An Open Letter to The Dysfuntional Visitor

[Gingersnap]

I work in a critical care area surgical more specifically open heart. Today was the limit for me and the families of the ill. I have come up with a list of rules for general behavior in the Intensive Care Units. That is if you care at all about your loved one and not just your own selfish needy ass petty concerns.

1) Do not tell the staff about your past illnesses we do not
have the time to hear it.
2) Do not come to the hospital with your buck knife or when
you are drunk or after smoking crack. 3) Do not bring your family hatreds to the unit. Please if you love your family member even a little keep it out of their room.
4) Do Pick One Person to talk with the doctor and write your questions down so they can be answered all at once instead of every twenty minutes.
5) Do not answer questions for the patient .. We assume you do know the date and city we are checking as a clinical test.
6) Do not bitch to one staff person about another you may not like that nurse but your loved one does and you do not hasten their healing when you shake the confidence they have in their caregivers. I would rather have nurse ratchet with twenty years of experience then Nurse Barbie.
7) DO NOT GIVE YOUR LOVED ONE WATER WHEN THEY ARE ON THE VENTILATOR AND FOR GOD's DO NOT DRINK EAT OR SMOKE IN FRONT OF THEM.

Those are just a very few to get everyone thinking. Today while in surgery I was paged no less then 8 times to talk to the same family because Jim hates Jane so will not talk to each other in order to get information. BTW people are in the intensive care because they are seriously ill do not visit for long periods of time and for god's sake if they are sleeping do not wake them up. Oh and keep your children at home not screaming crying in our unit. Frankly visitors are at the bottom of my priority list I have chest tubes to place and orders to write then maybe lunch before I listen to you tell me "That nurse doesn't smile enough"


T

 

[insideShiraz]

Wow...

Have you ever read the Knives and Guns Club?

 

[Gingersnap]

Sorry one more PLEASE DO NOT STARE INTO ROOMS OR STAND OUTSIDE THE ROOM STARING AT THE PATIENTS. These people are not animals in the zoo. I have seen visitors move curtains aside so they can stare in while we are doing a procedure.

 

[Never]

You'd think people could stop being their own egotistical petty selves for at least an hour. Why does it seem to take so much energy to think about others?

 

[Strange Girl]

I had no idea. Don't you ever want to punch some asshole in the face?

 

[insideShiraz]

Like with Drano?...

My brother didn't get the chance for your expertise...

 

[Guest]

How do you feel about one family member staying around the clock? I don't know what the rules are where you are from but our family took shifts sitting with the patient so that someone was always there. I think it comforts the patient and the family to know they have a loved one nearby.

As long as they are not on crack, and relatively sane.

We also would bring ice chips ect. when they were approved by the staff. Doesn't that free up nurses to do more important things?

 

[Gingersnap]

High Peaks I do not mean the loving concerned "there for your loved one" kind of family. I am talking about the ones and you have seen them . The ones that smoke in the bathrooms and have little hisssy fits. I think what you are doing is wonderful by all means stay. I am talking of the people who even if they weren't in a crisis situation would be abusive.

The nature of the job is to deal with addicts and their families who enable them. The majority of nurses who work with me are very dedicated and will work until exhausted rather then deliver unsafe care. There is a steady exodus of superb nurses leaving the critical care units. These men and women put their families on hold and sacrifice their free time and holidays to care for seriously ill people. All I am asking is that you remember that when "that nurse didn't smile or laugh at my jokes". They are human they need to eat lunch and or use the bathroom. Give them a break and have some basic respect. The pay sucks when you consider the incredible stress they work under and the abuse they endure with short staffing. God Bless these folks for all that they give!!!!!

 

[insideShiraz]

Is this about donor on your Driver's License?

Look in my Heart, you'll know what insideShiraz is about...

 

[Guest]

This isn't totally related but I remember on a medical ward where I worked for a couple of months that there was a patient who was on a continual oxygen supply. She had to wear an oxygen mask. Because of the seriousness of her condition, she wasn't allowed to visit the smoking room. We discovered her one day during visiting hours hiding behind a newspaper, her husband on "lookout" and her mask laying on her chest pumping highly flamible pure oxygen out into the room while she lay there smoking a cigarette, blissfully unaware of the danger she was putting herself and the rest of the ward in.

I always thought nursing would be a great profession... you know - if it wasn't for the patients and their relatives. (That's typical nurse humour by the way.)

 

[Skitten]

Gingersnap; I can totally understand your feelings, no I don't work in a hospital, but when my husband was in I remember how rude other visitors could be looking at him and such. You gave some good advice hopefully it gets better for you.

 

[Patryn]

Okay, conversely, since we're sort of on the topic, I also have a do and don't list for medical personel (read Dr, nurse, ER staff, etc)

1) DO NOT assume I know what's wrong with me. If I did, chances are I wouldn't be there.

2) DO show some compassion to someone who's ill. I realize medical professionals see a lot of people, but each one is there for THEIR specific problem. Try to recognize that.

3) DO take the time to answer the patients questions as well as you can.

4) And my most peevy pet peeve is: DO NOT AUTOMATICALLY ASSUME IT'S DEPRESSION/SOME OTHER MENTAL CONDITION!!!

I've had too many experiences with #4. Yes, I agree there are people who suffer from depression or anxiety or other treatable disorders, and that some benefit from medication. But jesus jumped up...people still DO get other physical problems.

For example: My cousin; persistant abdominal pain, especially at school or during sports. Diagnosis: anxiety Real disease: Endometriosis

A 15 year old male friend: feeling of "jitteryness"; difficulty sleeping/concentrating, fatigue Diagnosis: ADHD Real disease: Hypoglycemia

A 27 year old male friend: aches, lethargy, tremors Diagnosis: Depression/Social Anxiety Real disease: Multiple Sclorosis

Me: extreme fatigue, lack of apetite Diagnosis: Depression Real disease: Mononucleosis

 

[KillerMuffin]

Heres one for your list Patryn

Muffy: Doc's opinion: Depression, anxiety disorder with panic attacks (ie rampant wannagetoutofworkism) EEGs opinion: 20 minute electoencephelogram 30 independent seizures. Discharge orders: Unable to perform duties do to Medical Condition Generalized Seizure Disorder.

Why? Because there is no reason for me to have epilepsy. No history, no bumps on the head, no hereditary history, no drugs, no mixing of chemicals, nada. Therefore if he couldn't explain it, it did not exist.

I hate docs who can't say I don't know. I love nurses who will take the time to pat your hand and smile at you when you're scared to death and don't know whats going on. Its nice to know someone cares about me the person, not me the patient with crappy insurance.

If I'm ever in ICU, I hope to gawd they just sedate my family and lock them up in the basement. Talk about your pains in the asses.

 

[CreamyLady]

I understand, Gingersnap; when my mother was in intensive care after her last surgery, we would only go in one at a time, and try to stay out of everyone's way.

You left one of the Thou Shalt Not's off your list, though: turn the cell phone off and use the calling card at the pay phones!!! I could not believe how many people in the waiting area would be whipping out their cell phones at every opportunity, and getting very amped when someone would come out and tell them to turn them off.

It never occurred to them to ask how the staff KNEW a cell phone was in use . . .

 

[Roming]

I think all of you have valid points. The big picture is called "lack of respect for others". That's where we are today. We only see what WE WANT regardless of anyone else.
I have been misdiagnosed and have been in situations where
other family members were also. I try and give the utmost respect to the medical professionals because I know about HIGH stress on the job and not being compensated for it.
But, at the same time you MUST maintain professionalism.
Leave your CHIP outside and smile.

 

[Gingersnap]

I am wasting my breath as there will always be those people who get pissed off when their cell phones fuck with that patient's ventilator chip. I mean does that matter DUH DUH DUH. I have a suggestion to you Patlyn tell your friends to make an appointment and go to the same doctor more then once. Do not use the emergency dept for chronic illness diagnosis or for your physical for work school or sports. Health care people are expected to be perfect and never make a mistake. It is after all your body,do you take your car in and say Guess what's wrong. If you are noticing changes write them down when and how what were you doing when the symptom first occurred . My own gramps was diagnosed with hepaitis but had pancreatic cancer. Sorry I am rambling but I think of a time I watched somebody's child die and then had to go listen to a tale about how horrendous the pain of a ingrown toenail was (I am not shitting you here) Sorry but as I said I needed to blow off steam so I can go back to work and listen with great interest to the tale of the boil that comes and goes or the particularly taxing fungal nail infection. Most of the time I absoultely love my job and I am excellent at it. I like most people and enjoy talking with them. Well thanks for reading and creamy lady thank you another reason cell phones should be used with caution .

 

[Patryn]

Ginger, I understand what you're saying. All but the 27 year old went their regular MD/clinic. The 15 year old went to his doc 3 times, and all 3 times was told "just wait for the medication to work". Then he passed out at school. It was the ER doc who finally figured out what was wrong with him.

I was misdiagnosed twice. The first time they told me I had CFIDS, and the second was when they said it was depression. When I finally demanded a blood test, they found I had mono.

My cousin had to hemorrage (sp?) before they found out what her deal was. Maybe we just have bad docs here, who knows.

 

[Gingersnap]

Sorry Patlyn it is rough to have your trust shaken like that when you do not feel well. I hope your doctor apologized if not find another one. It is so important that you have trust and are able to talk to them. Hope you are feeling better.

 

[Earthmuffin]

Thank You Gingersnap

As a Nurse in a field of nursing that is often thought of as not "real" nursing (Geriatrics),I know how rare the words Thank You are heard by the entire profession. If I may rant here and add more list of the To Do's for the general populace: Make a few scary decisions while you are healthy and sane enough to make them instead of leaving the decisions for your health up to Cousin (can't read on a 3rd grade level,) Bob. Decide if you REALLY want us thundering down the hall to jump on your chest when the outcome won't change. Decide in ADVANCE if you want your body invaded by tubes to force you to breathe and receive nutrition and exchange your wastes when you are too damn exhausted to hold your own head up anymore. And when you see that tired Nurse not smiling remember she may have just spent the last 12+ hours pouring her heart and soul into caring for people you wouldn't spit on any day of the week. Thank You goes a damn long way.

 

[Gingersnap]

Thank you Earth Muffin for working with a forgotten population. I know that the guilt of the families who place mom or dad there often translates into anger at the nurses when the resident is unhappy. Maybe instead of perfume people we could spray Ativan at them.