An introduction and some questions about virginity

[VirginTerritory92]

Hello everyone,

Thanks for clicking on my post - I know the title isn't particularly catchy! I just wanted to introduce myself on this site. I'm Jess, 23, just graduated and, yes, as my name suggests, a virgin. For all those who may have immediately jumped to any conclusions, no, this isn't a cry for attention and no, this isn't me wanting to be inundated with pms.

This is more of a 'I wonder if anyone else is or has been in the same kind of situation as me' type post.

With most things, I probably have just as much confidence as anyone, however when it comes to self and body confidence I find that I really struggle. Maybe it's down to being a bigger girl. I'm not huge, but neither am I skinny. It just feels like these days men only like girls whose ribs are visible haha, (though I don't mean to offend anyone with my generalisation). Or maybe it's down to my shyness and my apparent inability to flirt(!). Or maybe it's that I simply haven't found anyone around where I live to whom I am particularly attracted.

Before anyone asks what on Earth I'm doing on Lit; just because I'm sexually inexperienced doesn't mean I don't get to explore and fantasise, right? Just because I haven't found the right man doesn't mean I don't get to want him, right? :3

So, question time!

1) Anyone else out there on Lit who's a virgin? Interested in sharing your experiences?

2) For the men of Lit (and women!) how do you feel about people who are still virgins despite being a little older? Say if you had just started dating a woman(or man) around my age and she told you she was still a virgin, how would you feel and react? Would it put you off or would it not bother you?

3) And lastly, if there's anyone out there who had(or has) low confidence, how have you managed to overcome it? How do you stop the thoughts like 'there's no way that man would be interested in me when there's so many other pretty girls in the room?'

Thank you for reading and I hopefully I haven't come across as too boring and mopey. I promise you, I am a good laugh. Honestly! Haha

Have a lovely day

 

[DrRickMarshall]

Welcome to Lit first off! Enjoy yourself and be safe in anything you do secondly.

As for your question about virgins: for me, it is a bit of a turn on, knowing I'll be the first one that is always remembered. Communication and patience is key, also doesn't hurt if you actually like the person (don't just fuck and dump to lose your vcard, cause you only play that hand once).

As for low confidence, find something you enjoy and do well. Eventually you'll find someone that has a similar interest. And if you do ask someone out and they say no, that is the worst that can happen, move on to the next one. It's better than never knowing.

 

[VirginTerritory92]

Welcome to Lit first off! Enjoy yourself and be safe in anything you do secondly.

As for your question about virgins: for me, it is a bit of a turn on, knowing I'll be the first one that is always remembered. Communication and patience is key, also doesn't hurt if you actually like the person (don't just fuck and dump to lose your vcard, cause you only play that hand once).

As for low confidence, find something you enjoy and do well. Eventually you'll find someone that has a similar interest. And if you do ask someone out and they say no, that is the worst that can happen, move on to the next one. It's better than never knowing.

Thanks for the nice reply

I'm glad to hear that it isn't a turn off. Though I guess I'll wait to see how others reply!

I definitely wouldn't chose to have sex with someone just to lose my virginity. I want to do it with someone I really love - no doubt part of the reason I'm still a virgin! But I am not going to compromise on that.

Thank you for your advice. Taken on board!

 

[Carolina_lulu]

I was a virgin until I was 22. I had very low self esteem and tried to fix it by sleeping around. After I finally got some therapy it helped immensely. Now I sleep around because I enjoy sex and not because I'm trying to find someone to love me.

Before I had sex I used Lit to learn how to give blowjobs.

 

[Grimangel4366]

Hi, 22 year old virgin,and my horoscope sign is virgo, or the virgin, yeah that's just not fair. I do have a little lack of confidence no big surprise, however I've mostly chosen this for myself. I believe it is because I'm just not really comfortable with someone else in my life, that will probably change later on. As to why I'm on here the reason is the same as yours, while I do not enjoy the company of people I do enjoy some naughty stories and fantasy! As for your low confidence, well everyone falls prey to it as they say we are our own worst enemy. One way I have found to help deal with it is to talk it out with that person in your life you trust completely, most people have at least one person like that, even I one who follows the way of isolation. Also one thing I have learned is when you get dressed in the morning regardless of whether you will even leave the house dress yourself up. Put that extra effort into your appearance as if you are going to something important even if you are just spending your day reading or binge watching greys anatomy ( yes I am male and yes I love greys anatomy it's hilairous ).

 

[cliteatingman]

Hello everyone,

Thanks for clicking on my post - I know the title isn't particularly catchy! I just wanted to introduce myself on this site. I'm Jess, 23, just graduated and, yes, as my name suggests, a virgin. For all those who may have immediately jumped to any conclusions, no, this isn't a cry for attention and no, this isn't me wanting to be inundated with pms.

This is more of a 'I wonder if anyone else is or has been in the same kind of situation as me' type post.

With most things, I probably have just as much confidence as anyone, however when it comes to self and body confidence I find that I really struggle. Maybe it's down to being a bigger girl. I'm not huge, but neither am I skinny. It just feels like these days men only like girls whose ribs are visible haha, (though I don't mean to offend anyone with my generalisation). Or maybe it's down to my shyness and my apparent inability to flirt(!). Or maybe it's that I simply haven't found anyone around where I live to whom I am particularly attracted.

Before anyone asks what on Earth I'm doing on Lit; just because I'm sexually inexperienced doesn't mean I don't get to explore and fantasise, right? Just because I haven't found the right man doesn't mean I don't get to want him, right? :3

So, question time!

1) Anyone else out there on Lit who's a virgin? Interested in sharing your experiences?

2) For the men of Lit (and women!) how do you feel about people who are still virgins despite being a little older? Say if you had just started dating a woman(or man) around my age and she told you she was still a virgin, how would you feel and react? Would it put you off or would it not bother you?

3) And lastly, if there's anyone out there who had(or has) low confidence, how have you managed to overcome it? How do you stop the thoughts like 'there's no way that man would be interested in me when there's so many other pretty girls in the room?'

Thank you for reading and I hopefully I haven't come across as too boring and mopey. I promise you, I am a good laugh. Honestly! Haha

Have a lovely day

If I were dating a virgin I would want the honor of being number one. I would treat her like I knew it was an honor both before and after she bestowed it on me

 

[harmonicground]

About being a virgin: lots of people don't have a problem with that. Everyone has to start somewhere, right? For me personally, I wouldn't want to sleep with a virgin (or anyone else) looking for a one-off encounter, but that's only because I find sex gets better with two willing people as they get to know each other better.

But honestly, though, there are people who will sleep with a virgin (or anyone else!) just as another conquest, people who would rather have someone experienced, and people who will sleep with a virgin and are happy to teach and/or learn together. The trick, which I have no good advice for, is figuring out who *you* want to sleep with and, even harder, judging who someone else is.

As far as confidence, I'm a larger guy who's only ever slept with one person (one who hasn't been very aware of what she wants and has only ever slept with me, so I have no idea where I actually would rate in terms of skill), which does have an affect on my confidence. On the other hand, I'm aware of what I view as my strengths: an intelligent mind, adaptability, and a willingness to do what it takes to please my partner. I think confidence is about knowing what you have to offer and focusing on that above your shortcomings. I certainly am not the hot guy who would turn everyone's head walking into a room, but that doesn't mean that no one would be interested in me or that I have nothing to offer sexually or otherwise.

My suggestion to you is that you take a good look at yourself, and maybe get a good friend to help you out, to really assess what you're good at and what you have to offer, and focus on those qualities. Not everyone is a great flirt, especially with people you don't know well, so if that's not you, don't push yourself to be. You might find it much easier to flirt with someone you're in a relationship with or more comfortable with too, someone who you've gotten to know a bit first.

 

[dilipfrmindia]

Virginity - well we all try to keep it for someone special and then lose it to someone ... only to know later they weren't that special after all. At least I am one of those with that regret that I gave it to someone who turned out to be an asshole! Anyway, I believe everyone should feel proud of what they are and a lil bit of flesh is a turn on for many ... They do like to play / twiddle around with the flesh in the hips that is ticklish to many girls. And a grabbable hip is a turn on for me! I am sure many here would agree ... handsfull boobs are a plus ha ha ...

You are just healthy! So it must be alright

Take care ... And enjoy and like it has been said repeatedly, be safe and explore!

 

[VirginTerritory92]

I was a virgin until I was 22. I had very low self esteem and tried to fix it by sleeping around. After I finally got some therapy it helped immensely. Now I sleep around because I enjoy sex and not because I'm trying to find someone to love me.

Before I had sex I used Lit to learn how to give blowjobs.

Thanks for sharing your experience!

 

[VirginTerritory92]

Hi, 22 year old virgin,and my horoscope sign is virgo, or the virgin, yeah that's just not fair. I do have a little lack of confidence no big surprise, however I've mostly chosen this for myself. I believe it is because I'm just not really comfortable with someone else in my life, that will probably change later on. As to why I'm on here the reason is the same as yours, while I do not enjoy the company of people I do enjoy some naughty stories and fantasy! As for your low confidence, well everyone falls prey to it as they say we are our own worst enemy. One way I have found to help deal with it is to talk it out with that person in your life you trust completely, most people have at least one person like that, even I one who follows the way of isolation. Also one thing I have learned is when you get dressed in the morning regardless of whether you will even leave the house dress yourself up. Put that extra effort into your appearance as if you are going to something important even if you are just spending your day reading or binge watching greys anatomy ( yes I am male and yes I love greys anatomy it's hilairous ).

Hi! I can understand where you're coming from. Perhaps people become more comfortable with having someone else at different times in our lives. I know I'm quite happy most of the time focussing on myself and getting my career started, though sometimes I do wish I had someone.

Haha tips on how to dress >< But I do all that anyway. I dress smart ('dress for the job you want, not the one you have!') and I take care of my appearance. When it comes to confidence, it's strange because I can be confident with my intellect and opinions (trying not to sound big-headed!) but when it comes to being my real self with someone, I guess maybe it scares me a little?

Can't go wrong with Greys!

 

[VirginTerritory92]

About being a virgin: lots of people don't have a problem with that. Everyone has to start somewhere, right? For me personally, I wouldn't want to sleep with a virgin (or anyone else) looking for a one-off encounter, but that's only because I find sex gets better with two willing people as they get to know each other better.

But honestly, though, there are people who will sleep with a virgin (or anyone else!) just as another conquest, people who would rather have someone experienced, and people who will sleep with a virgin and are happy to teach and/or learn together. The trick, which I have no good advice for, is figuring out who *you* want to sleep with and, even harder, judging who someone else is.

As far as confidence, I'm a larger guy who's only ever slept with one person (one who hasn't been very aware of what she wants and has only ever slept with me, so I have no idea where I actually would rate in terms of skill), which does have an affect on my confidence. On the other hand, I'm aware of what I view as my strengths: an intelligent mind, adaptability, and a willingness to do what it takes to please my partner. I think confidence is about knowing what you have to offer and focusing on that above your shortcomings. I certainly am not the hot guy who would turn everyone's head walking into a room, but that doesn't mean that no one would be interested in me or that I have nothing to offer sexually or otherwise.

My suggestion to you is that you take a good look at yourself, and maybe get a good friend to help you out, to really assess what you're good at and what you have to offer, and focus on those qualities. Not everyone is a great flirt, especially with people you don't know well, so if that's not you, don't push yourself to be. You might find it much easier to flirt with someone you're in a relationship with or more comfortable with too, someone who you've gotten to know a bit first.

Hi and thanks for your post

I agree with you one the one-off encounter thing. I don't think I'm the type of person who could do that (not being judgemental if anyone likes that!).

I think you make a good point about focussing on your strengths rather than obsessing about any shortcomings. I'll try to bear that in mind when I find that I'm being too harsh on myself haha

Thank you for all your words of advice! They made me smile ><

 

[VirginTerritory92]

Virginity - well we all try to keep it for someone special and then lose it to someone ... only to know later they weren't that special after all. At least I am one of those with that regret that I gave it to someone who turned out to be an asshole! Anyway, I believe everyone should feel proud of what they are and a lil bit of flesh is a turn on for many ... They do like to play / twiddle around with the flesh in the hips that is ticklish to many girls. And a grabbable hip is a turn on for me! I am sure many here would agree ... handsfull boobs are a plus ha ha ...

You are just healthy! So it must be alright

Take care ... And enjoy and like it has been said repeatedly, be safe and explore!

Thank you for your post! It really brightened my day

 

[DrRickMarshall]

I know, that for myself, I've always liked the shy quiet types much more than the 'bombshell beauty'

 

[VirginTerritory92]

I know, that for myself, I've always liked the shy quiet types much more than the 'bombshell beauty'

I hear some men say that yet somehow us quiet types are not often approached

 

[HardOne06]

Pm sent. Hope to hear back

 

[OldDom]

I hear some men say that yet somehow us quiet types are not often approached

Fear of rejection....

 

[VirginTerritory92]

Fear of rejection....

That goes for everyone though. Unless you're one of the lucky few who isn't affected by that!

 

[OldDom]

That goes for everyone though. Unless you're one of the lucky few who isn't affected by that!

I disagree......that's not necessarily so......LMAO

 

[Grimangel4366]

It was not so much tips on how to dress so much as how you dress can affect the way you feel about yourself, sorry if that wasn't clear. It certainly has helped me to work through depression,and self confidence issues.

 

[VirginTerritory92]

It was not so much tips on how to dress so much as how you dress can affect the way you feel about yourself, sorry if that wasn't clear. It certainly has helped me to work through depression,and self confidence issues.

Oh no worries, I got that

And I agree, it definitely helps!