an eulogy of sorts

[Randi Grail]

I found out two days ago that my grandfather passed away. He was really old and sick, so it was expected. I'm just sad I didn't get to see him one last time.

I talked to my mom, and she and her brother have come up with this great idea of putting together a kind of alternative obituary of him. A folder of personal thoughts from his family and friends, to share and read at the funeral. Something simple and nice, something not too highbrow, to remember him by.

I was thinking of contributing with a poem, but if I do, I want it to be perfect. I'm going to let Mom read it, but I also thought 'hey, why not throw it at a bunch of strangers?' You're better at poetry than she is, so it's worth a shot.

It's different from how I usually write, but I wanted it to have the feel of that 7 yo girl. Please let me know if you think I should edit anything.




Grandpa and True Love

when I was
braids and freckles
and seven year's worth
of bouncing on his knee

Grandpa used to say
that True Love comes
from heaven high
from eternal springs
in the other end
of the milky way

where cherubs fall
out of the divine mist
and flutter around
on butterfly wings

I cried on my own
when he couldn't see

because then I knew
that True Love
in the milky way
is too far
for two left feet
and a little heart
to travel

but then
when Grandma died
he stood in church
(where he said
you can not tell a lie)
and told us all
how she had given him
True Love

I cried in his lap
(tears of joy this time)

because Grandma
never even left Boston

 

[Tathagata]

I found out two days ago that my grandfather passed away. He was really old and sick, so it was expected. I'm just sad I didn't get to see him one last time.

I talked to my mom, and she and her brother have come up with this great idea of putting together a kind of alternative obituary of him. A folder of personal thoughts from his family and friends, to share and read at the funeral. Something simple and nice, something not too highbrow, to remember him by.

I was thinking of contributing with a poem, but if I do, I want it to be perfect. I'm going to let Mom read it, but I also thought 'hey, why not throw it at a bunch of strangers?' You're better at poetry than she is, so it's worth a shot.

It's different from how I usually write, but I wanted it to have the feel of that 7 yo girl. Please let me know if you think I should edit anything.




Grandpa and True Love

when I was
braids and freckles
and seven year's worth
of bouncing on his knee

Grandpa used to say
that True Love comes
from heaven high
from eternal springs
in the other end
of the milky way

where cherubs fall
out of the divine mist
and flutter around
on butterfly wings

I cried on my own
when he couldn't see

because then I knew
that True Love
in the milky way
is too far
for two left feet
and a little heart
to travel

but then
when Grandma died
he stood in church
(where he said
you can not tell a lie)
and told us all
how she had given him
True Love

I cried in his lap
(tears of joy this time)

because Grandma
never even left Boston

I wouldn't change a thing
that is beautiful...and it does have that 7 year old feel
that verse about " I cried on my own...because then I knew"
took my breath away

I am sorry for your loss...

That is a wonderful tribute.
He has a very special grand daughter

 

[Liar]

I agree with tath... the poem in itself is great as it is.

I have one suggestion:

The language structure in it is quite straightforward, conventional, simple sentences. Which is great considering what you wanted to convey.

Try to add punctuation to it, and see if it still reads the same way to you. That might change the rhythm of it, but if it still feels right, that might make it easier to read for the other funeral guests, some who might not be familiar with reading unorthodox grammar, punctuation et al.


#L

 

[Angeline]

Funny. My first thought upon reading this was "I wouldn't change a thing." and then I read Tath's and Liar's posts.

So that's three votes.

It's a lovely tribute to your grandfather. I have no doubt your mom will love it and you for being able to articulate this.

My grandpa was possibly my favorite person ever in my life. They sure can make their grandkids feel special, eh? Mine had this thing he used to do that, in retrospect, makes me teary with love for him and his wisdom. He'd take you on his lap and say "Is it better to give or receive?" His grandchildren quickly learned that if you said "Give, " he'd say "Yes" and give you the change from his pocket. LOL! He'd say "It's always better to give." A silly game and such an important lesson.

I feel for you, and I'm sorry for your loss sweety.

 

[tungtied2u]

Grandfathers

I only knew one of my grandfathers- my mom's dad. Everyone called him Candy, for reasons not too hard to guess.
Except for my brother, sister and I- it was always grandaddy.
Two memories he left me with, sunny days at baseball games and false teeth- he'd ask you to pull his ear and pop them out at you like a snapping turtle.
Scared some kids shitless, but I always laughed.

I grieve your loss Randi. But those memories will alway be in your heart.

Nice tribute. I'm sure he's smiling on you.

 

[Randi Grail]

Thank you everyone. I'll take your advise Liar, and try it with punctuation. As you say, it might help some read it easier.

Lovely story, Angeline. It seems grampies are the same all over the place.

This one has a special place in my heart for a much more recent reason. About a year ago, I went through the ordeal of rehabilitation from addiction of a cocktail of party drugs, which I had entertained myself with through my late teens. During rehab, he was the only one who dared to still treat me like a real person. When everyone else tiptoed around me, he called me up to ask for help with his computer, or to whine about my parents, his apartment, discuss politics, you name it. He knew exactly what he was doing, though. His calls was the difference from me feeling like someone who had a value to someone, and me feeling like a piece of waste. I don't think I'd ever be able to thank him enough for that, no matter how long he lived.

 

[tarablackwood22]

I'm so sorry, Randi.

I think the poem is perfect.

 

[Merrymaker]

Reading through it, I was moved to a few happy-sad tears...what a lovely remembrance.
So sorry for your loss

 

[shyly curious]

What a gem of a poem,

What a gem of a memory,

Tis wonderful just as you wrote it.

He certainly sounds like a man who was very wise about life.

I am so sorry for your loss.

 

[minsue]

It's beautiful, Randi.