Another story for LonelyMom

[LonelyMom]

My latest edition to, "Confessions From An Affair" has just been posted. I always dreamed of an adventure on a crowded train. I'm glad that I got to at least live it out through writing.

Thanks again to everyone for the support that you've given me. I hope you like it.

http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=306714

 

[Jenny_Jackson]

My latest edition to, "Confessions From An Affair" has just been posted. I always dreamed of an adventure on a crowded train. I'm glad that I got to at least live it out through writing.

Thanks again to everyone for the support that you've given me. I hope you like it.

http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=306714

I'll get to your story yet, LM. I'm expecting a good story

 

[writelove]

The Natural

You write with a natual style, a flow that makes it easy to stay with the story. Writing is easy for you, the way most of us drive our cars or brush our teeth. It was easy for me to forget that this was a story on a web site for erotic stories.

Most stories on this site use the sex and sensuality to pull a reader. That is legitimate certainly. But because of this, most of the stories don't have much to say about the characters. Rarely is there a plot other than pulsating slamma jamma action.

I won't try to word smith you to death since you are far better than I am.

I do have one suggestion. I never saw the tension, the problem that the characters were embroiled in. A good story hides something that slowly is revealed. An event occurs for which the characters must react.

Kierkegaard once said that aesthetics is the balance between what we know and what is not revealed. Even a painting, a good painting does this. OK, my mother has an old box camera that takes a pretty good reproduction of something. But art takes that reproduction and twists it on its heals.

And that's my struggle here. I don't see that balance. I see a sweet couple on a train. Excellent skill with words certainly, but something is missing.

Dan

 

[drksideofthemoon]

I think Chapter 4 is your strongest chapter to date. You've used a lot more dialog in this chapter than in the previous chapters. I thought your characters on the train were great, I felt that I was there on the train.

Good job LM, and I hope you continue the series.

 

[vaskar23]

Someones Mom My Concubine

My latest edition to, "Confessions From An Affair" has just been posted. I always dreamed of an adventure on a crowded train. I'm glad that I got to at least live it out through writing.

Thanks again to everyone for the support that you've given me. I hope you like it.

http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=306714

I have always thoght of fucking souravs mom. It should come true.I would like to stip her naked , then place her on my lap. I will then sodomise her.She is my friends mom though, but quite sexy and charming.I have even talked about her body right in front her son.

 

[vaskar23]

Masturbations

I have often thought about stripping ladies and then having sex with them. Its cool I think.Whenever I find a lady who is a little bit friendly I check it out whether or not I can have sex with her.I always think about sodomising great ladies and specially models or sportswomen. I know this is not a crime because I am not actually raping anyone.Yesterday while I was talking to ASHADI of our locality I performed the act. I realised that she was sticking to me. Without taking any chances, I grabed her breasts and started sqeezing and pulling them roughly.There was no one around. There was not a single person to be seen anywhere as it was loadshedding and none in my house. I stripped her naked on the streets and put my penis inside her anus and ejaculated sperms. I burnt her clothes and she had to go home completely naked. I did thewhole thing right in front oe her son, and although she resisted at first, but as soon as I sodomised her , although she was experiencing severe pains on her bums andanal side and on nipples she was enjoying it.

 

[LonelyMom]

Thank you guys for your wonderful comments. Writing this story has been a great learning experience. Your suggestions and encouragement have been invaluable.

Writelove - Yes, things have been quite rosy so far. I hope you keep following the story as it unfolds. The tension that you crave is coming. Mary Margaret is an old lady and she sure likes taking her time in telling her story. I try to get her to move it along more quickly, but she has a hard head.
Abd as for writing coming easily? I only wish that was true. I've been lucky that some other experienced writers have been open enough with me to offer their suggestions. It's a lot of work, but I'm having a ball while doing it.

 

[Jenny_Jackson]

Yep. Yep. You are getting there, LM. Good story. The first paragraph was a little weak - didn't really grab me by the throat, but that's overshadowed by the improvement in the rest of the story.

You are doing wonderfully. Just keep it up and don't be afraid to try new things and push the envelope.

JJ (the Crumudgeon)

 

[LonelyMom]

Thanks, Jen...I'll try to keep pushing. You guys are great teachers. I've put five of my children through college (with one more to go) and I can tell you without fear of contradiction - This is MUCH cheaper!

P.S. I snuck a peek at your MySpace page. Smart AND Beautiful? You couldn't leave something for somebody else? : )