An intriuging situation....

[wrenchjr]

Short version: Wife and I are looking for a sperm donor.

Long Version: We're a happily married couple looking to start our family. After a year of trying the natural way with no success, wife and I both went to see the Doc. Come to find that she is a-ok, while meanwhile I have a lot of pond, but no fish. This was a huge blow to us as we are basically high-school sweethearts who have actually made it. While there are other options like adoption- $12,000 and in-vitro-$5,000. They just aren't financially viable for us right now. We are both very open about our sexuality so we have decided to look for an acceptable donor to try the old fashioned way. While we understand that this is not a common situation, we both feel that it won't be too hard to find a "clean" guy that will have unprotected sex with her, with the distinct possibility of a repeat performance being that you rarely get it in one shot. Our ideal match would be an open-minded couple, but we will settle for a single guy. Now, there are some restrictions. We are a white couple, so we are looking for the same. Both about average height and weight, so no giants, sorry. She is dirty blond w/ green eyes, while I am brown w/blue, so no red eyed demons with blue hair Oh and the most important thing is the wife must have a physical attraction to the man to help "stimulate" her response. We have been lurking here for many years and both feel that this environment is understanding enough for us to come here looking for help.If there is anyone on this board that can help or knows where we might find it we would be very grateful. Please PM me with info if you are interested as there are many small details that will only be relevant to an interested party. And thanks in advance for your support.

 

[Firebrain]

I think this isn't the place to be looking.

 

[dkovic77]

I was going to say...just meet some guy at a bar....take care of it that way. I know that's not giving you "choices" but still....

What..you guys don't want a frozen popsicle?

 

[wrenchjr]

No Barflies

The whole point in looking here is to find someone that is discreet and disease free. We're not looking for a quick fix. We are going about this the same way you would a large purchase, comparing the details, finding out all relevant info. This is a difficult decision, we both love each other very much and don't want any questions or regrets. We have talked through this for about six months now and come to this decision mutually. While there are some elements of fantasy involved in the experience of the sex itself, in no way are we taking this lightly. Also the donor must be level headed and rational, there will be no second guessing on their part. And I will say this we are completely one-sided, once we have achieved our goal there will be no more communication between us and the donor. We will not have our family disrupted in 5 or 10 years because someone has an epiphany about getting in touch with their long lost child. Know this, we are trying to start OUR family, not add an extension to anyone else's.

 

[wrenchjr]

Sorry to sound shitty, this is a weird situation. I just don't want the wrong impression out there.

 

[dkovic77]

Yeah...but just not sure you would exactly find that here...

Wish you luck though.

 

[wrenchjr]

I think that this is a fairly good place to look for normal people with a splash of sexual perversion.

 

[dkovic77]

True...I guess there could be those folks here as well...

Mostly though...how will you ever "know" anything about people you meet here?

 

[wrenchjr]

This is a goal that cannot be accomplished with out an in-person meeting. While we understand that you can't judge a book, we both feel that we are good judges of character. And to follow the no barflies rule this won't just be one casual encounter. We are serious, and we understand that this might require multiple sessions over the course of a few months. Only teenagers get pregnant the first time they have sex

 

[dkovic77]

Hmmm....gotcha....wow...so after the first intimate encounter and it doesn't "take" there would be round 2?

 

[wrenchjr]

Yes. We aren't looking for a random dude. This is the biggest decision we will ever make. There is a "screening" process, entirely unscientific, and completely selfish. We want to start a family and don't think it should cost so much damn money. We are stable people, about as normal as you can expect anyway, trying to deal with an abnormal situation.

 

[wrenchjr]

It just seems unreasonable that there are people that use abortions as birth control and babies dropped at hospitals and we have to jump through hoops.

 

[dkovic77]

True....wish you all the luck in the world.

 

[coastal-boy]

I hate to be an ass...but if you aren't capable of spending 5 grand, then I have to question your financial stability in terms of supporting a child anyway. Do you understand that diapers cost $22 box (for the decent ones that don't leak) and you will need 3 per month, wipes cost $17 a box and you can make them last a month if you change the diapers frequently, a diaper genie refill (this is a necessity if you don't want your house to stick of piss and poo) are $11 each and you will use 2 per month with a third tossed in every couple of months, bottle refills (unless you plan on washing bottles constantly) cost $7 per hundred and you will go through 4 per month, and let's not forget the formula (and don't say she is planning on breast-feeding...the best laid plans don't always work out according to plan) costs $18 a can and you will need 10 per month. This doesn't count for the clothes, burp clothes, increased water bills, and everything else you can't even come close to imagining. Mine will turn 6 months in a few days and she costs roughly $450 a month once the major expenses were taken care of (car seat, crib, changing table, walker, stroller, high chair ect).

I wish you the best but if it was me, I would start saving and you can easily have 5 thousand in one year IF you really wanted to and then you wouldn't have any of the multitude of issues that could arise from this.

 

[kimbernee]

This would be a pretty stupid thing for a guy to do. It's not possible for him to escape liability if someone (you, her, the child, the government) decides to pursue it later, no matter how many reassurances you give him now.

Same warning to you but in reverse. If he decided he wanted access to the child somewhere down the road, you'd have a long, probably losing, legal battle to prevent it.

It's a nice fantasy but there are reasons people go the anonymous donor route.

 

[coastal-boy]

This would be a pretty stupid thing for a guy to do. It's not possible for him to escape liability if someone (you, her, the child, the government) decides to pursue it later, no matter how many reassurances you give him now.

Same warning to you but in reverse. If he decided he wanted access to the child somewhere down the road, you'd have a long, probably losing, legal battle to prevent it.

It's a nice fantasy but there are reasons people go the anonymous donor route.

^^^part of the multitude of issues^^^ read these carefully...the court will NOT see things the same as you.

 

[wrenchjr]

As for the financial stability part, we are homeowners, and both of us are gainfully employed. While we don't make six figures our incomes are more than sufficient to support ourselves. We also have a strong network of family and friends so the hand me down trail is long. And as for the legal battle, as far as I know the name on the birth certificate is the most important. And seriously do you think a judge would order a dna test if the only reason was we had a threesome and the guy is concerned, especially if my wife and I aren't concerned about paternity.

 

[Firebrain]

Indeed. This man would have legal, parental responsibility, whether you two liked it or not (or at least he would under UK law). There would be no guarantee that the father would not come looking for the child. Equally, the father could carry all sorts of the genes you don't 'want' even if he doesn't have the physical characteristics.

Go to a sperm bank or look into ways to improve your own fertility (various ways for men to achieve this through diet, according to friends who have succeeded that way). I'm assuming you have some sperm if IVF is one of your options.

Your offer isn't really about sex, it's about creating a person. The way you're dressing it up is unnerving and rather sinister.

Edited to give you a link for improving sperm production:
http://btwiki.ebrey.net/index.php?title=MrsB%27s_recommendations

 

[Phaedre]

I understand the longing for a birth child but what you are suggesting has immense implications for everyone involved and speaking personally I think it would be a mistake of epic proportions.

Here's another thing to consider. If you go ahead and everything turns out 'alright' what will you tell your child? Will you be honest or will you base their life on a deceit?

 

[wrenchjr]

How is it cheating a person? There are millions of fathers who don't even care that they have children out there. At least we will provide a loving home. And no unfortunately my body doesn't produce any sperm. And like I said before we're not going into this looking for a random dude to just dupe into this situation. And genes, well they're a gamble anyway. We both carry alcoholism, heart disease, cancer, and so forth if you go back far enough. Yea I guess there's always that quiet history of mental illness to worry about, but we would like to approach this from a clinical standpoint. And btw, if anybody out there has 5 grand to help us out then by all means we're in. Bu ti know my savings balance is at about 2500 right now so that's not gonna get the job done. I don't know about the UK, but in america fertility is not covered by insurance. But pregnancy and giving birth are. Gotta love this world when thousands of babies are basically thrown away by their parents every day, and kind loving people have to pay.

 

[wrenchjr]

A 2 year old only knows daddy that has been there from the beginning. As a "bastard" child myself I feel I have a unique understanding of the emotions involved. That said, we are all about 100% honesty with our families, telling the child at the right time that they are "adopted" is always the right thing to do. And really what part does biology play in this anyway? I have known for over ten years that my father is not my bio dad, I even have contact info for him. For me there is just no point in knowing this man who was content not to know me. I have one father, and he is the man that put in the time and love to raise me to be a good man. I feel that this is the most important thing, not who was bangin' my mom.

 

[Firebrain]

The response you have had is a resounding "this is a bad idea." The fact that other people are bad/absent parents is irrelevant (and as a foster mother, I don't say that lightly - I know the frustration involved there). There are various medical issues that can arise when it becomes vital to know a child's genetic lineage/becomes obvious that someone isn't a genetic parent. It's not something that can be swept under the carpet.

The point is that you're advertising this as a sex opportunity - and that is not, truthfully, what it is.

 

[frdrcnjohn]

I believe if you have a man that meets your critieria and goes thru the screening process for you to have a child as long as all parties agree

 

[wrenchjr]

How am I advertising this as sex? the title isn't "hey come fuck my wife." Maybe this wasn't the right place to air this out. Just thought this might be a place to find someone who would understand that this is a unique opportunity to help some nice people out, while at the same time getting some free no strings sex for a little while. Sorry to disrupt your board, but thanks for the advice.

 

[coastal-boy]

How am I advertising this as sex? the title isn't "hey come fuck my wife." Maybe this wasn't the right place to air this out. Just thought this might be a place to find someone who would understand that this is a unique opportunity to help some nice people out, while at the same time getting some free no strings sex for a little while. Sorry to disrupt your board, but thanks for the advice.

You ask a question "How am I advertising for sex?" and you provide the answer? (see bold above).

I know I could save five thousand dollars in a year quite easily by setting aside $400 a month....that's $13 a day. That's nothing more than a bottle of wine. That's hamburger instead of steak. Choices. To toss out this option for yours tells me that you are trying to justify a specific choice. Sorry you didn't get the responses you were expecting, but that also tells me that you have not spent alot of time on this forum. The one thing you will get in the "How To" forum is honesty.