Anyone available to give an opinion?

[MaxLongfella]

Hello all

I haven't written a story in a while (well, I've only got one up as it is), and I would love to have a second set of eyes on my latest, and see where things could be better.

My stories are all as close to reality (autobiographical) as I can remember, though as is the case with this story, I was sometimes bombed out of my mind So, I feel stories like this, where my memory doesn't serve me at all, are eligible for some artistic modifications.

I believe my story is in good shape, punctuation, grammar, etc; what I'm more looking for is an opinion on the overall piece. I feel as if I went too quickly with some of the scenes, and I don't know how the story will play out in other people's minds.

Well, thats about it - let me know if you can help

Thanks!

**EDIT**
Doh! Forgot to mention. Erotic Coupling, minor lesbian action, and as close to being in English as I think it can be

 

[pinkpunani]

A link would be a lot of help.

 

[MaxLongfella]

To what, the story? I was going to email, it isn't posted yet, thats why I want a second set of eyes

 

[MaxLongfella]

My member page:

http://english.literotica.com:81/stories/memberpage.php?uid=497128

Hope this garners some interest, I'd really love someone to read this story over before I post

 

[BigDick8870]

Check your PM's

 

[kbate]

Finished, you should have the edited copy by now; let me know if you want more detail on the changes.

 

[MaxLongfella]

Got it, thanks