Are men creeps?

[Stella_Omega]

I really liked this article, which I found via http://sexisnottheenemy.tumblr.com;

The pressure put on men to be initiators, yet avoid seeming creepy or aggressive leads to an unpleasant double bind. After all, the same gross cultural pressures that make women into objects force men into instigators; how many women do you know who proposed to their husbands?

So how can a man express his sexual needs without being tarred as a creep? After all, the point of promoting sex-positive attitudes is for everyone to be able to be open about their needs and desires, right?

article here

Thoughts?


Also, purely as a side note, I remember being shrill a while back, about the imbalance in epithets for men and women; women are sluts, but what are men?

I guess-- men are creeps.

 

[Kikori]

I guess-- men are creeps.

I resent that remark. ;-;

The two halves to my mantra are comfort and happiness. The first part of that, comfort, isn't limited to physical; if something is bound to make someone uncomfortable, it's something I won't pursue / do / say without a good reason. This does make it hard to become able to talk about anything sexual with a lady, but being able to understand them and know how to keep from allowing them to think I want outside their comfort zome helps me talk with them and try to be able to talk about or think of anything, sexually or no.

 

[Zeb_Carter]

I don't think I've ever been creepy. I know I've been hated, adored, liked, loved, but I don't ever remember anyone calling or referring to me as being creepy.

Also, I have never felt any pressure to be the initiator.

And I hope I have never been creepy with anyone. The others I can handle. Just not creepy.

Although if a woman initiates...whatever...I sometimes feel a little creepy responding in kind. But not for too long.

 

[TE999]

I've always been pleasant and courteous to women and they've responded in kind. I may have missed a signal or two here and there regarding the possibility of romance, but better a gentleman than a cad.

 

[TheeGoatPig]

I'm a creep. I think that is quite a bit of my problem. If I see myself as a creep, how can anyone else see me differently? Don't answer that...

 

[wet_special]

Well worded

Ya know, I hope the author of this article didn't act like he was the first one to think of this. This awkward disadvantage has been .. for a long, long time. It's something to bitch about I guess, especially if you're living the single lifestyle but think that should mean you get more sex.. not less.. or practically none at all.

Still, I really like the way he chose to word it.

I'm so glad I'm married, don't have to worry about that crap..

 

[Stella_Omega]

Ya know, I hope the author of this article didn't act like he was the first one to think of this. This awkward disadvantage has been .. for a long, long time. It's something to bitch about I guess, especially if you're living the single lifestyle but think that should mean you get more sex.. not less.. or practically none at all.

Still, I really like the way he chose to word it.

I'm so glad I'm married, don't have to worry about that crap..

She chose the words, the author is a woman.

Which is kinda cool don't you think? I'm always encouraged when i see signs of detente in this war between the sexes...

 

[wet_special]

She chose the words, the author is a woman.

Which is kinda cool don't you think? I'm always encouraged when i see signs of detente in this war between the sexes...

Yeah, its nice.. at best. It's just one voice, and I guess there's far, far too many women who will ignore it, and like things just fine the way they are. And far too many men who will try to just be chivalrous ..about .. yes, their attempts to get in ladies' pants.

 

[Dragonlipz]

I've been called a creep once or twice....probably deserved it once or three times.............

 

[squarejohn]

I guess-- men are creeps.

Just about everybody has seen men acting like creeps, and have probably been seen as a creep themselves. Women are nice to look at; most take special pains to be nice to look at. It's no wonder that inexperienced men, especially under the influence of booze, etc, would make coarse and unwelcome advances to a woman who caught their eye. So, yes, men can be creeps.

Women can behave like this as well. When a man catches a woman's eye, she can be absolutely ruthless in getting him into her bed.

We're all prodded by raw instinct; social rules of behavior and laws are in place to keep a cocktail party from looking like a bucket of worms.

 

[TxRad]

Only the creepy men are creeps.

Sex and sexuality have always been a two edged sword. One day the two shall meet in the middle.

 

[TxRad]

Damn double posts

 

[Stella_Omega]

Just about everybody has seen men acting like creeps, and have probably been seen as a creep themselves. Women are nice to look at; most take special pains to be nice to look at. It's no wonder that inexperienced men, especially under the influence of booze, etc, would make coarse and unwelcome advances to a woman who caught their eye. So, yes, men can be creeps.

Women can behave like this as well. When a man catches a woman's eye, she can be absolutely ruthless in getting him into her bed.

We're all prodded by raw instinct; social rules of behavior and laws are in place to keep a cocktail party from looking like a bucket of worms.

Ah, ya needta read the article, man. That was totally a side comment.

 

[JackLuis]

It's those Creeps that give us perverts a bad name.

 

[squarejohn]

It's those Creeps that give us perverts a bad name.

Yes, we perverts are much smoother and subtle in our approach.

 

[Stella_Omega]

Perverts are never creeps, huh?

 

[myrionomos]

I'm a creep. I think that is quite a bit of my problem. If I see myself as a creep, how can anyone else see me differently? Don't answer that...

No you are not; you could not have written this if you were.

My guess is that you are a bit too scared of being knocked back... but then most men are but usually to a lesser extent.

 

[Miss_Pixie]

Men can be creeps, but so can women. Men an also be sluts. I have male friends that prove it.

Now I just call people fuck nuggets and be done with it

 

[harding]

Thanks

and one point of this argument is purely linguistic: "stud" is a complimentary word for a promiscuous man, while "slut" is a hurtful word for a promiscuous woman

Really interesting comment in the article, kind of sums up the issue for me. Why is being a stud OK (ish?), but being a creep is not?

Seems to me that most men who are labelled as studs are self-labelled, and yeah, I guess that makes them creeps?

Great topic. Love it. (hope that doesn't make me creepy)

 

[Liar]

I think the real discussion of value-loaded words is not between slut and creep. It's the wrong two things to compare. Apples and oranges.

At least to my understanding of the words, being a slut is about having sex - being promiscuous. Being a creep is about pursuing it - being socially agressive.

Which leads to a two way double standard. When it comes to pursuing sex, a man is creepy, whereas a woman is flirty. But when it comes to having sex, a man is a stud whereras a woman is a slut.

And although it might be frowned upon here and there, it's not generally a taboo in this day and age for a woman to be flirty.

So women have one problem, a short distance from the acceptable (being sexual in a social setting) to the unacceptable (actually having sex). So they have to worry about not crossing the line.

And men have the oppostite problem, an acceptance and even expectance of them to have sex, but no socially accepted way of getting there. With it's own set of worries.

 

[LaRocha]

I think the real discussion of value-loaded words is not between slut and creep. It's the wrong two things to compare. Apples and oranges.

At least to my understanding of the words, being a slut is about having sex - being promiscuous. Being a creep is about pursuing it - being socially agressive.

Which leads to a two way double standard. When it comes to pursuing sex, a man is creepy, whereas a woman is flirty. But when it comes to having sex, a man is a stud whereras a woman is a slut.

And although it might be frowned upon here and there, it's not generally a taboo in this day and age for a woman to be flirty.

So women have one problem, a short distance from the acceptable (being sexual in a social setting) to the unacceptable (actually having sex). So they have to worry about not crossing the line.

And men have the oppostite problem, an acceptance and even expectance of them to have sex, but no socially accepted way of getting there. With it's own set of worries.

Socially accepted way of getting to sex is marriage or just entering long-term relationship and when you want sex you buy her a present or take her out somewhere fancy(non-aggressive) It's not creepy or a secret that your husband wants to bone after he's paid 180 for a new purse and 80 for dinner and you're dressed up all provocative. The common creepy isn't really in the getting to sex, it's getting to the relationship where sex is the norm.

Creepers formerly known as Stalkers formerly known as Peepers are probably more interested in the companionship of the woman they're creepin on, the sex is just the cosmological constant and background radiation.

Feminine passive way to get to sex is dressing provocatively and letting monogamous mate know the steps he needs to take to get to sex.

It's accepted that you're a slut or a creep if your mission is drunken bar sex, dry humping in public etc. Most alleged creeps are just socially retarded weirdos. And after high school it's pretty hard to get a reputation as a slut, unless you sleep with a houseful of guys, who all know each other, over the course of a couple months.

 

[PoppingTom]

women are sluts, but what are men?

I guess-- men are creeps.

creep......german: Widerling (no, I'm not !); Querulant (wtf?) Ekel (definitely no !!) Fiesling (uhm...no!) Mistkerl (yes ! yes ! YES !) Unsympathler (??..fuck off!!)

Off course, for Americans, creep will mean something tooooootally different than my dictionary will explain.

But "Mistkerl" is used often in German speaking, similar to "Schlampe" (slut).....

 

[Handley_Page]

Feminine passive way to get to sex is dressing provocatively and letting monogamous mate know the steps he needs to take to get to sex.

There she is; short skirt on nice legs, tight blouse and a pretty bra, "fuck me" heels and a smile. She's dancing around in the room, with a real wiggle.

She looks great.

But when a chap "rises to the bait" of this provocatively-dressed female, he can be accused of all manner of things unpleasant, sometimes in Court, and it is often quoted that what the female wears has nothing to do with it. He thinks she's giving "Come and get me" signals. She says "No it ain't".
This causes no end of confusion and has led to some weird trials in the UK.

 

[Handley_Page]

Given that the words Creep & Slut are not interpreted in the same way on opposite sides of the Atlantic:- - -



Many of us women go through our daily lives fending off unwanted male attention; most of us have worried about being attacked by men. If I stroll down a city street or take public transit alone, I can count on being approached by men I don't want to talk to.


Insecure or what?
Or perhaps living in the less pleasant area of a city ?
She has some strange menfolk round her.


So it's completely understandable that we're all on high alert for predatory expressions of male sexuality.

All ? Nonsense, Lady. Wear "less provocative clothing", then


"stud" is a complimentary word for a promiscuous man, while "slut" is a hurtful word for a promiscuous woman.

Round here, the term "Stud" referrs as much to his ablility to service loads of females and who thus has "stamina". A "Slut" is a female who tends to have slovenly habbits, unclean apparel and a generally scruffy air. A promiscuous woman might wear a twin-set and Pearls, be polite and so on, but she would not necessarily be a slut.


Another commenter, Sam, notes that it's often difficult for men to "realize that being sexually confident and assertive is not tied to politics," and that some men feel so much anxiety they hire experts to coach them through just asking a strange woman where to find Internet access.

I suspect this to be a very limited group in certain large cities. It's got damn all to being 'creepy'. To my mind, "creepy" is indicative of insecurity, general ignorance of wholesome sex or a "sick mind".


It's certainly true that the kind of sex represented in mainstream porn isn't for everybody, which is why there are lots of other kinds of porn out there (including feminist porn).

Feminist Porn?. Forgive my ignorance, but what's that ?


Just as women shouldn't have to feel exploited when they have consensual sex, men shouldn't have to feel like they're exploiting someone when they have consensual sex.

Or being exploited by some radical feminist. Sometimes the demands of the lady can be a real damper on the fire.


Let's all discourage sexuality that's actually predatory or non-consensual.

Amen to that

 

[Safe_Bet]

Given that the words Creep & Slut are not interpreted in the same way on opposite sides of the Atlantic:- - -



Many of us women go through our daily lives fending off unwanted male attention; most of us have worried about being attacked by men. If I stroll down a city street or take public transit alone, I can count on being approached by men I don't want to talk to.


Insecure or what?
Or perhaps living in the less pleasant area of a city ?
She has some strange menfolk round her.


So it's completely understandable that we're all on high alert for predatory expressions of male sexuality.

All ? Nonsense, Lady. Wear "less provocative clothing", then


"stud" is a complimentary word for a promiscuous man, while "slut" is a hurtful word for a promiscuous woman.

Round here, the term "Stud" referrs as much to his ablility to service loads of females and who thus has "stamina". A "Slut" is a female who tends to have slovenly habbits, unclean apparel and a generally scruffy air. A promiscuous woman might wear a twin-set and Pearls, be polite and so on, but she would not necessarily be a slut.


Another commenter, Sam, notes that it's often difficult for men to "realize that being sexually confident and assertive is not tied to politics," and that some men feel so much anxiety they hire experts to coach them through just asking a strange woman where to find Internet access.

I suspect this to be a very limited group in certain large cities. It's got damn all to being 'creepy'. To my mind, "creepy" is indicative of insecurity, general ignorance of wholesome sex or a "sick mind".


It's certainly true that the kind of sex represented in mainstream porn isn't for everybody, which is why there are lots of other kinds of porn out there (including feminist porn).

Feminist Porn?. Forgive my ignorance, but what's that ?


Just as women shouldn't have to feel exploited when they have consensual sex, men shouldn't have to feel like they're exploiting someone when they have consensual sex.

Or being exploited by some radical feminist. Sometimes the demands of the lady can be a real damper on the fire.


Let's all discourage sexuality that's actually predatory or non-consensual.

Amen to that

Based on your responses such as, "Nonsense, Lady. Wear "less provocative clothing", then" , you most definitely fit MY definition of a creep. Burka much, dude???

P.S. When you make creepy statements like, "Sometimes the demands of the lady can be a real damper on the fire" does that mean that if a woman expects to receive sexual satisfaction as well, that she is some sort of despicable radical feminist???? Seriously? When I add the two cited statements together you sound like a regular old chauvinistic creep!