Anyone want to share stories.....

[emmylou69]

....about funny/bad/accidents etc when it comes to sex?

I have got some really funny stories and just wondered if anyone else had any?

I'll start off with one, I am a much nicer person now and would never do this again.

My First One Night Stand

I saw him, chatted him up and took him home (it really was as simple and quick as that). My friend ws staying at my house so she was downstairs whilst we were in my bedroom.

The foreplay was great, when I got to his cock I realised that it was long and thin. Not a problem. He climbed on top and we started to have sex, his long cock was hurting me so I decided to go on top and then could control how much went in me.

So I'm riding him but it is too painful. I ended up climbing off him (before we had finished), leaving my room to go downstairs, I didn't say a word to hiom. I called him a taxi, shouted up it would be here in 10 minutes and stayed downstairs with my friend.

The man left after giving me lots and hugs and kisses and the next time I saw him he asked me out on a date!!

 

[nycphoto]

I would say thats

pretty cruel, no? But men are like that too, what can I say....

 

[tdata007]

lol, a bit harsh emmy!

Anyways two years ago after a night out me and my then g/f had just got back to my place and started messing about getting to the stage where she was giving me a nice head. She had her hands round my cock and was bobbing backwards and forwards on my head. Me being drunk and getting close to climax started pumping in tandem with her sucking, getting quicker and quicker until *just* before I came my pelvic thrusts(!) got a bit to forceful and out of time with her movement that my dick slammed into the side of her up nose, sliding up and poking her proper in the eye. That's my bad story. Bad for me as I got cruelly cut off just before cumming! and her because she got pelted in the eye with my cock!

 

[emmylou69]

lol, a bit harsh emmy!

Anyways two years ago after a night out me and my then g/f had just got back to my place and started messing about getting to the stage where she was giving me a nice head. She had her hands round my cock and was bobbing backwards and forwards on my head. Me being drunk and getting close to climax started pumping in tandem with her sucking, getting quicker and quicker until *just* before I came my pelvic thrusts(!) got a bit to forceful and out of time with her movement that my dick slammed into the side of her up nose, sliding up and poking her proper in the eye. That's my bad story. Bad for me as I got cruelly cut off just before cumming! and her because she got pelted in the eye with my cock!

That was so funny, I neary fell off my chair laughing.

I used to be harsh, now I'm harsher

 

[tdata007]

Harsher? I can't believe that!

How harsh can a girl with a sweet name like emmy be?

 

[CentralCoastguy]

Tennessee

When I was a graduate student in Tennesse, I went out with a girl named Ruthie. One night I brought Ruthie back home to my apt. My roomate had a buddy over. Ruthie and I went back to my room. My roomate and buddy kept listening to music (rather loudly). Ruthie and I started to get it on for the first time. Just at the right moment, the song "she makes love like a woman" came on.


At the time I thought it was a coincidence, but my roommate turned out to be a jerk, and I realize he was playing a joke.

Sadly Ruthie and I broke rather dramitically.

 

[hotncmom]

Re: Tennessee

Just at the right moment, the song "she makes love like a woman" came on.


At the time I thought it was a coincidence, but my roommate turned out to be a jerk, and I realize he was playing a joke.

If it has been me and you I would have gotten hornier. Between your roommate knowing what we were doing and loud music...that's a license to go nuts for me.

 

[hotncmom]

Well,

He was a hottie. Our second date. A few glasses of wine and great kissing and we ended up doing some heavy petting.

Then we went back to my bedroom and I had just moved into my apt so I couldn't find my condoms. It wasn't a planned thing so neither of us were ready. So he asked if I had any toys and we could have fun with each other so I broke out my pleasure chest.
Well...we had a great time playing with each other I must say for a few hrs until he opened my toy chest to get another toy and saw my 9.5 inch dildo and let's just say he felt rather inadequate after that.

There was no 3rd date. And although he stands at 6-4 I'm sure he's very afraid of the little 5-3 nympho girl he met with the big toy cock.

My girlfriend's asked how the date was and I told them, "He thinks I'm a freak. Scared him off."

 

[anne27]

In Eaton, Ohio, north of where I grew up, there was an adult drive-in theatre. It did quite a busy business in those days and I always seemed to run into someone I knew, even though I rarely got out of the car except to go to the bathroom. Young and shy I was then. .
Well, my hubby and I were young and lustful as young lovers are, and would often engage in sex play in the car while watching the movie. Everyone did there too, I'm sure. You'd often see cars and vans rocking back and forth on your treks to the restroom.
Well, one time we were both getting rather turned on watching the movie and before long I had his cock out and was playing with it. I started giving him a blow job and we were both really getting into it when suddenly some noise from the movie caused me to pull my lips off his cock and pull my head up to see the movie screen.
Bad timing on my part. At that very instant my guy started to cum, and very forcefully. I took the full shot of his cum up both nostrils. Gagging and choking and searching desperately for a napkin, I cursed at him like a drunken sailor.
Let me tell you that stuff can sting when it's up your nose *LOL*.

 

[me oscar]

charlotte..seeing yoru toys..of any size .woudl be a turn on for me....i love woman who are confortabel with exactly who they are and know what they want

his loss

 

[wildwesty]

Me and my then gf at the time had just finished some heavy foreplay, she had come several times already and we were just getting started with actual (hell I will be proper) coitus hwen a friend of mine opened the door to my room. I rolled her over and we hid underneath the sheets just at the right time and I nearly got off with this happening. His dumbass walked into the room and proceeded to try to talk to me till I gave him a look that said...get the hell on. Anyway, he left and locked the door for me and she I proceeded to finish what we started and what a finish it was...that guy later came in and found the condom in my trash...god I hated that guy, or maybe loved him, she came very hard as did I.