Am I Even Considered A Dominant?

[stevemike08066]

I know I'm going to take a fair bit of chiding for this....

I've tried, several times to have a BDSM relationship, most have failed miserably.

I had one though that was quite lengthy (in my opinion anyway), the relationship lasted almost a year, and yes, it was a long distance relationship, we met one time, and I don't know, the relationship went down from there...

I'm not a sadist, I don't like punishment (with the exception of a bare bottom spanking), I just like kind of being in control, telling my submissive what to wear, who she can and cannot talk to, things like that...

Can someone please tell me if I should even consider myself a dominant?

 

[SpunThings]

I know I'm going to take a fair bit of chiding for this....

I've tried, several times to have a BDSM relationship, most have failed miserably.

I had one though that was quite lengthy (in my opinion anyway), the relationship lasted almost a year, and yes, it was a long distance relationship, we met one time, and I don't know, the relationship went down from there...

I'm not a sadist, I don't like punishment (with the exception of a bare bottom spanking), I just like kind of being in control, telling my submissive what to wear, who she can and cannot talk to, things like that...

Can someone please tell me if I should even consider myself a dominant?

Do you want some or all authority in a relationship with someone? If so, you're dominant. You just need to find someone compatible with you. I don't do punishment. If I don't do something he says there's a very good reason, and we talk about it. Otherwise it's to my advantage to do what he says, because I get my kicks that way. I personally don't need or desire punishment, and neither does he. I get playful sometimes, and I can tell by his demeanor if he's not in the mood.

Keep searching. Meet people. Focus on compatibility, and compromise where it's not critical to have your preference.

 

[Blue]

_____

 

[stevemike08066]

I shouldn't have said "Who she can and cannot talk to"...

For some reason as I was typing my original post, I thought back to when I originally researched Dom/sub relationships, and one of the first links to pop up was this "Contract", that said certain things like: "The sub may talk on the phone with friends/family for _minutes a day" and "The sub may spend _minutes a day online"....

To me it sounds a bit extreme in this day and age.....

 

[Blue]

_____

 

[DeepGreenEyes]

What arouses you? What are your most common fantasies? What makes you come? What sort of eroticism or porn do you usually prefer?

If you answered control, then I vote yes.

 

[Freya_Gin]

The contract thing is rare, massively clichéd, totally informal and (at least to me) downright obsessive and/or creepy. And not to mention that it's absolutely not a staple of D/s of any kind.
Things listed on (eugh) contracts, I don't much mind. Like the minutes-a-day-doing-x thing, but the creepy and unliveable part is that those things are supposed to be rigidly enforced. I'm sure some people exist who like that though
Authoritarianism just isn't my thing.

I agree completely. Total authoritarianism is not what I want. I want a person who loves giving themselves to me, letting me control them, not a doormat with no will of their own.