Any hope for

[thenewgirlhere]

xoxoxoxo

 

[unregistered]

 

[thenewgirlhere]

Wow, that is helpful. Thank you. Did you ever had a period in that time of marriage where you completely fell out of love?

 

[pplwatching]

I think that JtohisPB summed it up pretty well. When two people are willing to communicate, and are willing to strive to meet each other's needs then a lot is possible. In my case, that commitment has been marriage.

Wow, that is helpful. Thank you. Did you ever had a period in that time of marriage where you completely fell out of love?

The "feeling of love" ebbs and flows, in my experience. George Burns is quoted to have said that the secret to a lasting marriage is never to be in love at the same time. That rush that we feel at the beginning of a relationship feels like love, but is really more like a chemical high. The kind of love that sticks around for years and years has a lot more to do with demonstrating acts of love and kindness, IMHO. It's about always seeking to understand each other, to make each other's life a little nicer, and of course trying to turn each other into quivering blobs on the bed

True love travels on a gravel road.

 

[unregistered]

 

[wordsNguitars]

not to just say "ditto", but it's all about very honest and open communication... even when some of what you have to say (and hear) is unpleasant... but from your point of view, are you the type of person who can be patient with him while you (god this sounds wrong, but) kind of train him up a bit in the bedroom?

 

[subwannabe]

Exactly how is it terrible? That's painting with a really broad brush. Did you not orgasm? Did he do things you didn't like? Did he not do things you do like? Was he too vanilla? Was he not romantic or sexy? Was he a "wham bam, thank you mam? Communication is the key. Great time to start. It either works out well and you live happily ever after or you realize you are going down a dead end street.

 

[amofiga]

Everybody likes to talk about communication as if it alone will solve everything. Yes, communication is important IF (big if) the communication is open, honest, and non-judgmental. But that's only the first plateau. If there is no willingness to really change or as a minimum compromise then either one or both of you will be unhappy.

I've seen marriages where there is a significant difference in the level and type of sexual interest between parties. I've been the "other man" in such marriages and unfortunately, it also caused me to look for the "other woman" in mine. I tend to think that a person's interest in various types of sexual activity and the degree to which people enjoy erotic experimentation is somewhat 'innate". I believe that people don't simply become happier by being more experimental and kinky or perhaps more reserved and vanilla if that's not who they really are at their core. Yes, people can be "willing" to give a partner what they say they want. However, if the interest and enthusiasm isn't there with both partners and shared equally, then it won't work in the long run. Their true personalities and sexualities will tend to seek their natural equilibrium. If one is "bending and compromising" to try to make the other person happy and as a result isn't truly happy themselves, it will breed resentment.

I would strongly urge anyone contemplating marriage to seriously evaluate their priorities in any and every aspect of life whether sexual or financial or social or whatever and make sure they are honest and compatible BEFORE they marry. People generally do not change. They may modify their BEHAVIOR but not necessarily their true personality. Five or ten years down the road, they'll start to wonder why they're with someone who isn't on the same wavelength with them, and they'll start thinking about finding somebody else who is. That sort of thinking starts the trouble. Trust me, been there done that.......known others who have also been there done that.

Good luck.

 

[harry8copeland]

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