Am I wrong?

[Buffman]

I'm a mid 30's married guy from upstate New York, but am incredibly frustrated due to the fact that my wife's drive simply has withered to next to nothing. We get along in every other way, and have done all of the things you're supposed to do like clear the air, lay a solid foundation, etc. She used to be wildly orgasmic, but now says she just can't get interested. I thought she might be having an affair, but that wasn't the case. She honestly has just lost interest in having sex, masturbating or even talking about sex. She's now obsessed with money and acquiring material things as fast as possible with as little debt as possible. What makes it worse is that women like me, or at least like the way I look- temptation is a constant problem. And I'm a huge sex hound as it is. I always get the comment like "you deserve better" or "you wouldn't have that problem with me." I want to be "good," and do the traditional "right" thing, but after awhile, I have to ask myself what "good" really means... Is it good to live a deprived lifestyle because your partner is suddenly unable or unwilling to try a little harder? What about personal happiness? I hold up my end of the bargain- I cook our meals (honestly- I like to cook), I do my own laundry, and I maintain our house. The only thing I don't do is make enough money to make her as happy as she could be, and this seems to be the big problem. I do alright, but she's used to much more than my professional lifestyle can afford (she's from a wealthy family). Sometimes, I think I'd be doing her a favor if I stopped hounding her about the lack of sex and just fufilled the need with a sex-needy woman in a similiar situation. While this is legally adultery, I don't think you can have an "affair" on somebody who has admitted it really doesn't matter to her: she has told me she just wants me to do "whatever" so I just leave her alone about this from now on. This is already marriage #2 for both of us, and there are kids involved, so neither one of us is anxious for a split over a sex problem alone. Am I wrong to be thinking this way?

 

[Firesprite]

I'm not usually one who gives out advice and cant really answer your question "am I wrong" but this is what I have to say:

Does your wife's female relatives (sisters, mother, aunts, grandmother) have a history with early menopause? Even without a history it is possible that she may be beginning this stage of her life. Perhaps sex has become painful due to lack of lubrication. Perhaps her body shape is changing and she is unhappy with this. Perhaps her estrogen levels are low. Are her periods still regular?
Wether it is this or not I would suggest she see a doctor who can run whatever tests are needed or to see if their is perhaps some other health issue that might be affecting her libido.

The other possibility I can think of is depression. You say she is now obsessed with aquiring material possessions - is it possible that she is trying to distract herself from some other problem? (one which you may know nothing about - in which case you cant really answer that question I guess)
Have there been any deaths in her immediate family or in her close circle of friends recently?

In the meantime, it doesn't matter if she has given you obliqe permission to screw around or not - I would seriously advise you not to do this.. at the very least for the kids. How would they react if they knew you were having sex with someone who is not your wife, and is that the sort of example you want to give them?


Thats all I have.
Hope it helps.