An insult was sent my way.

[SeaCat]

I received a package from my brother today. It was more than just slightly insulting. In the letter he described why he had included the two items in the box.

The first item was a Bible because as he said I needed the moral guidance. He claims that he knows that I am going to Hell because of my lifestyle. He claims that his God can offer me redemption and through his help I may even avoid going to Hell.

The second item was a copy of the Blue Collar Comedy Tour. He said that he felt I might find it of interest. He thought I might even find some parts of it relevant, maybe even see myself in some parts of it. No my brother doesn't hold me in very high regard. He thinks that living in Florida, not to mention living in a Mobile Home count me as being beneath his contempt. He also feels that my culinary habits are low brow. He consideres the types of books I read to be without merit. He considers the fact that I have cats and not dogs to show just how ignorant I am.

How dare he insinuate these things to me? He who considers Rush Limbaugh to be the voice of reason. He who considers the Bible (King James Edition mind you.) to be the ultimate in reading material. How dare he think his Religeon is the only one worthy of belonging to? How dare he denigrate my cats to being something less than worthy of being a pet?

I repackaged the Bible and the Video Disk. They are now ready to send back to my brother. Yes I am returning them to him. The Bible I am returning because I already have a copy. Truth be told I have multiple copies. (Seven different versions.) The video disk I am returning. To me his sending it is an insult. How dare he think that I would find it amusing? How dare he think that I would need him to send me a copy to view myself? How dare he think I didn't already have it in my collection? (Not to mention the second part to it.)

Cat

 

[glynndah]

I received a package from my brother today. It was more than just slightly insulting. In the letter he described why he had included the two items in the box.

The first item was a Bible because as he said I needed the moral guidance. He claims that he knows that I am going to Hell because of my lifestyle. He claims that his God can offer me redemption and through his help I may even avoid going to Hell.

The second item was a copy of the Blue Collar Comedy Tour. He said that he felt I might find it of interest. He thought I might even find some parts of it relevant, maybe even see myself in some parts of it. No my brother doesn't hold me in very high regard. He thinks that living in Florida, not to mention living in a Mobile Home count me as being beneath his contempt. He also feels that my culinary habits are low brow. He consideres the types of books I read to be without merit. He considers the fact that I have cats and not dogs to show just how ignorant I am.

How dare he insinuate these things to me? He who considers Rush Limbaugh to be the voice of reason. He who considers the Bible (King James Edition mind you.) to be the ultimate in reading material. How dare he think his Religeon is the only one worthy of belonging to? How dare he denigrate my cats to being something less than worthy of being a pet?

I repackaged the Bible and the Video Disk. They are now ready to send back to my brother. Yes I am returning them to him. The Bible I am returning because I already have a copy. Truth be told I have multiple copies. (Seven different versions.) The video disk I am returning. To me his sending it is an insult. How dare he think that I would find it amusing? How dare he think that I would need him to send me a copy to view myself? How dare he think I didn't already have it in my collection? (Not to mention the second part to it.)

Cat

I'd throw in a copy of the "Church Lady".

 

[Guest]

Why don't you add some porn to the box before you send it his way?

What a dick.

 

[3113]

I repackaged the Bible and the Video Disk. They are now ready to send back to my brother.

Tsk. Cat, Cat, Cat...you should have singed and blackened the edges of the Bible and made it smell like sulfer before sending it back...along with a thank you note to your brother saying that you read it and really liked the part about Armageddon

 

[glynndah]

I think you're going to need a bigger box before this thread is over....

Still got the one from the chest freezer? We'll fill it up in no time.

 

[fcdc]

He considers the fact that I have cats and not dogs to show just how ignorant I am.

No offense meant, but: Your cat may well be smarter than your brother, given your description of him (whether or not he's a dog fan). Look into it.

As an agnostic who owns several copies of the Bible, has studied the KJV over and again for my English lit stuff, and who can quote the Bible better than lots of Christians I know, I feel your pain. There's a lot of presumption that goes along with people who believe their religions to focus not on conduct or belief, but on keeping up with the Joneses.

Blue Comedy Tour is first and foremost an insult to comedy, in my book. I've seen two or three episodes when I had Comedy Central on autopilot. I think I may have grinned all of one time. There's a lot funnier stuff, even in the genre, than Larry the Cable Guy farting his way all over the set (ie Royle Family). I think you're right to see it as a deliberate insult to you as well. Given the story, it appears to be so.

 

[TE999]

What a pious, self-aggrandizing asshole.

Add some used kitty litter to that box and send it C.O.D.

Makes me glad I'm an only child.

 

[Boxlicker101]

You have described your brother often enough that we are all aware that he is a world class asshole. Isn't he the one who wants to have your parents declared inconmpetent so he can take over all their possessions? Or was it that he wanted them to die so he would inherit everything?

 

[SeaCat]

No offense meant, but: Your cat may well be smarter than your brother, given your description of him (whether or not he's a dog fan). Look into it.

As an agnostic who owns several copies of the Bible, has studied the KJV over and again for my English lit stuff, and who can quote the Bible better than lots of Christians I know, I feel your pain. There's a lot of presumption that goes along with people who believe their religions to focus not on conduct or belief, but on keeping up with the Joneses.

Blue Comedy Tour is first and foremost an insult to comedy, in my book. I've seen two or three episodes when I had Comedy Central on autopilot. I think I may have grinned all of one time. There's a lot funnier stuff, even in the genre, than Larry the Cable Guy farting his way all over the set (ie Royle Family). I think you're right to see it as a deliberate insult to you as well. Given the story, it appears to be so.

Ahh hell. Larry is okay, you just have to have a couple of cold ones in you. Ron White on the other hand does absolutely nothing for me. (Bill Engvol(sp) and Jeff Foxworthy are too funny though.) Like I said I was insulted by him sending the disk because he thinks it would be insulting. I already have it.

(If I wanted to be insulting to him I could take several of Jeff Foxworthy's books and point out the similarities to his lifestyle and the books. A good example would be his rebuilding of an ancient Vega with a V-8 engine.)

As for the Bible, well he keep sforgetting in his religious fervor over his new found faith that I have been studying religeon for years. He has become a fanatic, which doesn't surprise me in the least.

Now about his highly intelligent dogs. He owns three little Chihauhaus(sp) that all shake, quack and quivers as though they are on the last day of a weeklong Crack Binge. These dogs are so intelligent they can't be house trained.

Somehow his insult just doesn't quite cut it.

Cat

 

[SeaCat]

You have described your brother often enough that we are all aware that he is a world class asshole. Isn't he the one who wants to have your parents declared inconmpetent so he can take over all their possessions? Or was it that he wanted them to die so he would inherit everything?

He's the one who wants them declared. My sister is the one who wouldn't min seeing them dead for her inheritance.

Too bad that A) I am now the one who will become their gaurdian if it ever comes to that, and B) I know what all three of us are getting when they do die. (My brother and sister will be greatly disapointed. )

Cat

 

[rgraham666]

Snicker. Your brother doesn't look at himself in the mirror much, does he, Cat?

 

[Liar]

Aww, how sweet, he cares. That he lacks all tact and sense of decorum about how to express that, I'd say is more of a social handicap than genuine malice. or maybe not. it's more sad than anything else anyway.

That Bible thing is something that never stops to baffle me. I have on some occations encountered those very concerned and suitably exalted evangelics with the message "Here, have you heard of this this book? I think you'd find it interresting." And they hand me THE MOST KNOWN BOOK IN THE WESTERN HEMISPHERE. Have I heard of The Bible? Uh, no, what even in the world is that?

And then, by reading it, they expect me to find God or something. By reading text on flattened trees. And when I say that "thankyverymuch but I've already read it", they are genuinely suprised that I'm still an atheist. As if that was a fail-safe way to become a saved, born-again believer. The logic of their private universe completely eludes me.

 

[Boxlicker101]

Ahh hell. Larry is okay, you just have to have a couple of cold ones in you. Ron White on the other hand does absolutely nothing for me. (Bill Engvol(sp) and Jeff Foxworthy are too funny though.) Like I said I was insulted by him sending the disk because he thinks it would be insulting. I already have it.

(If I wanted to be insulting to him I could take several of Jeff Foxworthy's books and point out the similarities to his lifestyle and the books. A good example would be his rebuilding of an ancient Vega with a V-8 engine.)

As for the Bible, well he keep sforgetting in his religious fervor over his new found faith that I have been studying religeon for years. He has become a fanatic, which doesn't surprise me in the least.

Now about his highly intelligent dogs. He owns three little Chihauhaus(sp) that all shake, quack and quivers as though they are on the last day of a weeklong Crack Binge. These dogs are so intelligent they can't be house trained.

Somehow his insult just doesn't quite cut it.

Cat

Personallyt, I think cats are smarter than dogs, but that is a matter of definition. But, Chihuahuas? I think bricks are smarter than them.

 

[Liar]

Personallyt, I think cats are smarter than dogs, but that is a matter of definition. But, Chihuahuas? I think bricks are smarter than them.

This cats vs dogs things reminded me of this little poem I found on Lit a while ago:

Zoochology
by No Bagles©

canine contemplation:
a dogs knows better
remembers to sniff
before kissing butts

feline contemplation:
purr to the bipedal morons
and they bring food
leave quadropedal butt sniffing
morons alone

bovine contemplation:
moo

Which sums it up for me. Cats are smart, dogs are silly, cows are fucking stupid.

 

[3113]

Chihuahuas? I think bricks are smarter than them.

Let's not insult the Chihuahuas. It's quite clear that these, at least, are smarter than their master

 

[Boxlicker101]

Let's not insult the Chihuahuas. It's quite clear that these, at least, are smarter than their master

Yeah, but even making that comparison insults the dogs.

 

[3113]

These dogs are so intelligent they can't be house trained.

Well, now the kitties do have an advantage there. They're "born" house trained (more or less). Of course, if you really want to sock-it-to a dog owner, you train the cat to use the toilet and flush it--which some cats can be trained to do

 

[elsol]

Send him a satanic bible and invite his kids to stay the summer.

 

[3113]

Send him a satanic bible and invite his kids to stay the summer.

Oh, no, no, no...(not the Satanic Bible part, that's a great idea!), but inviting the kids to his home for the summer. Remember, one of Cat's nephews is now in jail for theft and aggravated assualt. I don't think he wants to take responsiblity for any of the...er...demonic offspring of his siblings

 

[bluebell]

That Bible thing is something that never stops to baffle me. I have on some occations encountered those very concerned and suitably exalted evangelics with the message "Here, have you heard of this this book? I think you'd find it interresting." And they hand me THE MOST KNOWN BOOK IN THE WESTERN HEMISPHERE. Have I heard of The Bible? Uh, no, what even in the world is that?

And then, by reading it, they expect me to find God or something. By reading text on flattened trees. And when I say that "thankyverymuch but I've already read it", they are genuinely suprised that I'm still an atheist. As if that was a fail-safe way to become a saved, born-again believer. The logic of their private universe completely eludes me.

I laughed so loud I think I woke up my neighbors.
Liar, could we have this stitched on a (very large) pillow?
It needs to be immortalized.

Well, now the kitties do have an advantage there. They're "born" house trained (more or less). Of course, if you really want to sock-it-to a dog owner, you train the cat to use the toilet and flush it--which some cats can be trained to do

I know two cats who are potty-trained. Their names are Inga and Ahab, and I think Ahab has a slight issue with using the toilet.
Two weeks ago one of their owners was calling me at the precise time he walked in on Ahab doing, um, number two on the bathroom floor instead of the toilet.
So I had a very lovely phone message consisting only of someone yelling "BAD CAT!! BAD CAT!! YOU ARE A VERY BAD KITTY!!", then the ambient whoosh of the shower being turned on, the thunk of a cat's body being unceremoniously plunked down, and the called-for howl of a very displeased (and presumably very wet) kitty.
I saved it.

 

[bluebell]

How dare he insinuate these things to me? He who considers Rush Limbaugh to be the voice of reason. He who considers the Bible (King James Edition mind you.) to be the ultimate in reading material. How dare he think his Religeon is the only one worthy of belonging to? How dare he denigrate my cats to being something less than worthy of being a pet?

He's a weenie, Cat.
And who can say? He himself could be roasting marshmallows before he knows it.
Except, you know, in a not-fun kind of way.

 

[Edward Teach]

Just ignore him Cat. He doesn't sound worth getting upset over.

 

[3113]

So I had a very lovely phone message consisting only of someone yelling "BAD CAT!! BAD CAT!! YOU ARE A VERY BAD KITTY!!"

LOL! In my experience, saying that to a cat does absolutely nothing...except to teach it to dart away very quickly.

If Ahab was doing his business on the floor, he was probably doing it with intent--his way of getting a very clear message across; and in a battle of wills between owner and cat...the cat usually wins

 

[bluebell]

LOL! In my experience, saying that to a cat does absolutely nothing...except to teach it to dart away very quickly.

If Ahab was doing his business on the floor, he was probably doing it with intent--his way of getting a very clear message across; and in a battle of wills between owner and cat...the cat usually wins

*smirk* Oh, how right you are.

I do quite think his kitty bottom shall be joined with the toilet before long, though.
Well...maybe. (not)

 

[matriarch]

You ARE going to include a complete set of 'Coming Together', aren't you??