Am I too Old-fashioned?

[Samuari]

In mid-May we will be attending a wedding about 10 hours away. Both of the older girls are engaged to very nice boys that they are living with. I accept their life style, but will not condone it, so I have reserved three rooms: one for Lady S and myself, one for the four girls, and one for the two boys. Am I being too old-fashioned in forcing this sleeping arrangement on them?

 

[BlondGirl]

Who is footing the bill for the hotel rooms? Seems to me that the one holding the wallet calls the shots.

 

[SweetCherry]

I agree. If you are paying for it, it's your choice who sleeps where. When I was dating, I went with my boyfriend to his mother's house to meet her. We weren't living tofether, but we were having sex. She knew this, and accepted the fact it was going on, but she stuck us in different rooms to sleep at night.

Since it was her house, I respected her descision, and didn't have sex in her house that weekend. Sure did wehen we got back to my boyfriend's apartment after the trip, tho!

 

[SweetNick]

I agree

If you're footing the bill, then you get to choose. If the girls don't like it and still want to bring their fiancees with them, they can pay for rooms themselves.

 

[Samuari]

No, I realy didn't get much static. They respect me and know my feelings on the subject. Just got to wondering if I was being to harsh. Thanks Guys.

[Edited by Samuari on 04-27-2001 at 02:48 PM]

 

[Merelan]

Where do i sleep then?

 

[ShyGuy68]

Merelan you are always welcome to stay with me!!

 

[Juliangel]

In mid-May we will be attending a wedding about 10 hours away. Both of the older girls are engaged to very nice boys that they are living with. I accept their life style, but will not condone it, so I have reserved three rooms: one for Lady S and myself, one for the four girls, and one for the two boys. Am I being too old-fashioned in forcing this sleeping arrangement on them?

No I do not think you are plus it cuts down on the cost of rooms. This way you only need 3 rooms instead of 4.

I am going to a wedding in mid-May also, you wouldn't happen to be heading to coastal Georgia for it are you?

 

[Samuari]

[4.

I am going to a wedding in mid-May also, you wouldn't happen to be heading to coastal Georgia for it are you?

Nope this is northern Texas, but I'm sure that we can find a spot for you.

Where do i sleep then? [/QUOTE


Just checked Madam S says that ours is a king sized bed! plenty of room for both you and Julia.

 

[Weevil]

Welll,you aren't asking if you were allowed to make the call it's why did you and were your reasons old fashioned.

I'll say yes. If your only reason was that you didn't want an engaged couple getting their groove on, I'd say you were too old-fashioned. But that's not a bad thing all the time.

 

[Wizard]

Sam, I also agree with you .....your paying the bill but above all that you are not out of line ask that of them and they seem to think so also.............

 

[OUTSIDER]

If they sleep together normaly then it seems a little stupid splitting them up at the hotel, kinda like shutting the gate after the horse has bolted....!

 

[Mr.curious]

Well I think if they want to go so badly they should pick their own arrangments. Plus let them pay their own way.
I do think your being a little to old fashioned. I know it's hard but our life was different from theirs. Let them enjoy life while they can.

 

[Juliangel]

Just checked Madam S says that ours is a king sized bed! plenty of room for both you and Julia.

Sorry darlin, my honey says I have to go to his sisters wedding instead but he agrees you are doing the right thing about the rooms.

He said if they want to sleep together there they should pay for their own room. As long as you are paying you pick the rooms and it is not old fashion, it is respect for you, their father.

 

[Weevil]

I have to ask why? Putting aside the obvious matter of the fact that as the guy footing the bill, Sam obviously can do this and yes, it also makes fiscal sense.

But if money isn't the issue, why do it? To get your progeny to procreate like bunnies when they get back? I suppose it's cause I don't have Daughters of that age(or children at all) that I don't get the affect it would have on you.

I hope I'd be a cool enough Dad(And a rich enough one) who would let his kids sleep as they please.

 

[Samuari]

Thanks,

for your responces. Part of what I didn't say in the first post is that my 87 year old mother and most of he rest of my family will be staying in the same hotel. They are, for the most part more conseritve than I am, and I don't want to rub their noses inthe girls life style choices. It pays to bow to convention if you can do you so without comprising your integerty.

 

[Chuckus]

Who is footing the bill for the hotel rooms? Seems to me that the one holding the wallet calls the shots.

Ditto that.

 

[DarlingBri]

A different opinion

Wait a minute. If they are living with their boyfriends, who does Granny think they're living with? Each other?

Personally, I would be deeply offended if my parents insisted Mr. Bri and I could not share a room at a family gathering. He is my partner, for goodness sake. Others should respect the sanctity of our relationship and our choices as adults, wedding bands or no wedding bands.

I don't think the issue is money here. If the girls and their partners wanted to pay for their own rooms and stay in them as couples, what would you do?

You'd cope. Gracefully.

As a matter of simple decorum, the sleeping arrangements of other people are never one's business unless one has houseguests. This is not actually your home, so that is not actually your role here.

You could go ask Miss Manners at underwire.com or Dear Prudence at Slate.com. But I think what you've done could be considered a serious breech of social etiquette.

My approach would be the following:

Let your daughters room with their intendeds. Treat them as adults. By treating them as such, you are then making it their responsibility to deal prudently with their grandmother. Its no longer your job to explain the behaviour of your grown children.

 

[Weevil]

I'm with Bri. They most likely are intimate with their respective Fiancees so how does this help? Since it isn't a money thing I just think it's prudish. But hey, that's me.

 

[Cheyenne]

Re: A different opinion

Personally, I would be deeply offended if my parents insisted Mr. Bri and I could not share a room at a family gathering. He is my partner, for goodness sake. Others should respect the sanctity of our relationship and our choices as adults, wedding bands or no wedding bands.
...
But I think what you've done could be considered a serious breech of social etiquette.

Didn't you post earlier that Mr. Bri is actually married to someone else and you only get fucking rights to him for a few scheduled hours every Saturday afternoon? How is there any "sanctity" in that relationship? And, out of curiosity, just what would be the social etiquette for bringing another woman's husband to a family gathering?

With that arrangement, you'd be sleeping in another hotel, not just in another room, if I was paying your way to a wedding. Wait, I wouldn't pay it in the first place.

p.s. I'll save you the time. Yes, this is a judgemental post on my part in response to your judgement of Sam.

[Edited by Cheyenne on 04-28-2001 at 05:29 AM]

 

[Weevil]

Hey Chey the only thing I would point out is that Sam asked us what we thought about his call.

 

[DarlingBri]

Re: Re: A different opinion

Didn't you post earlier that Mr. Bri is actually married to someone else and you only get fucking rights to him for a few scheduled hours every Saturday afternoon? How is there any "sanctity" in that relationship? And, out of curiosity, just what would be the social etiquette for bringing another woman's husband to a family gathering?

With that arrangement, you'd be sleeping in another hotel, not just in another room, if I was paying your way to a wedding. Wait, I wouldn't pay it in the first place.

p.s. I'll save you the time. Yes, this is a judgemental post on my part in response to your judgement of Sam

Cheyenne, the only thing you've done with this post is prove your complete inability to read.

1. I did not judge Sam. He asked for opinions. I gave mine. I also suggested it *could* be a breach of social etiquette, and suggested he ask either of the world's two leading authorities if he was interested.

2. Yes, Mr. Bri is married. That's all you know. You don't know any other details, for example, if he's separated, if he's filed for divorce, if we're living together, if we're in a relationship approved by his wife, if she's living with her lesbian lover, nothing. Awfully hasty to jump to judgement, huh?

3. My remark about Saturdays was simply promoting the idea that in today's busy world, I happen to think it's important for couples to schedule time for love making. Feel free to disagree. You clearly misread my post and extrapolated untrue facts from it. Why am I not surprised?

And you wouldn't be a member of my family. We have good breeding and good manners. You have neither.

PS: Here is the thread in question. My, what large leaps of logic you have there, grandma!

[Edited by DarlingBri on 04-28-2001 at 10:57 AM]

 

[Samuari]

Wow! Thanks for the responses, I try to look at my assumptions regularly, to see if they still make sense. This was one of those that was so basic that I was having trouble being objective. I don't see anything here that would cause me to amend my position.

Different families have different expectations and manners that they follow. My kids didn't protest because this "prudish attitude" is what they have known their entire lives, and is consistent with the value system that I have tried to pass on to them. Another part of that value system respecting their elders, something that they are doing. Although they gave me that respect because of my parental position, it is also something that I do not take for granted, but seek to earn it anew daily.

Brie, my girls are being treated as adults. More importantly, they are acting like adults. They could have chosen to thrown a tantrum and shrilly demanded their ‘rights', instead they chose to forgo a couple of nights of pleasure to show respect for the rest of the family. I am very proud of them.
Brie, it is obvious that you were not raised by me.

 

[DarlingBri]

Samurai, I'm glad it worked out for you guys.

You said from the start they were comfortable with this arrangement; that's great. I also thought you were seeking other opinions; I offered mine.

Obviously, different families are different. What works in some won't work in others. Mine is clearly quite different than yours, but we're extremely non-traditional in many ways.

Apologies if I offended you.

 

[DarkAngel]

Can I go

if there is coffee and sugar