Anticipation

[Myanmar]

Anticipation

We've been waiting in "anticipation" for you to read our sensual poem!

Please read, give feedback, and vote....we'll love you!




Myanmar

 

[Myanmar]

Myanmar's citizens are crying.........

Because they want feedback on their poem, and
no one has sent feedback yet! Please read......we LOVE feedback!
thank you!


&

Myanmar

 

[karmadog]

I liked this poem. I've read all the entries in this competition and have been impressed with the poet's ability to use the vocabulary words (cisalpine, for God's sake!).

"Pleasure grows stronger in a spiral twisting tight,
Baring skin to cold, leaving aching nipples upright."

I particularly liked this couplet.

"Winter's white quilt" was a little trite, but what the hell.

 

[Myanmar]

Karmadog.....

Thank you for the feedback! Happy to hear
that you enjoyed the poem, especially that couplet.




Myanmar

 

[Myanmar]

Where are the citizens of the Lit. World?

We are in a state of political unrest and
turbulence........our leader says that others should read our
"national" poem and there will be peace in our little country
again!


&

Myanmar

 

[Guest]

Judge #4 here.

IMAGERY:
--Enjoyed the image of the woman getting lost in the passion of the sport, so much so that she is compelled to fondle herself. I assumed it was a woman because of the "mewling soft moans" and the "snowflower blossoming wet friction."

--Enjoyed this line, "A satisfied exhalation of smoky air fast becomes a hiss from icy chills."

--Also liked the concluding couplet. I clearly pictured her happy chagrin.

FORM:
--Liked the repeated appearance of the couplets. It seemed to balance out the requirement of the single couplet.

--Couldn't quite figure out your rhyming pattern. It didn't seem consistent.

--Thought there was an overabundance of adjectives, as if every noun required it's own modifier. As a result the adjectives lost their punch. I prefer adverbs in moderation.

--Some of the subjects and verbs didn't agree and gerunds abounded. Why not change those gerunds into active verbs?

For example: "Searing ripples of rapidly surging tongues of flame ensnares" RIPPLES and ENSNARES don't agree.

Perhaps: "Tongues of flame sear and surge, a rapid snare." Something like that? Pare it down and simplify and I think your poem could be improved.

STYLE:
--I saw no disparity in styles. The poem seemed to be cohesive.

I gave it a 3.25. A nice, solid poem.

 

[Myanmar]

To Judge #4........

Thank you for the feedback!



Myanmar

 

[Guest]

You're welcome!

 

[Liechtenstein]

Antici-

Tough luck about being disqualified, Myanmar. I found this poem well-written and entertaining. However, I also thought the language was a bit flowery and overblown. Overall, I rated it at a 3.

 

[Myanmar]

Thank you, Liechtenstein

Liechtenstein....thank you for your feedback! It's
been a bit difficult accepting the disqualification but we are surviving
and taking it in stride.



Myanmar