Hypoxia
doesn't watch television
- Joined
- Sep 7, 2013
- Posts
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LIBERALS
•"In every American community you have varying shades of political opinion. One of the shadiest of these is the LIBERALS. An outspoken group on many subjects - ten degrees to the left of center in good times, and ten degrees to the right of center if it affects them personally." --Phil Ochs
•"A LIBERAL is someone who has just changed their mind." --Morton Thompson
•"A LIBERAL is a man too broadminded to take his own side in a quarrel. --Robert Frost
•"A LIBERAL is a RADICAL with a wife and child." --Anon.
•"A RADICAL is a CONSERVATIVE out of a job." --Richmond News Ledger
•"A PACIFIST is one who fights with everybody but the enemy." --Anon.
•"COMMUNISM is the exploitation of the strong by the weak." --P.J. Proudhom
•"COMMUNISM doesn't work because people like to own stuff." --Frank Zappa
•"SOCIALISTS suffer from an overwhelming compulsion to believe what is not true." --H.L. Mencken
•"SOCIALISM is a system which is workable only in Heaven, where it isn't needed, and in Hell, where they've got it." --Cecil Palmer
“ Sure, once I was young and impulsive,
I wore every conceivable pin,
Even went to the socialist meetings,
Learned all the old union hymns,
But I've grown older and wiser,
And that's why I'm turning you in,
So love me, love me, love me, I'm a liberal.
--Phil Ochs”
CONSERVATIVES
•"A CONSERVATIVE is a man who is too cowardly to fight and too fat to run." --Elbert Hubbard
•"A CONSERVATIVE is one who admires RADICALS a century after they're dead." --Leo C. Rosten
•"CONSERVATIVES say government doesn't work, and then get elected and prove it." --P.J. O'Rourke
•"All CONSERVATISM is based upon the idea that if you leave things alone you leave them as they are. But you do not. If you leave a thing alone, you leave it to a torrent of change." --G.K. Chesterton
•"CONSERVATIVE: a statesman who is enamoured of existing evils, as distinguished from the LIBERAL, who wishes to replace them with others." --Ambrose Bierce
•"Reform is affirmative, CONSERVATISM negative; CONSERVATISM goes for comfort, reform for truth." --Ralph Waldo Emerson
•"The CONSERVATIVE is a businessman's candidate, hovering around the status quo like a sick kitten around a hot brick." --William A. White
•"A CONSERVATIVE is one who believes that nothing should be done for the first time." --Alfred E. Wiggam
•"CONSERVATIVES are not necessarily stupid, but most stupid people are CONSERVATIVES." --John Stuart Mill
•"We CONSERVATIVES do not believe it necessary, and even if it were, we should oppose it." --Quentin Hogg
•"A CONSERVATIVE is someone who makes no changes and consults his grandmother when in doubt." --Woodrow Wilson
•"Suppose you were a heartless bastard, and suppose you were a CONSERVATIVE, but, .....I repeat myself." --Mark Twain
•"A CONSERVATIVE is a man who will not look at the new moon out of respect for that ancient institution, the old one." --Douglas Jerrold
•"A shiver ran through the CONSERVATIVES, frantically looking for a spine to run up." --Oliver Brown
ULTRA-CONSERVATIVES
•"A FASCIST is someone who kills because he can't argue." --Anon.
•"FASCISM is Capitalism plus murder." --Upton Sinclair
•"Fascism is corporatism." --Benito Mussolini
•"FASCISM means war." --John Strachey
•"The ANARCHIST is responsible only to himself; the FASCIST is responsible only to the state." --Anon.
•"FASCISM is a religion; the twentieth century will be known in history as the century of FASCISM." --Benito Mussolini
•"A FASCIST is any person whose politics elevates the importance of one's nation, or Fatherland, above all humanist values such as television and Spring Break." --Anon.
LIBERALS vs. CONSERVATIVES
•"When CONSERVATIVES ruin the environment, destroy the supply of affordable housing, and wreck the industrial infrastructure, at least they make a buck off it. LIBERALS do these things just for fun." --P.J. O'Rourke
•"The LIBERAL Arts are those studies necessary to be a free person. The opposite of LIBERAL is not CONSERVATIVE, but ENSLAVED." --Anon.
•"A RADICAL is a man who has both feet planted firmly in the air... A CONSERVATIVE is a man with two perfectly good legs who has never learned to walk." --F.D. Roosevelt
•"LIBERALS like Big Government, as long as it helps people. (Social programs, etc.) CONSERVATIVES like Big Government, as long as it kills people. (Cops, armies, etc.) --Anon.
•"I never dared be RADICAL when young / For fear it would make me CONSERVATIVE when old." --Robert Frost
•"Every COMMUNIST has a FASCIST frown, every FASCIST has a COMMUNIST smile." --Muriel Spark
•"A SOCIAL DEMOCRAT believes that all men are equal, as long as they are union members, while a CHRISTIAN DEMOCRAT believes that all men are equal, as long as they are Catholics." --Anon.
•"I'm a staunch Independant. Every time I think I am a Republican, they do something greedy, and every time I think I am a Democrat, they go and do something stupid." --Jay Leno
•"The difference between REPUBLICANS and DEMOCRATS is like the difference between Syphilis and Gonorrhea." --Barbara Jordon
•"The smart woman will fuck a LIBERAL but marry a CONSERVATIVE." --Anon.
“When asked why he was a Democrat, the Southerner replies, "Because my father was a Democrat and my grandfather was a Democrat." The Northerner countered, "What if your father was a horse thief and your grandfather was a horse thief, what would you have been then?" The Southerner's reply: "In that case, I guess I'd be a Republican." --Theodore Roosevelt”
TELLING THE DIFFERENCE
•An American who wants to protect the environment is a Tree-Hugging LIBERAL, unless they hunt animals, in which case they're CONSERVATIVE.
•An American who supports the right to keep and bear arms is CONSERVATIVE, unless they belong to the Black or Brown or Yellow Panthers, in which case they are dangerously RADICAL.
•An American who opposes large military forces and expenditures is LIBERAL, unless they lived before 1940, in which case they were CONSERVATIVE.
•An American who wants religious faith to be prominent in public life is a staunch CONSERVATIVE, unless they aren't a Judeo-Xian-Muslim believer, in which case they are an air-head NEW-AGE RADICAL.
•An American who wants government oversight of private decisions is LIBERAL, unless they oppose abortion, in which case they are religious RIGHT-WING RADICALS.
•An American who wants lower income-tax withholding is CONSERVATIVE, but one who wants lower social-security withholding is LIBERAL.
•An American who supports equality for women is a LIBERAL Feminist, unless they're a Republican campaign consultant who wants their candidate to win, in which case they're a Pragmatic CONSERVATIVE.
•An American who supports their local police is CONSERVATIVE, unless the local police are dealing drugs, in which case they're LIBERTATIAN.
•An American who believes "the least government is the best government" is either a LIBERTATIAN CONSERVATIVE or a RADICAL ANARCHIST, depending on their dress and income.
GENERALIZATIONS
•Those who care about people before they are born are CONSERVATIVES; those who care about people after they are born are LIBERALS.
•Those who believe in a strong military are PATRIOTS, unless they've personally avoided military service, in which case they are CHICKENHAWKS.
•Those who want strict limits to immigration are CONSERVATIVES, unless they want to exclude your particular ethnic group, in which case they are RACISTS
•Those who want unlimited immigration are LIBERALS, unless they want cheap labor to exploit, in which case they are CONSERVATIVE CAPITALISTS. Or if they want purple cows to inflate, in which case they are SURREALISTS.
•Those who want to display the Ten Commandments in public places are CONSERVATIVES; but different sects can't agree on just which version to use. And then there are those who want the QURAN or DIAMOND SUTRA or NECRONIMOCON posted...
•Those who believe in a corporate state are FASCISTS, unless they back the current administration, in which case they are PRAGMATISTS.
•Those who disagree with you are COMMUNISTS, unless you're a COMMUNIST, in which case they are FASCISTS. Or unless you're an ATHEIST, in which case they're RELIGIOUS FANATICS. Or unless you're a VEGETARIAN, in which case they're CARNIVORES. Et cetera.
“The whole aim of practical politics is to keep the populace alarmed (and hence clamorous to be led to safety) by menacing it with an endless series of hobgoblins, all of them imaginary. —H.L. Mencken”
•"In every American community you have varying shades of political opinion. One of the shadiest of these is the LIBERALS. An outspoken group on many subjects - ten degrees to the left of center in good times, and ten degrees to the right of center if it affects them personally." --Phil Ochs
•"A LIBERAL is someone who has just changed their mind." --Morton Thompson
•"A LIBERAL is a man too broadminded to take his own side in a quarrel. --Robert Frost
•"A LIBERAL is a RADICAL with a wife and child." --Anon.
•"A RADICAL is a CONSERVATIVE out of a job." --Richmond News Ledger
•"A PACIFIST is one who fights with everybody but the enemy." --Anon.
•"COMMUNISM is the exploitation of the strong by the weak." --P.J. Proudhom
•"COMMUNISM doesn't work because people like to own stuff." --Frank Zappa
•"SOCIALISTS suffer from an overwhelming compulsion to believe what is not true." --H.L. Mencken
•"SOCIALISM is a system which is workable only in Heaven, where it isn't needed, and in Hell, where they've got it." --Cecil Palmer
“ Sure, once I was young and impulsive,
I wore every conceivable pin,
Even went to the socialist meetings,
Learned all the old union hymns,
But I've grown older and wiser,
And that's why I'm turning you in,
So love me, love me, love me, I'm a liberal.
--Phil Ochs”
CONSERVATIVES
•"A CONSERVATIVE is a man who is too cowardly to fight and too fat to run." --Elbert Hubbard
•"A CONSERVATIVE is one who admires RADICALS a century after they're dead." --Leo C. Rosten
•"CONSERVATIVES say government doesn't work, and then get elected and prove it." --P.J. O'Rourke
•"All CONSERVATISM is based upon the idea that if you leave things alone you leave them as they are. But you do not. If you leave a thing alone, you leave it to a torrent of change." --G.K. Chesterton
•"CONSERVATIVE: a statesman who is enamoured of existing evils, as distinguished from the LIBERAL, who wishes to replace them with others." --Ambrose Bierce
•"Reform is affirmative, CONSERVATISM negative; CONSERVATISM goes for comfort, reform for truth." --Ralph Waldo Emerson
•"The CONSERVATIVE is a businessman's candidate, hovering around the status quo like a sick kitten around a hot brick." --William A. White
•"A CONSERVATIVE is one who believes that nothing should be done for the first time." --Alfred E. Wiggam
•"CONSERVATIVES are not necessarily stupid, but most stupid people are CONSERVATIVES." --John Stuart Mill
•"We CONSERVATIVES do not believe it necessary, and even if it were, we should oppose it." --Quentin Hogg
•"A CONSERVATIVE is someone who makes no changes and consults his grandmother when in doubt." --Woodrow Wilson
•"Suppose you were a heartless bastard, and suppose you were a CONSERVATIVE, but, .....I repeat myself." --Mark Twain
•"A CONSERVATIVE is a man who will not look at the new moon out of respect for that ancient institution, the old one." --Douglas Jerrold
•"A shiver ran through the CONSERVATIVES, frantically looking for a spine to run up." --Oliver Brown
ULTRA-CONSERVATIVES
•"A FASCIST is someone who kills because he can't argue." --Anon.
•"FASCISM is Capitalism plus murder." --Upton Sinclair
•"Fascism is corporatism." --Benito Mussolini
•"FASCISM means war." --John Strachey
•"The ANARCHIST is responsible only to himself; the FASCIST is responsible only to the state." --Anon.
•"FASCISM is a religion; the twentieth century will be known in history as the century of FASCISM." --Benito Mussolini
•"A FASCIST is any person whose politics elevates the importance of one's nation, or Fatherland, above all humanist values such as television and Spring Break." --Anon.
LIBERALS vs. CONSERVATIVES
•"When CONSERVATIVES ruin the environment, destroy the supply of affordable housing, and wreck the industrial infrastructure, at least they make a buck off it. LIBERALS do these things just for fun." --P.J. O'Rourke
•"The LIBERAL Arts are those studies necessary to be a free person. The opposite of LIBERAL is not CONSERVATIVE, but ENSLAVED." --Anon.
•"A RADICAL is a man who has both feet planted firmly in the air... A CONSERVATIVE is a man with two perfectly good legs who has never learned to walk." --F.D. Roosevelt
•"LIBERALS like Big Government, as long as it helps people. (Social programs, etc.) CONSERVATIVES like Big Government, as long as it kills people. (Cops, armies, etc.) --Anon.
•"I never dared be RADICAL when young / For fear it would make me CONSERVATIVE when old." --Robert Frost
•"Every COMMUNIST has a FASCIST frown, every FASCIST has a COMMUNIST smile." --Muriel Spark
•"A SOCIAL DEMOCRAT believes that all men are equal, as long as they are union members, while a CHRISTIAN DEMOCRAT believes that all men are equal, as long as they are Catholics." --Anon.
•"I'm a staunch Independant. Every time I think I am a Republican, they do something greedy, and every time I think I am a Democrat, they go and do something stupid." --Jay Leno
•"The difference between REPUBLICANS and DEMOCRATS is like the difference between Syphilis and Gonorrhea." --Barbara Jordon
•"The smart woman will fuck a LIBERAL but marry a CONSERVATIVE." --Anon.
“When asked why he was a Democrat, the Southerner replies, "Because my father was a Democrat and my grandfather was a Democrat." The Northerner countered, "What if your father was a horse thief and your grandfather was a horse thief, what would you have been then?" The Southerner's reply: "In that case, I guess I'd be a Republican." --Theodore Roosevelt”
TELLING THE DIFFERENCE
•An American who wants to protect the environment is a Tree-Hugging LIBERAL, unless they hunt animals, in which case they're CONSERVATIVE.
•An American who supports the right to keep and bear arms is CONSERVATIVE, unless they belong to the Black or Brown or Yellow Panthers, in which case they are dangerously RADICAL.
•An American who opposes large military forces and expenditures is LIBERAL, unless they lived before 1940, in which case they were CONSERVATIVE.
•An American who wants religious faith to be prominent in public life is a staunch CONSERVATIVE, unless they aren't a Judeo-Xian-Muslim believer, in which case they are an air-head NEW-AGE RADICAL.
•An American who wants government oversight of private decisions is LIBERAL, unless they oppose abortion, in which case they are religious RIGHT-WING RADICALS.
•An American who wants lower income-tax withholding is CONSERVATIVE, but one who wants lower social-security withholding is LIBERAL.
•An American who supports equality for women is a LIBERAL Feminist, unless they're a Republican campaign consultant who wants their candidate to win, in which case they're a Pragmatic CONSERVATIVE.
•An American who supports their local police is CONSERVATIVE, unless the local police are dealing drugs, in which case they're LIBERTATIAN.
•An American who believes "the least government is the best government" is either a LIBERTATIAN CONSERVATIVE or a RADICAL ANARCHIST, depending on their dress and income.
GENERALIZATIONS
•Those who care about people before they are born are CONSERVATIVES; those who care about people after they are born are LIBERALS.
•Those who believe in a strong military are PATRIOTS, unless they've personally avoided military service, in which case they are CHICKENHAWKS.
•Those who want strict limits to immigration are CONSERVATIVES, unless they want to exclude your particular ethnic group, in which case they are RACISTS
•Those who want unlimited immigration are LIBERALS, unless they want cheap labor to exploit, in which case they are CONSERVATIVE CAPITALISTS. Or if they want purple cows to inflate, in which case they are SURREALISTS.
•Those who want to display the Ten Commandments in public places are CONSERVATIVES; but different sects can't agree on just which version to use. And then there are those who want the QURAN or DIAMOND SUTRA or NECRONIMOCON posted...
•Those who believe in a corporate state are FASCISTS, unless they back the current administration, in which case they are PRAGMATISTS.
•Those who disagree with you are COMMUNISTS, unless you're a COMMUNIST, in which case they are FASCISTS. Or unless you're an ATHEIST, in which case they're RELIGIOUS FANATICS. Or unless you're a VEGETARIAN, in which case they're CARNIVORES. Et cetera.
“The whole aim of practical politics is to keep the populace alarmed (and hence clamorous to be led to safety) by menacing it with an endless series of hobgoblins, all of them imaginary. —H.L. Mencken”
