an afternoon try at a poem

[CrowSingsOver]

Yesterday
i saw my soul sliding
into blue waters

it sunk with heaviness
to the dust below
heavy with struggles

and things i never said.
please forgive me
i forgot who i was

 

[Rybka]

Yesterday
i saw my soul sliding
into blue waters

it sunk with heaviness
to the dust below
heavy with struggles

and things i never said.
please forgive me
i forgot who i was

There is no "dust" under water. Plenty of mud and silt, but no dust. Trust me, I know!

Regards,                                 Rybka

 

[PAUL C]

Nice one

I liked it.