Another funny:

[Wildcard Ky]

This is one of those little Jonny jokes, but I thought it was pretty funny.....

A teacher is explaining biology to her 4th grade students. "Human beings are the only animals that stutter", she says.

Little Jonny raises his hand. "I had a kitty-cat who stuttered", he volunteers.

The teacher, knowing how precious some of these stories could become, asks young Jonny to describe the incident.

"Well", he begins, "I was in the back yard with my kitty and the rottweiler who lives next door got a running start and before we knew it, he jumped over the fence into our yard!

"That must've been scary", says the teacher.

"It sure was", says little Jonny. "My kitty went 'Fffff, Fffff, Fffff'... and before he could say "Fuck," the rottweiler ate him!"

 

[MagicaPractica]

LOL, guess I don't know the "Little Jonny" jokes. I'll have to watch for them. BTW, all this lit together talk prompts me to remind you that you offered lunch when I am next in Kentucky. I remind you now because it's going to be until next summer and I don't want you to forget.

 

[Weird Harold]

This is one of those little Jonny jokes, but I thought it was pretty funny.....

That wasn't one in my file of little johnny jokes, so I'll trade you two for one:

---
A Sunday School teacher of pre-schoolers was
concerned that his students might be a little confused
about Jesus Christ because of the Christmas season
emphasis on His birth. He wanted to make sure they un-
derstood that the birth of Jesus occurred a long time
ago, that He grew up, etc.

So he asked his class, "Where is Jesus today?"

Steven raised his hand and said, "He's in
heaven."

Mary was called on and answered, "He's in my
heart."

Little Johnny, waving his hand furiously, blur-
ted out, "I know! I know! He's in our bathroom!!!"

The whole class got very quiet, looked at the
teacher, and waited for a response. The teacher was
completely at a loss for a few very long seconds. He
finally gathered his wits and asked Little Johnny how
he had come to that conclusion. And Little Johnny said,
"Well...every morning, my father gets up, bangs on the
bathroom door,and yells 'Jesus Christ, are you still in
there?'!"

---

Little Johnny took his new chemistry set down to
the basement where he stayed all afternoon mixing vari-
ous liquids together.

Eventually, his dad went down and found him
surrounded by test tubes, pounding something into the
wall.

"Why are you hammering a nail into the wall?"
asked the dad.

"It's not a nail," said Johnny. "It's a worm!
I tried to bring this worm back to life with my special
chemical mixture, but my formula made the worm hard as
a rock."

Johnny showed his dad the liquid mix that he had
soaked the worm in, and his dad said, "I'll tell you
what. You give me the test tube with your special chem-
ical mixture in it and I'll buy you a Toyota."

So little Johnny handed the test tube over. The
next day, when Johnny got home from school, he saw a
brand new Mercedes-Benz parked in the driveway. He then
asked his dad about the car.

"Oh," said the father, "your Toyota is in the
garage. The Mercedes is from your mother."

 

[tolyk]

Harold, the second one was great, never heard that one

 

[Stella_Omega]

This is one of those little Jonny jokes, but I thought it was pretty funny.....

....

"It sure was", says little Jonny. "My kitty went 'Fffff, Fffff, Fffff'... and before he could say "Fuck," the rottweiler ate him!"

Now, you know...

I have a limited sense of humor. So, don't take anything I say here as anything but myopia, okay?
but- it's funnier to me that Wildcard thinks the joke is funny- than the joke itself is...

That's interesting to me!

 

[arienette]

Now, you know...

I have a limited sense of humor. So, don't take anything I say here as anything but myopia, okay?
but- it's funnier to me that Wildcard thinks the joke is funny- than the joke itself is...

That's interesting to me!

Now I don't feel bad for thinking the same thing. Thanks!

 

[dr_mabeuse]

Now, you know...

I have a limited sense of humor. So, don't take anything I say here as anything but myopia, okay?
but- it's funnier to me that Wildcard thinks the joke is funny- than the joke itself is...

That's interesting to me!

You're just a bleeding-heart pussy-lover.

Maybe it would have been funnier had the dog attacked a kid, like happened here:

Baby dies after rottweiler attack

Mon Sep 25, 6:10 AM ET

LONDON (AFP) - A baby girl has died after being attacked by two rottweiler dogs.

The five-month-old girl was savaged by the pets at a pub in Leicester, and was rushed to the city's Royal Infirmary but died from her injuries shortly afterwards late Saturday.

The parents of the baby girl were looking after the pub and dogs while the landlord was away on holiday.

The animals were used as guard dogs and belonged to the landlord.

Neighbour Amy Grimbley said: "The dogs are known to be vicious. They are guard dogs. They stay on the roof during the day and whenever you walk past, you get the feeling they could just jump down and attack you.

"They are very aggressive. Everybody around here is petrified of them."

A Leicestershire Police spokesman said officers would be seeking a destruction order for the dogs, the BBC online reported Sunday.

Police are investigating the circumstances of the death, which comes five weeks after a four-year-old boy needed 200 stitches in his face after being attacked by an American bulldog in Huntingdon, eastern England.

Britain introduced tighter laws on dog ownership in 1991 after a spate of attacks on young children...

http://news.yahoo.com/s/afp/20060925/wl_uk_afp/britainanimalpoliceinquiry_060925101003

 

[Guest]

Dead pet humor isn't funny to me.

But I liked Harold's tales.

 

[Stella_Omega]

Doc, you're my hero.
You put your finger on why the joke isn't funny to me.

I AM a pussy-lover!

 

[Wildcard Ky]

Such a serious crowd.......

Maybe I should have told a joke about a drunk guy. No wait, drunk people drive and kill other people.

Maybe I should have said something cute about Don Knotts carrying a bullet in his pocket. No wait, people have died from bullets before.

Maybe a fun line or two from Blazin Saddles. No wait, they used politically incorrect words that have been used to hurt other people before.

Geez, I guess you can't say anything anymore that might have some form on negative connotation in real life.

 

[Stella_Omega]

I'm sorry, KY- I just love pussy so much, you see, I hate to think of it being wasted...

 

[Wildcard Ky]

I'm sorry, KY- I just love pussy so much, you see, I hate to think of it being wasted...

LOL

 

[Matadore]

Humor and pain

Better minds than mine have suggested that humor involves a quick and unexpected reversal of fortune or juxaposition, sort of a sharp bend in the road that leaves the listener flying off the road.

At the risk of misattributing, I think that Robert Hineline (sp?) proposed that all humor has an element of pain.

Such as:

Little Johnny accidentally walks in on his mother who is about to dispose of a sanitary napkin. He sees what to him looks like a large bloody bandage.

"Good golly Mommy! What happened?" he asks.

Thinking fast the mother replies that she was helping Daddy chop wood and was cut when the ax slipped, but she was just fine.

"Oh my God! What bad luck, right in the twat!" was his reply.

 

[Stella_Omega]

Better minds than mine have suggested that humor involves a quick and unexpected reversal of fortune or juxaposition, sort of a sharp bend in the road that leaves the listener flying off the road.

At the risk of misatributing, I think that Robert Hineline (sp?) proposed that all humor has an element of pain.

Such as:

Little Johnny accidentally walks in on his mother who is about to dispose of a sanitary napkin. He sees what to him looks like a large bloody bandage.

"Good golly Mommy! What happened?" he asks.

Thinking fast the mother replies that she was helping Daddy chop wood and was cut when the ax slipped, but she was just fine.

"Oh my God! What bad luck, right in the twat!" was his reply.

I think that was a mis-attribute, yes.

 

[MagicaPractica]

I think that was a mis-attribute, yes.

And it's Heinlein.

 

[Matadore]

with a little help from me friends

And it's Heinlein.

Thank you

 

[Stella_Omega]

Thank you

Yeah, I'm glad she spelled it too, 'cause i really wasn't sure...