Are any of you married to a bitch?

[sweetjen35]

I have a friend whose wife makes him miserable but he is staying in his marriage for a few more years until the kids are in college. I cannot relate to that kind of life, but would love to hear from anyone with perspective that can help me understand.

 

[LIVINRFANTASIES]

I have a friend whose wife makes him miserable but he is staying in his marriage for a few more years until the kids are in college. I cannot relate to that kind of life, but would love to hear from anyone with perspective that can help me understand.

Not us, we have an unusually good marriage. But what you wrote fits about 50% of the people we know.
They seem to think it's for the best of the kids who are miserable living with two people who hate each other.

 

[sweetjen35]

Well I'm staying for my kids but my husband doesn't make my life miserable. This guy actually moved across country hoping it would improve his wife's mood. It did not!! I just don't understand people who are so negative and bitter. Maybe she wants him to leave.

 

[eliteonly]

Well I'm staying for my kids but my husband doesn't make my life miserable. This guy actually moved across country hoping it would improve his wife's mood. It did not!! I just don't understand people who are so negative and bitter. Maybe she wants him to leave.

I can see both sides of that. I think the best scenario is if both parents can show the kids what a marriage should look like... But if there's fighting and disrespect, it's just damaging and unhealthy for the kids.
Maybe shes comfortable. There's a LOT of factors that might play into this. Is she lonely? Trying to control him? Financially stable with him? These would all play into her wanting to stay. And sometimes in a marriage long enough, the person might just think they don't deserve better than that treatment.
...I mean, a friend of mind told me.

 

[barefootgirl69]

Well I'm staying for my kids but my husband doesn't make my life miserable. This guy actually moved across country hoping it would improve his wife's mood. It did not!! I just don't understand people who are so negative and bitter. Maybe she wants him to leave.

Most people who are negative and bitter are usually unhappy - as you may know. But, since you are an outsider looking in, you don't know WHY or WHAT has made her this way. All you know is what he's done for her, but who is to say that he wasn't or isn't the reason that she is unhappy? You don't know what goes on behind their closed doors, all you know is what you see or hear from a distance, or through him.

On the other side, it never works to stay in any relationship for the kids sake. They are still going to be hurt when their parents split whether they are 8 or 20. I think, the older they are, the worse it is because they may feel that their life up to that point was a lie. By staying, all that morbid tiptoeing around each other affects your children, too. Just my two cents.

 

[beingtrue2me]

My ex husband was.

 

[Firemanw2]

She was. Stayed 20 years longer than I should have and have not looked back since I grew a set and left. Best thing I ever did.

 

[Aphro]

Yeah, my husband, poor bastard...

 

[LIVINRFANTASIES]

On the other side, it never works to stay in any relationship for the kids sake.[/B] They are still going to be hurt when their parents split whether they are 8 or 20. I think, the older they are, the worse it is because they may feel that their life up to that point was a lie. By staying, all that morbid tiptoeing around each other affects your children, too. Just my two cents.

Exactly!

 

[wickedangeleyes]

I would say my husband would probably answer yes. I have never been thought of this way by anyone else, usually get told I am way too nice but to him the wrongs of the world all begin and end with me. I can't afford to keep my kids in their sports without his paycheck, I am honestly surprised he hasn't left yet. I have been expecting him to for a few years now.. People stay for all kinds of reasons. You can never judge from the outside what is going on in a marriage, people can be so different than the face they show their family and friends.

 

[DaddyAsh]

I am in the process of devorcing mine.

 

[eliteonly]

I would say my husband would probably answer yes. I have never been thought of this way by anyone else, usually get told I am way too nice but to him the wrongs of the world all begin and end with me. I can't afford to keep my kids in their sports without his paycheck, I am honestly surprised he hasn't left yet. I have been expecting him to for a few years now.. People stay for all kinds of reasons. You can never judge from the outside what is going on in a marriage, people can be so different than the face they show their family and friends.

Interesting. Not often a woman calls herself out.

 

[EroticRomanticMan]

I am in the process of devorcing mine.

Is that a process by which you eat your wife instead of leaving her?

 

[MakeMeSweat]

I would say my husband would probably answer yes. I have never been thought of this way by anyone else, usually get told I am way too nice but to him the wrongs of the world all begin and end with me. I can't afford to keep my kids in their sports without his paycheck, I am honestly surprised he hasn't left yet. I have been expecting him to for a few years now.. People stay for all kinds of reasons. You can never judge from the outside what is going on in a marriage, people can be so different than the face they show their family and friends.

I think I am the exact flip of this. While my wife my not think of me as a bitch, to her I am the cause of the problems. Yet, I am the nice one, caring one empathetic one to everyone else.

 

[lacandy]

I've posted this many times...no one can tell anyone else how to be happy or unhappy.

I am in a marriage that from the outside looks like a good one. We still kiss each other good-bye, we tell each other we love each other, we don't fight. He is a good guy that supports us and who is a great father... I am happy with my life about 60% of the time. If that were to change then I would have to rethink my choices. But this is all my issue...

That being said, I played the "when A happens, then he will be happy" game for 20 years...he never got happy. So I stopped playing the game. I have my own life outside my married life (I have friends that I escape with, I take the kids off on my own, I have jobs that I love) and have made myself happy.

And remember sometimes we just need someone that we can vent to...you are hearing one side because he feels comfortable enough with you. She may be telling her girlfriends another story. It's all relative...

 

[screwher]

My wife

Most certainly not. And if she starts becoming one then she's out the door. There's no way I could live in misery like that.

 

[LIVINRFANTASIES]

D(.)(.)

Dollie---------- The more of these sad marriage threads the more I'm happy with the man I have. Sure we've had our disagrements and our little fights. But it's been a dream most of the time.
It would be nice if others could work things out.

 

[Midlifevoyeur]

I'm divorced, but I never considered my ex a bitch. I've seen some bad ones though, just awful. The worst was my older sister. She married a friend of the family, and over the next 30 years nagged his ass endlessly. He was a nice guy, really nice. He'd do anything for anyone. I saw her scream at him once for 10-15 minutes over buying a box of cookies from the kid next door, and other stupid shit like that. She broke him, within 10 years he was on disability and couldn't work. She'd leave town for days, and neglect him. His neighbor found him dehydrated, unconscious and got him help just in time, more than once. We all knew he was dying, but she suddenly passed away first. He, on the other hand, within months had began to look younger. He bought the new truck he'd always wanted, and is fine these days. My other sis jokes that he's been is bitch remission for years.

 

[sweetjen35]

I can see both sides of that. I think the best scenario is if both parents can show the kids what a marriage should look like... But if there's fighting and disrespect, it's just damaging and unhealthy for the kids.
Maybe shes comfortable. There's a LOT of factors that might play into this. Is she lonely? Trying to control him? Financially stable with him? These would all play into her wanting to stay. And sometimes in a marriage long enough, the person might just think they don't deserve better than that treatment.
...I mean, a friend of mind told me.

Great points! Lonely? Perhaps--she does not work and I'm not sure how many friends she has. I about went nuts staying home a couple years ago. Needed social interaction! Since she's not working, yes, definitely financially stable. He makes good money I believe.

 

[sweetjen35]

I've posted this many times...no one can tell anyone else how to be happy or unhappy.

I am in a marriage that from the outside looks like a good one. We still kiss each other good-bye, we tell each other we love each other, we don't fight. He is a good guy that supports us and who is a great father... I am happy with my life about 60% of the time. If that were to change then I would have to rethink my choices. But this is all my issue...

That being said, I played the "when A happens, then he will be happy" game for 20 years...he never got happy. So I stopped playing the game. I have my own life outside my married life (I have friends that I escape with, I take the kids off on my own, I have jobs that I love) and have made myself happy.

And remember sometimes we just need someone that we can vent to...you are hearing one side because he feels comfortable enough with you. She may be telling her girlfriends another story. It's all relative...

i am like you: not completely happy but not miserable. My friend is miserable and disconnects from me rather than share and vent when things get bad. He's extremely private and maybe it's embarrassing to talk about.

I once had an online friend who was living with his girlfriend. He was closed off about it most of the time but every now and then would let the flood gates open. From what he told me SHE seemed like a bitch but they are now married. So who knows. (Of course in his case HE is financially dependent on her thanks to a nice home, multiple cars and alimony she received after her divorce).

 

[sweetjen35]

I'm divorced, but I never considered my ex a bitch. I've seen some bad ones though, just awful. The worst was my older sister. She married a friend of the family, and over the next 30 years nagged his ass endlessly. He was a nice guy, really nice. He'd do anything for anyone. I saw her scream at him once for 10-15 minutes over buying a box of cookies from the kid next door, and other stupid shit like that. She broke him, within 10 years he was on disability and couldn't work. She'd leave town for days, and neglect him. His neighbor found him dehydrated, unconscious and got him help just in time, more than once. We all knew he was dying, but she suddenly passed away first. He, on the other hand, within months had began to look younger. He bought the new truck he'd always wanted, and is fine these days. My other sis jokes that he's been is bitch remission for years.

Another great point! My friend has a chronic condition that has gotten worse. It seems he is sick a lot! I totally believe his unhealthy marriage is a contributing factor to his deteriorating health.

 

[DaddyAsh]

Is that a process by which you eat your wife instead of leaving her?

The process of trying to spell on a screen, you can't see, when you Kant Spell

 

[averagesizeguy]

A chaplain friend once told me that everything you need for a good divorce, is what you need for a good marriage. How many people know what their SO's love language is, let alone their own? Or the differences between how introverted or extroverted they and their SO's are? They don't stop to consider the stereotypical differences in the ways that each gender communicates and processes emotional issues. And, all too often, people forget everything their SO's are dealing with, or what their SO's contribute to the relationship, when they're dealing with their own issues (especially if they're overwhelmed with it). Not judging the situation of any Litsters reading or posting here-I know every situation is different; just speaking on some of the general troubles in relationships.

In a nut shell, it's a lot more work than most realize.

 

[MakeMeSweat]

The difficult part for me is trying to work things out, but it goes seemingly nowhere.

 

[ab724u]

2 cents

If I were 100% happy with her, I likely wouldn't be here
A bitch? Often times yes, but also often not.
Could be better, could be worse
I'm usually so busy I have no time to dwell
And yes, kids are involved too
Do I deserve or want more or better? Probably, but grass is nobgreener, I've seen that enough to know it
Simply put, its complicated