Am I asking for too much

[Miss Diva]

This is an ad i responded to. The guy was looking for a sub and i responded to it and here is the conversation that happened:

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HIM: I am 35 single and have been a Dom for about 6 years.

ME: My name is Marcella. I assume your name is Gary. Pleased to meet you. Not sure what you are looking for. As for me, I want to explore if my feelings are true and if so how much of a submissive i might be (not sure if that makes sense). Can you tell me a little more about yourself. I am a SWF 43 ( I look younger though), no kids, never married, live with my 81 year old mother. I am healthy, and mentally stable (well most of the time I am 5 feet one inch, brown hair (colour varies from reddish brown to brown), brown eyes. I have curves, not overweight but nice curves. I oil paint, do pilates twice a week, do yoga, and am knee deep in home renovations.

HIM: I understand you might be confused as to if you are submissive or not. it is up to me to show you the joys of admitting you are submissive.. >we will take this in stages, first you need to take the first step and send me a photo of yourself it does not have to be sexual, any photo you feel gets you and who you are across to me will do

ME: Here is my picture, however I would love one of you and I would love for you to tell me about yourself and what you are looking for. It seems fair. I have no problem sending out my picture.

HIM: Mystery and intrigue ar all part of the submissive experience I will send you a photo and tell you more about myself but later.What I would like you to do next is to take a full length photo of yourself in the shortest skirt you have with stockings and high heels and a tight top.

ME: LOL, mystery and intrigue are all very interesting however i will not be sending any more pictures. Sorry. I told you about myself and u are holding back. That does not do much for trust. I have been honest and at this point I feel you are not being honest with me. You may be a Dom however you missed the whole honesty and trust part. I have to be careful and true to myself first. And my safety is first and paramount. I hope u understand. And if you had a daughter i am sure you would want her to be careful also. Please reply to my questions.

HIM: >I will let you ask me 5 questions, fire away

ME: thank you.

I would like a picture of you
what are u looking for
please tell me about yourself as i have told you
Have you ever had any other submissive
what is your experience

BTW: I have basic rules for my protection. I never send out sexy pictures like you want, I will take a full length picture in a standard outfit on Saturday. I do not do online or phone sex (why bother really).

TY
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He then said this is not what he was looking for. And I answered that he was a player on the net and told him to play safely.

So my question, did I ask for too much information? Was I being too bitchy?

Thanks everyone

 

[CutieMouse]

I'd say you weren't asking for too much at all. I know that in the one Friendship I've had, that developed out of an online contact, I had a scan of his driver's license, address, phone number, and professional information, within the first 5 emails back and forth- offered, not requested.

 

[Evil_Geoff]

Sounds like you are asking basic introductory questions to me.

None of which I would mind answering if I were looking to meet someone.

Write off that potential as a "no longer worth looking at", chalk one up for experience, and on to the next... *grins*

 

[saw_man1]

Good job

You did the right thing and you did it the right way and because you did what you did, you were able to eliminate him rather quickly.

 

[browngrad]

you were absolutely correct

In my opinion, you were absolutely correct in your approach to your online contact. If you are serious about being submissive, submitting to a stranger on the internet who will not work to develop the trust and context that you describe is not the way to go. The most wonderful sub/dom relationship I have had took several months to develop. The trust had to be there, the context of the relationship takes time to discover. Once you do the preliminary work, you and your partner will be poised to enjoy a potentially fantastic relationship. Its hard to push your limits with someone you do not trust.

 

[BeachGurl2]

You are right on track, Miss D. I won't send a pic unless I receive one first, just a little thing I do. And I never send a pic right away, I have to have shared several emails with someone and feel comfortable enough to send one. Beyond that, I would have responded exactly the way you did. You can't get to know someone who won't communicate with you. And for trust to develop there has to be equal sharing.

I've had a situation recently where the email exchange was very positive, lots of very good conversation and sharing of information, only to move to IM and phone to find out that he couldn't carry on a conversation. Which was disappointing because his emails had been so good. Made me wonder just how long it took him to compose those emails. Needless to say, I chose not to meet him.

I also had one who got angry because I wouldn't trust him enough to meet him at his house late at night. I had told him I would meet him in the early evening in a public place for an hour or two but that was all, and he felt I wasn't being submissive enough. Guess safety doesn't count if you're a submissive, huh?

Just go with your gut. Don't worry about pissing someone off. If they get mad or upset, that's their problem, not yours. Read those red flags so that you can stay safe.

 

[neonflux]

I fourth, fifth and sixth everyone else's post. Being submissive does not equal being a dormat or opening oneself up for a potentially unsafe situation... I would be suspicious of someone who was so unwilling to talk about himself. You absolutely did the right thing. He definitely sounds like someone who would NOT deserve your submission.

You go, grrl

Neon

 

[catalina_francisco]

Think you handled it well and if anyone is in doubt as to who or what they are, perhaps it is the person to whom you were talking. Move forward and maintain your standards and personal rules.

Catalina

 

[O'Mac]

I think you were asking all the right questions and he was going out of his way not to answer them. Doesn't come out bitchy at all to me, rather you know exactly what you are looking for and he doesn't fit the bill. I can see from his 2nd and 3rd responses alone that he's either new to the lifestyle himself or possibly a faker altogether. Sadly, the same thing has happened to an ex of mine a couple times before and I suppose a great deal of online Doms out there are just looking to score an easy lay or whatnot. Than again, I've been told I'm jaded.

I think you did the right thing.

 

[rosco rathbone]

He sounds like a fucking tool.

 

[Miss Diva]

thanks everyone for the great feedback. I am now sure of what I am doing is right. And I am glad I dumped him.

Hugs to everyone for your support.

 

[SirFace]

I agree with everything said, but if he DID send you a picture, how could be sure that it was of him? Dont you eventually have to set the scene where you can actually see and talk to the other person before you know anything? Hopefully in public with friends present.

I am kinda new to this internet stuff so I am very cautious about what I read and what I believe.

 

[tanyachrs]

I've never done any of this from a BDSM point of view but I've met a fair number of guys online for sexual purposes. The ones who send fake pictures aren't planning to meet you. They're just getting off on the photos and sexy talk. Be very wary of guys with good pictures and if you've sent a photo that is clear and accurate refuse to send any others before meeting.

Anyone who's planning to meet you will send a picture of himself. It may be shockingly old, but it'll be him. Someone who refuses to send a photo is either married or isn't planning to meet you but is too stupid to go get a fake one off the internet.

Personally, having done this a lot, I'm in favor of early meetings. One half-hour cup of coffee can tell you more than months of emails and IMs and phone calls. Meeting a stranger in a public place is as safe as going to that public place for no particular reason and it's safer than giving out your home phone number. Even your cell is trackable to your home if a person has access to the right databases.

 

[O'Mac]

He sounds like a fucking tool.

I was trying to be diplomatic.