Are bisexual men irrelevant?

[Gods_Favorite]

I heard something on the radio last night that bothered me, they were doing some kind of relationship advice show and a woman called in and said her husband likes to mess around with other men when he gets drunk. The people on the radio station said men cannot be bi he must be gay, and that men do not experiment with other men, if they do they are gay only women cannot experiment with each other and not be gay. They all laughed afterwards and said what the husband did was disgusting, that made me mad because I have finally come out as being bisexual myself, I have had 2 male/male experiences and have had sex with a transexual twice, it has taken me along time to be honest with myself about what I am, and for these assholes to laugh about it and say that its not possible for men to be bi infuriates me. I have a girlfriend and still find women very sexually attractive, I prefer women over men and I do not want a man for a relationship my emotional connections are with women. But at the same time, I have this craving for sex with other men, I watch gay porn and fantasize about being with men when I masturbate, my girlfriend knows about this and my experiences and is supportive of my desires. I am living proof men do experiment, men can be bi and are just not gay when they have these urges. What infuriated me and concerned me about this radio show is, no one called in to say anything about they laughed it up and dimissied male bisexuality as a joke. If the radio show hosts had dismissed homosexuality or made racist jokes it would have been an outrage but when they insulted male bisexuality its all fine and dandy and no one says anything, I have finally come to terms with my desires but now I feel like what I am is irrelevant, if I was a hot girl experimenting with her sexuality I would get a thumbs up from everyone, but since I am a male nobody wants to hear it, its disgusting and I must be a homosexual, I can't tell any of my friends about this because they will not understand and they will think different of me, I really don't see a need to tell anyone because my sexuality is not all that I am, I can finally say it, I am bisexual but at the same time I don't feel like I need to be in a group or anything you know? It just pisses me off that people don't take male bisexuality seriously and just dismiss it like thatg, when it is something very real I have struggled with for years.

 

[Daveinport]

Not surprised. There are ignorant people everywhere. Why should the media be any different. My guess is that if any of the speakers were men, they probably withheld an honest response (one that mirrors yours and mine) for fear of being outed as being bi themselves.

I would consider myself 95% straight but have many bi fantasies and maybe, given the right circumstances, would act on them. Guess in their view, that makes me gay. Stupid. Someone should have called in and sugessted they read Kinsey's work.

 

[Missouribiguy]

Yeah, a rather shitty double standard.

Personally, I would say "fuck them".

 

[PredatorSmile]

I love bisexual men. I'm married to one and we have brats together. Hell, I even co-started a pro-bisexual male group on Facebook. It's called Bisexual Men And The Women Who Love Them. It's got hundreds of members. Ignore the haters.

 

[Gods_Favorite]

Thanks for all the support guys, the juvenile and incosiderate attitude towards bisexual men, even from homosexuals and bisexual women surprises me. I'm glad to see women on here that don't regard male bisexuality as disgusting, I am so relieved my girlfriend is excepting of this part of me.

 

[sterculius]

You say that you're annoyed that nobody called to complain to the radio station, but if it really bothered you, then why didn't you call in to complain? I'm a guy who's primarily attracted to women both physically and emotionally but I'm also an avid and enthusiastic cocksucker and have been ever since the first time that I sucked my very best friend's big cock in high school. I know and accept that most people would disapprove of this behavior if they were aware of it but I feel perfectly comfortable about who I am and what turns me on sexually. I don't need the approval of others in order to feel ok about what I like to do. Naturally I'm very selective about who I confide in regarding my sexuality but not because of any sense of guilt or embarrassment.

 

[Gods_Favorite]

You say that you're annoyed that nobody called to complain to the radio station, but if it really bothered you, then why didn't you call in to complain? I'm a guy who's primarily attracted to women both physically and emotionally but I'm also an avid and enthusiastic cocksucker and have been ever since the first time that I sucked my very best friend's big cock in high school. I know and accept that most people would disapprove of this behavior if they were aware of it but I feel perfectly comfortable about who I am and what turns me on sexually. I don't need the approval of others in order to feel ok about what I like to do. Naturally I'm very selective about who I confide in regarding my sexuality but not because of any sense of guilt or embarrassment.

I didn't call in because I don't feel comfortable enough about my bisexuality to debate it with a bunch of assholes on a radio. This is all new to me and I don't feel comfortable enough about it as you do right now.

 

[Sevb30]

Why is it if a gay male partner of a guy that goes and messes with women from time to time is still gay, but not men married to women who mess with guys have to be gay?.

 

[sterculius]

Gay, straight, bisexual, if you and your partner(s) are ok with what you like to do and as long as it's consensual and no one is being hurt, who gives a flying fuck what name you stick on it!! I really don't understand this compulsive need to fit everything into categories and pigeonholes. Then it quickly degenerates into us versus them.

 

[human_male]

It amazes me how ignorant and narrow-minded the general public (non Litsters) can be. I used to be a member of a dating site called Plenty of Fish. They have a forum and now and again the same post popped up about women who discover their men either look at gay or tranny porn, or have admitted to them that they are bi, or something like that. The women always want to know if it means their guy is gay and just in denial. The overwhelming number of replies are from people who say, yes... they are gay.

"Hey, he likes dick? That means he's gay. Period."

"He likes tranny porn, he's gay. It may be a woman that the dicks attached to but it's still a dick. He's gay. Deal with it."

"He says he's bi? Watch out, he's much more likely to cheat on you then."

I shit you not.

The first few times I tried to explain to the poor, confused women that sometimes sexuality is a complicated thing. And that there's completely straight, and completely gay, but there's a huge, wide gulf between the two and most people fall into that area. And like you I was always disappointed that no one else ever spoke out.

I don't know what my point is here, other than there are ignorant fucking people out there and you shouldn't let them get to you.

 

[sterculius]

http://www.cleansheets.com/coverstories/galarza_01.04.06.shtml This is a link to an older article that I think has a lot of merit. I believe that I posted it in another thread before but here it is again for those who haven't read it.

 

[sterculius]

Here's another in a similar vein http://www.nerve.com/personalessays/rockwell/headcase/

 

[meflash]

Here's another in a similar vein http://www.nerve.com/personalessays/rockwell/headcase/

that was a good read thanks

 

[Yourneighbor]

Every woman I've spoken to about this subject seemed to have some level of concern about being with a man who played around with other men too. All were to some degree of afraid that their partner would eventually choose a man over them.

While I think that the radio show/hosts sound exceedingly ignorant, I can see that the "general public" does feel the way the hosts expressed. That, of course makes them all the more ignorant since if they were trying to be responsible 'journalists' so to speak, they should have been more open minded and/or at least tried to set the record straight (no pun intended).

 

[SilkyDave]

I love bisexual men. I'm married to one and we have brats together. Hell, I even co-started a pro-bisexual male group on Facebook. It's called Bisexual Men And The Women Who Love Them. It's got hundreds of members. Ignore the haters.

we haven't seen you in a very long time Predator, nice to see you have stayed in MA ! I am about 30 minutes away at the other end of 44..Great to hear you are married and have some brats, they are a wonderful idea aren't they ?
Mainstream America will never accept bisexuals especially men, its a double standard that exists out of misinformation and fear. Pick your battles is the best advice I can offer, arguing with ignorance is a waste of energy so stay positive and have sympathy for those suffering from closed mind syndrome.

 

[sterculius]

I wonder whether the different view that society has toward female same-sex behavior as opposed to male same-sex behavior isn't due to the traditional anti female bias that pervades most of the worlds cultures. In the same way that tom-boyism is tolerated but any equivalent male effeminacy is looked down upon, a woman who shares with men an attraction to other women is upwardly mobile whereas the social status of a guy who enjoys sex with another man is diminished and degraded. By embracing and enjoying the role traditionally seen as submissive or inferior, he is looked on as "less of a man" and anyone who would purposely surrender the aggressive male "dominant" role is seen as defective.

 

[meflash]

I wonder whether the different view that society has toward female same-sex behavior as opposed to male same-sex behavior isn't due to the traditional anti female bias that pervades most of the worlds cultures. In the same way that tom-boyism is tolerated but any equivalent male effeminacy is looked down upon, a woman who shares with men an attraction to other women is upwardly mobile whereas the social status of a guy who enjoys sex with another man is diminished and degraded. By embracing and enjoying the role traditionally seen as submissive or inferior, he is looked on as "less of a man" and anyone who would purposely surrender the aggressive male "dominant" role is seen as defective.

interesting post I know my view of bisex has changed over the years, & no longer have a confict within myself, but i know most people will not accept it & i cant change that so my bisex side of me i only shared with a selact few who understand, too bad its very few people

 

[SilkyDave]

interesting post I know my view of bisex has changed over the years, & no longer have a confict within myself, but i know most people will not accept it & i cant change that so my bisex side of me i only shared with a selact few who understand, too bad its very few people

well those are a very fortunate few..to be comfortable with myself is my goal, what other people think really does not matter anymore..i know i am a good person, i know i am not mean, and i know when i take my last breath on earth i will have done my best to be a good person and did what was right for me and those around me.

 

[AriannaKing]

xxxxxxxxxxxxx

 

[Lorianna]

Fucked up world we live in.

 

[Mr. Briggs]

Fucked up world we live in.

Sure is.

 

[Gavionn]

Double standards in American society are rampant, especially when it comes to any type of sexual attraction or behavior other than 1-on-1 hetero intercourse.

Men with many female partners are "studs". Women with many male partners are "sluts". Whether the many partners are over time, or all at once.

Women who are willing to explore their sexuality are idolized by men and chastized by other women. Men who are willing to do the same are "Gay".

The funny thing is; when you take away the societal pressures - as here on Lit - it becomes pretty clear that most people have desires/fantasies that fall well outside societal norms, but are afraid to even talk about them, let alone act on them.

I know that my wife is attracted to other women. She's even had at least one same-sex encounter that I know of. I also know that the idea of being with 2 or more men at once really turns her on.

And while we haven't discussed the matter in detail, she also knows that I appreciate the sight of a big, thick cock and would swallow one in a heartbeat if she asked me to. At times I think the idea turns her on. Other times, I think it worries her.

But I don't talk in detail about this outside of Lit. It only takes one person who recognizes the damage they could do to your public persona to make your life a living hell.

No wonder homosexuals stay in the closet.

The ironic thing is, it seems to me that being a Gay male is more socially acceptable than being a Bi male. Or even a man that just has same sex fantasies. Which seems to be most of us... which makes it even more confusing.

Thank you, Organized Religion.... NOT.

 

[cheapthrills]

Here, in the UK, I've found the views on this by differnt people, rather I should say differnt groups of people quite strange...
I know when I came out as Bi, to a lot of friends, there was a strange kind of 'oh yeh, you'll sleep with anything that breathes, nudge nudge wink wink... back slap...' type response....
I've found some members of the 'gay community', to be really anti-bisexual; Your either denying the fact that your gay; in some ways they think this makes you as bad or worse than a homophobic gay-basher... Or they think your straight hetrosexual, just after some titilation and your not 'a real one of us'... Quite baffling...
I've also found with some other older, perhaps more mature friends, and family, that they're somewhat confused by the idea... : I guess this comes down to 'aceptible norms' in society... After years and years of people taking the 'norm' as hetrosexual... then adapting somewhat and acepting 'gay' or 'homosexuality', they then find 'bisexuality' just another thing they're got to understand and get a grip on...
I've even had a very good female friend, my Father's partner; who has many* gay homosexual male friends, found it hard to get her head about me being bisexual...
Then of course, you've the typical homophobic person to whom quite frankly anythign other than hetrosexuality in the missionary position is just beyond their primitive little minds to comprehend. err I don't have that much to do with such people for obvious reasons; At 32 years old, I really can't give a flying toss anymore about what anyone thinks; if they don't like the fact I'm bi, or gay, or a guitarist, or a scientist, or a fan of classic fiction, or someone who ocasionally wears womens clothes, then that is there problem,:- if they really want to make anything much off it they can try but I'm not exactly a little camp gay boy and they'd have a hard time of it and loose.
Personally I find my sexuality wains and moves; its not fixed, Nothing in this world is:
I might like tea for breckfast for a few years, then switch to coffee, I might just utterly go off a type of fiction, simularly my tastes in who I chose to get into bed with varys... I just don't see this as anything unusual;
I'm pretty sure that the rarest of 'sexualities' is that which exists at opposite ends of the spectrum: There are I imagine very few complete hetrosexuals who wouldn't at any time* or in any way, consider at some point in their life the idea of homosexuality.
Simularly, even amongst some of my gayest (seems funny to use the word like that...), friends, there are very few of them who would I think entirely rule out all* practises with someone of the opposite sex...
I'm just so long past caring what anyone thinks of me in terms of such a (most often as not) irrelivent thing as sexuality: The only times and people to whom this is a thing that should make the lsightest differnce, is a potential partner, playmate etc... To my boss, the guy in the corner shop, I'd sooner they pay attention to other things, like weather or not I can do a good job, and how good my credit is... wahtever...
I do nowdays, though, more and more use the term 'gay' to describe myself; I'm not 100% gay, but then I think very few people are; Just now I'm so far* towards the 'gay' end of things, that the 'bi' label isn't necessarily that* useful as 99.99% of people I'm goign to be with are the same sex as me... Actually the only times I can think of recently where I've been with a woman is where we're not* doing penatritive sex anyhow; it'll be some kind of fettish, BDSM or other kink play, for which, really; its damn irrelivent if the person caining me or torturing me is male or female, or what sex the owner of the feet I'm worshiping is...
Tis a funny ole world, I just think its these 100% 'straight' people that are the really* weird ones... you oughta watch out for them you know...