"Anjali's Red Scarf" series - feedback welcome

[Bramblethorn]

Hey all, it took longer than expected but I've finally finished my series "Anjali's Red Scarf" and I'd welcome feedback.

Lesbian, not quite romance but in the neighbourhood, with elements of consensual BDSM in later chapters.

It's in 12 parts, about 100k words all up, so novel-length. Feel free to read as much or as little of it as you'd like, though it will probably make more sense if you read in order!

https://www.literotica.com/beta/s/anjalis-red-scarf-ch-01

 

[NoJo]

I started. You had me, as the best authors do, from the first line. Beautifully written (ch. 1 so far).

I was surprised to learn that "Aspergers" is no longer considered a valid diagnosis in the UK, which on the whole is a good thing, I think. Not a fan of categorical names myself.

 

[Vix_Giovanni]

I have a tendency to over-emote at well told stories about beautiful relationships (I discovered and devoured the vintage graphic novel Tekkonkinkreet Saturday morning and now my entire life is an obsession with Black and White they're soooo precious) and I'm not good at saying goodbye to characters I love. So, I'm feeling very mournful right now, because I just clicked 5-stars on Ch. 12, and so that means that my glimpse into Anjali-Lily, Sarah-Miriam and Lucy's story is now over.

You left them in a beautiful place; but still, we've had to say goodbye. I'm not good with goodbyes.

I'm too emotional right now to really have anything meaningful to add, other than to second Ruben that this is one of my favorite stories and I would venture to say one of the best told stories on Literotica.

One comment, relating back to the working drafts you shared with me: I commend you on how excellently you restructured your plot devices in the rising action and climax. You not only incorporated the ideas and strategies we discussed; you took it many steps further, and instead brought your story full circle! The story opened with Anjali needing someone to be her protector--in the present, her "sugar daddy/mama", and, in flashback, a friend to be the voice of reason to speak to her parents. In the end, Sarah again acts as the voice of reason and Anjali's protector! IMHO it was worth it to steal the spotlight from one of your darlings to instead give that additional, powerful dimension to Anjali and Sarah's relationship Anjali and Sarah created space and time (heh. Physics puns) that allowed her to blossom into a phenomenal and independent woman. This is such a beautifully told story of love and friendship and growth: slice-of-life, sexy, funny, tender.... I'm honored that you let me be a sounding board for some of your ideas, and very grateful to you for creating it.

 

[Bramblethorn]

I started. You had me, as the best authors do, from the first line. Beautifully written (ch. 1 so far).

I was surprised to learn that "Aspergers" is no longer considered a valid diagnosis in the UK, which on the whole is a good thing, I think. Not a fan of categorical names myself.

Thanks! I'm not the greatest at hooky first lines but I'm pretty happy with that one.

"Autism" and "Asperger Syndrome" used to be separate diagnoses, but back around 2013 they were rolled into one category. Back when I started writing this story I self-described as "Aspie" but I've since shifted to just "autistic".

I’m not totally sure, but I think it was chapter 7, ‘Sarah and Anjali mark the first year of their arrangement.’ which I found somewhat disappointing. I had the feeling that you had felt the need to publish this chapter, either because you felt the need to bring some new work, or because it contained information that needed further on in the story. I think it was this chapter that felt somewhat bleak to me; not the same complexity and the same vibe I found in the other chapters.

This doesn't surprise me.

After Chapter 6, I got derailed by a bunch of things that kept me from working on Red Scarf for several months, and I found it hard to pick it up again afterwards - there are a lot of moving parts in that story and it's difficult to restart a juggling act in the middle. That was the point at which I migrated the project into Scrivener, which involved going back through the chapters I'd already written, breaking them into scenes, tagging them, and then sketching out structure for the remaining chapters. It was helpful in getting the story details back into my head but it still took a while to get my groove back, so if you found Chapter 7 feeling a little flat, that may be why. In the end it took a year between finishing Chapter 6 and Chapter 7 (though if you're looking at my posting dates, the gap appears between 5 and 6, because I write one chapter ahead of what I post).

I was somewhat surprised by Sarah in Chapter 10; I had expected her to stop Anjali, who clearly had taken too much alcohol and who was, as it seemed to me, crossing her own borders. If anything, I had expected Sarah to check in on Anjali, afterwards, and to make sure Anjali was okay. Not immediately, I know, Sarah was in crisis that night, but it seemed like the whole situation was completely ignored afterwards. And that seemed unlike the all-controlling Sarah. It also seemed unlike the writer, to keep these issues undiscussed, afterwards.

I'm not sure I conveyed this, but at the time, Sarah is torn between protecting Anjali and respecting her autonomy. It's quite possible she made the wrong choice.

Afterwards, Sarah and Anjali probably would have had a debrief once Sarah was out of problem-solving hyperfocus mode, but then the phone business came up and they had bigger things to worry about. In hindsight, maybe I could've at least acknowledged that, even if it was just Sarah observing to herself.

 

[MohanSingh]

100k words. Where do you find the time?

 

[NoJo]

"Autism" and "Asperger Syndrome" used to be separate diagnoses, but back around 2013 they were rolled into one category. Back when I started writing this story I self-described as "Aspie" but I've since shifted to just "autistic".

FYI my AQ is currently 28, so I am borderline. It was lower when I was younger, but that's mainly because I, like most people, find it harder to deal with distractions than I used to, and have become less sociable.

 

[Bramblethorn]

One comment, relating back to the working drafts you shared with me: I commend you on how excellently you restructured your plot devices in the rising action and climax. You not only incorporated the ideas and strategies we discussed; you took it many steps further, and instead brought your story full circle! The story opened with Anjali needing someone to be her protector--in the present, her "sugar daddy/mama", and, in flashback, a friend to be the voice of reason to speak to her parents. In the end, Sarah again acts as the voice of reason and Anjali's protector! IMHO it was worth it to steal the spotlight from one of your darlings to instead give that additional, powerful dimension to Anjali and Sarah's relationship Anjali and Sarah created space and time (heh. Physics puns) that allowed her to blossom into a phenomenal and independent woman. This is such a beautifully told story of love and friendship and growth: slice-of-life, sexy, funny, tender.... I'm honored that you let me be a sounding board for some of your ideas, and very grateful to you for creating it.

Aw, thank you! Yeah, it was one of those darlings that just didn't meet what the story needed, and I'm glad you helped me see that.

On a side note, if you enjoy Red Scarf and graphic novels, I cannot recommend Stjepan Šejić's "Sunstone" highly enough. Funny, sexy, human, terrible jokes.

 

[Bramblethorn]

100k words. Where do you find the time?

Over more than three years, that averages out to about ninety words a day.

 

[Bramblethorn]

FYI my AQ is currently 28, so I am borderline. It was lower when I was younger, but that's mainly because I, like most people, find it harder to deal with distractions than I used to, and have become less sociable.

I score 43 on that one, but checklists like that only go so far - a short agree/disagree can be misleading without exploring context.

For example, one of the items on that test is "People often tell me that I keep going on and on about the same thing". I'd answer no to that, but it's not that I don't want to! Just that I put a lot of effort into masking that behaviour when talking to strangers, and by choice I keep company with people who are cool with my hyperfocus and don't remark on it.

I had no idea I was autistic until my thirties, even though in hindsight it's blindingly obvious, because I was 'encouraged' to mask from an early age and by the time I encountered the concept of autism I'd half forgotten I was masking. I'd look at the descriptions and think "hand flapping, I don't do that", and then maybe years later I'd remember... wait, I did use to wave my arms around for the fun of it, but it bugged people so they made me stop doing it.