An Ideas Tutorial

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

USE WHAT YOU GOT is the first law of idea germination.
The solution to any need is almost always available close at hand. Simply look around.

EXAMPLE: I live beside two lesbians, One I call THE SKIPPER cuz she always wears a white boater cap, and GILLIGAN because she looks like Bob Denver. She has a cute goatee like when Bob played Maynard G. Krebs in the 50s.

We hate each other. I mean in a sick, depraved way.

Anyway, the problem was this: They wander the streets after midnight and do damage or steal shit. Mostly what they do is damage my veggie garden or pick veggies and scatter them about my yard.

So how do you stop it? Sit up all night forever?

No. I erected a cheap fence around the garden with plastic mesh and bamboo poles I stored in my garage. I scattered dog shit my dogs produce around the entry. To get in the garden you pretty much gotta step in dog shit at night. And it stays with you. I made like a hopscotch pattern I remember.

 

[49greg]

Did it work? Are they messing with your garden still, or are they walking around with dog shit on their shoes?

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

Did it work? Are they messing with your garden still, or are they walking around with dog shit on their shoes?

I'm getting different abuse now.

 

[MastersWench]

Someone I know had a similar situation as what you describe. A fence didn't do much but increase their efforts. So, he put up motion detector lights, then he took one of those personal alarms- the kind where the alarm goes off if the little 'key' is dislodged. He lengthened the wire on it and rigged it up like a trip wire. Those things are VERY loud and between that, and the lights, the trouble makers finally got the message.

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

Someone I know had a similar situation as what you describe. A fence didn't do much but increase their efforts. So, he put up motion detector lights, then he took one of those personal alarms- the kind where the alarm goes off if the little 'key' is dislodged. He lengthened the wire on it and rigged it up like a trip wire. Those things are VERY loud and between that, and the lights, the trouble makers finally got the message.

The problem goes back to 1981. THE SKIPPER was a young woman then, and her fathers lover. Ma was in the house, too, and the source of what I know. Parents are dead. THE SKIPPER is on disability, has no friends, and a live-in woman. Theyre at war with all the neighbors because of the damage they do late at night. My problem is mild compared to much of what they inflict...slashed tires, slashed pool enclosures, etc. Most did as you suggest with the security cams, etc.

One of my supervisors dated THE SKIPPER 20 years ago. I ran into them at a restaurant. My boss was spooked to see me, and when we talked about it I said, YOUR TASTE SCARES ME. YOU CAN DO BETTER.

 

[rjordan]

Did it work? Are they messing with your garden still, or are they walking around with dog shit on their shoes?

You need to give JBJ some time to work out an idea. Right now, he's caught in the mesh covered in dog shit.

rj

 

[TxRad]

You need to give JBJ some time to work out an idea. Right now, he's caught in the mesh covered in dog shit.

rj

Only in his mind. Or is that his mind?

 

[MastersWench]

I wonder what would happen if you sent them a big bouquet of flowers in an anonymous way... they might be very freaked out and thrown off balance, wondering. Maybe one might be jealous and wrongly suspect the other has something going on. Kind of fun pondering the possible results

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

You need to give JBJ some time to work out an idea. Right now, he's caught in the mesh covered in dog shit.

rj

I love it when youre obsessed with envy.

 

[rjordan]

Only in his mind. Or is that his mind?

Morpheus: "The Mesh is the world that has been pulled over your eyes to blind you from the dog shit."

 

[lovecraft68]

I would just let my dogs roam the yard at night.

 

[rjordan]

I love it when youre obsessed with envy.

That I am. I wish I still had my dog (not the rabid rat in my avatar).

rj

 

[Carnal_Flower]

What's with all the posts? Has someone slipped some steroids into your Grape Nuts?

USE WHAT YOU GOT is the first law of idea germination.
The solution to any need is almost always available close at hand. Simply look around.

EXAMPLE: I live beside two lesbians, One I call THE SKIPPER cuz she always wears a white boater cap, and GILLIGAN because she looks like Bob Denver. She has a cute goatee like when Bob played Maynard G. Krebs in the 50s.

We hate each other. I mean in a sick, depraved way.

Anyway, the problem was this: They wander the streets after midnight and do damage or steal shit. Mostly what they do is damage my veggie garden or pick veggies and scatter them about my yard.

So how do you stop it? Sit up all night forever?

No. I erected a cheap fence around the garden with plastic mesh and bamboo poles I stored in my garage. I scattered dog shit my dogs produce around the entry. To get in the garden you pretty much gotta step in dog shit at night. And it stays with you. I made like a hopscotch pattern I remember.

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

What's with all the posts? Has someone slipped some steroids into your Grape Nuts?

Go read Vanity Fair and Cosmo like usual.

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

I would just let my dogs roam the yard at night.

The fuckers are union. From 8 to 5 they hear birds fart a mile away. After 5 theyre deaf.

 

[49greg]

I would just let my dogs roam the yard at night.

The problem with dogs is that a people can strike from a long way out of a dogs range, like through the fence with a sharpened stick or a home made spear or steak laced with rat poison.

I wonder what would happen if you sent them a big bouquet of flowers in an anonymous way... they might be very freaked out and thrown off balance, wondering. Maybe one might be jealous and wrongly suspect the other has something going on. Kind of fun pondering the possible results

I like this one. Not that I would ever do it, I'm too timid to do stuff like that in RL, but a bouquet sent to just one of them, with a note something like "I'll always remember you and count the days until you can get away again."

 

[Carnal_Flower]

I think you need to add old coots and in-bred Southerners to your list.

Go read Vanity Fair and Cosmo like usual.