A recent experience.
Obviously there are way more dick littles fembois, needy, sissies , cds, you name it males out there than are female Dommes to cater to. Even pay to play.
My Domme of 2.5 to 3 yrs just bailed on me.
There were reasons.
Sure.
But as a alpha type in real world rejection after the deep programming, promises, claiming etc. Feels like that was just the game all along.
Was i easy no?
Did we have bumps fuck yeah
But my domme never let me connect. It was always me trusting her wisdom
...... which was usually spot on. OR just highly manipulative and c%^ty. ???
Im kind of stunned. April 2022 to now on and off... I went from Vanilla to hours of pain, months of denial dozens of edges, passive milking... now to nothing. And I enjoyed it all, learned to trust, to let go of my needs, and focus on her wants.
No options.
No choices.
No help deprogramming [ I find it hard to cum let alone think, unless words are spoken... ] im lost, I don't know what I could do better or more or less of.
Daily im lost i can't focus. I can't be in my real world. I check our chat hourly. I ponder i pine. I'd accept changed cadence, changed rules...anything.
EDIT: A parting chat I get called out for 'outburst' instead of communicating...sigh. When I explain, I did get apologies, I dunno I just felt like if id spent so much time online with her [no fees] that what we did would matter. instead I feel like an Instagram feed that just got un subscribed. any way fuck it.
This is all according to her 'life' . I get it we did that dec Jan when she ghosted, for then valid reasons.
The thing that irks that hurt is the coldness the dismissal the qualified apologies. So abrupt, hence the title, disposable.
I so want to hate her and throat punch.
I need her voice in my ear to say her special secret words.
To deny me
Control me.
Redefine me.
This may take awhile. I think part of it was we were building up to a week of 24/7 play. It was 4 month plus since I cam and daily tasks all caged and the last two weeks on ED daily.dose pills while caged.
Intensity. The poof.
How do I fix that.
I feel like a fool and a fucking patsy on the dial.
Obviously there are way more dick littles fembois, needy, sissies , cds, you name it males out there than are female Dommes to cater to. Even pay to play.
My Domme of 2.5 to 3 yrs just bailed on me.
There were reasons.
Sure.
But as a alpha type in real world rejection after the deep programming, promises, claiming etc. Feels like that was just the game all along.
Was i easy no?
Did we have bumps fuck yeah
But my domme never let me connect. It was always me trusting her wisdom
...... which was usually spot on. OR just highly manipulative and c%^ty. ???
Im kind of stunned. April 2022 to now on and off... I went from Vanilla to hours of pain, months of denial dozens of edges, passive milking... now to nothing. And I enjoyed it all, learned to trust, to let go of my needs, and focus on her wants.
No options.
No choices.
No help deprogramming [ I find it hard to cum let alone think, unless words are spoken... ] im lost, I don't know what I could do better or more or less of.
Daily im lost i can't focus. I can't be in my real world. I check our chat hourly. I ponder i pine. I'd accept changed cadence, changed rules...anything.
EDIT: A parting chat I get called out for 'outburst' instead of communicating...sigh. When I explain, I did get apologies, I dunno I just felt like if id spent so much time online with her [no fees] that what we did would matter. instead I feel like an Instagram feed that just got un subscribed. any way fuck it.
This is all according to her 'life' . I get it we did that dec Jan when she ghosted, for then valid reasons.
The thing that irks that hurt is the coldness the dismissal the qualified apologies. So abrupt, hence the title, disposable.
I so want to hate her and throat punch.
I need her voice in my ear to say her special secret words.
To deny me
Control me.
Redefine me.
This may take awhile. I think part of it was we were building up to a week of 24/7 play. It was 4 month plus since I cam and daily tasks all caged and the last two weeks on ED daily.dose pills while caged.
Intensity. The poof.
How do I fix that.
I feel like a fool and a fucking patsy on the dial.
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