Anal Sex

[Fairylite]

I hope this isn't a repeat question. If so, please point me in that direction.
Anyway, I'm having...well, mixed feelings about doing anal. When I do it, I enjoy it. However, sometimes the pain of "entry" is decidedly off-putting. My husband wants to do it often and I want to oblige, but that pain concern seems to be a deterrent. Also, it's used as a "I want this, get your head in the game." How do I do just that? I hope I'm explaining this reasonably. Let me know if clarification is needed.

 

[Ben_Tover]

Apparently hubby has never experienced pegging or prostate play. Anyone who has enjoyed it knows the pain involved in just rushing in, without lubrication, relaxation, & foreplay.
Our bodies tell us when something is bad for us, listen.
First of all, you must get comfortable enough with yourself. There are huge amounts of nerve endings around the anus but very few inside comparatively. If you injure something inside, you may not know it immediately. Lubrication, lubrication, lubrication. No lube, no play.
Use your fingers, toys, lubricants, mirrors, whatever it takes so you feel comfortable playing with yourself. Once you know what works for you, involve hubby. Never use pain creams or excessive alcohol, pain is our natural defense against doing needless damage to ourselves.
Start small, a single lubed finger. Experiment with lubes, there are as many types of lube as there are people. Silicone lubes work with fingers, glass, and metal toys, and hubby's package. Never with silicon toys. Water based lubes work with everything you can imagine. Sassy, Booty gel and Astroglide gel work best for us. Natural oils work, but don't play well with the natural environment of your vagina. Speaking of which you can safely go from the vagina to your ass, but NEVER from ass to vagina. Fresh condoms if you want to go back and forth. Unlike porn, we never see the doctor visits and drug costs for nasty infections. Nor the anal fissures from too big, too fast, not enough lubrication.
Start small, slow, lots of lubrication, lots of time. Almost all of your nerve endings are within the first inch or so. The pleasure/pain receptors are there.
When we started serious anal play it took months, to relax enough and explore what worked best for us.
Lubrication and your own finger are the start. If hubby wants to play in a new neighborhood, maybe you should return the favour, lol. Seriously prostate play is amazing and I get way more enjoyment in releasing control to my Darling, then I get from enjoying her fine tight ass. Although that's amazing too.
The hottest date night we ever had, we had a long hot shower, I slid a glass plug into her, she slid one into me. We sat squirming and whispering dirty things to each other and took dessert to go... I will leave the rest to your imagination, let's just say I can still make her blush by whispering we should go out for a steak supper.
It can be amazing, lubrication, slow, relaxed. Without those 3 keys, it can be a disaster. When you think you have enough lube, add more. When you think it's slow enough, stop and slowly count higher. If you can't slide 2 fingers in, you aren't relaxed enough.
Foreplay is your friend.

 

[Bareskinny]

There's a few ways of looking at this. Lots of lube is important, but I'm assuming you've already considered that. I find that drinking some alcohol before really helps relax me, and it's doesn't have to be anything potent, just a few sips of wine will often make entry much more pleasant. Also, it helps a lot when someone fingers you first. Another thing you can do if you really feel up to it, is play with dildos on your own time, moving up to thicker pieces, eventually you'll feel comfortable with it.

 

[n8Romantic]

Here's a thought from a not-so-anal-expert, but one who has enjoyed the experience. All the comments regarding large amounts of lube, extended foreplay, perhaps a relaxing adult beverage or bit of weed to relax are spot on. Patience is as important as lube to achieve the pleasurable experience you desire to share with your husband.

However, "I want this, get your head in the game." is not a selfless nor loving approach to anal or any other shared experience in my opinion. Perhaps his attitude in need of change, not yours? Just my opinion and I wish you the best in your exploration.

 

[hypnowylde]

Foreplay, foreplay, and foreplay. How about good lube, good lube, and good lube. Pjur makes good stuff, but i wouldn't use coconut oil until you get some experience. Take your time, maybe a massage, rimming, a finger and maybe you should be in control at first. That muscle is used to things pushing out, just let things rest on it until you are ready, but only if you reach that point. The people at b-vive have a good podcast, the book ultimate guide to anal are both good resources and above all have fun with it.

 

[Escierto]

Excellent advice in the posts above. It does take a bit of time for the sphincter muscle to learn how to accommodate incoming traffic as well as outgoing but it can be done with patience and lubricant.

 

[Hotlatina69]

I hope this isn't a repeat question. If so, please point me in that direction.
Anyway, I'm having...well, mixed feelings about doing anal. When I do it, I enjoy it. However, sometimes the pain of "entry" is decidedly off-putting. My husband wants to do it often and I want to oblige, but that pain concern seems to be a deterrent. Also, it's used as a "I want this, get your head in the game." How do I do just that? I hope I'm explaining this reasonably. Let me know if clarification is needed.

I am no expert, but first as lube, and then a slow progression of anal play until you take it. It’s not like in the porn movies where the girl just takes a huge cock in cold.

 

[DennisB]

1. Lube
2. Lube
3. Lube
4. Go slow
5. Go slow
6. Go slow
7. Patience
8. Patience
9. Patience
10. Lube.

 

[live4thebj]

I hope this isn't a repeat question. If so, please point me in that direction.
Anyway, I'm having...well, mixed feelings about doing anal. When I do it, I enjoy it. However, sometimes the pain of "entry" is decidedly off-putting. My husband wants to do it often and I want to oblige, but that pain concern seems to be a deterrent. Also, it's used as a "I want this, get your head in the game." How do I do just that? I hope I'm explaining this reasonably. Let me know if clarification is needed.

Practice with small toys with out him. Will make it less painful in time. Also taking it up the ass missionary is less painful.

 

[AnalLady]

I hope this isn't a repeat question. If so, please point me in that direction.
Anyway, I'm having...well, mixed feelings about doing anal. When I do it, I enjoy it. However, sometimes the pain of "entry" is decidedly off-putting. My husband wants to do it often and I want to oblige, but that pain concern seems to be a deterrent. Also, it's used as a "I want this, get your head in the game." How do I do just that? I hope I'm explaining this reasonably. Let me know if clarification is needed.

Your mind is the strongest sex organ. If you think how dirty and erotic to have his cock in your asshole you will like it

 

[PleasePeesMe]

Your mind is the strongest sex organ. If you think how dirty and erotic to have his cock in your asshole you will like it

Nice to find a lady who genuinely loves it.

 

[AnalLady]

Nice to find a lady who genuinely loves it.

All of them do

 

[PleasePeesMe]

All of them do

How can you be so sure? Your female friends tell you?

 

[AnalLady]

How can you be so sure? Your female friends tell you?

You can see how many videos are there

 

[PleasePeesMe]

You can see how many videos are there

Yes but they're getting paid to do it.

 

[AnalLady]

Yes but they're getting paid to do it.

If you think so you are correct

 

[Ssbbw4u1974]

I just recently began using a glass dildo in my ass, and I'm 49. Previously, I only have had 2 men attempt to have anal with me, and neither used lube, or was an expert at it.. it hurt.
When I play with my glass toy in my ass, I'm laying down on my side, and it's very comfortable, of course I use lube, which makes all the difference.

It's a very amazing experience when I also have a vibe inside my pussy... So maybe try that too..

 

[AnalLady]

I just recently began using a glass dildo in my ass, and I'm 49. Previously, I only have had 2 men attempt to have anal with me, and neither used lube, or was an expert at it.. it hurt.
When I play with my glass toy in my ass, I'm laying down on my side, and it's very comfortable, of course I use lube, which makes all the difference.

It's a very amazing experience when I also have a vibe inside my pussy... So maybe try that too..

Both were stupid.
I love glass dildos too

 

[FL30]

I hope this isn't a repeat question. If so, please point me in that direction.
Anyway, I'm having...well, mixed feelings about doing anal. When I do it, I enjoy it. However, sometimes the pain of "entry" is decidedly off-putting. My husband wants to do it often and I want to oblige, but that pain concern seems to be a deterrent. Also, it's used as a "I want this, get your head in the game." How do I do just that? I hope I'm explaining this reasonably. Let me know if clarification is needed.

Lots of lube and lots of foreplay to get into the mood. My ex-wife liked anal but even so, we always made sure she was ready with lube or lots of spit.

 

[AnalLady]

I just recently began using a glass dildo in my ass, and I'm 49. Previously, I only have had 2 men attempt to have anal with me, and neither used lube, or was an expert at it.. it hurt.
When I play with my glass toy in my ass, I'm laying down on my side, and it's very comfortable, of course I use lube, which makes all the difference.

It's a very amazing experience when I also have a vibe inside my pussy... So maybe try that too..

I suggest trying different positions

 

[n8Romantic]

It seems OP has checked out. I would love to know if the OP has had success in her anal endeavors and how she tackled the problem. IMO the biggest impediment to her experience was the hubby. His approach seems a little selfish, with little concern for his lover’s enjoyment.

I see this was the OP’s only post, and almost four months ago. Guess we will never know…

She did get a lot of good advice.

 

[Ragov]

Apparently hubby has never experienced pegging or prostate play. Anyone who has enjoyed it knows the pain involved in just rushing in, without lubrication, relaxation, & foreplay.
Our bodies tell us when something is bad for us, listen.
First of all, you must get comfortable enough with yourself. There are huge amounts of nerve endings around the anus but very few inside comparatively. If you injure something inside, you may not know it immediately. Lubrication, lubrication, lubrication. No lube, no play.
Use your fingers, toys, lubricants, mirrors, whatever it takes so you feel comfortable playing with yourself. Once you know what works for you, involve hubby. Never use pain creams or excessive alcohol, pain is our natural defense against doing needless damage to ourselves.
Start small, a single lubed finger. Experiment with lubes, there are as many types of lube as there are people. Silicone lubes work with fingers, glass, and metal toys, and hubby's package. Never with silicon toys. Water based lubes work with everything you can imagine. Sassy, Booty gel and Astroglide gel work best for us. Natural oils work, but don't play well with the natural environment of your vagina. Speaking of which you can safely go from the vagina to your ass, but NEVER from ass to vagina. Fresh condoms if you want to go back and forth. Unlike porn, we never see the doctor visits and drug costs for nasty infections. Nor the anal fissures from too big, too fast, not enough lubrication.
Start small, slow, lots of lubrication, lots of time. Almost all of your nerve endings are within the first inch or so. The pleasure/pain receptors are there.
When we started serious anal play it took months, to relax enough and explore what worked best for us.
Lubrication and your own finger are the start. If hubby wants to play in a new neighborhood, maybe you should return the favour, lol. Seriously prostate play is amazing and I get way more enjoyment in releasing control to my Darling, then I get from enjoying her fine tight ass. Although that's amazing too.
The hottest date night we ever had, we had a long hot shower, I slid a glass plug into her, she slid one into me. We sat squirming and whispering dirty things to each other and took dessert to go... I will leave the rest to your imagination, let's just say I can still make her blush by whispering we should go out for a steak supper.
It can be amazing, lubrication, slow, relaxed. Without those 3 keys, it can be a disaster. When you think you have enough lube, add more. When you think it's slow enough, stop and slowly count higher. If you can't slide 2 fingers in, you aren't relaxed enough.
Foreplay is your friend.

Fully agree

 

[UtilityCurve]

It seems OP has checked out. I would love to know if the OP has had success in her anal endeavors and how she tackled the problem. IMO the biggest impediment to her experience was the hubby. His approach seems a little selfish, with little concern for his lover’s enjoyment.

I see this was the OP’s only post, and almost four months ago. Guess we will never know…

She did get a lot of good advice.

Agreed (on the advice).

You try not to "take sides" here, but honestly, she was here trying to make anal sex something for both of them to enjoy, simultaneously; I don't get that sense from her (if accurate) description of her husband.

I am NOT saying "no pain, no entry." Once upon a time I read comments by women who either regarded pain as (in their own minds) evidence of their desire to give pleasure to their men without limits or a very complicated mind game that relief on pain as its own trigger for pleasure.

Either way, that's not OP's situation. Hers is something I think we all understand, whether we are on the entering or being entered side.

 

[StrongMaster7]

All of the above sounds reasonable to me. The only thing I'd ad is that the mind can build things like this up into much more than they are. Once you develop a fear, it can be difficult to let it go.

So, my advice would be to enjoy some foreplay, a massage perhaps and then maybe something like a 69 where a gentle tongue might 'break the ice' so to speak by 'warming up' your asshole. After a tongue has worked in a little ways, maybe a lubed finger can gently stretch you open a little. Go slowly and gradually and there shouldn't have to be any pain.

Tell you husband that if he wants to fuck your ass, he needs to do it painlessly or it's not going to happen. He'll cooperate.

 

[Lowhanger]

There's a few ways of looking at this. Lots of lube is important, but I'm assuming you've already considered that. I find that drinking some alcohol before really helps relax me, and it's doesn't have to be anything potent, just a few sips of wine will often make entry much more pleasant. Also, it helps a lot when someone fingers you first. Another thing you can do if you really feel up to it, is play with dildos on your own time, moving up to thicker pieces, eventually you'll feel comfortable with it.

Absolutely true on all counts.
I was my wife's first analyst and all those suggestions ring so true when easing thru the ring.

We both enjoyed it thoroughly and have repeated it often