the elder of two, but there was five years between us, I have the traits of an oldest (pretty responsible, not too much adventure in my heart, but I've noticed those things have changed as I got older) and the traits of an only: responsible, get along with older people, self centered, have difficulty sharing (and those, too, have altered.)

 

[jenniferbaby]

I just found the original article online, (there were some other related articles in the same mag but I'm too lazy to look today). This quote matches your sentiment:

"People read birth-order books the way they read horoscopes," warns Toni Falbo, professor of educational psychology at the University of Texas. "'I'm a middle-born, so that explains everything in my life'—it's just not like that."

Anyway, the whole article is here if anyone's interested.

I read through the article and a lot of it makes sense. My oldest sibling is definitely controlling, definitely needing to be in charge and make decisions and believing she knows everything. It's part of why we don't get along. And I agree that birth order is just like horoscopes or birth signs or years in the Chinese calendar--some things fit, others don't, and it's just a set of interesting and thought-provoking guidelines.

 

[Kikori]

According to the article, among other traits, the youngest children tend to be the biggest risk takers and the most adventurous. Oldest children are usually the most responsible and serious. Middle children are good negotiators and a little mysterious.

Let's compare my family to this and this alone.

My oldest brother... the responsible, serious one? He dropped out of high school and hasn't fulfilled his promise to mom to get his GED, but is quite successful in construction and is a good leader with his workers. He is hardly ever serious in conversation, though is fairly serious about his work and family. He's a good father, but doesn't seem to be teaching his kids obedience yet.

A brother in the middle... good negotiator and mysterious? My oldest brother doesn't like to lie, so it's obvious when he does. This one, however, can lie to your face and you wouldn't know it unless you knew him well. He doesn't negotiate; he's either too thick headed to change his mind, or extremely submissive otherwise. He had the drug problem in our family, but you can't discredit his devotion to other people.

Me, the youngest... Adventurous and risk taker? The furthest I've driven from home is to college. I haven't stepped foot out of state except being taken to Florida and Kentucky for vacations. I am shy, reserved, and slow to open up to new people and places, and refuse to do many things even remotely dangerous. My persona is to be found out privately. :3

EDIT: The only real article, book, quiz, or classable document I trust to describe people is the MBTI system. (I be ISFJ) It's the only thing that nobody can say doesn't match them, if they answer honestly.