Are Many/Most Bi's Really Just Closet Hedonists?

[Safe_Bet]

First off, I didn't say "ALL". I'm sure there are a lot of Bi's who are sensitive to their current partner and care about giving THEM pleasure simply to please THEM. I'm not talking about those, I'm asking about what I perceive to be the average bi poster here.

Anyways, isn't it really hedonism in disguise when you are willing to have sex with anybody just to get YOUR rocks off? I see this reflected in previously monogamous men and women who are willing to cheat behind their spouses backs. I see this in many of the almost predatory posts from almost exclusively Bi's towards newly coming out individuals. I see that reflected in the "I like cock, but would never date a man romantically" group as well.

The common thread reflected in all of those examples (as well as MANY more) is the constant theme of pleasure for Me, Me, Me! On the rare occasion I do read about someone in this category giving pleaser to another it's most usually couched as "it give ME pleasure to give them pleasure".

Pleasure for me, me, me, above all else is the textbook example of egotistic hedonism. It also appears to be the driving force behind MANY proponents of bi sex, does it not?

So tell me, if that's the case, aren't they one in the same?

 

[LeatherChaps]

Your opinion of your opinions is greatly exaggerated.

 

[Safe_Bet]

Your opinion of your opinions is greatly exaggerated.

Thanks for such a constructive addition to the conversation.

 

[LeatherChaps]

I just didnt think you should be the last to know.

You're trolling gets tedious.

 

[HottieMama]

Isn't all sex hedonistic at a core level? If it didn't feel good to "you," or you didn't derive pleasure from giving/receiving, would you still do it?

 

[twister947]

This is just a SWAG, but I imagine most Lit members are hedonists in some measure. So, yeah, most of the self-described bi folk would qualify. Along with just about everyone else.

 

[hapigirl]

.....

 

[Stella_Omega]

You will find promiscuity and hedonism at literotica forums. That's why they come here.

 

[hapigirl]

You will find promiscuity and hedonism at literotica forums. That's why they come here.

Amen and Amen!

 

[infinity706]

I don't think the hedonism has anything to do with bisexuals. Most lit posters are horny little sluts, regardless of orientation. What do you expect from a sex forum?

 

[Safe_Bet]

Isn't all sex hedonistic at a core level? If it didn't feel good to "you," or you didn't derive pleasure from giving/receiving, would you still do it?

No, it's not the same thing, IMO. I enjoy giving my partner pleasure, but it primarily about THEM at that point not all about ME. I certainly enjoy it when it's my turn, but I guess my point is the degree. If it were ALWAYS about MY pleasure THAT would be hedonistic. I just THINK I see that more in bi's then I do in straight or gay/lesbian interactions (even amongst the "promiscuous" Lit horn dogs).

 

[Safe_Bet]

I've never encountered this. I'm sure certain people are only into sex for their own pleasure but I think that encompasses all sexual orientations. It's not exclusive to the bi-sexual crowd.

When talking about group dynamics it's necessary to speak in generalities. So I think in "general" straights and gay/lesbians are more inclined to be focused on their mates pleasure. Of course there are "swingers" in both of those two groups, but you mean to say that you don't see much more of that in people who identify as Bi? (being non sarcastic here - for the sake of all the people who like to scream and point "Troll" while acting like one themselves).

 

[Stella_Omega]

No, I don't see any more of that in Bi's than I do in straight men and women or gay men. Lesbians often spend more time to explore sexually before they move on to the next lay, but they very often do move on, in search of the next pleasure. I've known many a woman who has had to move on to another city eventually, after going through most of the women in her home town.

People like me-- I am hedonistic, promiscuous, and also bisexual. I am very, very sexually oriented, I always have been. That's one of the reasons I hang out at literotica.com, because there are more people who understand that point of view and don't judge me for it. *cough*

If I were as oriented towards sports, say-- I'd be at sportslovers.com or something, instead.

A lot of people who have recently discovered this other side, are anxious to explore this thing, so they sound greedy and uncaring at first. Especially here at lit, because lit is a site for reading free pron, let us never forget.

Now, I am in fact, very involved in my partners' pleasure. I get a metric ton of pleasure from bringing my partners pleasure. I've known about my bisexuality, my hedonism, for more than forty years, though. I've had time to get over some of my own shit.

 

[girlsmiley]

I just didnt think you should be the last to know.

You're trolling gets tedious.

Geez how about you just stop picking on girls?
You like boys, we get that. Your posts REEK of trolliness.
That's what a troll does, it pokes its nasty troll nose into a thread and doesn't add anything constructive to a discussion.

GLBT isn't all about the pRon. GLBT is a place where many come to for support and advice. Help. Ya know?
People battling depression and confusion and intimidation and discrimination.
All types of stuff.

I do know where Amy is coming from. GLBT is not all about sex and getting your rocks off.

 

[Little Bird]

I have to say that I actually don't like posting in the GLBT section very much, because there are a lot of people who seem like self absorbed sex-maniacs.

How many of the people who are posting here those actually are I can not say, as people who don't stand out negatively don't register. And I don't think sexual orientation actually makes much of a difference.

But I agree, there seem to be some very vocal people around here, for whom all discussion about bisexuality seems to be "fuck everyone as much as you can!" It does not seem that bad in other sections of this forum (though also a lot worse in some others), but I share the opinion that there are some people here who use this section to brag among ech other that they want to fuck everyone. I would frequent this forum a lot more often if those people wouldn't be jumping in your face in every second thread you look into.

 

[Stella_Omega]

Little bird, we are trying to slow down the the fuckity-wuckity posts here...

There is a new forum, "fetish and sexuality" which is where we move any posts that seems to NOT be about human life needs, if you know what i mean. So a lot of the wanking wannabes have gone there by preference.

 

[girlsmiley]

No, it's not the same thing, IMO. I enjoy giving my partner pleasure, but it primarily about THEM at that point not all about ME. I certainly enjoy it when it's my turn, but I guess my point is the degree. If it were ALWAYS about MY pleasure THAT would be hedonistic. I just THINK I see that more in bi's then I do in straight or gay/lesbian interactions (even amongst the "promiscuous" Lit horn dogs).

Ok I just wanted to say, that right there pretty much sums me up.
I wish you would stop saying what I want to say all the time.


There are a LOT of bi slash bi-curious posters that come here and declare themselves bi or curious, but have never actually slept with someone of the same sex. They find a whole sea of e-people who they would never really speak to, approach or proposition in real life.
For most curious people, lit's an online fantasy. They're here for the wankable material. They crave the wankable material.

For eg. The amount of people that post here in GLBT everyday -- How many of them just come on here and talk about what they want/would like?
How badly they want to be with a woman or a man but somehow can't find the courage to do so or, don't know how or, really want to be with someone but don't know where to find that person.
These people are horny as fuck. And yeah they want it bad, which is perfectly understandable.

A lot of them just want the sex, no commitment, no relationship. They don't want to leave their husband or wife or whatever, they just want secks. And sometimes they want to do it behind their spouses backs, which is not cool.

Yes. A lot of me me me going on. There's no denying that.

Horniness makes people do crazy things!

 

[quimsical]

Sexual orientation is hard wired. Hedonism is gravy. No, I don't think bi peeps are mere self-absorbed hedonists. It's weird with what broad a stroke (punnity pun) people tar bi people.

 

[CandiCame]

First off, I didn't say "ALL". I'm sure there are a lot of Bi's who are sensitive to their current partner and care about giving THEM pleasure simply to please THEM. I'm not talking about those, I'm asking about what I perceive to be the average bi poster here.

Anyways, isn't it really hedonism in disguise when you are willing to have sex with anybody just to get YOUR rocks off? I see this reflected in previously monogamous men and women who are willing to cheat behind their spouses backs. I see this in many of the almost predatory posts from almost exclusively Bi's towards newly coming out individuals. I see that reflected in the "I like cock, but would never date a man romantically" group as well.

The common thread reflected in all of those examples (as well as MANY more) is the constant theme of pleasure for Me, Me, Me! On the rare occasion I do read about someone in this category giving pleaser to another it's most usually couched as "it give ME pleasure to give them pleasure".

Pleasure for me, me, me, above all else is the textbook example of egotistic hedonism. It also appears to be the driving force behind MANY proponents of bi sex, does it not?

So tell me, if that's the case, aren't they one in the same?

I was "out of the closet" hedonist-icly far before I ever admitted I wanted the cock. I've always been the kind of guy who does/gets what he wants- but it was kinda breed into me; hardwired. If I couldn't get something, then I obviously didn't want it bad enough- and that's on me.

I've got to notice that you use a lot of negative language about hedonism. Being egocentric is not the same as being selfish- at least, I've never seen it that way. My partner being happy does make me happy- if it didn't, I wouldn't be with him, and I certainly wouldn't have stuck with him through all his Jesus-y, 'finding his soul' crap when he was a whiney little bitch to be around. I like to see him happy, content, and that drive is enough to get me through the times when I want to take a Louisville Slugger to the side of his head.

Can't help you with the cheaters- I honestly don't understand that myself. I've never cheated on anyone and I never would- I just respect the people I'm in relationships with far to much to lie to them- especially about shit I know is going to be important, like who I'm sleeping with. I want them to love me, to respect me, and to do that, they have to know me- the real me- all of me.

I'm a very sexual person- similar to what someone else was saying- so when I'm not in a relationship, I do tend to hook up a lot- and everyone who's ever been with me knows that (To the point where I carry my STD test around in my wallet) and knows that I'm a whore before they make the decision to be with me. They know that it's gonna entail a lot of hardcore fucking. I'm yet to receive any complaints- which, honestly, kinda shocks me.

Anyhoo- that's not gonna be applicable to everyone, but it's the way it works for me- kinda case-study-ish... So maybe it will help?

 

[CJontherocks]

I would have to guess that this forum presents a poor sample population for a study of who is hedonist and who is not. It's essentially a porn site. I would guess that alone skews the results because, as Stella noted (I think it was Stella), a great many people come here to talk about, engage in fantasies of, and actively pursue sex.

Let's also not forget that this is not a GLBT web site. It's a sex web site with a special place for GLBT people to share and discuss ideas that pertain to our sexuality that might not necessarily interest heterosexual members.

In addition, the nature of online discussions is such that people are less restrained, more apt to say things they would never say in person or in public. So while Johnny Biguy might be a normal, well-adjusted male, in here he is a mad sex-craved hedonist because he says he is. Which is the true Johnny? The person he is at the dinner table, the person he is at work, the bar, or the person he is while typing anonymous message into his computer?

I'll have to admit to being a bit of a hedonist myself, if not merely because I am more willing to engage in and enjoy sexual activity that the mainstream considers to be taboo. I think a one-night stand, if one takes smart precautions and does not engage under false pretenses, can be completely enjoyable. I have, in the past, had sex with people to whom I was not all that attracted. I've had sex for the mere pleasure of sex. That being said, I do care about my partner's pleasure as well. I do not enjoy sex when my partner is not enjoying it. That may be more part of being male than being bisexual.

I don't think bisexuals are any more likely to be hedonists than any other sexuals. Yeah we like both men and women, and to some that might seem indiscriminate. But I don't fuck everything that moves, and I don't enjoy sex with people I don't like. I am kinda horny right now, though...

 

[blade_rocknut]

I can see where your logic lies, SafeBet, but I don't think I agree with the details. There are "givers" and "takers" in all manner of sex. I'm not bi myself, but I am a pleaser in bed- as that approach pretty much always ensures my eventual satisfaction anyway ( and I truly dig makin' her squirm).

My wife is attracted to women; but it's not rooted in greed. She's into pleasing AND being pleased- only she wants to indulge in a variety of genitalia......

*and we get to ogle hotties together- win win for both of us*

 

[Safe_Bet]

I can see where your logic lies, SafeBet, but I don't think I agree with the details. There are "givers" and "takers" in all manner of sex. I'm not bi myself, but I am a pleaser in bed- as that approach pretty much always ensures my eventual satisfaction anyway ( and I truly dig makin' her squirm).

My wife is attracted to women; but it's not rooted in greed. She's into pleasing AND being pleased- only she wants to indulge in a variety of genitalia......

*and we get to ogle hotties together- win win for both of us*

Okay, I've been thinking more on this cuz of what you've said. (thanks for the response, BTW. )

I'm thinking now that there are actually three distinct groups that self identify as Bi:

• There's the "I'm gay, but I'm saying I'm Bi till I figure out who the he'll I really am"-ers. They "appear" to be hedonistic because they are trying to discover who they really are. It's only logical that it would be all about themselves cuz that's their focus.

• There's people like your wife who I consider to be truly Bi. They are capable of liking either/both genders. This gives them the capability to be a "giver" as well as a "receiver" because it's not all about them, but about their expanded capabilities (as say compared to a hetero or homo sexual person).

• then there are the self described Bi's who are actually Hedonists. They could give a good damn about which type of genitalia get THEM off. It's like everybody is actually genderless to them. They don't care if it's a dick or a pussy anymore then I care what color dildo my lover is using. That's why they often say things like "I like cock, but not men". It's ALL about them and the other person is just a "means" so they simply don't CARE about their gender.

I guess the capacity for "genderless/dehumanizing sex" whose sole purpose is for THEIR enjoyment is why I consider this group to be Hedonists instead of Bi (in spite of their willingness to indulge in bi sex).

Also because of their willingness to "take on all comers", as long as they themselves are getting off, is why I see so many of this type of person in the Bi community as opposed to the straight or G/L communities. (even here on Lit, where everybody is sexually focused).

 

[Stella_Omega]

I hope you don't think these expressed desires are based on real experiences. Dudes that post about "what they want" on a forum? It's mostly fantasy. Mostly, they aren't getting none.

 

[Safe_Bet]

I hope you don't think these expressed desires are based on real experiences. Dudes that post about "what they want" on a forum? It's mostly fantasy. Mostly, they aren't getting none.

Yeah, you're right. I sometimes forget that many of the posters here are unemployed fast food workers living in their mama's basement and prolly couldn't get laid even if they were in prison.

 

[Luna_Wolf72]

I keep wanting to add to this...but I don't know how. So I am gonna think on it some more.