Are male Subs disposable?

[artslut86]

A recent experience.
Obviously there are way more dick littles fembois, needy, sissies , cds, you name it males out there than are female Dommes to cater to. Even pay to play.

My Domme of 2.5 to 3 yrs just bailed on me.
There were reasons.
Sure.
But as a alpha type in real world rejection after the deep programming, promises, claiming etc. Feels like that was just the game all along.

Was i easy no?
Did we have bumps fuck yeah
But my domme never let me connect. It was always me trusting her wisdom
...... which was usually spot on. OR just highly manipulative and c%^ty. ???

Im kind of stunned. April 2022 to now on and off... I went from Vanilla to hours of pain, months of denial dozens of edges, passive milking... now to nothing. And I enjoyed it all, learned to trust, to let go of my needs, and focus on her wants.
No options.
No choices.
No help deprogramming [ I find it hard to cum let alone think, unless words are spoken... ] im lost, I don't know what I could do better or more or less of.
Daily im lost i can't focus. I can't be in my real world. I check our chat hourly. I ponder i pine. I'd accept changed cadence, changed rules...anything.

EDIT: A parting chat I get called out for 'outburst' instead of communicating...sigh. When I explain, I did get apologies, I dunno I just felt like if id spent so much time online with her [no fees] that what we did would matter. instead I feel like an Instagram feed that just got un subscribed. any way fuck it.

This is all according to her 'life' . I get it we did that dec Jan when she ghosted, for then valid reasons.

The thing that irks that hurt is the coldness the dismissal the qualified apologies. So abrupt, hence the title, disposable.
I so want to hate her and throat punch.

I need her voice in my ear to say her special secret words.
To deny me
Control me.
Redefine me.

This may take awhile. I think part of it was we were building up to a week of 24/7 play. It was 4 month plus since I cam and daily tasks all caged and the last two weeks on ED daily.dose pills while caged.
Intensity. The poof.
How do I fix that.
I feel like a fool and a fucking patsy on the dial.

 

[ToPleaseHim]

@artslut86 Many of us have been there. The pain of relationships ending is almost always hard, but there is an extra element to one in which we give our power to another. The gap left behind is painful and hard to fill. I hope you are able to take some time and find peace and feel whole.

 

[MiaBabe23]

Sorry you’ve been through that, submission goes deep
I echo what ToPleaseHim says. I also think the recovery depends on what your priority is
But I’d recommend plenty of time focused on other aspects of life - who you are and were distinct from her - and valuing yourself by spending less time looking for messages etc
It probably won’t ease the hurt and frustration for some time, but it’ll give you the energy to find yourself again
I think that’s also important before you consider another mistress, to ensure you’re in a place of strength if that happens
Hope each day is better than the previous

 

[Celticlight]

I agree with Mia - and also it’s truly awful what happened, I’m sorry to hear it if someone has been so callous with something that clearly was being taken incredibly seriously.

I need her voice in my ear to say her special secret words.
To deny me
Control me.
Redefine me.

I think this is the tricky bit - because I don’t doubt that you think this, and obviously you dearly want it at this point, especially after being left so high and dry.

But the coming weeks and months may well be focused on moving forwards (and it is forwards) into your post-Domme life in a way that is healthier and safer for you, and doesn’t leave you in such a vulnerable position with the wrong person again. I know it’s trite, but in time I expect you’ll look back and think ‘well anyone who is willing to dismiss me like that, or treat my feelings so lightly, can’t have been the right person’. And in time I expect you’ll realise that you definitely don’t need them - in a very long time, looking back, you may even decide that you wouldn’t even want them.

It’ll be at its rawest just now, and it’s hard to think like that, so again I think Mia’s right in saying just to prioritise other things - try and find good people to take your mind off it, and fun things to do that make you realise how much else there is out in the world. In my mind the worst possible thing would be to wallow in it on your own. Best to get out and live life a bit more, separate to this and what’s happened. Much like very intense or painful breakups, it feels like the end of the world right now, but I hope (and expect) that a while from now you’ll look back and think ‘that was unpleasant, but it says more about them than me, and the experience will build me into a better person’.

In any case, it really sucks and I do hope you’re ok at the moment.

 

[AnnieLit]

Welcome to the club

Not only male subs get disposed of, female ones get ditched too, and people in general as well. I think in part it is the price to pay for the convenience of keeping it all online.

It hurts like hell, especially the second guessing yourself, not knowing what in the history you shared was true and what wasn't. But eventually you will get there, you will figure it out that it doesn't really matter what *she* felt or not, it only matters what *your* feelings were and those you know were true.

You didn't trust and submit to (and probably lived) this woman, you trusted and submitted to the version of her that the two of you created together. The real her helped a lot in the task of creating her online double, but in big part you dreamed her up all on your own, like a character in a story. She didn't exist anywhere outside of your head. It hurts when that character is killed by the protagonist, but it is up to you if you allow her to die. Or at least if you allow her to die completely.

It IS your choice. You can let her stay in your head as if nothing happened. Because to her, the idolized woman that lived in your head, everything is business as usual, she never was a part of that betrayal. She might fade with time or she might not, it is completely your choice to let her go.

It's been almost a year for me and I *still* hear His voice in my head most times when I cum. Thing did get better, at this point this is the only times when I hear it. Now I can go for a few days without thinking about him at all, at first it was more like a few hours at best.

Just hang on, take it one day at a time. I wouldn't try to rush into replacing her, well *I* wouldn't probably ever replace Him as I don't think I will be able to ever trust anyone this much. And that's ok.

If possible at all, try to have people around. Real people, not us here. It will help to shift the perspective a little.

 

[artslut86]

Welcome to the club

Not only male subs get disposed of, female ones get ditched too, and people in general as well. I think in part it is the price to pay for the convenience of keeping it all online.

It hurts like hell, especially the second guessing yourself, not knowing what in the history you shared was true and what wasn't. But eventually you will get there, you will figure it out that it doesn't really matter what *she* felt or not, it only matters what *your* feelings were and those you know were true.

You didn't trust and submit to (and probably lived) this woman, you trusted and submitted to the version of her that the two of you created together. The real her helped a lot in the task of creating her online double, but in big part you dreamed her up all on your own, like a character in a story. She didn't exist anywhere outside of your head. It hurts when that character is killed by the protagonist, but it is up to you if you allow her to die. Or at least if you allow her to die completely.

It IS your choice. You can let her stay in your head as if nothing happened. Because to her, the idolized woman that lived in your head, everything is business as usual, she never was a part of that betrayal. She might fade with time or she might not, it is completely your choice to let her go.

It's been almost a year for me and I *still* hear His voice in my head most times when I cum. Thing did get better, at this point this is the only times when I hear it. Now I can go for a few days without thinking about him at all, at first it was more like a few hours at best.

Just hang on, take it one day at a time. I wouldn't try to rush into replacing her, well *I* wouldn't probably ever replace Him as I don't think I will be able to ever trust anyone this much. And that's ok.

If possible at all, try to have people around. Real people, not us here. It will help to shift the perspective a little.

Thanks. Im sorry for your loss. That sounds rough.
Made me weep for you.
The lack of empathy and callousness is boundless. Humans can suck.

 

[AnnieLit]

Thanks. Im sorry for your loss. That sounds rough.
Made me weep for you.
The lack of empathy and callousness is boundless. Humans can suck.

Thank you.

No need for tears, I treat it as "It was an experience that I loved while it lasted and I am thankful for that." Surprising as it might be, I really am. He asked me quite a few times at different stages of our relationship if I ever regretted meeting him and the answer always was no. This didn't change even without the happily ever after ending.

Knowing all the pain you are going through now, would you prefer not crossing paths with this woman? On purpose or not, she taught you a lot of things about yourself - about your likes, desires, needs, and hopefully about the difference between these three. Now she is teaching you one more lesson - about your strength and resilience.

You CAN get through this.
You CAN find your way back to yourself, it might take some time, but you will get there.
And you CAN say "no" if she ever comes back and wants to talk. She is not the right person for the role, doesn't matter if she was paid or not. Dominance is about care, if she can let herself do this, she is no Domme and never was one.

 

[Wonderer67]

I am sorry that this happened to you art. People can suck.

I hate saying corny shit, and this sounds that, but I think give it some time and some reflection… I think you’ll come out the other side of this stronger and better.

 

[HarleyQuim]

Nobody should be disposable. It’s not always possible but we should all try to leave people in better condition than we found them when a relationship or encounter ends. It’s hard, but that should be the goal.

 

[artslut86]

Hey gang thanks for the supportive words. Im going to be ok. Cause like... I got to right.

Its little things, when I sleep uncaged now, I pull my hand away if i start to touch, lol. 'no touching' . I dont have to sit to pee lol.
I went to do my ritual body shave...well why bother. despite how intimate and sexy it makes me feel.
I fondle the things she made me wear. No point in that either.

After the last 6 months of the constant edging the anal cleansing to be plugged daily, or sitting doing my mantra with balls tied, and pegs all over... I can rest I can be calm right? I do not have to record my activities for her.
No check ins.
No more Writing stories [everything I wrote here on lit was either real, or a variation of real and in some cases planned activities]
So many of things are good. - Now its time to heal and rest a little. Maybe just randomly have an orgasm even if its not 1 of hers. just a normal vanilla one.

 

[AnnieLit]

No. You can't generalise.

I'm a male Dominant. If you only knew the calibre of female subs that I've respectfully rejected, because I didn't vibe with them, I wasn't attracted to them, etc, you'd think me a crazy person.

Personally, I have a standard-set that's pretty high. I'm not the only Dominant/Domme who has high standards.

Every sub, from all sexes, have been rejected at one time or the other.

Imagine if you were a Dominant and you had a submissive who you didn’t vibe with, or weren't compatible with, would you set them free or stay with them knowing that you'd be unhappy and unfulfilled?

Generally, it's a kindness to set people free to find someone who will appreciate them more than you do.

What are you talking about?! They have been together for 2.5+ years. Years, not weeks. The "we don't vibe together" argument is a very valid one, but it's an argument for not starting a relationship or ending it within a month.

 

[AnnieLit]

Time is irrelevant.

Is there a statute of limitations? If you're together for x amount time, are you locked in forever?

I've known instances of couples who have been together for years before splitting as they don't mesh.

Never underestimate Stubbornness.

I've known couples who have spent their entire lives together: incompatible, unhappy and unfulfilled, and only stuck together out of obligation.

Of course nobody has to stay with anyone else forever. But yes, there is a statute of limitation on exiting a relationship with no explanation, no goodbye, no nothing. In case of the type the OP had, I would think some form of releasing him of his obligations was in order. Just to make sure he is ok when left to his own devices, you know, "we are responsible for those we have tamed" and all that.

When you are talking about unhappy couples spending a lifetime together, that's usually called a marriage and the obligations are to the kids, not that much to the partner. That's a completely different story.

 

[barefootgirl69]

No. You can't generalise.

I'm a male Dominant. If you only knew the calibre of female subs that I've respectfully rejected, because I didn't vibe with them, I wasn't attracted to them, etc, you'd think me a crazy person.

Personally, I have a standard-set that's pretty high. I'm not the only Dominant/Domme who has high standards.

Every sub, from all sexes, have been rejected at one time or the other.

Imagine if you were a Dominant and you had a submissive who you didn’t vibe with, or weren't compatible with, would you set them free or stay with them knowing that you'd be unhappy and unfulfilled?

Generally, it's a kindness to set people free to find someone who will appreciate them more than you do.

I'm trying to understand this. "Reject" is a pretty harsh word. I'm not sure I'd use it.

Isn't part of vetting someone to see if you're compatible long before they become your sub? Yes, bfg. Yes, it is. I don't think it should be 2.5 years before I'm told "we don't vibe, so I'm rejecting you." We'd both know long before that.

 

[barefootgirl69]

@artslut86

I'm very sorry this happened to you. That's not the way to release your sub when things change in a dynamic/relationship.

Unfortunately, like any relationship, the hurt isn't easy. All the emotions will have to be gone through. Many of us have gone through something similar, and now it's time for some self care. A part of that will be NOT beating yourself up for giving yourself to someone. As you work through things, remember it's okay to still feel something for what was a part of your life. It's okay to miss that. But, on the other side, learn and grow. You're not the same person you were 3 years ago. When you've finished healing, take your time finding someone you're compatible with. Don't rush simply because you want someone to submit to. Make sure they're worth your submission.

 

[MiaBabe23]

Oh. It's absolutely fundamental.

You're talking to a demisexual here with a big dose of sapiosexual thrown in.

However, not every Dominant follows the correct and responsible process.

I've known it to happen.

Hell, I've known Dominants who have collared submissives within 24 hours. Crazy and deeply problematic but true.

So I wonder then why your responses on this thread are so lacking in empathy for the OP and others, if you understand all that so well…

 

[MiaBabe23]

Oh. I empathise completely with the OP.

However, you can't claim something as being exclusive. Everyone gets hurt.

I've been hurt. But I'm not going to ask if men are disposal.

I absolutely can, since many do exactly that. Sounds like the OP did for some time with his mistress
That you lack understanding of why that question might come to his mind at this point suggests you don’t quite grasp the experience of a submissive, nor empathize sufficiently

 

[artslut86]

Hey appreciate all the comments. There is obviously a lot more to the story.

Let's face it people change.

That's fine.

its the process that was shitty.

This Domme knew I was very insecure in our dynamic because I knew she didn't care if I stayed or went. I'd paused things twice, zero reaction. Zero fucks to give. She had me trained like pavlovs dog. I begged to be denied and kept on edge. An amazing headspace to be in.

Part of her vibe was to keep me in the dark as to 'who she is' Or was i suppose.
It might sound weird but we had situation where she built trust with me by education and break down my barriers.
While never really revealing much of anything about her. I pushed hard on try to know her so I could 'connect' lock in, but she just wanted me to be obedient, learn about being a sub and learn what my body could do. She enjoyed being 'mean' as she would put ithawith no consequences when we played. Or when I was tasked.

She has decades of experience. I spent dozens of hours reading and sharing stuff with her validating she knew what she was doing and learning. - she would always say ' see it's almost like I know what im doing' lol.

She had the cutest giggle. And would put this fake sexy voice on when doing count downs.
Oh well. Shit happens.

Time to go delete 100s of uploaded videos of tasks, and check in images.

Have great week gang. You folks are so much nicer than the Fet Life domme squad.
Cheers.

 

[AnnieLit]

This Domme knew I was very insecure in our dynamic because I knew she didn't care if I stayed or went. I'd paused things twice, zero reaction. Zero fucks to give.

Was she a pro? Did you pay her?
It is not wrong if you did, I am just trying to understand what was in it for her if she didn't care much one way or another.

 

[artslut86]

Was she a pro? Did you pay her?
It is not wrong if you did, I am just trying to understand what was in it for her if she didn't care much one way or another.

No fees. She liked edging people. And being mean as I said. I was a Consensual service. She liked bossing boys around.

 

[MiaBabe23]

Hey appreciate all the comments. There is obviously a lot more to the story.

Let's face it people change.

That's fine.

its the process that was shitty.

This Domme knew I was very insecure in our dynamic because I knew she didn't care if I stayed or went. I'd paused things twice, zero reaction. Zero fucks to give. She had me trained like pavlovs dog. I begged to be denied and kept on edge. An amazing headspace to be in.

Part of her vibe was to keep me in the dark as to 'who she is' Or was i suppose.
It might sound weird but we had situation where she built trust with me by education and break down my barriers.
While never really revealing much of anything about her. I pushed hard on try to know her so I could 'connect' lock in, but she just wanted me to be obedient, learn about being a sub and learn what my body could do. She enjoyed being 'mean' as she would put ithawith no consequences when we played. Or when I was tasked.

She has decades of experience. I spent dozens of hours reading and sharing stuff with her validating she knew what she was doing and learning. - she would always say ' see it's almost like I know what im doing' lol.

She had the cutest giggle. And would put this fake sexy voice on when doing count downs.
Oh well. Shit happens.

Time to go delete 100s of uploaded videos of tasks, and check in images.

Have great week gang. You folks are so much nicer than the Fet Life domme squad.
Cheers.

It sounds like you have a good perspective on it. Feel good about yourself, know you deserved better, and take a step toward your next journey

 

[appalachianplay]

I'm a primarily dominant woman who has submitted to the right man. You saying that you had to let go of your needs is concerning. Play should always be based around the submissive's needs and boundaries. Pushed? Yes. Forgotten? Absolutely never.

 

[artslut86]

I'm a primarily dominant woman who has submitted to the right man. You saying that you had to let go of your needs is concerning. Play should always be based around the submissive's needs and boundaries. Pushed? Yes. Forgotten? Absolutely never.

Yeah. It will all be fine eventually

 

[wwot40]

I'm a primarily dominant woman who has submitted to the right man. You saying that you had to let go of your needs is concerning. Play should always be based around the submissive's needs and boundaries. Pushed? Yes. Forgotten? Absolutely never.

Spot on!

 

[artslut86]

Spot on!

Well by letting go i mean I had to give her control of my body and then the pavlovian mind fucking, mantras, etc.
She re made me or exposed more of me to myself. So im thankful for that.
Anal stimulation.
Sensitizing my body with materials.
Finding my pain pleasure thresholds.

My pain today is how this abrupt ending was managed.
Just how callous she was and how little she regarded me the whole time.
It all feels like lies said so she could enjoy her secret turn on, watching boys beg and denying them and restricting everything.
Control or power.
I wanted to believe her claiming me 'forever' was meant . Your cock and ass are mine. Was what she meant.
Instead it was mental post orgsm fuckery .
Lol.
Oh well.
Bad timing and I learned my lesson.

All this is just a silly fucking game.

 

[liqueur]

@artslut86
I'm a stranger in this corner of lit . I don't know you and you don't know me, and I don't want to go where I'm unwanted.

I just want to say that I too was once dumped by a domme (RL relationship, but long-distance) who knew me like no other, who had explored my darkest depths as well as my most vulnerable parts, for 2+ years. I never knew why.

It was 20 years ago, I guess I have some pretty good ideas about the why's, now. But at the time, I was just cut off, hung out to dry.

I know how it feels. I don't have any pretty words to say. You make yourself this vulnerable to someone, there's no salve that's going to ease the pain. Only time can do that. PM if you choose. Either way, know that you are seen, and heard.