any feed back would be helpful

[trex18]

hi, I'm trex18. I posted my first written story the other day and would just like to have any feedback. Now that I see it up I realize i messed up and it should be "he wakes you up" or "I wake you up" I'll be sure to fix that if I get around to finishing that day. Thanks most comments will be appreciated. Of course if you say that I shouldn't have even bothered writing it, that won't make me happy. Thanks

 

[Rumple Foreskin]

Trex,

You've got a much better chance of getting feedback if you post your story's URL and give a little feedback to some of the other writers.

Rumple Foreskin

 

[trex18]

Thanks, well I've only been a member here for a week or two. I've read stuff, voted, and have sent feed back to the authors. but your right, if I have time I should provide feedback on here. here's my story then,

Your special day

 

[CarnalGerund]

Feedback

I liked it, you've got a lot of good stuff about the woman's reaction. Though more couldn't hurt.

 

[trex18]

thanks

Thanks, I originally wrote it for someone, and I intended for it to be a full day of fun, but I ran out of steam and haven't found time to really get into the next section. I'll certainly try to go farther with it.

 

[MariusMCW]

You say you wrote it for someone; I'm assuming that's what brought on the unique perspective for the story. Personally I think that if you're going to write a story in first-person, writing it for someone else, you should include more thoughts from your perspective, about what you're feeling when you do something, what you feel when you look at the other person or when they moan with pleasure from your attentions.

-M.

 

[trex18]

true

I ideally wouldn't have written something in first person. I'd rather have it in he said/she said format but I have a hell of a time writing dialogue. I guess I can try to put more thoughts and feelings into the next story.
Thanks