Another in need of editor help

[BlkNYLONS]

As with my other stories this is also strong nylon/heels fetish, CD, younger male/older female FemDom themed.

I've have been striking out with finding help with my newest story. It has been on the shelf for over 6 months now. I have reached out in the volunteer editors section with no answers or in two cases my story sent with no return response.

My story has run on longer than my past stories at about 14,625 words, about 32 pages in word.

Looking for someone that has the time for a story of this length and comfortable with the story theme content.

Sincerely…..BlkNYLONS

 

[Paul Reagan]

I'll take a look at it. Shoot me a PM.

– PR

 

[_Lynn_]

As with my other stories this is also strong nylon/heels fetish, CD, younger male/older female FemDom themed.

I've have been striking out with finding help with my newest story. It has been on the shelf for over 6 months now. I have reached out in the volunteer editors section with no answers or in two cases my story sent with no return response.

My story has run on longer than my past stories at about 14,625 words, about 32 pages in word.

Looking for someone that has the time for a story of this length and comfortable with the story theme content.

Sincerely…..BlkNYLONS
[COLOR="Red"]xxxxxx[/COLOR][/QUOTE]

You'll want to remove your e-mail address per[URL="http://www.literotica.com/support/forum_rules.shtml"] forum rules.[/URL] See #4.

 

[BlkNYLONS]

Thank you Mistress Lynn!

 

[Sanichi]

Hello BlkNYLONS,

What kind of help do you need? I read and enjoyed your stories (enough to keep them) a few years ago and I see every one has been voted "Hot", so you are doing it right so far. I would be happy to take a look at anything new if you send me a PM.

 

[canbe04]

Got rejected need help

Please read this and help me get it posted..thanks,

One Night


After driving 80 miles he checked into this shady motel on the outskirts of town. He had been anticipating this night for months. He was about to meet his online mistress for the first time face to face. She has been training him thru phone sessions, text messages and emails for this highly anticipated night. He has fantasized for years to be used as a submissive sissy cross dressing Bitch Boy and offer himself to whomever he was ordered to serve. This fantasy stems from the fact that his day job requires him to be boss. So after hours, he has longed to be submissive, ordered about and made to do slutty sexual acts… especially to a demanding black haired mistress.

He took a shot of whiskey to calm his nerves before getting in the shower. He remembered how she had told him to be squeaky clean before she got there. He had played out these fantasies many times at home by himself, dressing up and using toys that are props. He had never had anyone play with him and tonight he was about to fulfill some of his many fantasies. He made sure that he had all the toys laid out on the bed…all clean and with plenty of lube as instructed. Another shot of whiskey and suddenly…

The phone rang and he knew exactly who it was…. his Mistress. She said “are your ready for your session my little Bitch Boy? Do you have all your things with you?” I replied, “Yes mistress”. She said “good boy now GET DRESSED for me and get yourself ready…Do you understand”? Yes Mistress…”Good I will see you in 20 minutes”.

“Get dressed” was ringing in his head as he has done this many times in the privacy of his own home, but now he was to be dressed in front of his mistress. Excitement is an understatement as to what he was feeling and anticipating. He knew what “Get Dressed” meant…that is to dress in his favorite outfit…red thong, garter, black stockings and that red slutty camisole. Of the few outfits he had in his secret hiding place, this outfit made him feel soooo slutty and submissive (not to mention the help of those shots of whiskey). First he put on that red thong…adjusting it just right. Next he slowly put those sexy black thigh highs on. The feel of the material against his flesh was making him horny. Now comes the garter belt. This is part of the outfit that really makes his submissive and slutty side come out especially when he connects the garter to the stockings. He slips into the red camisole and the outfit is complete. He was now transformed into one hot slut or so he thought.

His cock was starting to grow…pressing against the small patch of material of his thong just thinking about what was about to transpire during the next several hours. Waiting for her seemed like hours but only 15 minutes had actually passed by.

“Bang” a loud knock on the door…. his time had come. Those phone calls, watching you porn and reading stories on the net had helped him fine tune those fantasies that he has played out in his head were about to become reality.

He opened the door and there she stood…dressed in a black trench coat. All he could do was stare…He was instructed via the last email message she sent on what to do when she arrived. “Please come in Mistress,” he offered. She walked in and he quickly latched the door behind her. “I see you have done exactly as I ordered” she said as she took off the trench coat…. underneath she was dressed in her black leather bustier with black boy shorts. He had all the toys laid out on the bed per her instruction.

She said to him…. “My you look sooo slutty and fuckable”…”I am going to have fun with you tonight my little slave. I am going to make you my sissy bitch boi and you are going to like it” yes mistress is all he could muster.

“I have had a rough week and I am plenty frustrated” she said, “You are going to get pounded my little bitch boy till I have fucked all the frustration out of me. Do you understand”? “Yes Mistress” he replied.

“First off …put this collar and leash on…. now pour up some shots and lets drink a little…I want you good and loose ….so when I fuck you. You will be ready to take all of my 8” strap on cock.” After about 5 or 6 shots and a little smoke he and his mistress and were really getting into the fantasy.

She walks so seductively over to the edge of the bed and has a seat …dressed in that sexy black bustier which matches her black hair. Her tan body had an intoxicating aroma that put him a state of arousal.

“Now get over here and get on your knees…. worship my feet”. He crawls over and start to kiss her perfectly freshly done toes and sexy feet…. they are so soft and kissable…as his cock is starting to get semi hard she says “I see your little clitty is getting hard bitch…. you must like it….” “Oh I do mistress I do,” he says with such joy. She says “but just you wait bitch…. you will not cum till I let you…do you understand me bitch boi?” “Yes mistress”. “Suck on those toes like you are sucking a hard cock…. you know how it makes my pussy soooo wet….ohhh goooood boi.
You almost make me want to cum”…He licks and massages her shapely perfect feet and sucks on those toes with gusto. His tongue is all over her toes…probing between the freshly painted sexy toes…. sucking and licking…kissing her feet back and forth….trying to get her foot in his mouth to suck…delivering pure pleasure. “mmmmm your good mmmmm …damn bitch.”

After about 5 more minutes she says, “Stand up”. He is standing in front of her as she rubs over his body…. feeling the hardness of his sissy cock which is inches away from her mouth…. she releases it from behind the red thong and it just springs forward…My you are so turned on my little bitch…. she takes the hard cock and slowly inserts it in her mouth…mmmm she says…. she teases him so good and slow…licking and sucking on his cock…he is going nuts as he grabs her head and guides her up and down on his now dripping wet cock…. she expertly sucks on his cock like the pro she is. Stroking it and sucking it at the same time she is driving him nuts. He is really close to cumming when she says ”Easy big boy” she snaps…as she stands up….”not yet…. Your mistress has not been serviced and if you cum you will be of no good to me…save it for later”…Now she has gone from giving pleasure to her bitch boi…to being herself…a demanding Bitch.

"Lay down on the bed, on your back slut," She instructed. He quickly complied, eager to please her. Whatever she had planned, he was more than ready at this point. "Okay my sissy bitch boy, time for Mistress to get licked."

"Are you ready?" she whispered into his ear, then flicked her tongue seductively along his ear lobe.

"Yes mistress," He managed, just barely. She then climbed onto the bed and straddled his face.

"Stick out your tongue, my little pantyboy."

He reached out with his tongue and he could feel the heat of her flesh and smell the intoxicating aroma of a moist cunt pressed down onto him, and his tongue tasted her sweetness. The unmistakable flavor of her pussy filled his senses.

"Mmmmm, yes bitch boi, eat your Mistress." Be my lesbian bitch and lick me good…

She lowered herself onto him, and rode his face, pressing her pussy onto his eager lips and tongue. As she smothered his face with her pussy, He could feel her begin to slide her whole body onto his. She brushed lightly along his panty-encased cock. Her hands then slid over his balls, and down between her legs. He could tell by her wetness and the little noises that she made that she was getting closer to an orgasm. He licked and sucked harder, knowing that she likes it. She rolled her pelvis so that her clit was easily accessible. He licked it and sucked it into his mouth, flicking his tongue over her most sensitive spot. Her moans grew louder, her legs clamped down on his head. She was cumming. Her fingers dug into his head. Her pussy was flowing freely, and he tried to drink in all her nectar. She fell off him and after a few minutes regained her senses….She got up of her bitch went and sat down at the table ….she took a few puffs and a shot or two. “Get over here and suck my toes a few more minutes while I recover….hhhmmmm that feels so goood….I could have you do that all night…but I have other plans for you she teased.”

"Mmmm..,,my little sissy bitch, that was pretty good….you do know how to lick me just right. Now, it's time I fucked you." But first you are going to help me with this strap on. She was toying with him knowing how hot he was for it. Do you see how big it is? It so much bigger than your little sissy cock. I am going to fuck you good with this big rubber cock and you are going to love it ….you are so my “BITCH”. He helped her put on the strap on harness. “That’s it…get it good and tight on me. I want this cock to feel like it is really attached to me when I fuck you. I want it to rub up on my clit when I pound you into submission” “Yes mistress” he said as he firmly fastened the harness.

She looked in the mirror and admired her big hard cock…stroking it like it was real. “I going to fuck you silly….I will turn you into a sissy cock sucking slut…do you hear me bitch”? “Yes mistress I am your bitch”. “Yes you are and don’t you forget it.”

His mouth was watering for a taste of that monster cock…..She was taunting him ever so sternly.

“You want to suck this cock don’t you?” She asked so demanding….”DON’T YOU?”

“Yes mistress”….”Now crawl over here and open wide…. take that cock…. suck it good…that’s it bitch boi suck it good…lick that shaft…make love to it…tell me how bad you want this cock…. SAY IT”. …Barking commands…she was getting more and more turned on by the fact that she had a cock and he was on his knees sucking it. That rubber strap on gave her power that she did not know she could have…and she took full advantage of it…. she was totally into being “the guy” giving it to “her bitch.” “You like being throat fucked don’t you cock sucker?” “Gag on it…take it deep”…With her hands on the back of his head she guided that cock like it was real down his throat. She was lost in thought watching him deep throat that rubber cock. Banging those rubber balls off his chin…saliva dripping from his mouth as she continued to rape his mouth. “Oh my ….you love it don’t you cocksucker? …Suck it…. swallow that cock”…she commanded. This was music to his ears as he longed to hear those words while his mouth was full of cock. Her hands expertly holding his head as she drove that cock in and out of his open mouth.

“Ohhh mmmmistress I want that cock” is all he could say….”You are a good cock sucker…look at you …dressed like a cock sucking slut…MY cock sucking slut that is…hear me BITCH”? …”yes mistress.” “You want to be my cock sucking bitch boi don’t you”? mmmm uhhuh bobbing his head up and down yes…..”you want to stay my bitch boi don’t you?… then you better do as I say…” You love being my bitch boi…buying me presents…. taking me out…. running errands for me…. being at my beck and call…. worshiping my sexy feet…licking my sweet pussy…then you better do as I say…. isn’t that right ….my bitch boi…” “mmmmmm yes mistress yes mistress”

“You would love it if I brought in a stud so you could suck a real cock wouldn’t you bitch boi”? “Answer me”…..mmmmmmm slurping..uhhuh. pulling off her cock trying to catch his breath …“Yes mistress if that would make you happy.” “You know you want a real cock…deep down you know you are nothing but a sissy cock sucking bitch boi… as good as you suck this rubber cock I know you could suck a real cock…. maybe one day I will arrange that for you…. How about I have you suck a real cock and get it good and hard so he can fuck me with it? You would like to see me get fucked wouldn’t you? See that hard cock plow deep in my wet pussy…you would love it. I would make you suck all his hot cum from my pussy and lick all my pussy juices off his cock. That makes you hard doesn’t it bitch boy? You want to see your mistress fucked hard don’t you? Well maybe on day but for now you are all mine so keep sucking…. swallow that cock…all the way down…. gag on it…deep throat it…You like to throat fuck that rubber cock don’t you sissy”? Her hands on the back of his head slamming all the 8” deep down her sissy boi’s throat…mmmmmmm………………….
mmmmmmsssssslllurrrppppggaagggg. “That turns me on so much to see you swallow that cock…I can almost feel it…like it was real….mmmmmmm good boi”. “Look at you in the mirror…on your knees dressed like a dirty slut with a rubber cock down your throat…. your hard little clitty sticking out of your red thong…. you need to be fucked…SLUT.”

Knowing the more she talked to him and the more she made him suck her cock, the more submissive he became. She was priming him for a strap on fuck session. She is going to use him to take out all that frustration that builds up in her for weeks from a stressful job. She is turning the tables on him and she is going to pound his slutty ass. Such great therapy she says to him.

She then pulls that slippery cock from his mouth and looks down at him…. “tell me what you want next slut….tell me you want it Bitch…you cock sucking slut”…..She slaps his face with the wet cock a couple of times….”You want me to fuck you don’t you? Huh slut? You want me to bend you over and fuck you like the sissy cock sucking bitch boi you are? DON’T YOU? Answer me…”

“Yes Yes….Oh please fuck me mistress….fuck me like the sissy slut I am…pound my boi cunt hard…” he begs…. “You are a nasty little slut wanna be aren’t you? Suck it good…take it all the way down your throat…gag on it bitch”…. …she grabs his hair and forces that hard cock all the way down his throat one more time…. Overcome with lust by his cock sucking … Get up bitch” she barks then pulls him up by hair and forces him across the table on his stomach… his sexy thong covered ass exposed for her. A few quick slaps on his ass as a sly grin forms on her face.

She loves the dominance that she has over him. Most women only dream of having such a submissive boi toy to play with and she is loving it. She is not going to let this situation get away from her until she had used him for all he is worth. She knows that as long as she sucks his cock from time to time he is hers.

“Ok bitch…now I am gonna fuck you do you understand? You better get that ass ready for me”…He applies ample KY and is so ready for that fuck. She positions herself behind her slut and slowly inserts that rubber saliva covered cock into his boi pussy. Ohhhh my godddddd he says as she works the head in…..after few short thrust she has him loose (along with the shots of liquor). “How is it bitch boi? Like that cock up your ass?” “Ohhh yesssss mistressssss fuck meeee …..please fuck meeeee…..”

As she pushed the dildo into his tight boi cunt, he was marveled at its size. The feeling of fullness was overwhelming. It pushed deep inside him. Just as he thought he could accept no more of it, he felt her pelvis press against him. All the way home she forced that dildo deep…”Like that bitch?”

"Good pantyboy, I knew you could handle all of me."

She began to pump in and out of him. Her hands on his hips as she pounded him…with each thrust, waves of pleasure rippled through her sissy. When she bottomed out the back of the dildo rubbed near her clit and she was receiving waves of pleasure with each thrust.

"Mmmm..you like this don't you pantyboy. You are my little slut aren't you? No more pantyboy...I think I'll call you my little slut. You like getting fucked in your little slut ass don't you?"

She is really getting into a rhythm as she is turned on even more (if that is possible) by his moans of pain and pleasure and also his pleas to be fucked…..”Harder harder” he screams as she pounds his boi pussy….”Take it like a good slut you cock sucking sissy bitch” …Pounding harder and harder his groans become music to her ears…she is so turned on as she fucks her slut…. taking out years of frustration on him she is fantasizing about fucking all those bastards who took her for granted and fucked her for their own selfish pleasures. It’s payback time.

“Take it Bitch…Take that hard cock” "Ohh...yes Mistress, please fuck my little slut ass..."

"Yes, my little slut...tell me how much you like it in your little slut ass." The waves of pleasure were nothing he had ever felt before. He could feel his cock was harder than it had ever been before. She wasn't even touching it, but he could tell that if she kept fucking him, thrusting against his prostate, that he was going to cum.

"Ohh...Mistress please don't stop. I need to be fucked deep in my little slut ass. Mmmmm it feels so good. So good...I think I'm going to cum Mistress..."

Suddenly, she pulled out, and pulled away from him. He no longer felt her weight on his back. He felt empty, and his impending orgasm was slipping away. “Don’t stop” he pleaded.

"Mistress? please...fuck me...let me cum...." he begged.

"You are not here for your pleasure, my little slut," She scolded him. White flashes filled his vision, heat burned across his ass. "You will learn your place slut! You'll cum only when I allow it. You are here for my pleasure, slut. And right now I am in charge”…more slaps of heat and pain on my ass, "I'm enjoying heating up your ass and watching you squirm."

"Mmmm now that's better my little slut," she soothed. "Now, let's get back to that fucking." He felt her dildo slide inside of him, filling him completely. She resumed a steady rhythm, thrusting in and out of him in long fluid strokes. It didn't take long before he was again on the verge of orgasm.

"Ohhh...please Mistress...may I cum?" he begged.

After what felt like minutes, she pulled the dildo out…grabbed the back of his head and slung him to the bed. He fell backwards on his back….hard cock throbbing….”do not touch that cock…bitch boi”….She screamed at him….She came over to the bed and told him to release the harness.

He sat up undid her fuck toy as it fell to the ground ….She grabbed him by the hair and led him over to the table. She got up on the table and told him “ Fuck me hard Bitch Boi. Pound my wet pussy right here on this table.” He did as he was told. He got her up on the table and fell to his knees and started to lick and suck on her soaking wet pussy. Teasing her clit with his tongue she was moaning loader and loader….Oh just fuck me now…hard and deep bitch boy…show your mistress that you can fuck…fuck me hard….ohhhh yess. "Are you ready my little slut? Remember, you don't cum until I say you cum." His little cock was hard and he was pounding his mistress like she demanded he do. Never before had any pussy felt so good wrapped around his little cock. After pounding her hard he was about to blow…he felt the flow of hot cum rise up his shaft and his thick cum filled balls were slapping up against her…"Mistress, please may I cum?" I begged, "I can't hold out much longer, please Mistress? As he begged for permission to cum and she said, “Fill my pussy bitch boy…fill it up”… "Cum for me slut, cum for your Mistress!" He released inside her. His orgasm literally had him seeing flashes of light as he felt his orgasm flooded his senses with ecstasy. The pain from his ass pounding mixed with his orgasm creating a new euphoria in him. His orgasm swept through his entire body. He heard screams of ecstasy that he could not tell if they were his or hers. He unloaded what felt like a gobs of cum deep into her hot dripping wet pussy. She climaxed about the same time that he shot his load deep inside of his mistress.
As we came down from our orgasms…catching her breath she said "We're not done slut...Time to get cleaned up," she said, a grin on her face told him something new was coming. She ordered him to get on his knees and crawl between her legs.

He knew exactly what she wanted and he wanted it more than she could have imagined. Looking at her pussy, glistening with her juices and his cum, he opened his mouth and reached for her with his tongue. "That's a good slut," “Suck my freshly fucked pussy….lick it and suck it clean…be a good bitch boi and make your mistress cum one more time.” “Yes mistress” was all he could say, as he was total spent from a severe fucking and earth shattering orgasm.

He pushed his tongue between her spread lips; deep into her pussy…the smell was so intoxicating. She tasted sweet and tangy as he ate her pussy, licking her lips, sucking on her clit, sucking his cum from her. She squeezed her thighs around his face, smothering him, riding him so that her pussy was all over him. He ate her pussy and drank the mixture of his cum and her juices as the gift that it was, stealing air when he could. He lost his sense of time, but simply kept licking and sucking her pussy while staring up to her. She had her breasts in her hands, rolling her own nipples between her fingers as she neared another climax. Sounds were muffled but he could tell she was moaning and screaming in pleasure as she rode through the climax, her body tensing and shivering in ecstasy.

When she had come down from her orgasm, she peered down at him and gave him that same smile again "Slut that was wonderful. You have served your Mistress well.”

 

[PacoFear]

Canbe,

You should have posted a new thread. I'm guessing that your dialogue problems are what got you rejected. It's not that hard really, just a few simple rules you need to learn. Try this plain language explanation: Punctuating dialogue.

G'luck

-PF

 

[_Lynn_]

Please read this and help me get it posted..thanks.

Here's a few quick tips for you, although the piece has more problems.

Numbers -- write them out

Ellipsis -- three dots . . .

A word in all caps -- This is like yelling. Don't do it. Use dialogue tags and the narrative to get the point to the reader.

Spelling-- so is so, oh god is oh god, mm is mm, good is good, etc. Again, use tags or narrative not a run of letters. "Oh god," she hissed. SR can correct me if hissed is not a tag.

This is a disaster.
…mmmmmmm………………….mmmmmmsssssslllurrrppppggaagggg.

 

[AsylumSeeker]

Here's a few quick tips for you, although the piece has more problems.

Numbers -- write them out

Ellipsis -- three dots . . .

A word in all caps -- This is like yelling. Don't do it. Use dialogue tags and the narrative to get the point to the reader.

Spelling-- so is so, oh god is oh god, mm is mm, good is good, etc. Again, use tags or narrative not a run of letters. "Oh god," she hissed. SR can correct me if hissed is not a tag.

This is a disaster.
…mmmmmmm………………….mmmmmmsssssslllurrrppppggaagggg.

Guess I missed the "hiss".

Now hoping ML doesn't kick the "hiss" out of me, lol