Anal sex and Fantasy

[Honey Dipped]

Hello!

I have a new story posted. It's about a man telling his lover an interesting fantasy during sex. The fantasy involves anal sex and a slave market!

I hope you get a chance to read it and vote.

Sahib!

Thanks!

Honey Dipped

 

[WickedEve]

Hi, Honey Dipped

Great story! I love the fantasy that he tells his lover. A real turn on!

Here's a taste:

Don began to speak, slowly, hypnotically...

"Close your eyes, Jackie. Imagine... sometime in the 16th century. You are on a platform in a slave pen...

You hear a voice that's smooth, modulated, confident, and accustomed to command. "So slave master, are you telling me she, or at least her pretty bum, is a virgin?"

"Ah, no Sahib. There's no telling for sure what she did in her native land. But if you look closely, Sahib, it's clear her hole is still tight and fresh." Fingers spread your cheeks as if to check you. You feel a finger slip into your cunt as long as it's right there anyway.

WCKED EVE

 

[mskittykatt]

yummy! i knew i liked honey before, but now...

Honey Dipped,
I very much enjoyed your story, “Sahib” and voted for it already =) The biggest thing I dislike is the overdose(imho) of exclamation marks, otherwise just a few lose strings tied and tucked will make this perfect!

Soon I was riding more quickly! I rushed headlong toward the edge, then… I was over! My knees almost buckled with the release, but his strong arms kept me upright

I was over! I feel takes away from the feelings built up to that point. Simply omitting I was over! Would suffice, going straight to the description of the effects of your orgasm on your body.

"Was that good for you, baby?"

Breathing hard, I simply nodded and smiled.

Please gods, not “was it good” oh, Honey Dipped, from the imagery we find later, I am so sure you can find a more expressive way to say this!

... He took extra time to decide what his approach would be that night. He hates to be predictable!...

This paragraph fills in so many details it takes away from the feeling as well. Here it feels like I’m eavesdropping on a rather clinical evaluation of Don between girlfriends boasting of their lovers prowess. Ending with, “as long as theres a payoff” and saying something to the effect of he always manages to spice up even the most ordinary things in our bedroom play will keep the flow going better.

After ten minutes or so he came into our bedroom. I had followed my instructions to the letter, and I could tell it pleased him...

From this point on, I completely forgot the few things that interrupted my pure enjoyment of the story. The descriptions of both the sound of his belt as he took it off, and the feelings you have of it, are incredible, I love it! (the description’s and belts <grin>)

"Does your ass hurt, baby," he asked?

Again here, “does it hurt” Well, yes dear you just beat me with your belt… a few minutes of concentrated thought and I’m positive you can find a way to slip in the story ,that he was indeed spanking her through the entire fantasy, and have it equal the imagery you’ve held almost constantly delicious throughout the fantasy.
The ending I feel could better serve the rich fantasy without plain dialogue. He held me, stroking my hair until darkness enveloped me as sleep claimed my tired body. She wakes up thinking about what rewards her performance will bring from her new Master, and goes off in search of Don…

Over all… I have only one request.
More Please!

edited glaring spelling mistake

 

[Honey Dipped]

Wicked Eve

Thank you for your comments and for the email, and for all those other things...

I finally got a chance to read your new story Preacher Manhttp://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=36569 I see why you're wicked Eve.

Honey Dipped

 

[Honey Dipped]

mskittykatt

First, thank you so much for your feedback.

I very much enjoyed your story, “Sahib” and voted for it already =) The biggest thing I dislike is the overdose(imho) of exclamation marks, otherwise just a few lose strings tied and tucked will make this perfect!

For lack of a better explanation, I use ex. marks when I feel strongly. A period seems so dull. It seems to me to mean that the sentence preceding is a throwaway. I acknowledge that my grammar and punctuation isn’t proper. I don’t claim to be a writer. I’m writing what I feel. I’ll try to do better in the future, if I write another story. Unless someone proofs for me you will probably grit your teeth once more should you read more of my work.

I was over! I feel takes away from the feelings built up to that point. Simply omitting I was over! Would suffice, going straight to the description of the effects of your orgasm on your body.

Your “I was over” is subjective, I think. My intention was to set up the fantasy episode, not to get into too much detail on our foreplay. After all, the story is named “Sahib”.

Please gods, not “was it good” oh, Honey Dipped, from the imagery we find later, I am so sure you can find a more expressive way to say this!

In retrospect, I agree! But, isn’t it representative that even the best lovers want to be reassured? I forgot for a moment that I was writing fiction. You make a good point! (see, I feel strongly about this statement…lol)

quote:
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
... He took extra time to decide what his approach would be that night. He hates to be predictable!...
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

This paragraph fills in so many details it takes away from the feeling as well. Here it feels like I’m eavesdropping on a rather clinical evaluation of Don between girlfriends boasting of their lovers prowess. Ending with, “as long as theres a payoff” and saying something to the effect of he always manages to spice up even the most ordinary things in our bedroom play will keep the flow going better.

I confess! I drew from reality on this one. Don(not his real name) has expressed exactly this philosophy. So, while your observation is valid, what I wrote is equally valid.

quote:
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
"Does your ass hurt, baby," he asked?
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Again here, “does it hurt” Well, yes dear you just beat me with your belt… a few minutes of concentrated thought and I’m positive you can find a way to slip in the story ,that he was indeed spanking her through the entire fantasy, and have it equal the imagery you’ve held almost constantly delicious throughout the fantasy.

LOL! But that’s what he said! It wasn’t the thrashing I took he was talking about…lol That is mostly for effect. My lover was making a real inquiry (he is aware that we both can get carried away such that the excitement delays any pain that might be incurred). And honestly, he wasn’t spanking me through the entire fantasy. He has a way of creating the entire experience, and, as you may notice, spanking was only a part of that experience.

The ending I feel could better serve the rich fantasy without plain dialogue. He held me, stroking my hair until darkness enveloped me as sleep claimed my tired body. I actually questioned this ending.

My final decision about whether to make the entire story a slave fantasy or not was decided by the chance that some men might read it and get a clue that there are ways to excite their lover that they may not have considered.

Over all… I have only one request.
More Please!

Now this comment is my incentive to write again! Thank you!

Honey Dipped

 

[P. B. Walker]

Re: Wicked Eve

Thank you for your comments and for the email, and for all those other things...

I finally got a chance to read your new story Preacher Manhttp://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=36569 I see why you're wicked Eve.

Honey Dipped

I agree... just read Wicked Eve's story... very well written. I like how she writes and let's the reader know the characters naughty thoughts <grin>. I'm looking forward to reading more of her stories when i get a chance.

- PBW

 

[WickedEve]

P.B.

Thanks!
I'll be submitting some more stories pretty soon... If I can pull myself off the poetry board! lol

WCKED EVE