An incest aunt/nephew story

[Samaman]

Young man decides to spend time with recently widowed 40-something aunt hes had a crush on, takes her to tropical beach type area for vacation. one thing leads to another privately at poolside as he oils her up and they get together.
i know its been done...but tell me what you think

Defender of Masturbation,
The Great Samaman!

 

[Tatewaki]

Try giving me something to think about ...

You've given us absolutely nothing to work with here, just a statement of "Widowed Auntie and Nephew fuck on an island over vacation." What is it you'd like to see with this particular couple? What makes them special from all the rest? Why did it happen at this time? Was it the first time for them? Was it because of the recent death of her husband? Why did Nephew go with aunt on trip? Did he intend to bed her, or was it accidental? Did she set out to seduce him?

Work with us here.

-T

Young man decides to spend time with recently widowed 40-something aunt hes had a crush on, takes her to tropical beach type area for vacation. one thing leads to another privately at poolside as he oils her up and they get together.
i know its been done...but tell me what you think

Defender of Masturbation,
The Great Samaman!

 

[Samaman]

Yea, sorry about that

I'll admit i'm new, and this is my first story im going to write, so thanks for pointing those things out to me. I was thinking of having him start out by doing the trip out of kindness, have him become aroused by being alone with her on the way there, and then plan to seduce her and take advantage of her recent loss...anything else i should look out for?...i really need the pointers..

Defender of Masturbation,
The Great Samaman

 

[Tatewaki]

Re: Yea, sorry about that

I'll admit i’m new, and this is my first story im going to write, so thanks for pointing those things out to me. I was thinking of having him start out by doing the trip out of kindness, have him become aroused by being alone with her on the way there, and then plan to seduce her and take advantage of her recent loss...anything else i should look out for?...i really need the pointers..

Defender of Masturbation,
The Great Samaman

That's better. Do you have character types in mind? Character is plot. Is Auntie the tough as nails old harridan who just lost her whipping boy and is going through withdrawal, or is she sweet and shy, and needs a loving man to dote over? Was she a businesswoman who ran a tight ship and ignored her spouse until it was too late, or a housewife with no one to care for any longer? Does she rue his loss, or thank god he's finally gone? Is the trip one of misery, or exultation?

How about young Nephew? Is he really the caring fellow, or is he a gigolo playboy loser, looking for an easy mark? Auntie owns a condo and he don't wanna pay rent. He hears she has a room available now. Does he love his Aunt, or does he go out of kindness and/or obligation? What IS his pas relationship to Auntie; is she maternal or paternal aunt? Why doesn't her sibling fend for her, why must the nephew? Family split? An attempt at reconciliation?

What happens in your story depends on two things, what has gone before, and who these people are. Knowing that, future incidents will flow.

Think about it, and get back to me. Also take a look at the following thread:

Story Genres, etc

I posted a message dealing about incest that might help you out.

Cheers!

-T

 

[Samaman]

well now that you mention it...

hmm, ok i think i'll have her be the open-minded best-friend family member to him who talks to him about everything, especially sex considering she'll be the very horny type who has the unfortunate limp-dick busy businessman husband. he'll be the shy virgin whos barely managed a few girlfriends in the past years but never got past a peck on the cheek. and now that i think about it, i think the whole condo thing will be better, he couldve just gotten out of HS and needs a place to stay, so of course aunty will be perfect. i think ill switch the roles and have her seduce him considering shes more confident and outgoing than he is, and since she just lost her hubby and wasnt getting some anyway, her new housemate will be a much more welcome replacement. ill keep the pool as the main turning point in there relationship, just cuz its a personal fetish of mine. did i cover most of my bases there?

 

[fanzee1]

i like the massage reference. i think that's a good way to transform innocent compassion into lust in these stories.

 

[Samaman]

hell yea

just gotta love the rubdown, especially when they undo the top and ask to rub lower, then they turn over and ask to do the front, thats the best...

 

[Samaman]

anyone

i guess tatewaki isnt on, so until he sees what i think, anyone elses input is gladly accepted, i could use as much help as i can get

 

[Tatewaki]

Samaman,

Looks good!

You see what I mean about defining character opening up possibilities? If you know who they are, you can know what they'll do. I always liked the "Private Lessons" type of coming of age tale.

Have you thought of a working title? I find that having one helps me to focus upon my story slant.

Cheers!

-T

 

[Samaman]

a working title? you mean a title for the story?

 

[Tatewaki]

a working title? you mean a title for the story?

Exactly, but one that gives your story a direction and a tight focus. You can always change it later, but I find they help me to keep my tales on track. The title's tone, connotative and denotative baggage help to set a general mood to your writing.

-T

 

[Samaman]

hmm...i really havnt thought of one then, maybe..."A little lower"???...

 

[Tatewaki]

That's totally up to you.

-T

 

[Samaman]

alrighty then, ill get on it right away, ill let you know when my story is done, and you can tell me what you think, mmkay?

 

[Tatewaki]

Sure! I'm interested to see what you come up with.

Cheers!

-T

 

[schoolmrs]

story suggestion - aunty

Look forward to a copy when you have finished it.

 

[Tatewaki]

Samaman has posted his debut story.

Tyler's Spring Break in April

Cheers!

-T

 

[Axeltheswede]

Incest aunt/nephew

Not bad at all for a debut story. Nothing like having a "voluptuous" auntie across town, hot to trot and ready to race.

Ending was bit abrupt. If I had been lopin' my mule, it would have caught me in mid-stroke.

Hats off to Tatewaki, defender of the faith and nurturer of first time story posters.

 

[Samaman]

yea, sorry bout that

i was getting a bit anxious to get it on the site, so i thought i could just make it a two parter or something...cuz i plan on continuing it

 

[Samaman]

yea, sorry bout that

i was getting a bit anxious to get it on the site, so i thought i could just make it a two parter or something...cuz i plan on continuing it

 

[Samaman]

lol, sorry about the double post, also what did you think of the story tatewaki?

 

[Tatewaki]

lol, sorry about the double post, also what did you think of the story tatewaki?

I liked it a lot! I got a thing for older women, so you hit a pleasure button in my brain. Making the ol' gal sexually aggressive doesn't hurt either. Overall the story structuring and progression were solid.

Especially strong was your opening. In a single paragraph you completely set up the story; Good-looking yet insecure man is ready for a change. You also introduced the aunt in the same paragraph. Sharp writing, man! Well done.

The title was clever, playing on the unexpectedness of spring break in April, the aunt's name, and the 'in' joke. Nice! It also sets the tone of the work as playful. Excellent work.

Feeling good, Sanaman? Hold onto those warm tinglies for a little while longer, my friend.

You overuse adverbs. Try to use concrete nouns and the correct verbs instead. You'll find that use of the correct words will pay dividends. Adverbs are descriptive shorthand. They work quickly, but not well. Would you rather read "The glass broke loudly on the floor" or "The goblet shattered on the walnut parquet floor, sending the tinkling shards flying." More verbiage, yes, but much more vivid.

You like to interrupt your dialogue with stage direction. Don't. For the most part the stage business adds nothing of importance and pulls the reader from what is truly important, the words spoken by your characters. Describe Tyler's raising eyebrows afterwards if you must, but let mom finish her sentences.

I abuse the ellipsis as well, but not as much as you do. Try to reduce its usage. Almost without exception you could have gotten away with using periods and commas instead.

Try to stay away from caps as emphasis in your stories. Capitalizing REAL and MMM and the like pulls the reader's mind away from the content and make them study the form of the words. That's a no-no.

Tyler needs speech therapy. The dude stuttered half of his dialogue in the last bit of the story. I got the idea that his aunt made him stupid and tongue tied long before the third "Uhhh, yea ... I. I'm ..." bullshit. Stay away from typographic tricks. Simply use narration or introspection to get the point across. Why did I always turn into a tongue-tied, dumbass drool biscuit every time I try to talk to her, Tyler wondered as he leered at her massive tits. The rapidly stiffening cock in his shorts gave him the answer; the sudden loss of blood to his brain. That should account for any awkwardness you show the reader. Make him drop the lotion or spurt too much of the jism-looking stuff across her back. Let her catch him staring at her tits. Whatever. You blew alot of prime chances to crank up the heat and to play on his inexperience. The chronic stutter was an easy way out.

The sex scene was much too short though it packed some serious heat. In erotica the sex should be the focus, otherwise the story is simply a fiction tale with sex in it. No shame in that, but that isn't what the one-handed reader expects to find at Lit.

All in all a very enjoyable story, one of the better new submissions up. You do many things right, Sanaman. The mistakes were minimal. The spelling and grammar were quite clean. I look forward to seeing your next effort.

Cheers man!

-T

 

[Axeltheswede]

Incest aunt/nephew

Tate, you sound like a Mama Bear, congratulating her cub for finding the beehive, then swatting him for getting stung.

Interesting critique with many points that apply to more than just this story.

Note to others working on a first story post; get Tatewaki on board early and often.

 

[Tatewaki]

Re: Incest aunt/nephew

Tate, you sound like a Mama Bear, congratulating her cub for finding the beehive, then swatting him for getting stung.

Carrot and stick, baby. Gotta dip them bitter pills in honey.

-T

 

[Samaman]

hehe

Well, i'm really glad you liked it man, but im also happy that you didnt sugar-coat the mistakes, of course i wanted to hear only good things on my story, but no story is perfect, and pointing out the mistakes is what helps make the next story even better, but you already know that, lol, so thanks so much for the tips yet again, and i look forward to more advice from you and others!