anyone for poems about sex toys?

[armoredhedgehog]

okay, i'm highly caffeinated, stressed, and tired
..so i got a bit silly, and wrote an ode to my beautiful stainless steel butt plug (perhaps it will be a series of poems)!
yes, i know, it is not exactly my best writing ever. and i rhymed, which i don't like doing...

anyway, here is best $60 ever spent

shopping online for unspeakable toys
is like walking nakedly through an empty mall, man flag flying high
big, smirking grin plastered across my face
nothing here is out of place
and paypal's here with me, (just in case)

but nothing was my pleasure that day
i decided not to stay

a few weeks pass and i see a store
right here in town, goodies galore

a shiny mushroom catches my eye
so i buy it,
bring it home,
and slip it inside
.
.
.
is it my mouth or an other hole that grows wide?
you decide!


Okay, anyone else for poems dedicated to "toys for grownups"? [how do these challenge thingies work anyway?]

 

[Angeline]

Oh I have a few of these. I'll see what I can find. In the meantime you might want to peruse the following:

A Dildo for All Seasons: Rowdy Ted
by The Poets©


The Poets:
Angeline, JUDO, _Land, TheDR4KE, WickedEve, Rybka, OT, Goodguy2, dizzy, REDWAVE


PART 1: TED PURLOINED

Eve's dildo was named Rowdy Ted.
Her favored "boy," so thick so strong
who lived sequestered by the bed.
Eve's dildo was named Rowdy Ted.
When powered up, when glowing red,
abuzz he whirred libido's song.
Eve's dildo was named Rowdy Ted.
Her favored "boy," so thick so strong.

In bed, a thief dreamed long and clear
of the venerable schlong it now so loved.
Inhaling deep, pictured it here.
In bed, a thief dreamed long and clear
of its size, its fit--the perfect gear
for desire and need as it hotly shoved.
In bed, the thief dreamed long and clear
of the venerable schlong it now so loved.

One moonlit night, a thief stole in
a-creeping quiet toward Eve's bed
lost in desire compelled to sin.
One moonlit night, a thief stole in
and claimed Ted with triumphant grin.
It capered, moaning lust, then fled.
One moonlit night, the thief stole in
a-creeping quiet toward Eve's bed

Ted stood full fourteen inches long
and more than three around.
No wonder someone stole this schlong.
Ted stood full fourteen inches long.
Tis no surprise twas praised in song.
Such length and girth astound.
Ted stood full fourteen inches long.
and more than three around.

Rowdy Ted was a Wicked dildo,
who took the treasure Eve had to give
and left her asleep, her head on the pillow.
Rowdy Ted was a Wicked dildo.
An open window; the curtains billow;
our darling was visited by a thief!
Rowdy Ted was a Wicked dildo.
Who took the treasure Eve had to give?

Rowdy Ted was taken by a thief,
snatched by nimble sticky fingers -
feminine hands is her belief.
Rowdy Ted was taken by a thief
in search of a little D battery relief -
Eve unaware as vibration lingers.
Rowdy Ted was taken by a thief,
snatched by nimble sticky fingers.

Who stole Ted the rowdy dildo?
Who is our Wicked Nemesis,
perhaps a hobbit named Bilbo?
Who stole Ted the rowdy dildo?
Who knows how far this thief will go,
a new trilogy genesis?
Who stole Ted the rowdy dildo?
Who is our Wicked Nemesis?


INTERLUDE: NARRATOR SPEAKS

I think the size is incorrect
it's not that big of a deal
it was embellished for effect
I think the size is incorrect
you'll never find your suspect
searching for the wrong size squeal
I think the size is incorrect
it's not that big of a deal


PART 2: TED'S TRAVAILS

In a lonely hovel by the sea
ringed in witch grass, set apart
behold this monstrous tragedy.
In a lonely hovel by the sea
it keens and holds Ted tenderly,
a twice-made thief with poet's heart.
In a lonely hovel by the sea
ringed in witch grass, set apart.

It stole the member long and thick,
payback for imagined scorn?
It fucks itself with Eve's prized stick!
It stole the member long and thick
I’ll take another, it forewarned.
It stole the member long and thick.
payback for imagined scorn?

Ted's thief is foul and also shrewd
its greatest fear: that it be seen
or victimized by poets rude
Ted's thief is foul and also shrewd
It plies a plot that's dark and crude:
sneaks Ted in bed with Angeline!
Ted's thief is foul and also shrewd
its greatest fear: that it be seen

My lord it's big as a baleen!
Whispered softly to herself.
Transfixed was honest Angeline.
My lord it's big as a baleen!
Why should he serve the Wicked queen-
await her, lonely, on some shelf?
My lord it's big as a baleen!
Whispered softly to herself.

Rowdy Ted is cheating,
in and out, for her delight.
His heft her false unseating.
Rowdy Ted is cheating,
all thoughts of Eve’s loss fleeting,
as Angeline enjoys her plight
Rowdy Ted is cheating,
in and out, of her delight.

Why should the girls have all the fun?
Said wicked REDWAVE in his cave.
I'll ream myself to kingdom come.
Why should the girls have all the fun?
There's plenty there for everyone!
Fourteen will make me scream and rave.
Why should the girls have all the fun?
Said wicked REDWAVE in his cave.

With timid knock upon cave door,
exhausted, ill, and barely dressed,
Take him please she doth implore.
With timid knock upon cave door,
Dear REDWAVE keep it evermore:
Take it--my God--it’s possessed!
With timid knock upon cave door,
exhausted, ill, and barely dressed.

Poor Angeline is plumb wore out
exhausted, ill, and barely dressed--
a hussy, a dildo whore no doubt.
Poor Angeline is plumb wore out.
Old Ted done made her shout.
Though Wicked Eve is so depressed,
poor Angeline is plumb wore out
exhausted, ill, and barely dressed.


INTERLUDE: NARRATOR GROWS IMPATIENT

Back to the task at hand
or poor Ted will be abused.
The thief has Wicked plans.
Back to the task at hand--
for Ted a ransom demand.
Angeline is not amused
Back to the task at hand
or poor Ted will be abused.


PART 3: WRAPPING UP THE TWISTED TALE!

A twist in the tale and tail -
all goes well with wicked plot.
Should Eve share some dirty detail?
A twist in the tale and tail.
Rowdy Ted prepared to impale.
Quickly before Wicked is caught!
A twist in the tale and tail-
all goes well with wicked plot.

There is no thief but Wicked
who dreams of dildo cult,
with mindless minions eager to stick it.
There is no thief but Wicked-
Mistress of The Rowdy Thick Ted.
Eve is impressed with randy result.
There is no thief but Wicked
who dreams of dildo cult.

Ted is back safe in the bedside drawer
he was returned with a sigh last night
REDWAVE was exhausted and could take no more
Ted is back safe in the bedside drawer
he's walking bow legged and deliciously sore
exhausted from Teddy's delight
Ted is back safe in the bedside drawer
he was returned with a sigh last night

Alone in hovel by the sea
The Hyndaline lets out a moan.
How could Eve do this to me?
Alone in a hovel by the sea
Eve did play a trick on me:
I wanted Ted to be MY OWN!
Alone in hovel by the sea
The Hyndaline lets out a moan.


THE MORAL OF THE STORY? I DON'T KNOW.
BUT HERE'S A LITTLE SONG:

Ding dong the dildo's gone
Which old schlong, the Wicked's dong
Ding dong the Wicked schlong is gone
Ding dong the dildo's gone
It went where the goblins spawn
Hi Ho, Hi Ho, we'll beat a gong
Ding dong the dildo's gone
Which old schlong, the Wicked's dong

 

[WickedEve]

Oh I have a few of these. I'll see what I can find. In the meantime you might want to peruse the following:

A Dildo for All Seasons: Rowdy Ted
by The Poets©


The Poets:
Angeline, JUDO, _Land, TheDR4KE, WickedEve, Rybka, OT, Goodguy2, dizzy, REDWAVE

I'll always have a special place for this poem. Not necessarily my heart...

 

[WickedEve]

Okay, I have two toy poems from 2004. Both are about my adventures with the dolphin clit toy. Yes, a dolphin was harmed in the making of these poems.

twin engine dolphin
by WickedEve

a drive-by tease
of stops and starts,
then back up,
idle

swift brown sprints a package
to my door, nimble quick
over ibeji and assorted
luba, some punu
wood, cowry and fetish

i cling to inside, letting
"god, i need it now"
dash out the door

followed by bare feet,
nude desperation

little brown box,
tremble for the rip
little brown box,
crumple like tissue baby

little brown box,
butter-knifed like a bitch

blue ocean jelly rubber
all strappy and low
high speed

there will be no outing,
no lash flutter,
no post office johnny
(when I ship ibejis away)

without discretion of hushed tones

-------------------------------------------------------

Dead Dead Dolphin
by WickedEve

I muffled you
flipper screams reverberating
against my sigh

you were blue hot
jelly stunner

clit incinerator

speed mellow
then tingle tango
toward mangle
soul ripper blues

flipper swims toward the light