Appropriate attire for moms ?

[PNutterBar]

Not a very sexy question for my first ever post. I have searched several boards here and have not found just what I am looking for. So I defer to all of you this Question:

Have you ever been affected (positive or negative) by how your mother dressed while you were growing up?......not an incest question.....but is there such a thing as being "too familar" or "too open/casual?

We have a three old son and my wife is continually running around the house in her nightie or just her bra & panties. As I was growing up my mom did the same thing and while we were always good friends and close, later in life ---and looking back I wish she had kept the relationship more private in some areas.

Am I being too sensitive? .......little boys mind's get too inquisitive soon enough......isn't modesty a good thing taken in small quantities? Just a little feed back please.

 

[Guest]

 

[dollface007]

My mom was like that...in fact, neither of my parents were shy about nudity. I have 3 brothers and they all grew up to be normal, stable, upstanding citizens. My sister and I are in good shape too. At his age especially, he shouldn't have a problem with it. It may/may not bother him when he's older (i.e., teenager), and if it does, i'm sure he'll express it to his mom.

 

[jeepman6]

You didn't say so I will ask. Have you ever mentioned this to her? If this was the way she ran around the house before your son was born she may not have thought about it after he was born, especially with him being only 3 years old.

 

[jeepman6]

My mom was like that...in fact, neither of my parents were shy about nudity. I have 3 brothers and they all grew up to be normal, stable, upstanding citizens. My sister and I are in good shape too. At his age especially, he shouldn't have a problem with it. It may/may not bother him when he's older (i.e., teenager), and if it does, i'm sure he'll express it to his mom.

And it may keep him from trying to sneak peaks or drill holes in walls when he does get older.

 

[PNutterBar]

Well dollface007......certainly by the teenage years he will be either comfortable with it or already affected by it.

I was reading on one of the incest boards that this sort of scenario is exactly how those relationships start.......of course he is only three and maybe I'm reading way too much into the readings on that board.

I have asked my wife if the situation was reversed - would she want me walking around that way in front our little girl and the answer was "Of course not".

 

[AttentionWhore]

When my son was about 6, he told me that my pajamas "embaressed" him. A couple days later, we went to Walmart and he picked me out something that wouldn't. I ended up with an almost floor length purple sleeveless night gown, something I NEVER would have chosen in a million years, but it is my job to make sure that he is not uncomfortable. Of course, when he is at his dad's house, I wear what I want. Since that day, I've been very conscience about what I wear around him and his sisters.

 

[Knicks]

When my brother and I were growing up our mother often went naked about the house. I suppose we just accepted that as normal. Even now (she is in her seventies) she will still sunbathe nude in my garden when she visits.

I have no children but my brother and his wife have a similarly relaxed attitude about nudity at home and their kids seem entirely normal and well adjusted.

 

[SexyChele]

From the time I could remember, both of parents were very modest in their dress around me. But then, I can only really remember back to about the age of 6, so what they wore around the house when I was 3 I don't remember.

Normally kids will let their parents know if something bothers them. There is a sense of privacy that kids develop on their own, usually about the time they start school. They become more conscious of their bodies and the bodies of others. Your son may be the one to tell your wife that he doesn't like what she is wearing, as evidenced by AW's story.

However, you might want to talk with your wife and find out where she stands on this. Could be she just has a different viewpoint than you. And I've known people who grew up in homes where modesty was practiced and where modesty was not strictly enforced. They all seemed to have grown up well-adjusted.

 

[PNutterBar]

Thank You Attention Wh. and Sexy Chele.

Isn't it amazing how little minds perceive mommy and daddy?

I have mentioned my concerns several times to my wife and she seems to either forget (or ignor). I will find her wearing a shorty nightie (with panties easily exposed)while reading to him in bed. No Big Deal.....its all innocent enough, and that curious stage will happen soon enough in his life.

Wouldn't it be nice if she, as an adult, just started dressing more modestly now rather than have a six-year old tell her he is embarrassed for her later?

 

[English Lady]

my daughter is about 22 months old and both myself and my husband quite often walk about the house in the nude. i don't see there being anything wrong with it though when she becomes older and more aware of such things i am sure we will cover up more.

 

[dollface007]

Well dollface007......certainly by the teenage years he will be either comfortable with it or already affected by it.

I was reading on one of the incest boards that this sort of scenario is exactly how those relationships start.......of course he is only three and maybe I'm reading way too much into the readings on that board.

I have asked my wife if the situation was reversed - would she want me walking around that way in front our little girl and the answer was "Of course not".

I'm no psychologist, but i have a feeling that *IF* your son is to become a sexual deviant, it wouldn't matter what his mom wears....it would be a combination of many factors. I don't have the answers but i've heard this issue turn into a huge debate before. I say that each family needs to decide for itself what is appropriate. Maybe you and your wife can come to a compromise since you are the only one in the house that is uncomfortable at the moment.

 

[SexyChele]

Just a thought here, and I might be totally off-base about this one. If I am, I hope the guys here will set things straight! I thought I read/heard somewhere that most men entertain fantasies about female members of their households. Normally, boys learn very quickly that these fantasies are not really "ok" and they learn to turn their attention to other women. Can any men here address this? Was it true for you?

If this is true, then it seems that even if mothers/sisters/cousins/aunts/etc dressed from head to foot and let no skin show, it won't stop mother nature.

But, as I said, if I'm wrong on this one I hope the guys will correct me!

 

[capricious_chic]

I don't think that you will find two people that will say the same thing about this, or agree. Each household will be different.

I find it interesting that my grandmother was very modest. The doors to each room were always shut, and one could not touch themselves in what was deemed an inapporiate manner without being reprimanded (ie. if your butt itched you would need to go to the bathroom and close the door to scratch it). One was expected to be fully covered at all times. Nudity was tied into sex, and sex was a forbidden topic. The human body was never celebrated, but abhored and thought of as dirty.

My mother was the complete opposite. To this day she will walk around the house completely nude. Odds are that when she became an adult with a house of her own, she broke free of the restraints that she grew up with.

My household is a hodge podge mixture that I am comfortable with. Nothing about the human body is considered disgusting, and my children are encouraged to ask about anything that comes to mind. The doors are always open, but it is expected that if a door is closed - that the person that closed the door will be granted privacy. My children are quite a bit older than yours, yet we always walk around our house in our underwear.

Are you being too sensitive? Only you know what you are comfortable with. Your wife may not agree with you, but that does not make her wrong. I do know that if my mate asked that I be more modest around the children, I would laugh and shrug it off. I will not be told how to act and dress in my house. There are enough rules to follow on modesty and decorum in public. Our house is considered our "safe" place.

There is nothing wrong with children being inquisitive. It is healthy and natural - adults are the ones that twist that curiousity into something obscene. I have always answered my childrens questions openly and honestly. No cutesy made up names - medical terms only. Age appropriate, satisfactory answers are necessary for childrens curiousity.

Perhaps you need to consider why you feel so uncomfortable with it and address that.

 

[sheath]

I'm no psychologist, but i have a feeling that *IF* your son is to become a sexual deviant, it wouldn't matter what his mom wears....it would be a combination of many factors. I don't have the answers but i've heard this issue turn into a huge debate before. I say that each family needs to decide for itself what is appropriate. Maybe you and your wife can come to a compromise since you are the only one in the house that is uncomfortable at the moment.

I agree with this statement, especially the last line. It does seem that your son is not uncomfortable, neither is his mother...so that leaves you. Why are you so bothered by this? WHY do you wish that your mother had kept her private life a little more private? Do you feel that it has affected you in some way, and if so, specifically, how?

Children at age three are just now learning about bodies and what they can do. My son is five, my daughter three...and they don't look at me and think, wow, mom is wearing a nightie. They look at me and see Mommy. I doubt your son would be able to tell you a few days from now whether or not she wore a negligee or a sweatsuit. At this age, he doesn't care.

I believe that children should have the option of asking their parents to cover up if they are uncomfortable, and the parents should always abide by those wishes. But nudity is natural, not something to be ashamed of. Our bodies are wonderful things, nothing to ever be embarrassed about, and teaching a child that fact from a very early age is a good idea, in my opinion.

It seems to me that you are a little too worried over nothing. You are to the point of actually looking into incest stories and the roots of incestual behavior, just because your wife is dressing in night clothes and underwear in front of a three-year-old? That's going a little too far for something that just bothers you, in my opinion. I would take a hard look at why you are so uncomfortable with this.

S.

 

[peachykeen]

Hmm.

I had pretty laid back, hippie parents. My mom in particular felt no need to cover up. (Unless we had friends over or something.) Now we were all three girls in my family, but still. My sisters and I did get to a point where we were not especially comfortable with this arrangement, and we did try to drop hints to my mom about it. However, her response was along the lines of "The body is a natural wonderful thing blah blah blah" - basically, we were made to feel as though there was something wrong with us for having an issue with it, and frankly I don't think that is a very fair thing for a parent to put upon a child. Eventually of course we just shut up and didn't say anything and just learned to put up with feeling embarassed and ashamed in our own home. So I would say to those parents who are so sure that theoir kids will 'let them know' if they aren't comfortable with it, make sure that when they do say it, that you actually are open to hearing it, and that you're not so self-centered in your own level of comfort that you brush your child's feelings aside. And the fact is, they might not flat out tell you - at the end of the day, however independent or outspoken or whatever they may be, kids desperately want their parents approval, and they might not be able to put into words what they feel about you displaying your body.

 

[Mithlondor]

I personally think its fine for her to run around in bra and panties, or a nightgown. Especially at the age of 3, your son is very likely to not be too shy about his own nudity, and subsequently, that of others. Would he see his mother as a sexual object? Well depends on which psychologist you follow, some say yes, I personally believe that the age-typical Oedipus complex rarely extends into wanting a sexual relationship with his mother (sorry Dr Freud).

When the time comes around that he will be more shy about his nudity, he will also be articulate enough to express is discomfort with his mothers', if it does bother him.

 

[James G 5]

This is another of those things where Americans get hung up about stuff that makes most of the rest of the world shake their heads at us
In most of Europe (we're talking developed countries, I won't try & contrast us with African villages where everyone is half naked) families tend to be closer & share smaller spaces & have more relations in small areas
It's not considered to be that big of a deal for parents to be "exposed" in front of their kids...no one flaunts anything but no one makes a big deal either
I think the best thing here is being comfortable & responsive to the kids...certainly folks who say a 3 year old isn't going to notice anything are correct, nor is this going to make the child a deviant. I've read developmental studies that say it's more likely to result in openess and a less inquistive attitude (there's no "mystery" to explore) later from the kid
When the tyke gets a bit older, if he or she says anything then cover up, but if the kid walks in don't freak or anything, ask them to step out & close the door *shrug*
BTW, you should talk to your wife about her double-standard attitude vis-a-vis the kids...you could always tell her "cover up around the boy or I won't around the girl"
(that should start a prize fight in the house )

 

[PinkOrchid]

 

[sheath]

Just one person's experience.

What a wonderful experience that must have been.

I dare say that the open-minded approach and honesty of your family has quite a bit to do with your enlightening and enjoyable approach toward all things sexual.

As we say down in the South, they done good by ya, girl.

S.

 

[PinkOrchid]

 

[Wantonica]

Well, I have to respond to this one. As some of you already know, this woman was a child in an area of Europe where nudity was no big deal. After coming to the US, my mother was often naked around me (not my brother, though), and my stepfather was in his "tighty whities" around me every morning. We thought nothing of it, just as I was never one to be ashamed of showering nude after gym class at school like the other girls. There should, however, be some form of modesty; I will go around the house alone, with my man, or in front of the girls without clothing, but never around males. Nope. Unless I'm in an unusual situation, drink too much and skinny-dip.

Smiles,
Wantonica

 

[Guest]

I agree with Ms. Chele on this. I don't think children are bothered at the young age, meaning before scool. I think modesty is a learned behavior. Hell, Look at Europe, they have no hang-ups about nudity and they have few problems relating to it. I remember, being a little guy I was always self conscious about being naked in gym class, until about 17 I realized my pecker was bigger than the rest then it was like, "grin and bear it fucker" lol! Been showin' off ever since lol! I don't think bra and panties is a big deal. I would be concerned if mama is letting jr in the shower past the age of 5 however!!

 

[Mstrskey]

mom attire
Well I'm the mother of 2- soon to be three- girls and neithr myself nor my husband have ever had any embarrasment concerning the human body around our kids. Now does that mean hubby walks around the house butt naked while the girls eat their cheerios, NO, but it doesn't mean he has a problem sitting in front of the T.V in his boxers watching the game either. He doesn't have a fit if the girls walk in on him while he's using the bathroom or stepping out of the shower and they happen to catch him naked. He'll simply remind the 9 yr. old that she's old enough to know to knock before she opens a closed door or ask the three yr. old to leave while he wraps up in a towel or something.
I've never taught either of my girls to be ashamed of the human body. We have no silly names for it's parts, even my 3 yr. old knows that Daddy has a Penis because he is a boy and mommy, sissy and herself have Vaginas because they are girls. My oldest daughter knows that she will also one day develop the breasts and pubic hair that she has seen on me when she has seen me naked. She knows that men and women use thier genetalia for reproductive purpouses and that is how her sisters got here. I teach them these things not to promote early sexual awareness but rather to ensure that they know what is happening to their bodies as they grow and that they understand the differences between mens bodies and womens bodies. I can pretty much gaurantee that although both my daughters have seen their fathers penis they have no sexual thoughts about it. To them, Naked or clothed, he's just their dad. I am also fairly certain that my daughters despite having seen me nude numerous times do not entertain thoughts of a sexual nature about me. To them, my breasts are nothing more then a place to lay your head when you want a cuddle, my vagina, nothing more thena reminder that I was once a little girl like them and that they will one day be a woman like me.

I honestly wouldn't worry about your wifes attire in front of your son at this age. All he sees is his mom, regardless of what she's wearing. Now if she's changing into seductive attire to go read him a bed time story, that's somethingaltogether different, but the fact that your 3 yr. old son can see his mothers underpants if she bends over isn't going to turn him into an incestuous adult. The fact that she doesn't see it as an issue should in fact reassure you that she's not attempting to titilate or tease with her attire but rather just wearing what makes her feel comfortable.


__________________

 

[PNutterBar]

Mom's Attire

Well I thought I'd better respond to all of you who have bothered to answer my post.

1. This has been going on since the child was born so after three years there isn't a huge issue. I just thought that between the ages of say 3 to 6 that a pattern should not develop.

2. She and I both exit the shower or bath to get dressed in our bedroom room naked-half naked-or in bra & panties.

3. I have no problem sitting in my boxers or sports shorts watching a football game, or she in a halter top and shorts.

4. Maybe coming from a family of four of kids I just like my privacy a little more.

5. Mom's are moms, caregivers, protectors, nurturers, and we form a dependence and a bond early in life that never really leaves. Guys put their moms pretty high on the pedestal. Looking back I never did see my mom in a sexual light....now my aunt...well that's another issue.

6. And as many of you have commented I will never use cutezy names for parts of the body. When the time comes he will be able to ask anything and get a straight answer everytime.

7. I appreciate all the feed back.