"Anticipation"
Hello everyone! I have recently started writing again with (hopefully) an eye to submitting to a publisher or self-publishing and would love to know if this is worth fleshing out (pardon the pun) and polishing up. I would love to get some feedback, critique, suggestions on my first offering (for many years!) on the altar of Erotica. I am hoping this will finish out at around 3000 words. I would love some feed back on the first of what will be many rewrites. The first snippet is the original, the second is with changes.
I awoke to darkness and a familiar ache of desire. I was bound. My wrists are secured to the soft leather of the cuffs wrapped tight around my ankles, which are attached to a thin steel bar that kept my thighs forced widespread. I was face down. I could smell the scent of him on the soft, satiny comforter that covered the bed. My body was positioned so that it looked like a triangle...my face resting on the smooth fabric, with my ass sticking up in the air.
This is one of the favored positions he enjoyed putting me in. It offered him unfettered access to any part of my body that he wished to tease. I was certain that the light was still on, even though the blindfold he had covered my eyes with let not even the smallest bit of light through. I had only my other senses. Sound smells and touch.
A jolt of teasing pleasure coursed through my body as I struggled against my bindings, and I heard him breathing... deep and calmly as I heard his footsteps approach. I could feel the displaced air whisper over my bare skin as he moved around me.
And the rewrite:
I was blind. Bound. My wrists are secured to the soft leather of the cuffs wrapped tight around my ankles, which are attached to a thin steel bar that keeps my thighs forced widespread. He left me face down, with my ass sticking in the air. I could smell his masculine scent on the silk cloth that he had laid across the top end of the table, a soft whisper of displaced air that teased my bare skin as he moved around me. I could feel the all too familiar ache of desire and rising need, eager for his delicious torture to begin. But it was never that easy or fast. Just as he had always done I knew he would leave me to stew in my own thoughts. My own anticipation of what might or might not come.
Several minutes passed. I struggled against my bonds, and the memories of other times, of other tortures, sending the familiar thrill of pleasure through my body. I was completely under his control. Without sight, it was as if my other senses sharpened ten-fold. Ears picking up each breath he took, goosebumps rising on my skin from the slight coolness of the room. The smell of his cologne.
Hello everyone! I have recently started writing again with (hopefully) an eye to submitting to a publisher or self-publishing and would love to know if this is worth fleshing out (pardon the pun) and polishing up. I would love to get some feedback, critique, suggestions on my first offering (for many years!) on the altar of Erotica. I am hoping this will finish out at around 3000 words. I would love some feed back on the first of what will be many rewrites. The first snippet is the original, the second is with changes.
I awoke to darkness and a familiar ache of desire. I was bound. My wrists are secured to the soft leather of the cuffs wrapped tight around my ankles, which are attached to a thin steel bar that kept my thighs forced widespread. I was face down. I could smell the scent of him on the soft, satiny comforter that covered the bed. My body was positioned so that it looked like a triangle...my face resting on the smooth fabric, with my ass sticking up in the air.
This is one of the favored positions he enjoyed putting me in. It offered him unfettered access to any part of my body that he wished to tease. I was certain that the light was still on, even though the blindfold he had covered my eyes with let not even the smallest bit of light through. I had only my other senses. Sound smells and touch.
A jolt of teasing pleasure coursed through my body as I struggled against my bindings, and I heard him breathing... deep and calmly as I heard his footsteps approach. I could feel the displaced air whisper over my bare skin as he moved around me.
And the rewrite:
I was blind. Bound. My wrists are secured to the soft leather of the cuffs wrapped tight around my ankles, which are attached to a thin steel bar that keeps my thighs forced widespread. He left me face down, with my ass sticking in the air. I could smell his masculine scent on the silk cloth that he had laid across the top end of the table, a soft whisper of displaced air that teased my bare skin as he moved around me. I could feel the all too familiar ache of desire and rising need, eager for his delicious torture to begin. But it was never that easy or fast. Just as he had always done I knew he would leave me to stew in my own thoughts. My own anticipation of what might or might not come.
Several minutes passed. I struggled against my bonds, and the memories of other times, of other tortures, sending the familiar thrill of pleasure through my body. I was completely under his control. Without sight, it was as if my other senses sharpened ten-fold. Ears picking up each breath he took, goosebumps rising on my skin from the slight coolness of the room. The smell of his cologne.
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