An Epistolary Tale (closed)

qerasija

Really Experienced
Joined
Dec 1, 2006
Posts
142
Wednesday, 5th January 1825

My dear Elizabeth--

I trust that this letter reaches you in good health. I touched Rome two days ago. It was a bitter crossing and slower than expected as we ran upon a storm in rounding the Spanish coast. Black and malevolent clouds passed suddenly over the lowering sun and smothered us from above. Of an instant the sea turned a frothy, direful white, the foam slashing the sides of our bark. The ship tottered in the high waves. The rain effectuated a cold that penetrated the bones and rendered the marrows stiff. Captain Clowes sent us below deck. For the remainder of the squall, we sat at table, six of us by lantern-light, buckets to hand and dripping in our overcoats as the storm raged on and on and the seamen stampeded above in alarums and confused excursions that persisted until well past mid-night. When we recovered the air before dawn, the deck was covered in dead fish.

Captain Clowes informed that the storm had left the ship not a rope to spare and a tattered cloud of thread-bare canvas to sail upon. We set at Gibraltar for three days to repair and were blessed from there with favourable wind and serene sea.

When I landed, I discovered that Matthews had done well in securing for me a charming little house near the Farnese Palace, opposite Santa Maria de Monserrato degli Spagnoli, and had it furnished respectably. I left the bulk of the domestic arrangements to him, but attended to the stables personally. It took me the last afternoon and today morning to obtain a pair of extraordinary dapple greys, a pair of lesser bays, and a carriage. In addition to Matthews and the horses, the household now consists of a butler, a cook, two maids, a groom, a coachman, and a general factotum, whom I have decided to name Figaro.

Separate from the house, I also have an apartment on the other side of the Teatro Argentina on Via del Gesù in which I shall locate my studio. Matthews is to shew its state to me tomorrow, and I shall have it set to order. Gerald Murray has promised an introduction to Mr J.M.W. Turner on Sunday.

When I arrived, Robert had an invitation waiting for me. I supped at his house that very night. He is a most welcoming fellow, full of mirth, advice, and good cheer. After the weeks on board Cairo any well-cooked meal would have been a welcome gift to the palate. Robert, like his father, delivers sumptuous repast-- I think I must have lost a stone in the passage and regained much of it in one sitting. After we had eaten, Robert and I retired for port and tobacco, and then re-joined Sophia, who played the harpsichord for us. While we listened, your charming young niece Julia requested from my hand a portrait sketch of her; I think I acquitted myself in producing a fair likeness. As I was leaving, Robert asked me, of course, to convey to you his love and Sophia's; this I do, and this is also the lightest burden my pen ever carried.

I saw Samuel as well, yesterday. He has a striking recent scar on the left side of his face that runs from his cheek to his neck. The brown robes he wears magnify his stoop, but he is yet a hardy walker. We spent the evening and night wandering the city. We roamed a long time, from Via Sistina, to Via Urbana, past San Pietro in Vincoli, then to the Via del Colosseo. He shewed me the side of Rome that abides-- nay, thrives like our London rats-- in the shadows of bright places. If Samuel is to be believed, Catullus was an amateur and Ovid a eunuch. In the dark and massive spectre of the Colosseum, we talked in hushed tones of Messolonghi. We were alone, but spoke anyway in our Balliol Greek. You know my views on the matter. While I am here, I think I must go.

As you requested of me, I sent word to M Charles Villers-Cotterêts that I was in Rome. He waited upon me this noon and remembers you kindly-- le visage d'mille soupirs, he recollects. M Villers-Cotterêts asked me to inform you that the papers you want will take some span of weeks to procure, but that he is confident he can unearth them. I have entreated him to send word of the papers once he has them, and await further instruction from you.

Matthews has stopped in to tell me that Mr Partridge has arrived and seeks an audience. It is an unpleasant duty, but one that I can no longer delay. Though there is much else to tell-- the colour of the Roman sky, so like the blues of Titian-- how San Pietro lifts up the Eternal City like an offering to God-- how Caesar's Tiber is crossed with bridges-- Raphael's tomb in the Pantheon, where I went to place flowers almost the instant I alighted-- the Piazzas in which Michael Angelo walked, their fountains frozen with ice-- the streets so redolent of history and sin-- instead of postponing the sending of this missive to next Monday's post, I shall leave off here.

My compliments to all.

I remain yours, faithful in the heart, and ever-devoted,

Richard.
 
Thurday January 20 1825

Dear Husband

(I am aware of your views on titles, yet Richard, I cannot help but put it on paper, perhaps enabling me to convey the infinite joy it renders me being your wife)

I am so relieved you are in good health, fearing the awful conditions of the main might have brought an untimely end...I dare not spell it out Richard. I have been in the most delicate of states, fearing that our parting was indeed final. Forgive me Richard, I shall endeavour not to ponder such things.

It pleases me that my dear brother is in good health, and I surmise dearest, that he is faring well all things considered. I hestiate not to tell you how much I miss him. I trust you will convey my love to him and his family. If it is not too much to ask, I would like a portrait of Robert, thus bringing part of him back to us.

On another note, I have been invited to spend time with my dear friend Charlotte Lindsay, whom I'm certain you recall. Miss Lindsay , or perhaps I ought to call her Lady Charlotte, seeing as her father, Colonel Lindsay has been granted a knighthood for services rendered to the Crown. Charlotte is the gentlest of creatures and I am certain that this will not in any way affect her kind disposition, although I fear that Sir Henry isn't quite the gentleman, though I surmise that the loss of his wife has taken a dear toll on his constitution. He conveyed his regards and his respects for your work Richard, and I am more than a little proud of this. Sir Henry is well connected at Court, which I daresay might serve as a leg up for you.

Charlotte has been most forthcoming, taking time out of her busy schedule to lighten my mood. She is to be married come August and she has asked me to help plan this happy occassion. I only wish you would be able to be there as well, yet I know your work will not permit this.

I am to leave for Essex come Thursday. Sir Henry will arrange for the details of the journey and I trust the country air will do me good.

It may please you to hear that your reputation has merited an invitation to Mr Jonathan Hervey. whom I am sure you know of. Mr Hervey deals in art and he has been kind enugh to inform you that your works are quite sought after right now. I will take luncheon with Mr Hervey on Wednesday, and I have asked Charlotte to accompany me. I trust this will be most fruitious a meeting.

Do give my fondest regards and deepest thanks to Mr Villers-Cotterêts. I would very much like to extend an invitation to visit us should he be in London.

I am sorry that I do not have a lot of interesting news to convey to you. I fear that I miss you too much to be able to retain the proper stance of a modern woman. I know we have discussed this but I would once again ask you if I may join you. It seems our time together was all too brief and I hesitate not to tell you how I long for your company. Still I shall do my utmost to carry myself in such a fashion which will render you credit Richard.

This afternoon I shall pay Mother a visit. Her ailments still plague her, yet she has shown a remarkable resilience. She sends her fondest regards and I trust you will reciprocate yours. Maybe I should try to convince her to move in with us. It is not suitable for her to be on her own in her current condition.

I have bought a new dress although I intend not to wear it until you are safely back with me. I long for you Richard and wish you will soon be home. Still, I know your calling is of a greater kind and I am immensly proud of you,

Your devoted wife
Elizabeth
 
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Monday, 7th February 1825

Dear, dear Elizabeth--

I received your letter this morning with the greatest pleasure in the world and settled immediately to make reply. The day being what it was, I was harried by one appointment after another. These could not all be gracefully postponed, much as I might have wished. Here it is, night-time, before I am able to place pen to paper at last-- tired though I am, yet this is my foremost joy.

It moves me profoundly to consider that my voyage has caused you such unease. Your face ought not to be etched by lines of worry, nor should your eyes suffer the sting of tears, lest these be the consequence of abundant and deserved joy. From London to Rome is no great distance. The moon above, the stars, these are the same for us. Look at the moon and know that I see her, too.

I would that you were here, Elizabeth, truly, but as I have confided, were you here, I could not paint. I would not stir from the breakfast table in order that I not lose my sight of you. I should expend all the hours of the day in listening to you read; and all the evenings I should be seated beside you at the opera, or taking amusement with you at the fashion of the Romans, or we would be dancing at the winter balls; and all the nights, none could ever be long enough. I would draw not but your face, over and over, as other fellows paint a forest in all the seasons. It cannot be. There is work for me here. Remember my promise: I shall return in one year's time, either to stay or to bring you whither I go, and thenceforth, we shall not willingly part. To this declaration I will now add that I should be exceedingly glad to see you resplendent in your new gown.

Before I proceed to tell what has happened here, let me observe that I am distressed to hear of your mother's sufferings. Her resilience and fortitude do honour to her and to her sex, but would not it be best to take advice from a physician? Or possibly remove to Bath? I did attend university with Gardener, who doctors to Prince Frederick. Should you like me to ask him to examine her? If you will allow, I shall also consult with Robert about what arrangement might be made for your mother, if in her widowed state, she can no longer manage it alone. The opinion of your eldest brother or uncle may take precedence over what Robert or I may say or do. Have they not remarked on the matter?

Though I have been immensely busy these days, there is little news to impart. The meetings this morning were with my bankers Thomson and French; with Mr Partridge, who blames us for his sister's madness; and with Contessa Guiccioli, who wishes to have a small portrait made of Byron. My banker in London has been remiss in transferring some sum from there to here, and Thomson and French are worried that the books are out of sorts. I trust this is nothing that a letter to London will not resolve. Mr Partridge, I know not how to remedy. He sends letters to me nearly every day. He arrives at my door and insists that I make answer to questions I have answered a dozen times before. It is to the high esteem I have for who his sister was that he keeps his welcome here. But this cannot continue. If he comes again, I will tell the servants to inform that I chuse no longer to be at home to him.

Relying upon a friendship of twenty years, when Samuel departed a fortnight ago, he implored me to return with him to Greece. The arguments he made were persuasive-- not that they were necessary-- my sympathies are wholly on the Grecian side already. There are also many things I wish to paint there. Still, I told him no. There is too much for me to do here. This is the place for an artist to be. Samuel will be back in Rome this June; he has told me that he will ask me again. I do not think I can refuse him a second time, Elizabeth.

I consider often the Greeks at war. I have begun a grand historical painting of the horse being taken into Troy. I have my eye on a Cassandra. Having found the perfect models for the women, I have also started a painting of Messalina and Scylla. I do not know if you will approve the premise. I have placed the two women in the same bed separated by a thin curtain at dawn, the one flushed but ready, the other sapped of energy. It seems that I shall now have to commence a second painting of Robert, for Sophia has asked for one as well.

You see, Elizabeth, how my days are. I implore you to stay active, too. It is a duty to fit the patterns of your days with lively endeavours. It lifts my heart to know that you have such friends as Miss Lindsay to keep your spirits high.

Stay well, my dear, and know that I have the honour and delight of being yours,

Richard.
 
Thursday, February 24:th 1825
Cranmore House, Essex

My beloved husband

Thank you for your kind words conveyed through your last letter. The arrival of which sent my spirit soaring. Your words are wonderful, Richard, and I am ashamed that I do not possess the literary qualities to respond in kind.

I want to thank you for your concerns for Mother. On your insistence I have spoken to Uncle Charles. He has agreed to take charge of Mother which lifts a heavy burden from me. I cannot, however, help but feel throughly ungrateful. Mother has made such sacrifices for the wellfare of my brothers and myself, never asking for anything in return. I will still visit her regularly and I pray that she does not view me as being callous. Would it be possibly, upon your return to England, to have her move in with us? It would still the worries that afflicts me Richard, please say you consent. I would be most obliged to you if you say yes.

I'm sorry I had to start off on such solemn a matter, but I have some very good news as well. I told you I was invited to take luncheon with Mr Jonathan Hervey of Hervey and Watkins. I was of course accompanied by Charlotte; not that I doubt Mr. Hervey's intentions, he is a most respectable gentleman, but I do think it inappropriate for a married woman to be seen unaccompanied with another man. Mr. Hervey proved most forthcoming and he is very enthusiastic about your works. Some very prominent people have shown an interest, among them the Crown Prince of Sweden, who according to Mr. Hervey is an artist himself. I know your feelings for the aristocracy Richard and I do respect them, yet I feel that this is too good an offer to turn down. I beg you to consider Mr. Hervey's offer. I will enclose his address in this letter.

I am a bit worried that your funds are being withheld. Shall I make inquiries as well? I can ask Sir Henry to assist me as he is much informed on the workings of financial institutions. Please advise me as to how I should go about this business. I also want you to know that should you need it, I could committ the funds Father left me. I will be happy to do so if it can further your calling Richard.

It pleases me that you and Robert has struck up such a rapport. I love him dearly as you know. His strenght was a beacon after Father's tragic demise, how I long for his company and that of Sophia. She is the lovliest creature wouldn't you say, and I must confess that I sometimes feel the stab of jealousy as she is blessed by your companionship. As for the ghastly business of Mr Partridge I have naught to say. It ill befits a woman to speak in such a way but he strikes me as having lost his wits entirely. I pray that you will watch your step around him, as he might cause you harm Richard.

Knowing I shouldn't do this, I still ask you not to go to Greece, I abhorr the very idea of you going to a country under such ruthless an occupation. Promise me not to do so Richard. It would utterly destroy me should I lose you, the thought enough to make me fall into utter despair. Please promise me to come back to me. You may think me stupid but I swear to you Richard that should you go astray on your travels, I would spend the remainder of my life searching for you. I would travel in your footsteps even to the very gates of Constantinople itself should it be needed. I love you so very much Richard, you are dearer to me than life itself. Yet I have to confess that the lonliness is taking a dear toll on my constitution and I have fallen into fits of melancholy. I fear that you will leave me; not out of malign intent, but because I know that your art is your first and foremost love. I knew that from the day you started courting me and I have always been very proud of you. Yet I cannot help the feelings of dismay.

Please forgive me Richard. I ought not to tell you these things. Instead I should carry myself in a way that befits you. I hope I will find the strenght to do so.

I shall conclude this letter as I am invited to go for a short ride with Lieutenant Colin Lindsay, Charlotte's younger brother. He is on furlough from his regiment. He is as kind as his dear sister and a proper gentleman.

All my love
Your devoted wife
Elizabeth
 
Wednesday, 16th March 1825

Dear Elizabeth--

Each morning, at the breakfast table, I scrutinise the neat pile of letters that Matthews has placed there for me. Most days, I am obliged to give a frown at the mass of collected paper for not finding one of your letters within and then rouse myself discontentedly to attend to business. It is my pleasure today to smile. You will think me odd, but I commence my reading of your letters by giving the thick paper an expansive sniff, and though it has passed through other fingers than your own and survived a long sea voyage, when with closed eyes, I bring my nose to paper, I convince myself easily that I am inhaling the scent of your hair, and breathing the perfume of your hands, and bathing once more in the vapours of your love. Turning the letter over next, I touch my fingers round the edges of wax, and examine the lines on the seal and observe that the impression is yet made by that little woodcut I carved and presented to you at the beginning of our courtship. Breaking the seal open, I then fold the papers open on the table and revel in the look of your familiar, strong hand. I adore the swoop of the F, how the C does swerve and bend, the swanlike rise of the s, the way the crossbar threads the loop of the t. It is silly of me, but I must enjoy these simple pleasures for it is what little of you I have with me in Rome.

Well, dear Elizabeth, having read, let me proceed to write. I am not averse to doing business with any man, even one who names himself a prince. If it is to be a portrait the Swedish gentleman wants, it must of course wait until I return to London. If it is to be some other type of painting, it may be possible for me to execute it here. If Mr Hervey or some other agent of the Prince would inform me of what is required and include an offer for my services, I shall do what it is in my power to do to oblige them. In truth, my dear, you are correct-- it is an important commission. Do not think that my peculiar views on kings and queens and sundry peers of the realm will produce any diminution to the care I attend on painting.

I know you think me too much a devotee to Art, but Art, along with the progeny with which we are blessed, are what gifts we may offer to Mankind and Nature. We that are able have a solemn duty to these, our labours. There is a story they still tell in Rome of Michael Angelo. On one of his drawings, he has written an admonition to his pupil Antonio Mini: Disegnia Antonio disegnia Antonio disegnia non perdere tempo: Draw, Antonio, draw, Antonio, draw, and don't waste time. I do as the Master instructs.

The painting goes well. I have delivered the portrait of Byron to the Contessa, and have profited from her regard of it by other commissions from her friends. My history painting of the Fall of Troy proceeds nicely in its outlines, but the canvas is large, and I do not think I have the light everywhere correct. The painting of Messalina and Scylla brings me such pleasure that I have commenced a second version. I have started also a new painting on the founding of Rome. I expend many pleasant hours as well in sketching buildings and making drawings of the paintings of Raphael and Michael Angelo for my own study. I cannot fathom their capacity to arrest bodies in motion. I would not think it possible, but I cannot deny the testimonials of my eyes.

The paintings that I brought with me to Rome, the exhibition pieces, I have been compelled to sell. There is some confusion with the bank in London. I can make no sense of the disobliging letters they send. Thomson and French will not honour their credit. It is indeed fortunate that Matthews arrived before me with tenable funds of which some remain and that I brought a goodly sum with me on the voyage out, but I am far from flush. If you or Sir Henry can receive sensible explanation from the bank and set matters to rights, I would be most thoroughly grateful.

Since my last letter, I have broken relations with Mr Partridge. I remain, however, greatly concerned as to the fate of Miss Partridge. Any news you have of the improvement of her condition would gratify me beyond measure. I have spoken also with Robert concerning your mother. If she wishes it, I have no objection to her staying with us when I return. I do not, however, wish to nudge your uncle aside, so if it is to be done, you must finesse it. Diplomacy was ever your great skill.

As to Greece, I make no promises. I have no intention of setting out now, but such a journey may one day happen. Do not fear, Elizabeth! Samuel has been there these many years, and he shall look after me.

I am happy that you are getting on so well with the Lindsays, and I am beholden to them for the care they afford. I must do them some suitable service when I am in London again.

I enclose within a sketch of Robert. Whilst it is not a full painting, it will have to do until I can render one for you.

My dear, know that I miss your company and be mindful of your health and humour. I am, as ever, yours to love, and one who loves you,

Richard.
 
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Tuesday March 29:th 1825
Cranmore House, Essex

My Beloved Husband

I received your letter this morning and to Charlotte's great amusement I had to make my excuses to the Lindsays in order to read it. My longing for you is yet undiminshed Richard, yes I hesitate not to tell you that for every day it grows even more potent. I fear my behaviour is becoming increasingly erratic. Last night I had to retire before supper was served, as I yet again experienced a fit of melancholy. Charlotte has been most kind, doing her utmost to lift my spirits, as have Lieutenant Lindsay.

This past Saturday Charlotte arranged a picknick and insisted I should partake. I was escorted by Lieutenant Lindsay, and we had the most marvellous afternoon. Charlotte is indeed the rock on which I lean now that you are not here Richard. I tried to paint the soft hills as you have taught me, trying to discern the way to best render them on my canvas. I claim not to be skilled, and you might even find my attempts pathetic, yet I enclose the pictures and hope you will treasure them, not so much as art, but as a small token of my feelings for you.

I was delighted receiving the sketch of Robert. His resemblance to Father grows more apparent for every year, and I have had the picture framed. I hope you will approve.

Sir Henry has agreed to have words with the bank on his next visit to London, I trust that his assistance will make the proprietors see sense.

I have spent the last week reading, and I hope you will approve of the choice of volumes. I find Mr Blake a most interesting author, yet it is taxing for me trying to wholly understand his writings.

It strikes me that I probably sound boring Richard, and I hope that you will not think me unworthy of you. I attempt to educate myself on the issues which you are so versed, and I hope that upon your return we shall be able to discuss them at lenght.

Further I also hope that I will be able to emulate your free spirit Richard. You have told me so often that I perhaps hide or even deny myself the emotions which I am experiencing. Perhaps I ought not tell you this, yet I am sure that whilst doing so I am only attending to the duties of a wife. I dreamt of you last night Richard and the way you kiss me. I could, in my sleep, feel the softness of your touch and even the fragrance of your hair. My hand could not stay itself as I tried embracing you, thus on its own accord it seemed, found my most delicate place. Your touch, and your the gentle eagerness you displayed came so vividly to my mind and I confess, shamefully so Richard, that it was the most intense experience.

Should this account displease you I beg your forgiveness. I shall try to better myself should that be the case, and assume the proper chastity of a proper lady.

I remain

Your Devoted Wife
Elizabeth
 
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Monday, 18th April 1825

Dear Elizabeth--

I am touched to have the canvases you have sent. I will not be so churlish or froward as to criticise what is so evidently an article of love. Instead I will let myself gaze upon the grassy verdure of Essex and admire the setting of your picknick-- the tall tree beside the murmuring brook-- the billowy white clouds-- the touch of air that is a cooling breath in the mid-afternoon warmth-- and I will imagine myself seated to your side as we eat little sandwiches and listen to the returning birds chirp their songs of springtime.

You possess in your painting a greater natural talent than you may believe, and with application the proof of this will manifest, but I do not mean for you to become an artist because that is what I am. I think it good that you have interests-- I do not say amusements-- and encourage greatly all of your doings, Elizabeth. I know Blake first as a painter and claim no great penetration on the meaning of his verse, but it delights me that you are reading him. Linnell writes me that he is meaning to ask Blake to illustrate Dante's poem. Dante's day is long ago, but the world is still very like.

The countryside here is not yet so beautiful as it is in England. It has changed much since Poussin's day, and still more since Raphael's. I mean to paint the fields in summer-- the gods feasting there-- and will send you this canvas for the ones you have given me. I say summer, because it is too chill to paint outside now, even by the sea. The day is clear, the sky a cerulean blue, the colour of the Virgin's robes. The sun is bright gold, but provides no warmth. The sky at night is clearer than the day, a deep black velvet, festooned over with stars, so beautiful and so gelid. The walk to the studio fills my veins with ice. These many weeks, it is a racing fire that I paint beside.

I wish I could continue that this painting at all hours is a pleasant labour. It is not. Rather, it has become a necessary travail. I speak frankly: there is no money remaining. I have a week's or a fortnight's scudi left at most. I must make up the rest with new paintings. The Fall of Troy is finished and sold. I am copying two Titians for a Roman merchant to whom Robert has introduced me. I make a portrait of some minor noble nearly every week.

Has Sir Henry disentangled the confusion with Sheldon & Co. in London? If matters are not yet settled with the bank, send some money, Elizabeth. A few hundred pounds will answer for the time.

It is possible that new commissions will improve my condition also. You will be pleased to learn that I have written to Mr Hervey of Hervey & Watkins. The Prince has engaged me for a pair of portraits that he will sit for once I return to London. I have also sent to the Prince, through Mr Hervey, some preparatory drawings for a painting of the Battle of Theiningen. I understand the Prince's father played some part in the turning of the battle. The Prince, from his remarks, does seem knowledgeable of the arts. I thank you for engineering his patronage.

M Villers-Cotterêts has come through on recovering the papers. I have purchased these and enclose them along with the letter.

I hope, dear Elizabeth, that you are feeling well, in health and in spirit. It is no shame, my love, to live out the happiest instances that inhabit the memory. I think also of the months that followed our nuptials, often and with much fondness. The remembrance of your embrace, the circling clasp of arms, the presence of weight; the recollection of your face, the vivid quality of the eyes, the thrust of the jaw, the lifting smile; these sustain me. The impression of those few months has etched deep within me. As I remember you, I hope you shall remember me, and so long as we keep these reminiscences near, conjured with closed eyes and a thought, the touch of one's fingers is almost the touch of the other's. In the absorption of your love, I shall abide, these days, and all days.

I am grateful that you are my loving wife, and gratified to be your loving husband,

Richard.
 
Tuesday May 1:th 1825
Cranmore House. Essex

My Beloved Husband

I fear that although your letter brought me great joy I can scarce reciprocate. I fear that my efforts to provide the funds necessary have been thrawted in the most profound manner.

I beg you not to think me a bad wife, for I have done my utmost in order to secure the money you need, in order to live as befits you. This last Monday, Sir Henry Lindsay, on my insistance, had words with Sheldon & Co. The situation did, not resolve itself, as it seems that the aforementioned institution is in no possession of any funds whatsoever. Sir Henry suspects foul play and informed the clerk in attendence with his intentions of taking the matter to court.

I therefor went to see my eldest brother. I'm sure you remember him although you have only corresponded with eachother. Ashley is an aspiring politician, and is a Member of Parliament where he represents the Tory Party. He is the custodian of my share of Father's inheritance, and I belived that he would make some of the money temporarily avilible.

I fear however that there was no way in appealing to him, as he dismissed me as were I a mere child. I hesitate not to tell you that I hold him in little regard, when he so blatantly refused to lend even the slightest aid to us. Our meeting was taxing Richard, you know I do not speak of Ashley, and I fear that the reasons are too sinsiter to mention openly. I will tell you when you return. Richard, I love you so very much, and because of that I tried reasoning with Ashley, telling him about your great prospects, mentioning the commission with the Swedish Royal Court. Yet he was adamant in his refusal and he dismissed me as being but a stupid child.

Please be sure that I will find a way to procure the funds necessary. I have spoken at length with Sir Henry, who has been kind enough to offer us a loan of £ 800, provided you will promise to produce an hitherto undisclosed number of paintings for him. Sir Henry, although not a gentleman by birth, has proved to be highly courteous and I feel that the things he asks in return is a fair price. He has requested a picture of Lady Charlotte to be commissioned and I'm sure you will be able to meet this request.

I fear I have little to tell you that might lighten your mood, for I have been in the most fragile of states. I've been trying to carry myself in such a way that will befit you, yet I find it increasingly hard to do so as I can so clearly picture your limited circumstances. Oh, I almost forgot, and you may find me callous in not offering my thanks before now. I have taken the time to read the papers procured my Monsieur Villers-Cotterêts and found them most interesting. The subtle tone in which the amorous exploits of the protagonists are pictured have more than once colured my cheeks, and I imagine that instead of Rachele and Giuseppe it would be our names.

You may find me to be unfocused yet I must tell you Richard, or I fear I will lose my wits entirely. Every night I take to reading a few selected passages, and it will soon send me into the enthralled state that only you have seen me in. How I wish you could share these moments with me Richard, to lay beside me as I read the words that picture the most intimate of liasons. My body yearns for you as do my heart and mind.

Please Richard, will you consider coming back to England in order to set your affairs in order? I could write Robert, asking him for a loan in order to secure your passage. Perhaps it would be possible to resume your calling in a years time when we are once again with funds? I should be most pleased, and try my hardest to support you in your calling.

Reply to me soon Richard. I promise I will do my utmost for you.

I remain
Your Devoted Wife
Elizabeth
 
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Tuesday, 17th May 1825

My dear Elizabeth--

I received your letter in yesterday's post. The failure of Sheldon & Co. comes as a grievous shock. I am unable to conceive how a bank can no longer be in possession of funds. We should certainly test this claim in court. It may be that the threat of an action will hold Sheldon & Co. to answer and settle the matter for good. As you know, I had a capital of £ 50000 invested with them, which yielded, until now, an income of £ 2500 anually. I have appended to this letter their contradictory correspondences in which one Mr Hawthorne assures that my investment with them flourishes.

But if what is said is also true and we are ruined, do you think we ought to consider selling Wyse Hall? This will enable us to re-establish principal in the city. It has been in my family these many years, but we make our home in London now and could get on without it. I have no great love for the place. I must take advice.

It is exceedingly munificent generosity in Sir Henry to offer a loan of £ 800 in the interim, and I thank him for this proof of his kindness. The money is needed. I have been considering the dismissal of household servants to shave a few scudi from the daily expenses. I have already reduced the stables, and may yet have to barter the dapple greys for horseflesh of a lesser quality. There is no choice but to accede to the terms of the loan, of course, but please, my dear, do your best to ensure that the hitherto undisclosed number is as small a number as possible.

As to your brother Ashley, I like him less and less the more and more I hear tell of him. I implore you, dear one, not to appeal to him again in person. Send letters if you must-- I will consult with Robert and see if he can intercede. I do not trust that man-- and what you do not say in your letter sets me trembling. It is not just that he controls the monies of a married woman; the allowance he gives is far less than what is your due-- but happily will we bear these injustices if others, still worse that we do not trust our hand to set to paper, are but the fevered speculations of an afflicted mind.

My dear, this talk of lucre is a tedious business. Let us turn to other matters.

I had not thought to peruse the papers that M Villers-Cotterêts procured. I wish now that I had. I would that I was there to read them with you in our bedchamber so that I may also know of the amorous adventures of Rachele and Giuseppe that has set your heart to fluttering. Like actors upon the stage, we should perform out these scenes once we have read them. Their total comprises some great drama. There are the ardent exclamations, the earnest expressions of love, the impassioned pleas. We should each speak fervid soliloquies with our eloquent tongues, the very nature of which shall move the passions of our audience. There are interspersed within comic moments, the smiles changing into concussive waves of laughter. There are moments of sheer delight, for such is the magic of theatre. The rising action of the play leads, inevitably, to a searing climax in which the ardour resolves itself into a dew. And there is a gentle denouement to close. This is but the first play, and there are others in the cycle that we ourselves shall write. As to Rachele and Giuseppe, instead of imagining that we are they, I assure you that we should set them to wishing that they were we.

I am excellently blessed, Elizabeth, that I have only to think the thought and I see you directly in my mind's eye, a presence corporeal as any, a spirit undiminished. I enclose within a sketch of how I perceive your coloured cheeks to look once you have finished your night-time reading. (I do not encourage you to frame this one as you have the other drawing.)

Know that I think of you often.

I am, your loving husband,

Richard.
 
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Monday June 7:the 1825
Cranmore House, Essex

My Beloved Husband

I hope my letter finds you in good health, and that the monies lended by Sir Henry has arrived with the agent. I have been worried sick for you Richard, and I hope this infusion of funds may alleviate your problems.

Sir Henry has further vouchsafed me that he will take the matter of Sheldon & Co. to court as soon as is feasible. He asks for you to enclose all necessary papers regarding this particular institution. We are much indebted to Sir Henry for his many kindnesses. A noble man indeed and he asks only for three pictures to be commissioned. One of Lady Charlotte, one of Lieutanant Lindsay and one of Sir Henry's late wife Mrs Margareth Lindsay. I hope you will not find the request too taxing.

As for Wyse Hall; dearest Richard I cannot ask you to put it up for sale. So much of your history, and the happy memories of your late parents are still to be found within the very walls of the house. There must surely be another way to remedy our current financial difficulties. I'd rather see we sold our townhouse than losing Wyse Hall. I love the house dearly and I had hoped to raise our children there. I must confess that the thought of children has grown ever stronger Richard. I can clearly picture you with our little ones, teaching them how to paint, telling them the stories of Antiquity and thus letting them relive your travels. You will make a very good father Richard, and I hope that upon your return you will.

Perhaps you find me selfish but there are of course the matters so closely connected to the blessed state of motherhood. I long for your kisses and your sensitive touch. The warmth of your body and the look in your eyes as you embrace me. The way you gently yet so skillfully bring me to the heights of passion, and the bliss as our bodies connect. Your sketch (which I keep in my drawer under lock and key) was beautiful and I am thankful that you preceive me in such a manner. Would it anger you if I asked you for a sketch of us when we embrace? I fear I am too outspoken, yet I need you Richard, and I long for you.

I cannot wait to for the day when you return and you will lay next to me again. Reciting the adventures of Guiseppe and Rachele as you promised, and adding our own to theirs. I know it's not befitting yet I would endeavour to act as forthright as she does. Would it please you Richard?

I fear I must now conclude this letter. for it is time to have supper. I hope the colour on my cheeks will not betray the contents of my letter. That would amount to scandal. I shall keep you informed of the legal proceedings and I pray you to write me soon.

I remain
Your devoted wife
Elizabeth
.
 
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Friday, 24th June 1825

My dear Elizabeth--

It is indeed a joy to have received your letter today. I hope the writing of it did not lead to an outrage in Cranmore House! But I am glad of your pleasure. You do perceive, do you not, how I adore your cheeks so flushed with colour; the brow beaded with perspiration; hair in moist tendrils; the way you bite upon your lower lip afterward? Did you know that your eyes acquire a glassy shine that persists an hour, or even longer? That your voice is a little higher and also softer? That the sibilants stretch out, the s turning to a hiss, the double s adopting a delightful effervescence? That your kisses are marked by shrewder vigilance of the tongue? That the esurience increases? I smile to think of it.

Before returning once more to these happy thoughts, allow me first to make a few remarks regarding the substance of your missive. I received last week a communication from Sir Henry informing me of the loan and the particulars of our arrangement, which you have recapitulated to me. It was an artless letter that Sir Henry wrote. I have written him back acknowledging receipt of £ 800 and promising full repayment within a year, together with the three paintings you have described. This letter has sailed; Sir Henry should have received it before you read these words, and perhaps he has appraised you of its contents. I thanked him, of course, for the benevolence he has shown, most particularly toward you.

I enclose with this letter all correspondence I have exchanged with Sheldon & Co. since arriving in Rome that I did not send with my previous letter. The remainder of the papers that concern the bank are in London, in the side drawer of my writing desk-- the key is kept in the whiskey cabinet. I fear my desk is less than organised, but I trust you will be able to extract what is necessary. I sincerely hope that this matter can be settled expeditiously, in law, or more preferably out of it.

Robert has consented to write your eldest brother urging the release of your monies. I do not know if your brother will accede to this-- Robert opines that Ashley is within his rights to refuse-- but it is kind in Robert to argue the case. In the meanwhile, dear one, I beg of you to make certain of the funds in your possession. It pains me to be in obligation to other men; I do not wish to undertake a second loan.

As you set forth, we shall retain Wyse Hall, at least for the time. The advice I have received from London runs counter to my instinct to sell the place. It is anyway not clear what we should get for it. Wyse Hall is in need of much improvement before one may live comfortably there. We should think on what needs doing, and remedy these defects when it becomes possible.

The sudden infusion of funds has enabled me to return my concentration to painting art such as I would like to create instead of what most easily sells. I had intended to use the dapple greys for Phaeton's chariot, but circumstances have forced me to replace them, and I have decided to postpone this project. I have instead commenced a series of paintings on the history of Rome. I have so far begun the first paintings in the cycle: Aeneas slaying Turnus; Romulus, Remus, and the she-wolf; and the Rape of the Sabine Women. The paintings put me in a martial spirit.

Samuel returned to Rome for half a week and has fled again. As he said he would, he entreated me to return with him to Greece. The condition there is worsening. I was much moved by his speeches and have agreed to go in autumn. I would use the summer to paint whilst I am able.

What else is there to report? At the opera last week an amusing incident happened. As the soprano made to sing 'Bel raggio lusinghier' the stage scenery collapsed behind her. The performance was delayed, but in the box, I sat with Sophia, and we were much entertained at the antics of the stage hands under the great proscenium.

This letter grows overlong and I have not addressed the central question of your letter: children. I promise you all the little ones that you shall desire. I am reliably informed that the procedure whereby progeny are begot comprises one of the great pleasures of this life. We shall embark on the endeavour to bring you to the state that you are with child upon the very night I return. I think I should like to see you balloon for it would expand the space of skin I have for my kisses.

In anticipation of this moment, please find the requested drawing of our carnal embrace. It is my memory of our second coupling, when you had consented to sit atop me. From this position you appear foreshortened, a hovering presence. The rhythm of the movement is as the undulation of the ocean waves. I have captured you at the crest, and the peak of your perfection. I shall look forward to recovering the proof of this memory.

In the meanwhile, I am one who loves you,

Richard.
 
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Cranmore House, Essex
Friday July 6:th

My Beloved Husband

Thank you for your may kind words conveyed through your letter. It pleases me to see that your financial arrangements have been alleviated somewhat. I fear that I cannot respond in kind. I shall try and recount what has passed, and I do so on Sir Henry's insistence. I would rather not but he claims that to voice one's worries may help one to leave them behind.

After having received your letter of the 24 I went with Sir Henry to London. He volunteered to accompany me, seeing as he has business to attend to. I also think he is very lonely at heart. Lieutanant Lindsay has been posted in Ireland with his Regiment and Lady Charlotte has gone to visit her aunt in Edinburgh. I miss her company, her gentle humour and her lively spirit that seems to lighten the otherwise dull rooms of Cranmore House.

I digress Richard, but I'm not sure how to phrase myself, as the occurences of the past week has been throughly harrying. As I said I went to London with Sir Henry to collect the papers conerning our dealings with Sheldon & Co. I must state, and it brings a smile to my lips doing so, that you are indeed no friend of order Richard. It took me all of an hour to sift through the correspondence you keep.

After having retrieved the aforementioned paper I had luncheon with Sir Henry and I recounted the sordid business regarding Ashley's blank refusal to grant me access to my inheritance and my allowance. I know I did promise you not to see him in person, yet I was of the mind that Robert's letter might have persuaded him to see sense. I sent notice to him that I would like to discuss these issues, steadying myself to sound assured yet graceful. I do not wish for him to wholly understand the nature of our pecuniar situation. Sir Henry thought it best to arrange a meeting with my brother with himself in attendance, yet I did, foolishly so, thought that we could settle the matter amiably without arbitration. Thus I elected to stay at Caroline Street for the night.

I do not wish to go into detail of my meeting with my brother. It's throughly taxing and brings back all the horrid memories of my upbringing. Ashley is a firm believer in discipline and I was on more than one occasion the recipient of both the rod and the cane. Yet the worst was not the pain nor the humiliation of being treated in such a way, but rather...I will not spell it out Richard.

Sir Henry, having received no intelligence of my whereabouts, came calling and found me in the most pitiful state. I do not remember much Richard, and I have been confined to my chamber since. Sir Henry has been most forthcoming, spending at least an hour reading to me or conversing each day. He is convinced that I will recover in due time and in the meantime he has asked me not to worry myself with issues of finance. Further he has promised to view the loan as a gift. He has also agreed to speak to his solicitor in order to try the legality not only of Sheldon & Co but also the horrid manner in which my brother has behaved.

Dearest Richard there is another issue I need to adress with you though I hesitate doing so. Robert have in his last letter hinted that you are having some relation with a young woman. I do not believe this and told Robert in no uncertain a way. Yet I need hear from you that the allegations have no substance. I know that you would not betray the sacred wovs of marriage Richard but please tell me so in your next letter.

(Perhaps you find me inquisitive in no positive sense but I could not help find the sketches of the nubile young woman in your drawer most exciting, although I lament the fact that it isn't I who is pictured. She is infinetly more beautiful than I, her cheekbones high and marked and her eyes so expressive of the joy she evidently feels as you...I know it is not my business yet I cannot help but feel a stab of jealousy. Wondering if she was fortunate enough to be the recipient of your caresses?)

I remain
Your Devoted Wife
Elizabeth
 
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Wednesday, 27th July 1825

My dear Elizabeth,

I do not know how I shall answer your last letter. Three times this evening, I have made the effort, then committed the pages to fire. In this fourth attempt, I will transmit my thoughts to paper and post them forthwith. You receive these words unhouseled and unannealed.

I am in such fury over the conduct of your eldest brother. I do not ask you to tell what has happened. I shall never ask-- my guesses are enough. Promise me, dear one, that whatever else may come between us, that you never abide in the same room with him again unaccompanied. As you love me, or have ever loved me, I beg this of you.

I am not a man bent to violence. I am slow to rage. Your brother has roused a dragon's wrath. I do not know what is ultimately within my power to do. Something will be done.

But let us leave this for now.

Far more than I smoulder in my ire, I am solicitous of your good health. I cannot tell how grateful I am to Sir Henry for the care that he has shewn. Action is proof of a gentleman's substance, not speech-- Sir Henry by this measure achieves the standard. I am sorry ever to have thought less than well of him.

If you allow, some duties must in the end be mine to undertake. If you are yet unwell, ask me, and dismissing everything, I shall come. Rome has been here all these many centuries; I daresay it will be here a few months more.

Though I am unsure of the chronology, from your address, you must have departed Caroline Street for Cranmore House soon after your initial convalescence. I implore you to take exercise there and to be as active as you are able. I place my hope on the salutary purlieus of Essex. The scene of your earlier picknick, the clean air, the racing brook, the bright sun, the tall trees and the verdant hills, these will do you good. Take rest, my dear, but do not be always confined to your bed. Write me of your condition, even if it is but a single sentence to tell me that you are in an improving form.

I do not know how wholesome an answer I can expect once I relate to you a partial history of these months in Rome. I had considered avoiding the matter for fear of further fracturing your already delicate state, but such an explicit question cannot be evaded. I have engaged in unlawful congress, not once, but many times, and not with one woman, but several. After the nonpareil splendour of the first weeks of our matrimony, Elizabeth, I could not easily relinquish the pleasures of the flesh. I am a faithless creature.

I had told you that I painted the conclusion of the contest between the emperor's wife Messalina and the prostitute Scylla. The subject of the painting is frank. I painted the models separately. After I had captured most of Messalina's figure, I positioned her legs to make possible a certain effect of shadow. In placing Messalina, my touch grew familiar. She did not spurn my reaching fingers, or the hunger in my kisses. I cast my clothes aside and tumbled over her. This scene was repeated with minor variations when it came time to paint Scylla. The second composition I executed on this theme was a pretext to repeat these adventures. It is not unusual that an artist beds his model. Art is an undertaking of the senses. This is not intended to mitigate or excuse the breach of a sacred oath. This is confession.

Having become an adulterer, it is subsequently easy to continue as one. I have bartered affections with half a dozen women I have painted in Rome. Robert must have seen me with the latest. She is the daughter of a merchant who commissioned of me her portrait. I seated her in my studio. In smoothing the folds of her dress where it fell across the bodice, I allowed my hand to brush against her breast. The women who do not recoil from this first intimacy may allow further liberties. This one encouraged the contact. She slanted into my touch. A merchant's daughter is different from an artist's model. We have dined together and been to the theatre once. Many a night have we lain together.

There are one or two more sordid incidents to recount. There are things that a gentleman, or those who wear the mask of one and pretend to the rank, do not ask of a lady. To realise these wants requires a woman who is expressly not a lady. I thought once that I had forsaken these base passions forever. I was mistaken in this supposition. I have used my models for this purpose also.

The drawings you have discovered in my writing desk are not the sketches of a model. They depict a woman named Anne whom I knew in France after the war. Much of the knoweldge of Eros that is in my possession, I learnt from her. I could not bring myself to destroy those papers. I consign their fate to you.

This then is my history.

I wish Robert had not appraised you of these facts. I understand his reasons and have no quarrel with him. In his loyalty, he bestows on you a greater honour than I have.

You must believe me, Elizabeth, when I say that these assignations are the acts of hunger. In the months of our courtship, I developed a greater fondness for you than for any woman I have ever known. In the months of our marriage, this fondness transformed to love such as I can scarcely put into words. You won me with a glance and a sigh. The ingenuous kisses, the soprano laughter, the soft touch of your hand in mine, I have missed these enormously. In the months of our separation, my weakness has led me to succumb to such touches as I could have in your absence.

I will break with my mistress Beatrice. It pains me that I have not been thoroughly discreet. I have been scrupulously honest regarding my failings. The knowledge that this letter may bring you heartbreak weighs heavily on my soul.

Forgive me if you are able. Write me when you can-- I do not believe I shall sleep easily until you do.

My love is undiminished.

As long as you will have me, I will be yours,

Richard.
 
Caroline Street, London
Tuesday, August 10:th, 1825

My Beloved Husband

I know not where to start...I fear that no words could convey the feelings I have been experiencing since your last letter arrived with me. I cannot fathom how you could betray me in such a blatant manner.

Was this the reason you would not allow me to accompany you on your travels Richard? To be able to carry out your sordid affairs? Tell me Richard. By rights I should hate you for what you have done.

How many women have you bedded? And what did you tell them? Did you compare them to me? Did you tell them about your wife in England? Her inexperience? Her gentle manner? Or how you "adore her cheeks flush with colour"? I fear I do not know you Richard. On the one hand is the honourable loving man I fell in love and on the other there is a vile creature who revels in the gratifications of fornication. Did you take pleasure when you rutted with these whores Richard? Did they bestow more pleasure on you than I was ever able to? For the love of Christ I implore you to answer me and answer mer truthfully.

I also find it rather remarkable that you worry so much about my health, while you hold congress with others. I must say I am in awe of your callousness Richard.

Anyway I better tell you of my own shameful exploits as well. Yes Richard I have lain with another man. It's only one so it should not count as much in the great scheme of things will it? I do not have your excessive knowledge of the arts yet I am quite familiar with the writings of the Bard, and I ask you to recall the famous words "Hell hath no fury as a woman scorned".

When your letter arrived and I understood the gravity of your infidelities I was of course devastated. I therefor sought comfort with Sir Henry who proved to be very accomodating. He has the physique of a soldier, his torso adorned with scars and blemishes of the skin. His arms strong and his hands calloused. As you surely know Sir Henry is well into his sixties, yet he has lost none of the vigour more commonly associated with youth. I suppose it comes from his harsh upbringing in Scotland, as well as a life led by the sword.

I begged him to treat me like the lowest of the whores that are reputed to follow our Army, to use me in anyway he saw fit, and I would not complain. This Richard is what little revenge I could seek and I hope it hurts you to read the account of it.

Sir Henry is, however, a gentleman and I must say that although our session lasted for the better part of the evening he never stooped as low as to be anything else than the most considerate lover. For my own part I wanted to experience what a woman free of inhibitions feel. Thus I did not show any restraints as we made love. I wonder Richard if this arouses you or pains you to read? When our lusts were all spent I found myself crying on his arm. Crying because of your betrayal and the subesequent acts that it brought about. I left Cranmore House the very same morning.

Richard, I know not what to do. I still love you and need you, yet I do not know if I can ever trust you again.

Please advise me what course to take...

I remain
Your Wife
Elizabeth
 
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Wednesday, 31st August 1825

My dear Elizabeth--

I suppose it is peevish in me to observe that you have confused Shakespeare with Congreve-- but you have the right of your fury. You cannot say worse to me than the maledictions I have pronounced upon myself during the days I awaited your reply. Reading your letter, the hard grief struck me like a thousand of bricks. I have behaved ill and reprove myself for having been the agent of your pain.

I did not come to Rome with the intent of returning an adulterer. The tableau of an empty bed was too terrible a canvas for me nightly to confront. The eternal city resurrected yearnings I thought vanquished in my youth. My character is weak. La diritta via era smarrita.

I would have liked you here, Elizabeth, not least because your presence might have ensured that I did not become a breaker of oaths-- but I cannot regret not bringing you to Rome. There were weeks of hardship that I am pleased to have suffered alone.

You may say that my privations were remedied by the liberties I took. I cannot make answer to that.

I have erred, Elizabeth, and erred greatly. I admit this freely, but I do not approve the manner of your interrogation. It matters little how many women there were-- let us say several-- or what precise sentences I may have uttered to each, or the details of what was done when I lay with them. That they were many signals the little importance that any one held. The spoken words were not the words of love. The particulars do not signify.

I as well dispute the premise of your remonstrance. There is nothing inherently vile about the labour of pleasure, Elizabeth. As you accuse, I am a creature who revels in the gratifications of fornication. Do you not agree that one is never so alive as when the moment seizes the limbs, when the muscles in the sex restrict and release, when eyes narrow, nostrils flare, when mandible clenches to a grimace, when the sea is in the ears and the heart is as the trembling ground, and the shadow unfurls? Conceding this, you are gratified thusly also. It is not a shameful thing.

I am in no position to reproach you for having bedded with Sir Henry Lindsay-- or having made love to the man-- a phrasing I do not use to characterise my dalliances. The balances, as you say, are yet unequal-- but I have never in my life bedded with the intent of vengeance. Your affections are yours to bestow, and I have nothing else to say on the matter. Know this though: the loan that that gentleman, that that most considerate lover, has provided will be repaid punctually and with interest. I do not like the stench of it otherwise.

I would be grateful if you would kindly inform as to what you have relayed on this to your brother Robert. I know that he has had some further report, as our friendship has been terminated. He does not admit me to his house and will not visit mine. From her box at the opera, Sophia fixes me with a cold stare. My letters go unanswered.

I have broken with Beatrice. I have not had knowledge of any other woman since last I wrote. I am alone with my paints.

Things have changed between us, Elizabeth. The situation is altered. You thought better of me than what I had deserved, and by my gestures I have lost your high opinion. The betrayal of your trust, I think, is a greater crime than the adultery itself. I ask that you reflect on your last night in Cranmore House. While you may not like me as much, I do not think you love me any less for having had an evening's comfort in other arms than mine. Perhaps love and the gratifications of fornication are disparate things?

I have some reflection also to do. The last five words of your letter perpetuate my hopes. I do my best to prove worthy of this second gift.

I am to Greece two days hence. The letters will be forwarded.

I remain yours,

Richard.
 
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Caroline Street, London
September 9:th 1825

My Beloved Husband

It may seem strange that I still employ this title when referring to you, yet I cannot feel otherwise. I understand, from your last letter, that you see my dalliance with Sir Henry as amounting to prostitution. What can I say about that Richard? I was in need and he was there. That is all there was to it. No perhaps not, and do not think less of me for being as honest as I can be with you.

My love for you is undiminished, please know this. You are my life - you are more than my life Richard. So many nights have gone past seeing my cry or wander aimlessly through the empty rooms of our house. Dearest Richard, I wish I had not fornicated with Sir Henry, but I cannot undo it. I will try to explain my motives and hopefully you will understand.

I Elizabeth Stapleton nee Haviland was not the untouched violet whom I belive you perceived me to be. My virtue was long since gone when you made me yours before the minister and the magistrate. I lost every aspect of innocence at a very tender age at the hands of Ashley. Yes you may hate mer for it though I beg you to consider that it was not because of any machinations of mine. I was but a child, put in the care of the one person who should have tended my welfare above everything else. This was not the case however, and I had to become very adept indeed in the intricasies of fornication. For him, and I do not think of him in any other term than the impersonal he, I was but something to be used at his leisure. A receptable for his lust and the subsequent emissions.

When I met you Richard, and I can still rememer it as vividly as was it only yesterday, I saw in you everything that I have yearned for. Kindness, compassion and the infinite ability to love. I loved you from the first moment you laid eyes on me. I can still recall the tentative touch you bestowed on me on that faithfull night. In you I saw the possibility to be renewed, once more being pure and untouched.

I needed you and I need you still Richard. I long for your touch and your caress. I find my self reaching for you as I wake up in the middle of the night, only to find the bed empty. I wish I could been different, I wish I was still pure and virtuous. I wanted you to be the first man to ever enter me, to teach me what it means to be a woman, yet I cannot.

As for Sir Henry. I know it may pain you to read this yet I do believe you need ot know the truth and rationale behind my actions. As you are aware Father passed away when I was still a child. In Sir Henry I found a man who would fill the void that he left. My feelings for Sir Henry are nothing but filial and yes you may have doubts, rightfully so, after we coupled. Know this Richard that my actions have been premediated by the tribulations suffered at the hands of my brother. It is not an excuse Richard, merely an explanation.

I suppose that you are right when assuming that there is a difference between the coupling motivated by sheer lust, and the intimaticies born out of love.

I know not what more to write Richard. I'm frightfully tired and at loss as to what to do.

Elizabeth
 
Friday, 23rd September 1825
Missolonghi

Dear Elizabeth--

I arrived in Greece on 3rd and slipped into Missolonghi on 5th. To the northwest of Missolonghi are lagoons, and I entered by sea, in the fleet of navarch Miaoulis. The city is in siege. Ismail Pasha and Reshid Kutahia hold all but the waters.

There is no hope. Though the Greeks will fight on, we have already three horses feeding on the city; the fourth arrives presently. The horses have come in opposite order. The Sultan saddled the Red horse and unbridled it in these pastures. Pale Pestilence and Black Famine necessarily followed. Disease overwhelms the city. The men continue, hobbled and sick. Food and provisions enter by sea: it is not enough to feed the citadel. Knowing that my own provender would be expropriated to the communal good, I made a gift of it to the garrison. The rations remaining keep us slim. The hunger in the belly wakes us at night. The White horse comes alone and soon. We hear the hoofbeats in the beating of our hearts. The city cannot hold. An honourable surrender to the Turks will not attain. There is but one ending. All of us know how this tale concludes. Still we are here.

We made an assault on 9th, and repeated on 18th with less success. There is talk of another movement tomorrow.

On 9th, 700 of us initiated a morning attack on Reshid Pasha's camps. We left the city through the southern gate before dawn and took the enemy by surprise. The first taste of battle I ever had was as Agincourt on St Crispin's Day. It was a slaughter, 500 Turks for a score of us, the enemy hacked to pieces while still abed. O God, thy arm was here; and not to us, but to thy arm alone, ascribe we all! When, without stratagem, but in plain shock and even play of battle, was ever known so great and little loss on one part and on the other? Take it, God, for it is none but thine!

I did not attend to where my bullets went. Some hit their mark for certain. I pistolled a man who came at me with a hulking sword, wet with the colour of sunrise. He toppled backward, almost at the instant of the pistol's report. His arm flailed behind him, puppet-like; knees bent as though he were making to sit. The sword fell to the parched grass, and he sank upon his shadow.

On 18th, an assault was essayed in the darkness of the new moon. We were repulsed immediately back to the city. Some forty of us were lost in ten minutes' strife.

Most of war is waiting. When I arrived, dear Elizabeth, Samuel had a woman for me. It was not a gift I could refuse. This is not the same as what had transpired in Rome. You will understand that matters are different when confronted daily with the chance of dying. I am a better soldier, I think, when the passion races in my blood.

Know, my wife, that though I am vexed at the furtiveness with which you have concealed your past, no blame attends to you for your eldest brother's excess. He is twenty years your senior. He was to have been a faithful guardian. When I return to London, I intend to call him out. One of us shall die, for I cannot live when your honour is shredded to ribbons and the rapist breathes.

Your virtue departed not in your brother's action, but in your dissembling behaviour. I think now of the days in London, the nights. I had thought you an innocent. I had thought the reaction you made to my caresses perfectly naive, and therefore charming. When I asked if you would not be shamed to place kisses upon my member, I interpreted the look you gave as a childlike trust-- open, honest, and guileless. I had thought that gamahuching was a pleasure that I explained to you. The happiness, I imagined, extended from the pleasures of the moment, and I was afeared to ask over much. I had not expected the laughter to be mocking. What an ignorant fool I am! What a judge of character! As in all things, the fault must be mine.

I am aware that the death of your father affected you greatly. The memories you have of him, you have recollected to me often and with great fondness. The duties of a husband necessarily assume a different shape than those of a father. Still, I thought to shew as paternal an affection as possible in my interaction with you. The attentiveness I gave to you is of a piece with this. I agree that you were provoked by my faithless conduct, but I am nevertheless astonished at the justifications you have to offer. You write that you have found a father in Sir Henry. You perform so conscientiously your filial obligation! Not since Caesar's day was there such faithfulness. If your father had lived, would you have lain with him also? I await the further revelations you have to offer. What absurd nonsense this is. I ask you to consider carefully.

I do not understand you, Elizabeth, not now, and I am certain I never have.

But also, I know that I love you with every sinew and every nerve. All my waking thoughts are of you and you inhabit my dreams.

Let us take future as it comes.

I remain yours,

Richard.
 
Caroline Street, London
Saturdy October 8:th, 1825

Dear Richards

I fear from your letter that you have lost your wits entirely. What prompted you to seek glory in such a fashion? For as long as I have known you there has not been the least martial pretence in you. Please, relinquish the silly idea Richard. I know that our relation has changed drastically and that I may not be able to influence you, yet I implore you to leave Greece when there is still time.

As for your letter I understand that you have done your utmost to prove yourself a soldier as well as an artist, not to mention your amorous conquests. I know not how to address the issue in a suitable manner. I wish not to cause you further hurt Richard, I still love you and I care for you. I cannot however reconcile myself with your continued infidelities, as I am sure you will not as it comes to my dalliance with Sir Henry.

Should I be moved by your offer to seek duel with my brother? I perceive your motives to be rather more selfish than you convey, further the outcome would not amount to anything. The damage already having been done has it not? It occurs to me that you also seem to hold me responsible, and although you do not write it, such sentiments are discernable and it pains me that you hold me in such low a regard. I will say this once more; I did not encourage him, I took no pleasure from it and I have wished for death more times than I care to remember. Everything to purge the stains from my soul and my body. You seem to think me nothing more than a concubine, that the innocence and the joy I showed you was nothing more than an act. I did not act Richard. I wish that I had been untouched but I was not. Nothing can change this. But the way you touched me, the way you bestowed such gentleness with me...I wanted you to be the first Richard, and in a way you were. The first to show kindness and love. I never mocked you Richard, and the willingness I displayed came from the trust I placed with you. I have tried to convey what I felt and also my wishes, I cannot do more and I will not beg your forgivness for I have not erred you.

I deplore the base accusations you have penned in your last letter. Do you seriously think me being so completely void of morals that I would commit such an act with Father? I can only interpret that as a silent reproach for what transpired between me and my brother. As for Sir Henry, yes my feelings for him was akin to those between father and daughter, but I have to confess, after having spent too many an hour brooding, that I do indeed love him. Perhaps I was not clear on the issue in my last letter, and I can only say how distraught I was at the time.

Richard, I still love you but I know now that our marriage is beyond salving. I have asked Sir Henry to forward my request to be divorced from you. I think this is for the best Richard, as you clearly do not want me anylonger. I suppose that my image no longer is to your liking. That what ever has happend in my past has tainted whatever esteem you once held me in. Thus I find divorce to be the only sensible way out of our dilemma. As soon as the papers have been approved by the magistrate I shall at once vacate the house in Caroline Street. I also intend on once more assuming my maiden name.

It's painful for me to write this Richard, know I once loved you more than life itself, and I know that you loved me. Yet now we only seem to be able to hurt eachother. Perhaps I was wrong trying to tie you down, expecting you to be content with the little life I lead? It was stupid an idea for I know that your spirit yearns for more than I could ever give you. It was that unyielding spirit that made me love you. Know that I still love the man I married, although I hate the person you know have shown yourself to be.

Once more I ask you to relinquish your ideas of seeking glory on the battlefield. I shall, if you ask me, write Robert and explain the situation. There is no need for your friendship to end, for I know he values you.

Please write me soon Richard.

I remain
Your friend
Elizabeth Haviland
 
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Saturday, 22nd October 1825

My dear Elizabeth--

I have returned to Rome. The tibia and fibula in my left leg are shattered. I cannot proclaim this a noble wound assumed in war with the Turks. I was merely careless. I fell from a not inconsequential height as we gathered for a night-time assault on evening of 24th. The next days, I was propped up by a tincture of laudanum. Because I could not walk, Samuel convinced me that I could be of no great use in a fight. I slipped out by ship on 27th.

It is here in Via Monserrato that I received your latest letter. I have hesitated in replying because I wish to measure carefully my words. I intend not to give further offence in my reply. I know that I have behaved ill, Elizabeth, very like a scrub. I can only repeat that the women with whom I have shared my bed signify nothing to me, whilst you are and remain everything. It is as though we are to compare a small pool of water on the street to the shining sea.

It is another imperfect analogy-- but consider-- in the short months of our marriage, I never dined except seated across a table from you. Such repasts crowned our evenings-- because we supped on the same food and drank of the same wine-- because the conversation sparkled with wit and affection. On the outward voyage to Rome, within the Eternal City, in all places except Missolonghi, I have supped every night since I departed Caroline Street. Many nights-- not all, but several-- I have eaten in company, with your brother Robert, with the fellowship of artists in the city, with those friends I have in Rome, men and women both. Such meals were not silent affairs-- we conversed-- it is expected of those in our orbit. In your absence, the food tastes far inferior; the wine loses its flavour; the dialogue lacks the light charm of your voice and the keen perception of your observations and most of all that laughter which inhabits my memories. Yet we must eat to live. We must talk to survive. We do not abstain from these actions. The assignations are very like. It is a way of living, Elizabeth, not a way to live. I proposed no harm in this.

I regret that my actions have caused you anguish. I regret that I have not been discreet. I regret having written you in anger, before my thoughts had taken a proper shape, the ungentlemanly quality of the aspersions of the previous letter, the imputations directed at Sir Henry and your Father, and most especially those slurs against your character, which I acknowledge the finest of any I have ever known, and of the diminution of the love that even now sustains me. I regret that it is not within mortal capacity to abrogate these wrongs.

Peccavi. I have sinned.

Your evening with Sir Henry Lindsay, I accept. I incited the dalliance, and have in my time done worse. As I have needs, I credit your needs. You do not require my permission to take a lover-- Sir Henry or another-- this is something you must decide. I will not gainsay your choice. I continue to believe Ashley Haviland did you a graver harm than ever I did, but he is your brother: I will be directed by you in my behaviour. I place no blame upon you for the actions of a rapist. I deny any mark of shame. I do not suggest that you encouraged his bestial conduct because I know that you did not. You are in no need of exoneration. Your honour is ever intact.

Dr Bartolo in Rome informs that my leg will heal, but that recovery will take some months. I intend to return to London in early February. I pray that we shall attempt reconciliation upon my return.

I ask that you believe me when I say there will be no more infidelities whilst I sojourn in Rome. You have no cause to believe me, I admit, but I consider this oath a more sacred promise than any I have before uttered. I have missed you greatly, my dear. The love I hold for you is immense. With fire and water and earth and air, it is one of the powers of the world, the fixed point of the revolving stars. I would make such love to you that I cannot express it-- the strength of words fails me.

I apologise for my conduct. I ask your pardon.

Please-- I beg of you-- be not hasty. Let me atone. Forgive me.

I am, one who loves you,

Richard Stapleton.
 
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Cranmore House, Essex
Monday November 7;th, 1825

Dear Richard

I am relieved to hear that you are well, I have been most worried, fearing that you had perished at the hands of the dreadful Turks. You are too talented an artist to risk your life for so fickle a cause as the liberation of the Hellenic Country. I am told that the prospects of liberating Greece from her Ottoman oppressor would amount to the greatest military endeavour since the Peninsular Campaign.

Do you have adequate funds as to facilitate the costs of medical attention and reasonable lodgings? Would you require me to transfer it to you?

I do not know how to tell you this Richard, there is no way for me to lessen the pain it will cause you. I beg you not to think me callous Richard nor think that I do not love you, yet I have decided to file for divorce.

The papers ought to be approved by the Magistrate within the end of this year, and my intention is to marry Sir Henry. During your absense I have found myself increasingly attracted to him. His kind manners as well as his unblemished charachter have struck a chord, and I confess that i love him.
I had words with Charlotte regarding this, and although she may have been somewhat taken aback by the prospect yet she gave us her whole-hearted blessing. Sir Henry has communicated the issue with Lieutenant Lindsay and we are awaiting his response. It will indeed be strange a situation being Charlotte's step-mother.

I am sure that you are not interested in this yet I want to be honest about the plans I have made. I still love you yet I cannot contemplate being your wife anylonger. The words we have had has marred our relation, the accusations and the jealousy severing the ties we once forged. The house in Caroline Street is yours by rights and I will only take some of the items that has been in my family and ought to remain there. I'm primarily referring to Grandfather's portrait as well as the Empire-furniture that belonged to Uncle Charles.

I know not what more to write you Richard. I wish things could have been different alas the fate of our union would be this. Do remember that I loved you Richard, and love you still. Yet I cannot stay married to you as the pain we have cause eachother and the distrust that would poison our life would inevitably lead to the corruption of whatever feelings we once harboured for eachother.

I will remain your friend Richard and I ask you to think kindly of me.

Elizabeth Haviland
 
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Wednesday, 30th November 1825

Dear Elizabeth--

I do not think an additional infusion of funds is required. I have enough for present purposes, and in the interregnum between letters, I have contrived to finish and sell off two more portraits. The monies at hand are by far sufficient for the time. My needs are slight.

If you have decided, it is too late to argue the case further. I am anyway no great advocate or orator. I am not artful in speech or in letters. My gifts, such as they exist, extend only a little distance beyond the reach of my brush. The crime and the guilt are mine-- and therefore also the consequences. The recognition that I have hurt you, the promise that I will reform, and the appeal to mercy are the only defences I may plead. If these are rejected-- as they have been-- I must bow my head to the wisdom of the court and accept the sentence passed.

I have no desire to cause you greater pain. Ending may indeed constitute the superior course. I am pleased that one of us has the discernment to say this.

The year of courtship and the two months that followed our nuptials were the happiest time of my life by far. I think I loved you from our first meeting: we conversed at the Daniels' ball, taking refreshment between dances, and you drew young Mr Archibald Meadows-- the shy and stammering boy, who could hardly lift his head to meet a woman's eyes-- into the conversation. The openness and charity of the gesture touched a deep place within my spirit. I was blessed to see such compassion and kindness repeated so many other times, but I think it was the first proof that made me love you. I am like that fellow, the base Iudean, who threw a pearl away richer than all his tribe.

I regret that after the initial weeks, your life as Mrs Elizabeth Stapleton proved a trial. I pray that the years as Mrs Elizabeth Lindsay-- or must I say Lady Elizabeth-- are by far more auspicious. I wish you joy of the marriage, all the children you desire, and the happiness you deserve. You have not asked for it, and perhaps it is insolent of me to offer, but you have my blessing also.

When you read these words, Elizabeth, I will be dead. The house on Caroline Street and Wyse Hall, together with their contents, I leave to you, for truly, in my life, to whom else should I give them? It is for you to decide whether to keep these places or sell them-- I no longer care-- but I ask that you retain a few of the paintings at least, as a memento of happier times. Please find within a cheque for repayment of £ 800 together with interest accumulated. I trust that you will be so kind as to ensure that Sir Henry Lindsay receives the paper, and that this will settle the debt. (The paintings are of course impossible now.) I had intended to write separately to inform him, but find that I cannot put pen to paper to achieve this task. I know that he shall take good care of you, so it is unnecessary that I ask this of him.

In your last communication, I read many things-- some I am sure I imagined-- but saw no hint of a pardon. My soul will rest easier if you find your way to forgiveness.

I do love you, Elizabeth.

For a few hours longer, I have the honour of being your husband,

Richard Stapleton.
 
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Cranmore House, Essex
Tuesday April 4:th, 1850

Dear Christopher

I trust that you have by now arrived safely in Rome. Julia and Stephen have vouchsafed me that they are looking forward seeing you as their guest for the duration of your stay. I haven't had the pleasure of seeing her since Robert's funeral and I ask you to convey my regards to her.

Further, I was very moved by your offer to let me accompany you on your travels Christopher, yet I think I would only have proved a hindrance to whatever excursions you might have wanted to make. Besides, a young man like yourself ought not to be encumbered by his old mother when discovering the marvels of Italy. There is another reason why I declined your invitation but I will not tell you this until you return to England.

I am of the mind of moving from Cranmore House and taking up residence in Caroline Street. Nothing have been quite the same since your father's passing, though so many years have passed. I had talks with Charlotte and we both agree that it is for the best that she takes up residence here.

I shall not bore you with details Christopher but I have a favour to ask you. There is a small cemetery close to the Aventine Hill where a man named Richard Stapleton is interred. I would like you to place a flower on his headstone and light a candle for him before you depart from Rome. I ask you kindly to do this for me, as it have pained me for so many years. I will tell you about it upon your return.

Kindly acceed to this request Christopher.

Your Mother
Elizabeth Lindsay
 
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