Anal probe....

[OUTSIDER]

As part of a general check-up I've had to have this week I had to have a rectal exam, and as I walked home (bow legged)I thought what are the things you never want to hear as you go through this kind of thing.

1. "Hey Bob get the camera and call the Guiness book of records"
2. "You sure do have a pertty mouth city boy" (to be said with a deep south accent).
3. "Hey haven't I seen ya at the blue oyster bar"
4. "Hey Bob get in here and take a look at the colour/size/shape of this thing....oh and bring those medical students over with you".
5. "Sorry we've run out of rubber glove's so I'm gonna have to use my motorcycle gloves instead"

I'm sure theres more but those are the only ones I could think of as I hobbled home, enjoy.

 

[Mistress]

Geez! lol

 

[OUTSIDER]

Thats about what I said.

 

[scylis]

oh, poo.. i thought you were talking about alien abductions..

 

[OUTSIDER]

LOL, no just anal abductions.

 

[scylis]

man.. and boy, did i have a story to tell!!

 

[Mistress]

I've had a anal abduction..but..uhh...nm!

 

[scylis]

Mistress: *lol*

wanna hear my story anyway?

 

[OUTSIDER]

at least this time I got the doc with small hand's, last time I had to have one of these I had a doctor with the biggest hands you ever saw talk about "OOOOOOKLAHOMA".
I'm sorry was that too much info for ya.....?

 

[cherrypop]

I have to be honest...I saw "anal probe" and my first thought was Cartman and South Park. *g*

 

[OUTSIDER]

I heard anal probe and saw star's.

 

[cherrypop]

I'll bet you did! Poor guy!

 

[OUTSIDER]

Still I guess it's small beer compared to what you girl's have to go through at the gyno's

 

[MinkSoul]

what you don't want to hear after...

"any body seen my watch?"

 

[DarlingBri]

Still I guess it's small beer compared to what you girl's have to go through at the gyno's

You know, women are really weirdly uptight about that. I'd rather have a pelvic exam than a rectal one any day. Outsider, you have my sympathy... poor puppy

Loads of my girlfriends are really grossed out when they have to have a smear test/pap smear. I just don't see what the big deal is. It's a speculum. It's smaller than a penis, it won't hurt if you RELAX, and getting the cells off your cervix for the smear tickles more than anything. Even if it hurts cuase you can't chill, it's less painful then say, cramps, or hey what about childbirth?

Maybe it's a privacy thing? They're embarassed? To me, it's like taking the car to get an oil change... they see a million of them a day, so mine isn't so special. To them, anyway

I had a very cool doctor for a while who used to hold a mirror between my legs with the speculum in as ask if I wanted to see my cervix on each visit... that was pretty interesting.

--She Of The Pretty Cervix

 

[Mistress]

Nah uh.. pep smears and check up...my poor body is shaking and I cry during and after! The damn things [b[HURT[/b]!
I can walk the rest of the day..would rather have a penis then a pep smear! lol

 

[cherrypop]

Still I guess it's small beer compared to what you girl's have to go through at the gyno's

Don't remind me! That was last week! *trembles*

 

[BrainyBeauty]

MORE things you probably don't want to hear

"Wow! I've never seen anything like that before!"

"Now, how the hell did this get up in there?"

"Nurse! I've lost my ham sandwich. Get me a flashlight and the pliers."

"What say we go out for a bite to eat after this?"

"Oops!"




And to the ladies...I agree with DarlingBri..there's nothing to a gyno visit. Nothing to be afraid of. In fact, I look forward to it. It's the only sex I get during the year. I usually bring the doctor flowers!

 

[Oliver Clozoff]

I just wanted to take this opportunity to publicly thank you for the flowers, BB. They're lovely. Petunias are my absolute favorite.

I also wanted to tell you that we got the results of your last pap smear back and it seems that you have a rare medical condition that will require you to come in for much more frequent examinations. I know this may be inconvenient for you, but I'd like to stress the seriousness of your condition and the importance of regular clinical monitoring. I trust you will give this matter necessary consideration and submit to the proper "treatment".

Oh, and I almost forgot. Small, lacy panties facilitate an easier exam. Thank you in advance.

your personal physician,

Oliver Clozoff, MD2B

 

[Expertise]

RL Example

A couple of years ago my GP was giving me a full physical, while going through this process we were discussing the hockey team I coach and how much I loved doing it.

Just as we got to the "turn your head and cough" phaze (his hand on "the boys") he comes out with "Satisfying, is it?"

The nurse had to leave the room she was laughing so hard.

 

[indyweasel]

For your next appt.

..would rather have a penis then a pep smear! lol

Mistress - I'll hold you to that..

This reminds me of a scene in Armageddon where the drillers are getting their physicals and one of the guys( Damn I cant remember his name) is called in next and he says ' Lady, I just came here to drill' and she looks at him and hold out the 2' probe and she says 'Thats funny. Me too!'

OUCH!!!

I'm glad I'm young.

 

[OUTSIDER]

Oo...Oo....just thought of another one...

6. "SQUEAL PIGGY SQUEAL".

BTW I'm only 33 Indyweasel so it could be your turn any day now....!

 

[BrainyBeauty]

MD2B, Is my problem systemic?

Here is my Literotic Oath as a patient:

If you examine me and prescribe a course of action, I will follow doctor's orders.

I need a doctor who believes in a hands-on approach and takes an aggressive tack. If the protocol requires frequent treatments (both internally and externally) I must comply. A healthy mind and body are important.

I like your bedside manner, OC. The Doctor is IN

 

[Bob Peale]

And Let's Not Forget...

"I don't THINK it's supposed to look like that."

An echo.

The sound of a zipper coming down.

The lid coming off a can of Crisco.

The squeak of a gerbil.

 

[OUTSIDER]

how about the sound of chainsaw being started...?