Are looks really all that important??

[Savage Kitten]

I feel so shallow but, at the same time, I have been really torn here lately!

I was introduced to a really nice guy. He is so considerate and has a great since of humor. He is only a couple years older than me and we are pretty much in the same place in our lifes. Our first date was with his brother and his brother's g-friend (my co-worker). We went out to eat and club hopping. We laughed and joked so much I had tears. When we danced he didn't grope me up and down, he held me tenderly but close. Our second date he cooked me dinner and then took me to a movie. When he took me back to my car he asked if he could kiss me and then it was just a couple quick lip to lip kisses.

He is just sooooooooo not what I am used to when it comes to men. I tell myself that he could be what I've been looking for all this time. But then, he is really not attractive to me. I know I am not the worlds best catch and its not like I am used to going out with male super models. The guy just doesn't "do it" for me.

So here's the torn part....

a part of me says "get over it and give the guy a chance" and the other part says "ewwww"

 

[nasty]

Looks are semi-important. But, not as important to me as they once were. Like 1 of my favorite songs goes,

"Looks aren't that important. Just icing on the cake."

 

[Xander]

Looks are semi-important. But, not as important to me as they once were. Like 1 of my favorite songs goes,

"Looks aren't that important. Just icing on the cake."

Couldn't have said it better myself.

 

[Siren]

If you want to find a great guy that is nice and you enjoy

 

[lisalove]

An attraction to someone is not always based on looks. But if there's no physical chemistry at all, then it's probably not worth it to pursue it.

I wish I hadn't been out with so many 'pretty boys' then maybe there would have been less drama. Confidence, wit, kindness, & eagerness to please are most attractive to me...oh yeah and a nice ass and smile are good too.

 

[Laurel]

It's a sliding scale. Some people are so amazingly physically attractive that they could have the IQ of a doorstop and still make you swoon. Other people have such amazing personalities that they could have boils on their face and eight arms, but their charisma would still puddle you. Most people are in the middle somewheres.

I would have a hard time being with someone who absolutely physically repulsed me. That said, I tend to be attracted to charismatic guys over pretty boys. If his charisma doesn't make up for how much his physicality repulses you, I wouldn't go there.

 

[nasty]

Well, I've been told a # of times I have a nice smile. Ass is really flat, though.

 

[ExLimey]

Looks can fade. Personalities usually last forever. He sounds pretty considerate of you, this probably isn't just an act to get in your pants.

 

[ShamelessFlirt]

Don't fall in love with looks, they don't last. Fall in love with a persons heart and soul, for that is what you'll be left with when looks fade.

Looks fade over time, but the mind only grows and matures over the years.

 

[Siren]

Laurel you gotta of nerve talking about good looks

 

[nasty]

What Laurel said. I do need SOME physical attraction, but, I wouldn't even date Uma Thurman is she was a bitch. 1 night stand, perhaps. But, that's another thread.

 

[sunstruck]

Ok, I agree that looks aren't the most important thing, but it doesn't sound like his looks are the problem.

It sounds like there's just no spark. Just because there isnt' anything wrong with him doesn't mean he's the right guy for you. Just because you SHOULD want him doesn't mean you are going to.

Granted, sparks can develope, happens all the time. But usually after friendships have bloomed. I've never seen anyone date someone until they are attracted to them. I've seen some try, but inevitabley it doesn't work.

I think the best shot this guy has with you is as a friend, and maybe something can build on that someday.

Don't feel guilty, it's not your fault so long as you don't lead him on. Don't let him fall for you and THEN break his heart.

 

[LukkyKnight]

Ironically, I think Laurel's current av points out that looks do play an undeniable role.

 

[TN_Vixen]

Good Lord Laurel, that Kitty looks like he's on crack.

As far as looks are concerned, it's not a big issue with me. The thing is chemistry. What matters in the long run is "does he smell good to me?"

Pheremones make or break a relationship.

 

[Laurel]

Yeah, he's damn sexy, ain't he?

 

[nasty]

I think he's cute. I'm just trying to get into Laurel's pants. Carry on.THe cat's on crack. Really, it is.

 

[lisalove]

That's a cat? oops I thought it was a ferret.

 

[MissTaken]

It doesn't sound like the issue is about physical appearance, rather chemistry.

Recently, I met someone who I had been talking to on the phone and on line. I had photos. I knew what he looked like.

We met and spent some time together. The chemistry wasn't there.

Have you ever asked yourself, "why am I NOT attracted to <enter name>? He is all the things I would look for in a man?"

It is chemistry.

 

[LukkyKnight]

Yeah, he's damn sexy, ain't he?

It must be chemical.

 

[MissTaken]

It must be chemical.

Isn't crack a chemical?





Who is calling the SPCA? *snickers*

 

[ShamelessFlirt]

...THe cat's on crack. Really, it is.

That would mean the cat's already in Laurels pants
(that works in so many ways ...lol)

 

[Siren]

A regular cat

 

[nasty]

That would mean the cat's already in Laurels pants
(that works in so many ways ...lol)

I didn't even think of that,Heh

 

[Savage Kitten]

Granted, sparks can develope, happens all the time. But usually after friendships have bloomed. I've never seen anyone date someone until they are attracted to them. I've seen some try, but inevitabley it doesn't work.

I think the best shot this guy has with you is as a friend, and maybe something can build on that someday.

Don't feel guilty, it's not your fault so long as you don't lead him on. Don't let him fall for you and THEN break his heart.

yeah.... thats what i have been worried about too, "leading him on".

I agree with what all of you have said about chemistry. I guess we just haven't come to that point yet. Well.. physical chemistry anyway.

I have hung out with some really nice looking men and I have yet to find what I am looking for. If this guy asks me out again I know I will hang out with him. It may or may not get to the sexual stage. If not I guess I've met a really great friend.

Thanx for your comments. Helps me feel not so guilty. and I guess being honest with myself doesn't necessarily mean I am shallow right? I think being shallow would be not giving the guy a chance at all...

thank you
Sk~

 

[LukkyKnight]

Ask him if he wants a cat.