Baelnorn
Literotica Guru
- Joined
- Apr 25, 2010
- Posts
- 1,130
I'm writing this because I'm a fucking idiot. About a week ago, I've overreacted in a horrible way, obviously hurting my current writing partner and possibly alienating a possible partner. I've been feeling like shit since then, and deservedly so, regret and doubt nagging at my thoughts.
I've always thought of myself as being a nice guy. Being polite and respectful, saying "Please" and "Thank you," and all that stuff. Yet, after reviewing my messages to my partners last week, I have to ask myself, "When did I become such an asshole?" I have to ask myself, "When did I become so cold and unforgiving that I would brush aside an honest apology and not even consider revising a hastily made wrong decision?" I haven't found an answer yet, I only know that I don't want to be like that - being so spiteful to hurt someone back because I was hurt. I've always thought, hoped, that I was better than this. Yet, I have failed.
Yes, I was hurt by the events leading up to this situation. Seeing a thread falling by the wayside may not be much of an issue for people who often reuse or restart their scenes. Restarting a thread is nothing inherently bad - whatever floats your boat - but it's just not for me. I've never recycled my scenes because I believe that if you start with that, you'll eventually stop coming up with new and interesting scenarios. All my threads are unique, with several hours of background work and preparation invested into each. Therefore, it does pain me to see a thread die, especially when it seemed to be a good run. However, that isn’t nearly enough to justify my reaction.
When my partner didn't post in our thread anymore for a pretty long time, but continued posting regularly in other threads, I thought that she had just lost interest. I was very disappointed by the apparent turn of events, so disappointed that I wanted to get away from writing SRPs as a whole, at least for some time. But then I received a couple of PMs explaining why that situation had occurred. My writing partner apologized and asked me to reconsider dropping the thread. And that was the point where I failed. Instead of accepting the apology and admitting that I overreacted, my pride got the best of me and I stood by my decision to stop writing with her, however uncalled for that action was. Further, I harshly withdrew an offer to write with another author, someone who didn’t have anything to do with the situation at all. I was so hurt that I partly vented my frustration on a non-participant.
I can fully understand if those involved wanted to neither continue nor start writing with me. I am disappointed by my own actions. I am so sorry.
Regards,
Baelnorn
I've always thought of myself as being a nice guy. Being polite and respectful, saying "Please" and "Thank you," and all that stuff. Yet, after reviewing my messages to my partners last week, I have to ask myself, "When did I become such an asshole?" I have to ask myself, "When did I become so cold and unforgiving that I would brush aside an honest apology and not even consider revising a hastily made wrong decision?" I haven't found an answer yet, I only know that I don't want to be like that - being so spiteful to hurt someone back because I was hurt. I've always thought, hoped, that I was better than this. Yet, I have failed.
Yes, I was hurt by the events leading up to this situation. Seeing a thread falling by the wayside may not be much of an issue for people who often reuse or restart their scenes. Restarting a thread is nothing inherently bad - whatever floats your boat - but it's just not for me. I've never recycled my scenes because I believe that if you start with that, you'll eventually stop coming up with new and interesting scenarios. All my threads are unique, with several hours of background work and preparation invested into each. Therefore, it does pain me to see a thread die, especially when it seemed to be a good run. However, that isn’t nearly enough to justify my reaction.
When my partner didn't post in our thread anymore for a pretty long time, but continued posting regularly in other threads, I thought that she had just lost interest. I was very disappointed by the apparent turn of events, so disappointed that I wanted to get away from writing SRPs as a whole, at least for some time. But then I received a couple of PMs explaining why that situation had occurred. My writing partner apologized and asked me to reconsider dropping the thread. And that was the point where I failed. Instead of accepting the apology and admitting that I overreacted, my pride got the best of me and I stood by my decision to stop writing with her, however uncalled for that action was. Further, I harshly withdrew an offer to write with another author, someone who didn’t have anything to do with the situation at all. I was so hurt that I partly vented my frustration on a non-participant.
I can fully understand if those involved wanted to neither continue nor start writing with me. I am disappointed by my own actions. I am so sorry.
Regards,
Baelnorn
