Another teeny tiny writing exercise.

[AG31]

Background: The MC is a powerful man who has been presented so far as having no redeeming qualities. Hi might be a Mafia don, or the heartless CEO of a corporation. He's sitting on a park bench and a young woman (probably his daughter) walks up and hands him a baby.

The exercise: Put the following into really good language.

She hands him the baby and walks away. He stands the baby on his lap so they're facing each other. The baby begins playing with his face the way babies do. It grabs his nose, pulls on his lip, pokes at his eye, etc. The man smiles and...

 

[SpicyBean99]

I’m not sure if I wrote this the intended way, but I really enjoyed the concept and if I had more time on my hands I’m sure I could do a far better job! But here goes! (Ps, the writing is so bog standard )

She placed the baby in his arms with slow, deliberate care and when she turned away, she did not look back.

For a second he stilled, but instinct intervened. His hands closed around the child before its unsteady weight could pitch forward and his grip tightened but immediately forced itself to ease. The correction was minute but conscious since he was not accustomed to tempering himself to this degree. In fact, he had never held a baby before.

The baby squirmed in protest at the angle, cotton-clad feet tapping against his thigh and accompanying the wriggling, a small sound of complaint escaped it. He moved the child upright onto his lap, facing him, with one broad hand spanning the entirety of its back, steadying the wobble until they were level with one another.

Large blue eyes assessed him showing no fear, and absolutely no hesitation, drifting first over the lines of his face, then his bushy eyebrows and ears. A tiny hand rose and closed around his nose, squeezing with surprising strength and before even a moment to register it, another fist hooked into his lower lip and pulled, testing the shape of it as though it were play dough. Next, a wandering finger aimed for his eye and yet he stayed still, a slight nerve twitching at the corner of his lips.

He had endured interrogations, betrayals, measured threats, and held his expression unchanged beneath far harsher scrutiny, only this required something entirely different. Not strength and power, no, here he needed control and patience.

Rignt then and there, he became aware, with unfamiliar clarity, that there was now something in this world capable of unmaking him. And he was, terrified.

 

[pictureintheattic]

I’m not sure if I wrote this the intended way, but I really enjoyed the concept and if I had more time on my hands I’m sure I could do a far better job! But here goes! (Ps, the writing is so bog standard )

She placed the baby in his arms with slow, deliberate care and when she turned away, she did not look back.

For a second he stilled, but instinct intervened. His hands closed around the child before its unsteady weight could pitch forward and his grip tightened but immediately forced itself to ease. The correction was minute but conscious since he was not accustomed to tempering himself to this degree. In fact, he had never held a baby before.

The baby squirmed in protest at the angle, cotton-clad feet tapping against his thigh and accompanying the wriggling, a small sound of complaint escaped it. He moved the child upright onto his lap, facing him, with one broad hand spanning the entirety of its back, steadying the wobble until they were level with one another.

Large blue eyes assessed him showing no fear, and absolutely no hesitation, drifting first over the lines of his face, then his bushy eyebrows and ears. A tiny hand rose and closed around his nose, squeezing with surprising strength and before even a moment to register it, another fist hooked into his lower lip and pulled, testing the shape of it as though it were play dough. Next, a wandering finger aimed for his eye and yet he stayed still, a slight nerve twitching at the corner of his lips.

He had endured interrogations, betrayals, measured threats, and held his expression unchanged beneath far harsher scrutiny, only this required something entirely different. Not strength and power, no, here he needed control and patience.

Rignt then and there, he became aware, with unfamiliar clarity, that there was now something in this world capable of unmaking him. And he was, terrified.

Good start. Keep it up

 

[AG31]

I’m not sure if I wrote this the intended way, but I really enjoyed the concept and if I had more time on my hands I’m sure I could do a far better job! But here goes! (Ps, the writing is so bog standard )

She placed the baby in his arms with slow, deliberate care and when she turned away, she did not look back.

For a second he stilled, but instinct intervened. His hands closed around the child before its unsteady weight could pitch forward and his grip tightened but immediately forced itself to ease. The correction was minute but conscious since he was not accustomed to tempering himself to this degree. In fact, he had never held a baby before.

The baby squirmed in protest at the angle, cotton-clad feet tapping against his thigh and accompanying the wriggling, a small sound of complaint escaped it. He moved the child upright onto his lap, facing him, with one broad hand spanning the entirety of its back, steadying the wobble until they were level with one another.

Large blue eyes assessed him showing no fear, and absolutely no hesitation, drifting first over the lines of his face, then his bushy eyebrows and ears. A tiny hand rose and closed around his nose, squeezing with surprising strength and before even a moment to register it, another fist hooked into his lower lip and pulled, testing the shape of it as though it were play dough. Next, a wandering finger aimed for his eye and yet he stayed still, a slight nerve twitching at the corner of his lips.

He had endured interrogations, betrayals, measured threats, and held his expression unchanged beneath far harsher scrutiny, only this required something entirely different. Not strength and power, no, here he needed control and patience.

Rignt then and there, he became aware, with unfamiliar clarity, that there was now something in this world capable of unmaking him. And he was, terrified.

This is splendid!

 

[ADirtyPerv]

There had better not be any cameras around, he thought as the little one balanced on his thighs. His PR people would love the social media posts it would generate, but it would make him look weak to his underlings, and that would not do.

"Ow," he muttered as the little one poked his eye a little harder than usual. But he didn't flinch, lest the fragile creature fall.

He caught his daughter's eye as she talked on the phone nearby -- her lips quirked up in a little smirk. She never asked if he was willing to hold the little one -- Devon, she insisted on calling it -- but just plopped it in his lap. He was competent, would not back down from a challenge. He stared down this particular challenge, daring it to--

Devon made long, intense eye contact, and its face scrunched up. He watched its little tummy flex, its body lean into his grip. It was...defacating, but with full eye contact. Babies do that?

His daughter swung by and plopped a pack of wipes and a diaper in his lap and pointed to the nearest changing table, still continuing her blasted phone call.

He looked at Devon, and nodded. He would not back down even from this.

 

[AG31]

I’m not sure if I wrote this the intended way, but I really enjoyed the concept and if I had more time on my hands I’m sure I could do a far better job! But here goes! (Ps, the writing is so bog standard )

She placed the baby in his arms with slow, deliberate care and when she turned away, she did not look back.

For a second he stilled, but instinct intervened. His hands closed around the child before its unsteady weight could pitch forward and his grip tightened but immediately forced itself to ease. The correction was minute but conscious since he was not accustomed to tempering himself to this degree. In fact, he had never held a baby before.

The baby squirmed in protest at the angle, cotton-clad feet tapping against his thigh and accompanying the wriggling, a small sound of complaint escaped it. He moved the child upright onto his lap, facing him, with one broad hand spanning the entirety of its back, steadying the wobble until they were level with one another.

Large blue eyes assessed him showing no fear, and absolutely no hesitation, drifting first over the lines of his face, then his bushy eyebrows and ears. A tiny hand rose and closed around his nose, squeezing with surprising strength and before even a moment to register it, another fist hooked into his lower lip and pulled, testing the shape of it as though it were play dough. Next, a wandering finger aimed for his eye and yet he stayed still, a slight nerve twitching at the corner of his lips.

He had endured interrogations, betrayals, measured threats, and held his expression unchanged beneath far harsher scrutiny, only this required something entirely different. Not strength and power, no, here he needed control and patience.

Rignt then and there, he became aware, with unfamiliar clarity, that there was now something in this world capable of unmaking him. And he was, terrified.

Over the last several hours I've revisited your post in my mind, off and on, with pleasure. It's exactly what I was thinking, except, of course, for your brilliant conclusion. It was incredibly vivid for me, both somatically and emottionally. Thanks again!

 

[PapaRomantic]

My inclination for this exercise would be to write from the viewpoint of the woman leaving the baby with the man. I'd want to explore what's going on in her mind that leads her to think this is the best for everyone involved.