Bushido71XS
Angel Soul, Devil Heart
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Earthmuffin
What she said
What she said
Cheyenne
Ms. Smarty Pantsless
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I think knowing someone before you see their pic DOES seem to make you want to like the way the person looks, especially if you already like the way they think, what they say, and what they do.Thumper said:
And Thumper, I do consider you a friend. And I wasn't just "being nice." The comments I gave you on this particular pic you're talking about, as well as others, were all true.
Thumper
Literotica Guru
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Cheyenne
Well thank you...
The point I was trying to make is that women tend to look at lore than just the physical when they see a man for the first time. They look a little deeper for clues...men could do this but we are primarily visual centered.
To a certain degree looks are important. Is it fair to pretend to be attracted to someone? Fair to you and the other person? To me it is a combination of things. If I am not in any way aroused physically by a woman there is little chance of any thing but a platonic relationship...I have to be attracted to her physically at some level. As I stated before though, a drop dead gorgeous woman can be completely unappealing to me if the personality isn't there. It is a combination of the two...but physical attraction is necessary.
Cheyenne I think you are hot! hehehehe
Now where is my goddamn libido? I think maybe I oughta post a reward.
Well thank you...
The point I was trying to make is that women tend to look at lore than just the physical when they see a man for the first time. They look a little deeper for clues...men could do this but we are primarily visual centered.
To a certain degree looks are important. Is it fair to pretend to be attracted to someone? Fair to you and the other person? To me it is a combination of things. If I am not in any way aroused physically by a woman there is little chance of any thing but a platonic relationship...I have to be attracted to her physically at some level. As I stated before though, a drop dead gorgeous woman can be completely unappealing to me if the personality isn't there. It is a combination of the two...but physical attraction is necessary.
Cheyenne I think you are hot!
heheheheNow where is my goddamn libido? I think maybe I oughta post a reward.
Cheyenne~
I can't believe that someone would do that to you...I've had that happen to me before...and it isn't a good feeling. I rarely send my pic out to anyone anyway...I haven't seen a picture of you, but it wouldn't change my impression of you if I did. And I'm not just saying that because we are both women. I've had women do it to me, too...it's like they had some deeper reason for wanting a picture, and then I wasn't worth the trouble, or something. I didn't know that friendships rested on whether you were attractive or not...*sigh*...I never came on the net looking for anything more than chat. I've made a few friends...and I've had more than that with a few people. I would never judge anyone by their picture...especially since I have seen my picture, and it does NOT do me justice. People can be shallow...and I guess you learn who you can and can not trust.
*hugs*
I can't believe that someone would do that to you...I've had that happen to me before...and it isn't a good feeling. I rarely send my pic out to anyone anyway...I haven't seen a picture of you, but it wouldn't change my impression of you if I did. And I'm not just saying that because we are both women. I've had women do it to me, too...it's like they had some deeper reason for wanting a picture, and then I wasn't worth the trouble, or something. I didn't know that friendships rested on whether you were attractive or not...*sigh*...I never came on the net looking for anything more than chat. I've made a few friends...and I've had more than that with a few people. I would never judge anyone by their picture...especially since I have seen my picture, and it does NOT do me justice. People can be shallow...and I guess you learn who you can and can not trust.
*hugs*
G
Guest
Guest
Just Wondering said:
Well, for the most part I think looks are unimportant. (But, let's face it... You do have to be at least physically attracted to the person... Otherwise it's unlikely to have a physical relationship with them.) If you shared your heart with that person, then that's a BIG step. I guess you have to ask yourself what that person meant to you before you saw their pic.
weeell
I know a lot of people have given some good advice on here already, but I will put my 2 cents in too.
I have never been one to think that looks were as important as all the other things in a relationship. I dated a guy for two years that my family jokingly referred to as the guy on the MAD magazines - reddish brown hair, biggish ears, toothy grin, freckles, the whole nine yards. It was endearing though, and he was cute in a silly boyish kind of way. Now I am married to a guy who looks strikingly like Tim McGraw though.
The long and short of it? (I'm rambling). You should never sacrifice passion in a relationship. Ever. And keep in mind if you are in a relationship with someone, you have to look at them everyday. If they don't appeal to you at all physically, you will probably become disenchanted with them in the future, no matter how interesting they are. Just human nature.
I know a lot of people have given some good advice on here already, but I will put my 2 cents in too.
I have never been one to think that looks were as important as all the other things in a relationship. I dated a guy for two years that my family jokingly referred to as the guy on the MAD magazines - reddish brown hair, biggish ears, toothy grin, freckles, the whole nine yards. It was endearing though, and he was cute in a silly boyish kind of way. Now I am married to a guy who looks strikingly like Tim McGraw though.
The long and short of it? (I'm rambling). You should never sacrifice passion in a relationship. Ever. And keep in mind if you are in a relationship with someone, you have to look at them everyday. If they don't appeal to you at all physically, you will probably become disenchanted with them in the future, no matter how interesting they are. Just human nature.
Chuckus
'Master' of all things good and pleasurable
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another bit of my 2 cents worth
I have a mixed bag here. Looks are only skin deep, but they can enhance a glowing and great personality. On the flip side, attitude can change what a person appears like to me via making someone who is "average" appear Gorgeous to me. Looks are not really important as a general rule to me, but the attitude that is behind the looks (not to mention personality) can change the entire way I see a person.
I would say a "model" type person with a terrible outlook and attitude and NO personality is ugly to me, while someone who is "average" or "normal" with a great attitude and great personality are very appealing to me. Looks don't hurt but it is what is on the inside that matter to me.
I have a mixed bag here. Looks are only skin deep, but they can enhance a glowing and great personality. On the flip side, attitude can change what a person appears like to me via making someone who is "average" appear Gorgeous to me. Looks are not really important as a general rule to me, but the attitude that is behind the looks (not to mention personality) can change the entire way I see a person.
I would say a "model" type person with a terrible outlook and attitude and NO personality is ugly to me, while someone who is "average" or "normal" with a great attitude and great personality are very appealing to me. Looks don't hurt but it is what is on the inside that matter to me.
Re: Wrongo Sammy!
Oh...well, maybe cutie would be replaced with hottie if you saw me IRL...I almost had a panic attack when you said it did me justice, like I was some disgusting pig or something...cuz I think that my pic sucks.
And thank you thank you thank you thank you!!!!!
Since I didn't put you on the spot of having to answer me, I accept your statement as the truth. I happen to have a soft spot for a certain little bunny, as well.
Thumper said:
Oh...well, maybe cutie would be replaced with hottie if you saw me IRL...I almost had a panic attack when you said it did me justice, like I was some disgusting pig or something...cuz I think that my pic sucks.
And thank you thank you thank you thank you!!!!!
Since I didn't put you on the spot of having to answer me, I accept your statement as the truth. I happen to have a soft spot for a certain little bunny, as well.
Chuckus said:
Shut the fuck up Chuckus
...LOL...I just finished shoveling and now I feel like I'm going to die...remind me next time I'm sick to tell the rest of the household to fuck off and and do the shoveling themselves...I think we got 10 inches overnight...jerksI'm actually in a surprisingly ok mood...except my left lung is now sitting in the corner of the room taking a much needed break from breathing.
How's things in your neck of the woods, sweetie?
R Nitelight
Her Rock
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I've told my love around six things about myself that should have sent her running for the door, but she always came back. We are facing one more crisis, but I think if we survive this then it was meant to be.
KillerMuffin
Seraphically Disinclined
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I have a friend who classifies herself as a BBW (didn't know what that meant for the longest time) but a man she recently met over the net and then in person classified her as a fattie. He really liked her over the phone and over the internet because she's, yeah I know it's cliche, got a a great personality. Then he meets her in person and isn't attracted to her anymore. She's bigger than he was looking for.
In the ideal world only a person's insides would matter, but this is the real world. Looks do matter, much more than they ought. Physical attraction is a highly important thing that gets a lot of bad press because it's so damned unfair. If you weren't physically attracted to your mate, no matter how wonderful they were or how much you loved them, then you probably wouldn't stay for long. The eye would start roving and soon the gonads would follow.
Of course, a lot of our good looks and sexual attractiveness is attitude. Most of us are too insecure about how others view us, we think we are ugly, or too fat, or too skinny, or too something for other people to be attracted to. So we sit there shyly, our arms crossed over our bellies, and look nervous rather than say anything. Attitude is sexy, not just body. I'm sure my friend would have more luck with her guys if she unhunched herselt, sat up straight, laughed, joked, and flirted with them. My most physically unattractive feature are my scars, but my attitude often keeps most guys from noticing them. All except for the shallowest out there, and who wants them anyway?
In the ideal world only a person's insides would matter, but this is the real world. Looks do matter, much more than they ought. Physical attraction is a highly important thing that gets a lot of bad press because it's so damned unfair. If you weren't physically attracted to your mate, no matter how wonderful they were or how much you loved them, then you probably wouldn't stay for long. The eye would start roving and soon the gonads would follow.
Of course, a lot of our good looks and sexual attractiveness is attitude. Most of us are too insecure about how others view us, we think we are ugly, or too fat, or too skinny, or too something for other people to be attracted to. So we sit there shyly, our arms crossed over our bellies, and look nervous rather than say anything. Attitude is sexy, not just body. I'm sure my friend would have more luck with her guys if she unhunched herselt, sat up straight, laughed, joked, and flirted with them. My most physically unattractive feature are my scars, but my attitude often keeps most guys from noticing them. All except for the shallowest out there, and who wants them anyway?
Cheyenne
Ms. Smarty Pantsless
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Sammyjo said:
Thanks, Sammyjo. I'm not ugly, just average I think. I'm 42 and I look like I'm 42, no more, no less.
To be honest, I have no idea why he did what he did, and that's what hurts. I've tried to ask, but get no response, so I'll probably never know. My picture may have had nothing to do with it and it was only coincidence that I never heard from him again after I sent it to him. But I only sent it in response to him sending me his own pic, for which I did compliment him. I never thought it was a relationship where looks mattered, anyway. Just good friends, nothing more. Well, at least I thought we'd become good friends. I told him things I'd never told another living soul. But I obviously missed something somewhere along the way.
*And since there's a good chance he'll be reading this, don't worry. I won't tell a soul it was you so your reputation here is perfectly safe. I would never hurt someone else in response to being hurt myself.*
bulld
Really Experienced
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- Dec 5, 2000
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Looking for barbie????.....NOT!
Recently I had a lady describe herself to me as the Anti-Barbie. Hell, up to that moment I hadn't really gave it much thought but realized that I didn't want her to be Barbie.
Several years ago I did something that I will be forever ashamed. I had a relationship with a woman who I had never seen, we talked on the phone(this was pre-internet) for hours and got on famously. I finally got up the nerve to ask her out and when I picked her up she was not my ideal woman (not Barbie). She was not ugly, she was not overly fat, she was still the same lady that I had spent hours every night talking to but still she was not Barbie. Well I didn't run screaming from her house, I took her out to dinner and a movie. We had a very pleasant evening and completly enjoyed ourselves, but in the back of my mind was the thought that she was not what I wanted. After that we just kinda drifted apart, mostly because of my feelings.
A couple of years later I was dating a woman who lived 40 miles from where I did. I really thought she was the one for me. She was everything I wanted (Barbie!). I made the 80 mile round trip at least 6 times, but when I called her to set up the seventh date she told me she didn't want to see me anymore. It seems I didn't turn her on(not Ken!). It was at that moment it hit me just exactly what I had done previously and how hurtful it was.
Now I try to judge a person more by what they are(ie personality, humor, etc) than what they look like. Do I still want Barbie?? Nope! Barbies are nice to look at but mostly they're just empty inside. So if it came to meeting a person or not it would have nothing to do with what they look like and everything to do with how they make me feel.
[Edited by bulld on 12-16-2000 at 11:18 PM]
Recently I had a lady describe herself to me as the Anti-Barbie. Hell, up to that moment I hadn't really gave it much thought but realized that I didn't want her to be Barbie.
Several years ago I did something that I will be forever ashamed. I had a relationship with a woman who I had never seen, we talked on the phone(this was pre-internet) for hours and got on famously. I finally got up the nerve to ask her out and when I picked her up she was not my ideal woman (not Barbie). She was not ugly, she was not overly fat, she was still the same lady that I had spent hours every night talking to but still she was not Barbie. Well I didn't run screaming from her house, I took her out to dinner and a movie. We had a very pleasant evening and completly enjoyed ourselves, but in the back of my mind was the thought that she was not what I wanted. After that we just kinda drifted apart, mostly because of my feelings.
A couple of years later I was dating a woman who lived 40 miles from where I did. I really thought she was the one for me. She was everything I wanted (Barbie!). I made the 80 mile round trip at least 6 times, but when I called her to set up the seventh date she told me she didn't want to see me anymore. It seems I didn't turn her on(not Ken!). It was at that moment it hit me just exactly what I had done previously and how hurtful it was.
Now I try to judge a person more by what they are(ie personality, humor, etc) than what they look like. Do I still want Barbie?? Nope! Barbies are nice to look at but mostly they're just empty inside. So if it came to meeting a person or not it would have nothing to do with what they look like and everything to do with how they make me feel.
[Edited by bulld on 12-16-2000 at 11:18 PM]
riff
Jose Jones
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I say that if you don't go- you should feel ashamed.
PLEASE GO!!
Friendhip is so much more important than sex and all of the other trimmings. If this person is your friend, then get your ass over there. As for what to do about sex- well- you should know you don't have to do anything that you don't want to do. If all of the exchanges were simply a prelude to sex, then don't go. But let this be a lesson to you.
Looks are important to me, but not all important. I have known women who weren't so pretty, but had such wit and charisma ... sexual geniuses... quite wonderful.
I have also been lucky enough to make it some very very beautiful girls and some of them had such crappy attitudes and outlooks on life that I felt shallow for being with them (because my only attraction to them was their physical beauty- I felt "just like all the other sniffing dogs").
That's my 2 cents for what it is worth. I say go. He will be less disappointed if you go and do not have sex (if you talk about why) than if you don't go at all (at least that is how I would feel- unless the whole thing represented a serious outlay of money- then I would say "why didn't she just tell me that on the goddamned phone!")))
PLEASE GO!!
Friendhip is so much more important than sex and all of the other trimmings. If this person is your friend, then get your ass over there. As for what to do about sex- well- you should know you don't have to do anything that you don't want to do. If all of the exchanges were simply a prelude to sex, then don't go. But let this be a lesson to you.
Looks are important to me, but not all important. I have known women who weren't so pretty, but had such wit and charisma ... sexual geniuses... quite wonderful.
I have also been lucky enough to make it some very very beautiful girls and some of them had such crappy attitudes and outlooks on life that I felt shallow for being with them (because my only attraction to them was their physical beauty- I felt "just like all the other sniffing dogs").
That's my 2 cents for what it is worth. I say go. He will be less disappointed if you go and do not have sex (if you talk about why) than if you don't go at all (at least that is how I would feel- unless the whole thing represented a serious outlay of money- then I would say "why didn't she just tell me that on the goddamned phone!")
))Cheyenne said:
Rat him out!!! No, I know you won't...but I hope he does see this, and I hope he realizes that the stupidest thing you can do is base friendships on looks. It is just TOO big of a coincidence for me...I don't know your name mister, but Miss Cheyenne deserves an apology for your shallow, egotistical bullshit.
Not that she should care...she's got Thumper wrapped around her finger...that should be enough to satisfy anyone
Cheyenne
Ms. Smarty Pantsless
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Sammyjo said:
Sammyjo, right now you have no idea how much I want to do just that. Someone else recognized this same situation from reading my post, took a guess, and contacted me today. She was dead on correct on who it is. We've been comparing notes and discovered quite a bit about this fellow board member that I'm sure he never wanted us to know and discuss! I'm now convinced his dropping off the face of the earth had nothing at all to do with my picture that I sent to him. It has more to do with him being an asshole manipulator of the highest skill set. Recognize yourself yet, you bastard? Well fuck you and the horse you rode in on.
TN_Vixen
Rear Window
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not having read all the responses
my input would be that you should always get a physical description or picture of the person with whom you have made a connection shortly after you begin an online discourse, that way you have had the chance to develop an opinion on the person prior to seeing their pic and thus can immediately determine whether or not you're physically attracted to the person you've become intellectually drawn towards. In any regard, if the interaction b/w the two of you overrides everything else then it's your call.. and you can make that call by being completely aware of the physical and mental aspects of that person.
my input would be that you should always get a physical description or picture of the person with whom you have made a connection shortly after you begin an online discourse, that way you have had the chance to develop an opinion on the person prior to seeing their pic and thus can immediately determine whether or not you're physically attracted to the person you've become intellectually drawn towards. In any regard, if the interaction b/w the two of you overrides everything else then it's your call.. and you can make that call by being completely aware of the physical and mental aspects of that person.
Cheyenne
You two probably aren't the only ones...some men have this awful way of seeing how many women they can play before they are caught (see other thread you posted)...I'm sure that he's probably done it to others...
I met this guy online, we had some great chats. It gradually progressed to sex. We would e-mail a story back and forth. It was getting really hot. I sent him a picture...it was a rather good one, not the one I've sent to anyone on here. It was taken about 10 years ago, a glamour shots pic...so, you know it looked good. Actually, I may have sent that one out to some people on this board...anyway, I never heard from him again. Ummm...ok. I tried to contact him to find out what his problem was, because I did not think it could be my looks, and he never responded.
Oh well...no HUGE loss I suppose. Still, my feelings were hurt. Why invest so much? I still don't get it...but that has less effect on me than other situations.
Granted, I know I'm not that I'm not the most attractive woman, I'm certainly not the least attractive woman...I just don't believe in wasting my time. If a person thinks they will have a skewed opinion of someone based on a picture, either don't ask, or don't form a relationship at all...it's very simple.
I love to e-mail and chat with just about anybody. In my opinion, that is all there will ever be between me and anyone on this board. If more happens, fantastic, if not, oh well...I've made a good friend.
I think you should do what you think is best. If you feel it would be wise to inform others of this guy, do it. If you prefer to keep it to yourself, do it.
I know you will make the right decision!
You two probably aren't the only ones...some men have this awful way of seeing how many women they can play before they are caught (see other thread you posted)...I'm sure that he's probably done it to others...
I met this guy online, we had some great chats. It gradually progressed to sex. We would e-mail a story back and forth. It was getting really hot. I sent him a picture...it was a rather good one, not the one I've sent to anyone on here. It was taken about 10 years ago, a glamour shots pic...so, you know it looked good. Actually, I may have sent that one out to some people on this board...anyway, I never heard from him again. Ummm...ok. I tried to contact him to find out what his problem was, because I did not think it could be my looks, and he never responded.
Oh well...no HUGE loss I suppose. Still, my feelings were hurt. Why invest so much? I still don't get it...but that has less effect on me than other situations.
Granted, I know I'm not that I'm not the most attractive woman, I'm certainly not the least attractive woman...I just don't believe in wasting my time. If a person thinks they will have a skewed opinion of someone based on a picture, either don't ask, or don't form a relationship at all...it's very simple.
I love to e-mail and chat with just about anybody. In my opinion, that is all there will ever be between me and anyone on this board. If more happens, fantastic, if not, oh well...I've made a good friend.
I think you should do what you think is best. If you feel it would be wise to inform others of this guy, do it. If you prefer to keep it to yourself, do it.
I know you will make the right decision!
BrainyBeauty
Literotica Guru
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The easy answer is that looks shouldn't matter. But they do. Society seems to think it is acceptable to set standards and discriminate against those who don't match up. That is why models, actresses and actors, politicians, and business executives all achieve success in life. They meet the 'ideal'.
We all like to look at a pleasing palette. That is human nature. A comely girl will get fewer traffic tickets than a homely one. A handsome, virile-looking man will get a higher paying job than a 98 lb weakling. It seems especially strong when we are sizing up a potential mate. We all want someone who will turn us on. The person may be the nicest, most intelligent human being on the planet, but if you can't picture kissing them or licking every inch of their naked body, it doesn't matter. I think it is an evolutionary holdover.
http://a860.g.akamaitech.net/6/860/992/271402/image.iwon.com/images/today/cartoons/153.gif
We all like to look at a pleasing palette. That is human nature. A comely girl will get fewer traffic tickets than a homely one. A handsome, virile-looking man will get a higher paying job than a 98 lb weakling. It seems especially strong when we are sizing up a potential mate. We all want someone who will turn us on. The person may be the nicest, most intelligent human being on the planet, but if you can't picture kissing them or licking every inch of their naked body, it doesn't matter. I think it is an evolutionary holdover.
http://a860.g.akamaitech.net/6/860/992/271402/image.iwon.com/images/today/cartoons/153.gif
