An easy solution to airline security

[SeaCat]

People are up in arms about airport security. They want tighter security but they don't want the invasive searches that are now required. They claim this is an invasion of privacy.

Well I have an easy cure for the problem.

Arrange security in the airport so the only people able to pass into the concourses have tickets. Just past the security checkpoints have a wall with only a couple of doors. Beyond the doors have changing areas.

All passengers are required to strip naked. All clothing is put into a package that will be shipped on the aircraft.

Things like tickets and I.D.'s are kept out.

Each passenger is issued a package. In the package are Flip Flops, a thin clear plastic belt with an attached pouch. A single shot Taser and Holster. (For women dealing with their period there are special packages with panties and pads.) For those with children there are also special packages.

Concourses and aircraft are kept at a comfortable temperature of 78°F.

At the end of the flight their clothing and belongings are returned before they pass through the claims barrier.

No worries about the carrying of explosive devices. No worries about anyone assaulting another and no worries about someone trying to take over the aircraft.

Cat

 

[ThomasCrapper]

I don't think that bill would pass Congress.

It might, but I don't think so.

Now, if Bill Clinton was president, it might have a shot.

Tom

 

[Katyusha]

*snerk*

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

My idea is much better. All people of color get to fly with military escort, on military aircraft.

As it exists TSA is an agency filled with minorities who get boners fucking with white people, especially small children and women.

 

[OnlyByMoonlight]

The US has it all wrong. They need to do what The French do at Charles De Gaulle. Have the men in fatigues with loaded machine guns roaming the airport. I'm not kidding. They're everywhere and they scare the shit out of people. I'm really surprised the US hasn't done that yet.

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

The French make no bones about their sentiments for Ragheads. Ragheads are excrement. Americans dont like Ragheads either, but we wont say 'shit' even if we have a mouthfull. And we want to believe the socialist crap afixed to the Statute of Liberty. SEND US YOUR TIRED, YOUR POOR, YOUR MUDDLED RAGHEADS YEARNING TO DETONATE THEIR HANES....

 

[Jenny_Jackson]

SeaCat, isn't that what they already do in Ft Lauderdale?

 

[ThomasCrapper]

After the airplane takes off, and is at altitude, any beautiful girl with long blond hair and "tan lines" gets to go up to "first class" and choose what seat she wants to sit in.

If there is a person in that seat, then they have to get their ass up and move.

Tom

 

[ThomasCrapper]

And the flight attendants have to be female, because I don't want a cock in my Chicken Pilaf...

 

[Bodington]

My solution is somewhat similar but I think even less intrusive. The technology is there where a person can exclusively possess an identify card which can not be used by any other person. Thus after an application to the appropriate agencies like the FBI such an identity card can be issued to the applicants deemed not to be terrorists or dangerous.

At the airport only two lines need be set up. Those with the identity cards pass through quickly after a successful scan of their card. Those without the identity card will be subjected to a thorough body search before allowed to board the plane.

 

[Jenny_Jackson]

After the airplane takes off, and is at altitude, any beautiful girl with long blond hair and "tan lines" gets to go up to "first class" and choose what seat she wants to sit in.

If there is a person in that seat, then they have to get their ass up and move.

Tom

What the fuck does any of this have to do with Airline Security? And do you even know who Thomas Crapper was?

 

[ThomasCrapper]

What the fuck does any of this have to do with Airline Security? And do you even know who Thomas Crapper was?

I invented the "Toilet".

What have you done for mankind?

Next time you take a shit, think of me, and I will be thinking of you.

Tom

 

[oggbashan]

My solution is somewhat similar but I think even less intrusive. The technology is there where a person can exclusively possess an identify card which can not be used by any other person. Thus after an application to the appropriate agencies like the FBI such an identity card can be issued to the applicants deemed not to be terrorists or dangerous.

At the airport only two lines need be set up. Those with the identity cards pass through quickly after a successful scan of their card. Those without the identity card will be subjected to a thorough body search before allowed to board the plane.

Identity cards can be forged. Passports can be forged. Any security passcard can be forged.

And all of them can be stolen. What then?

I would object to the original proposal by SeaCat because it would be unaesthetic. Very few human bodies are suitable to be displayed naked once you reach retirement age. Especially mine.

Og

 

[Handley_Page]

I invented the "Toilet".

What have you done for mankind?

Next time you take a shit, think of me, and I will be thinking of you.

Tom

Oh no you didn't.
You installed it in several famous places.


Og.
I suspect the answer will be a "micro-chip" like we have for our pets.
Depressing, int' it?

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

How effing stupid. Form 2 lines, one white, the other for people of color. Let the white line board. Scrutinize the people of color cuz thats where the threat is.

 

[voluptuary_manque]

The US has it all wrong. They need to do what The French do at Charles De Gaulle. Have the men in fatigues with loaded machine guns roaming the airport. I'm not kidding. They're everywhere and they scare the shit out of people. I'm really surprised the US hasn't done that yet.

What makes you think we haven't? Last time I was at LAX, the security team looked like SWAT. Damned straight it's intimidating but if one is stupidly fanatical enough to want to become a walking round of ammunition, just how is the prospect of sudden and messy death supposed to have a downside?

 

[voluptuary_manque]

Identity cards can be forged. Passports can be forged. Any security passcard can be forged.

And all of them can be stolen. What then?

I would object to the original proposal by SeaCat because it would be unaesthetic. Very few human bodies are suitable to be displayed naked once you reach retirement age. Especially mine.

Og

And mine. Naked wrinkles . . . Ewwww!

 

[SeaCat]

Granted my plan does have it's drawbacks, the most glaring being the Aesthetics Issue.

On the other hand I have not yet heard of any other plan that would work.

Increased security like they have in European or Isreali Airports? It works up to a point, but as has been mentioned a Martyr on the make won't really be bothered by being taken down in the airport if he can take a few others along with him or her.

Increased intelligence? That too only works up to a point.

There is only one true way to make air flight safe and that is too expensive, too intrusive and too time consuming for people to want to put up with.

Cat

 

[Loring2]

Bosh

....And bulls... . There is not a way to prevent someone from blowing up an aircraft. What about a turned pilot: Think Fort Hood with sophistication: Flight attendants, ground crew etc.

Besides, the Ragheads don't even have to succeed in order to disrupt our Transportation Sustem. The threat is enough to cost us billions in real dollars and countless changes to our lives to say nothing about endless frustration.

Of course our decisive Executive branch will prosecute the people who execute such dastardly attacks if they can find the perpetrators or their masters.

Be certain to read them their 'Miranda Rights' and provide an Urdu interpreter.

 

[sr71plt]

I think I have an easier plan. Just point out to terrorist that you can much more easily get explosives aboard a 4,000-passenger cruise ship than a 400-passenger airplane. Shhhhh, keep it under your hat.

(But see how much more those actually made responsible for combating terrorism have to think about and counter than you imagine?)

 

[TE999]

Americans will never submit to the extreme security measures required to assure no terrorist suicide bomber ever boards a plane. That being said, the number of passenger carrying commercial flights that take off and land each day world wide is in the tens of thousands. The probability's quite low that yours will be the one with the guy in seat FF 18 that has a plug of C-4 up his ass and an iPod detonator. The same principle applies to the reason why fish school, it reduces the probability of being eaten.

 

[voluptuary_manque]

Americans will never submit to the extreme security measures required to assure no terrorist suicide bomber ever boards a plane. That being said, the number of passenger carrying commercial flights that take off and land each day world wide is in the tens of thousands. The probability's quite low that yours will be the one with the guy in seat FF 18 that has a plug of C-4 up his ass and an iPod detonator. The same principle applies to the reason why fish school, it reduces the probability of being eaten.

Ships are a lot harder to sink. Besides, it is no longer possible to expect that the passengers, especially Americans, will put up with that kind of stupidity in the next seat, viz the most recent example. And attempting to blow up a plane with explosives concealed inside one's body doesn't work. They've tried that in assassination attempts already with no success whatever. The body is remarkably stretchy and dampens the blast a great deal. Then there's the fact that it takes one hell of a bomb to actually knock a plane out of the air. Just blowing a hole in the side or roof scares the shit out of the passengers and crew but there are several examples of that sort of thing happening where the plane lands safely. So stop whimpering, y'all.

 

[TE999]

Ships are a lot harder to sink. Besides, it is no longer possible to expect that the passengers, especially Americans, will put up with that kind of stupidity in the next seat, viz the most recent example. And attempting to blow up a plane with explosives concealed inside one's body doesn't work. They've tried that in assassination attempts already with no success whatever. The body is remarkably stretchy and dampens the blast a great deal. Then there's the fact that it takes one hell of a bomb to actually knock a plane out of the air. Just blowing a hole in the side or roof scares the shit out of the passengers and crew but there are several examples of that sort of thing happening where the plane lands safely. So stop whimpering, y'all.

When you can keep your head about you while everyone else is losing theirs, it's obvious you don't grasp that it's a crisis and something needs to be done NOW!

 

[voluptuary_manque]

Snerk!

 

[JackLuis]

The Israelis have had the tightest and most secure air traffic system for a long time, and yet they don't approach it the same way, by making everybody take off thier shoes so a marginaly capable person can wave a wand in the approved manner and be part of the Big Team, that sucks our money and wastes our time.

The Israelis look for body language and profiles and don't spend a lot of money but get good results.

The TSA is a self perpetuating tumor on the body politic. $/Terrorist they are costly. Probably more so that the monetary cost of a "typical" air bomb, human lives is harder to monetize, for that you need the Insurance Industry.