Are stories misleading?

[Liana26]

How many times have you read a story where a woman just discovers her submissive side, and then quits her job and sells her home to go live in Master Rich's dungeon like a week later?

I just think that the stories just make submitting seem sooo easy and natural. I remember when me and T started practicing D/s about eight months ago, I really think I thought that it was going to be just as easy as the stories I'd been reading for four years make it seem. I thought I'd be "trained" in like three months.

Well, it's been eight months, and I'm still not entirely sure what it means to be fully trained and I doubt I'm alone.

I know they're only stories and you're not supposed to take them to heart, but this is just a thought I was having.

 

[catalina_francisco]

Stories are what they are, some are closer to fact than others and some you would think weren't, are. I for one am close to being an example of your opening scenario only we had to wait 2 weeks after meeting for the beaurocrats to allow us to marry and I moved 16,000 kms to the other side of the globe to be with him. 3 years later we are still here and happy. IMHO the training never stops as there is always something else which needs refining or something which is changed. I never imagined it was going to be easy....and I was right....but for me it is what I wanted and still need. Hang in there.

Catalina

 

[TaintedB]

How many times have you read a story where a woman just discovers her submissive side, and then quits her job and sells her home to go live in Master Rich's dungeon like a week later?

I just think that the stories just make submitting seem sooo easy and natural. I remember when me and T started practicing D/s about eight months ago, I really think I thought that it was going to be just as easy as the stories I'd been reading for four years make it seem. I thought I'd be "trained" in like three months.

Well, it's been eight months, and I'm still not entirely sure what it means to be fully trained and I doubt I'm alone.

I know they're only stories and you're not supposed to take them to heart, but this is just a thought I was having.

When you say stories, do you mean regular published fiction or the short-story sexy fantasies people write on the web?

 

[SueJ]

I think that D/s means different things to different couples, and the sterotypes in fiction are often not present in real relationships. As for training....Going on 20+ years here with the same Master, it seems like it's been easy and gradual, but when I look waaaaay back, that's when I see how far I've come and how many twists, turns and other uncomfortable positions I went through to get here! lol

"Fully trained" means whatever your particular Master wants it to mean. And he's allowed to change His mind daily if He wishes to do so!

Sue

 

[serijules]

I think they are extremely misleading. I said it in another thread and I'll say it here....trying to get a reality based feel for D/s based on stories and fiction is like trying to learn to drive a car from a book. A stick shift no less.

I write mostly real life stories based on things I've learned or scenes or whatnot. They tend to be very powerful and emotional, and I still get hundreds of emails a month from submissives telling me how much they can relate, how powerful it was, blah blah. I re-read my own stories and it strikes me that I am putting down months worth of work and communication and good times and bad times...into a couple pages of words, and most of it only the good stuff. It's not a very accurate representation of my and D's relationship, how we got there, or all the things I've learned. It's only a drop in a very deep barrel, yet some of the people that write me to comment on my stories seem to think that is all there is, and that their own D/s relationships have failed or are going down the drain because they actually have *gasp* problems now and then!

But I don't WANT to write about our problems, our times of miscommunication, times where I felt hurt, etc. I like to write about and preserve the good memories, and even in fiction, I want to write about my fantasies and my feel good moments. I think most people do. I also think many readers, especially those very new to the scene, tend to get a very unrealistic and romantic view of D/s based on such stories, and find themselves confused and hurt when it isn't like that, or feel like they have failed in some way because they have hardships.

Then there are vanilla's who read stories of hard whippings and near rape fuckings with harsh dominants and meek submissives...and paint that picture of BDSM in their heads. The writer hasn't talked about or protreyed the softer side, the trust that it likely took those characters or people to get to that point in their relationship. The writer doesn't give the background, of how much this turns the people involved on, and how it has nothing to do with abuse or anything negative. Writers don't want to inject big doses of history and warnings and explanations into their writing for the sake of those less educated on D/s. It would be like going to star wars and in the middle of an intense action scene, have the screen flash, "hey kids, don't try this at home! It is very dangerous and should only be attempted by professional actors" Kinda ruins the fun, you know?

Anyhow...yes, I think stories are misleading. They are entertaining, but not educating, yet many people take them very much to heart and attempt to educate themselves on things they are not familiar with, through stories. They are bound to get burned, as reality is a lot more complex than fiction can ever hope to be.

 

[Liana26]

When you say stories, do you mean regular published fiction or the short-story sexy fantasies people write on the web?

Mostly the short stories. But I guess novels too. I think I do get a little too caught up in them sometimes. I was reading Emma's Secret Diaries by Hillary James and basically at one point in the novel, Emma is being held against her will by a Domme in some castle/fetish brothel in Romania, and will possibly he sold to some guy that has an island full of kidnapped women that have to act like little girls. Now I know it's fiction, but the whole time I was reading it, I was just like "Oh my
GOD! That's HORRIBLE! ESCAPE EMMA, ESCAPE!" Every once in a while I had to calm down and remind myself that it's just a story, nothing to lose sleep over. Of course... that kind of sick shit does really happen.

 

[chris9]

I agree with what all of you said. I don't think it is only with BDSM, though. I know for example how hard it was, at times still is, to accept my body as it is (by far not overweight), but wishing for the bikini model body that appear every summer on all commercials... So I got a wrong idea of how women should look to be sexy.
Or watching movies. No wonder so many people divorce when they always see the perfect happy ending in movies, never the day-to-day struggles of living together. And why should these be less in a D/s relationship? Because one is in charge of everything? Still there are two persons, and there will always be difficulties.
I found the picture Catalina painted in another thread very just, that you have to peel back layers all the time, and when you think you've finally done it, something, you, your PYL, your life changes, and you have to start all over again...
So yes, stories are always misleading, no matter the topic.

 

[Liana26]

I agree with what all of you said. I don't think it is only with BDSM, though. I know for example how hard it was, at times still is, to accept my body as it is (by far not overweight), but wishing for the bikini model body that appear every summer on all commercials... So I got a wrong idea of how women should look to be sexy.
Or watching movies. No wonder so many people divorce when they always see the perfect happy ending in movies, never the day-to-day struggles of living together. And why should these be less in a D/s relationship? Because one is in charge of everything? Still there are two persons, and there will always be difficulties.
I found the picture Catalina painted in another thread very just, that you have to peel back layers all the time, and when you think you've finally done it, something, you, your PYL, your life changes, and you have to start all over again...
So yes, stories are always misleading, no matter the topic.

Very true. My best friend is Hindu and when she got her first boyfriend (also Hindu) a few years ago, the guy became OBSESSED with the fact that it was just like one of those Bollywood movies where the girl has to sneak around her parents to see her true love. I think he was almost happy when her parents caught her and practically locked her in a cage because it was oh-so-Bollywood. Well, THAT relationship came to a screeching halt...

 

[graceanne]

Stories are someone else's fantasy's. Therefore they aren't going to necessarily be realistic. Plus, just cause someone write a BDSM story, doesn't mean they have any experience. Once again, it's a fantasy. Frankly, I've read all the chronicles of narnia (so many times that the books are falling apart. ) and I don't expect their to be another world in my closet. (Although I wouldn't mind . . . that'd be way cool.)

 

[catalina_francisco]

I write mostly real life stories based on things I've learned or scenes or whatnot. They tend to be very powerful and emotional, and I still get hundreds of emails a month from submissives telling me how much they can relate, how powerful it was, blah blah. I re-read my own stories and it strikes me that I am putting down months worth of work and communication and good times and bad times...into a couple pages of words, and most of it only the good stuff. It's not a very accurate representation of my and D's relationship, how we got there, or all the things I've learned. It's only a drop in a very deep barrel, yet some of the people that write me to comment on my stories seem to think that is all there is, and that their own D/s relationships have failed or are going down the drain because they actually have *gasp* problems now and then!

But I don't WANT to write about our problems, our times of miscommunication, times where I felt hurt, etc. I like to write about and preserve the good memories, and even in fiction, I want to write about my fantasies and my feel good moments. I think most people do. I also think many readers, especially those very new to the scene, tend to get a very unrealistic and romantic view of D/s based on such stories, and find themselves confused and hurt when it isn't like that, or feel like they have failed in some way because they have hardships.........

Anyhow...yes, I think stories are misleading. They are entertaining, but not educating, yet many people take them very much to heart and attempt to educate themselves on things they are not familiar with, through stories. They are bound to get burned, as reality is a lot more complex than fiction can ever hope to be.

I have to agree with the reality being a lot more complex and challenging than it seems in most of the fiction....LOL, would be nice sometimes to have just one day of blissful fiction as a reality. What you say about how you write is interesting though as it touches on things I have been looking at lately as to when I write best, how I write best etc. I love that we all come from different angles, POV, cpncepts and styles. Most of my writing, even vanilla style, tends to deal with challenges, struggles with accepting or understanding, often the not so nice. In part it is often a way for me to come to terms with a real life situation we are going through, or thoughts on issues which I know will become a part of us and require a lot of mental work on my part. It seems to touch people for that reason and I have had some great feedback from both subs and Dom/mes who have found comfort in reading about an issue they have been dealing with....lol, I have also had some not so nice feedback from those who would prefer I not be so confronting for them on particular issues they find disturbing. I do tend to be going in a particularly sadistic vein as well though I like that.

Catalina

 

[WriterDom]

I hope they are misleading since the 2nd most popular category here is incest.

We all know too that all women are beautiful with perfect bodies, and all the men have 9 inch cocks and can fuck for hours.

 

[serijules]

I have to agree with the reality being a lot more complex and challenging than it seems in most of the fiction....LOL, would be nice sometimes to have just one day of blissful fiction as a reality. What you say about how you write is interesting though as it touches on things I have been looking at lately as to when I write best, how I write best etc. I love that we all come from different angles, POV, cpncepts and styles. Most of my writing, even vanilla style, tends to deal with challenges, struggles with accepting or understanding, often the not so nice. In part it is often a way for me to come to terms with a real life situation we are going through, or thoughts on issues which I know will become a part of us and require a lot of mental work on my part. It seems to touch people for that reason and I have had some great feedback from both subs and Dom/mes who have found comfort in reading about an issue they have been dealing with....lol, I have also had some not so nice feedback from those who would prefer I not be so confronting for them on particular issues they find disturbing. I do tend to be going in a particularly sadistic vein as well though I like that.

Catalina

Well, truthfully, I do that too...but I do that in my private journal which only D has access too. Some things are just not for public consumtion LOL. So my stories tend to be more as I described in my original post. I have memory problems due to a head injury years ago...so I have trouble remembering details and specifics after a certain time has passed. I always feel so bad about that because a person's memories are at times, all they have you know? So my stories are preservations of good memories and I share them because it feels good to share them...it doesn't feel good to me to share my darker feelings. My journal tends to be more dark and moody and broody , but is also a form of preserving feelings and memories in a way that I can look back on and it helps trigger the memories that my mind can't seem to handle on its own.

But...for someone to paint a completely accurate picture of my BDSM relationships and experiences, they would need access to BOTH areas, and I don't allow that. So I try to warn people that read my stories and public journals that while what you read there is honestly what I felt or desires or fantasized about or did at that particular time...remember there is a whole lot more that isn't being shared, so they are iffy learning tools, at best.

 

[serijules]

I hope they are misleading since the 2nd most popular category here is incest.

We all know too that all women are beautiful with perfect bodies, and all the men have 9 inch cocks and can fuck for hours.

*blinks* Aren't they?

I'm so sheltered....

 

[catalina_francisco]

Well, truthfully, I do that too...but I do that in my private journal which only D has access too. Some things are just not for public consumtion LOL. So my stories tend to be more as I described in my original post. I have memory problems due to a head injury years ago...so I have trouble remembering details and specifics after a certain time has passed. I always feel so bad about that because a person's memories are at times, all they have you know? So my stories are preservations of good memories and I share them because it feels good to share them...it doesn't feel good to me to share my darker feelings. My journal tends to be more dark and moody and broody , but is also a form of preserving feelings and memories in a way that I can look back on and it helps trigger the memories that my mind can't seem to handle on its own.

But...for someone to paint a completely accurate picture of my BDSM relationships and experiences, they would need access to BOTH areas, and I don't allow that. So I try to warn people that read my stories and public journals that while what you read there is honestly what I felt or desires or fantasized about or did at that particular time...remember there is a whole lot more that isn't being shared, so they are iffy learning tools, at best.

You have my empathy with the memory issues...I have a similar problem related to stress. Have very few memories of childhood and even my own children's childhood is relived for me through photographs and a few snippets of remembered times. I have found of late a couple of things which have come back without warning and been a pleasant surprise which gives me hope more will return in time.

Catalina

 

[serijules]

You have my empathy with the memory issues...I have a similar problem related to stress. Have very few memories of childhood and even my own children's childhood is relived for me through photographs and a few snippets of remembered times. I have found of late a couple of things which have come back without warning and been a pleasant surprise which gives me hope more will return in time.

Catalina

Yes, same here. It's tough sometimes because I feel like my life is passing me by and I'm not even remembering half of it, heh. Good thing is though, I have very few solid memories of the situation in which caused the injury too, and that is a very good thing.

But still...

 

[Liana26]

I hope they are misleading since the 2nd most popular category here is incest.

We all know too that all women are beautiful with perfect bodies, and all the men have 9 inch cocks and can fuck for hours.

I once read a story where a Dom squeezed four gallons of lotion in his sub's ass, then fucked her. Somehow I think that would be fatal...

 

[Netzach]

I once read a story where a Dom squeezed four gallons of lotion in his sub's ass, then fucked her. Somehow I think that would be fatal...

If it's not fatal it's more funny than erotic. Just call that girl "dispenser".

I tend to get bored reading stories where things are totally preposterous. That doesn't mean there has to be gritty realism -- I like things believable whether they are light or heavy.

 

[TaintedB]

How many times have you read a story where a woman just discovers her submissive side, and then quits her job and sells her home to go live in Master Rich's dungeon like a week later?

Thanks for answering my question. Now I can answer you.

Yeah, I know. While in real life some of us do move pretty quick especially if it is the right person (tips faux mojo top hat to catalina and arctic stranger), porn fiction moves quickly with lots of dramatic decisions and hot action because otherwise it would be boring. No one wants to read, "she discovered her submissive side, went to work, went to work, went to work, (repeat 200 times), thought about quitting her job, talked it over with a bunch of friends until she drove them crazy with her worries, went to work (repeat 45 times), quit her job, put her house up for sale, waited for a buyer (repeat 290 times), sells her home, adjusts her kids to the fact that they are moving, invites master rich to come and visit them all (repeat seven times), goes to visit master rich (repeat 3 times), has cold feet (repeat five times), goes and lives in Master Rich's house, and when the kids are away with a babysitter plays in his locked basement room that he calls a dungeon" even though that scenario is much more realistic than the the story version.

The goal of a lot of short-story erotica is to get to the "good parts" as quickly as possible without making the plot look completely stupid. That's why she goes and lives in a cage in Master Rich's dungeon inside of a week. So yeah, the stories are anything but realistic. And thank goodness for that. If most bdsm fantasies resembled my Proustian alternative, above, you would probably have have gray hair before you got to a part that made you want to masturbate.

I think "training" is an especially misleading word, coming as it does from fiction but adopted by real people as some sort of real thing. It is far too simplictic to describe a complex human relationship, even one practiced along very strict power lines with a lot of fantasy elements weaved in. Still there are a lot of people (I see them on collarme, lol!) who believe that there actually is this objective thing called "training" and that it has some specific form. They offer, not a relationship with themselves, but to "train you." Training does happen, but it's part of something larger, usually.

 

[chris9]

If it's not fatal it's more funny than erotic. Just call that girl "dispenser".

I tend to get bored reading stories where things are totally preposterous. That doesn't mean there has to be gritty realism -- I like things believable whether they are light or heavy.

Very true. Also I get annoyed when someone goes to a lot trouble describing exactly how the sub is tied, on her belly, spread legs, whatever, on the bed, not being able to move a bit, only to be torturing her breasts two lines farther down. How the hell does he get there without untying, moving, retying...

 

[catalina_francisco]

I think "training" is an especially misleading word, coming as it does from fiction but adopted by real people as some sort of real thing. It is far too simplictic to describe a complex human relationship, even one practiced along very strict power lines with a lot of fantasy elements weaved in. Still there are a lot of people (I see them on collarme, lol!) who believe that there actually is this objective thing called "training" and that it has some specific form. They offer, not a relationship with themselves, but to "train you." Training does happen, but it's part of something larger, usually.

LOL, ditto. There is this misconception promoted that once you have been trained by self proclaimed Master Perfect, you can then go on to a relationship with any worthy Dom who will be grateful you come pre-trained thus saving him the bother. What bothers me more is that people suck this up without question believing there is a generic training consisting of the 'one size fits all' concept. Seems to work wonderfully for those online academy's who advertise their training services to subs so they will then have a better chance of finding the Dominant of their dreams once the training is complete and certificate awarded. Me thinks it provides a good turn over of fresh meat for those devious enough to sell the concept to unsuspecting subs, and at times Dominants who send their sub/slaves along for the advertised top notch training.

Catalina

 

[TaintedB]

LOL, ditto. There is this misconception promoted that once you have been trained by self proclaimed Master Perfect, you can then go on to a relationship with any worthy Dom who will be grateful you come pre-trained thus saving him the bother. What bothers me more is that people suck this up without question believing there is a generic training consisting of the 'one size fits all' concept. Seems to work wonderfully for those online academy's who advertise their training services to subs so they will then have a better chance of finding the Dominant of their dreams once the training is complete and certificate awarded. Me thinks it provides a good turn over of fresh meat for those devious enough to sell the concept to unsuspecting subs, and at times Dominants who send their sub/slaves along for the advertised top notch training.

Catalina

I suppose then that you know that all the very best slave training comes from the Great Secret Noble Houses of Europe? You know, the ones that have been in existence for hundreds of years and are run by aristocracy who exclusively train slaves? Probably a side-business of the illuminati.