Altering Poems

[WickedEve]

Like all, or most, poets, I'm flooded with memories and stories that have been passed along to me. It is important for me to preserve these as accurately as possible. But I tend to alter the original for public consumption. I mean, what does the reader know? The reader knows only what I choose to reveal in my poetry. There are times that an altered poem flows more smoothly or may make better sense to a reader.


Here is my Looking Back Down the Road poem that is online here at literotica:

we are dust
and modern metal
past purgatory mountain,
through pear fields.

with calmer hollows,
we settle,

where boards
and swing rope
(just pieces)
stir reminiscence.

then down easy
windings
to terpin's:

come in.
buy
ham, honey
and apples.

I resist.
she remembers

smoking roadside butts,
with cherry boy,
on her way here,
when the way was still dirt.

we leave these roads, soft
beside knee-slapping grass,
and continue home.



And the original version:

we are dust
and modern metal,
past purgatory mountain,
through pear fields.

with calmer hollows,
we settle,

where boards
and swing rope
(just pieces)
stir reminiscence.

then down easy
windings
to terpine's:

come in.
buy
ham, honey
and apples.

I resist.
she remembers

picking up butts
(one puff left)
on her way here,
when the way was still dirt.

we journey on
to old oak--

it no longer talks.
see it over yonder,

bent silent near places
cherry boy sat
crippled?

there were vaccinations
that summer--
someone's needled backside
in local papers.

she smiles,
wondering if it was hers.

we leave these roads, soft
beside knee-slapping grass,
and continue home.



I do like the second version, but when the online version is read, it's moves along at a better pace, in my opinion. As you can see in the bold sections, there was a big chunk of words condensed and changed to make the poem cleaner and less of a cluttered read--again, that's my opinion.

I'm sure I'm not alone in doing this. Who else thinks altering the original can be beneficial before publishing it online?

 

[WickedEve]

Since the first post is most likely long-winded, then let me simplify this: Have you, or would you, write a poem about a specific event, but then change the facts to make it a better (easier to understand) poem for your readers? Like in the poem above, I made cherry boy into some guy smoking butts instead of a boy with polio.

 

[annaswirls]

you mean submitting for literotic

sure

I always add a few extra body parts into my poems just to hopefully catch someone's eye

I kind of alter it on the way actually, for the real poems

but for the fuckity fuck poems I have to fuck with them or they wouldnt be happy without all the extra fucking.
And I never can take them seriously
they are like recess
everyone needs a little fucking recess

I like to say that word until it is meaningless
fuck fuck fuck

Eve, I want to read your poems but I am out of thiis house aas of 5 minutes ago

Anna

 

[WickedEve]

you mean submitting for literotic

sure

I always add a few extra body parts into my poems just to hopefully catch someone's eye

I kind of alter it on the way actually, for the real poems

but for the fuckity fuck poems I have to fuck with them or they wouldnt be happy without all the extra fucking.
And I never can take them seriously
they are like recess
everyone needs a little fucking recess

I like to say that word until it is meaningless
fuck fuck fuck

Eve, I want to read your poems but I am out of thiis house aas of 5 minutes ago

Anna

thank you for adding your fucking (fuck fuck fuck) opinion. lol
Not necessarily for submitting to lit. And not necessarily the hot, meat slapping ones.
I recently read a poem, well written, someone's memories, but there was a stanza that wasn't needed. I know the poet was offering all the details, but one part seemed out of place. He added what he remembered, but if it had been left out, I would have never known or cared. The poem would have been great without it.

 

[OT]

Since the first post is most likely long-winded, then let me simplify this: Have you, or would you, write a poem about a specific event, but then change the facts to make it a better (easier to understand) poem for your readers?

Short answer: yes.


I'm reminded of the classic joke lines after letting something slip that was best left unsaid:
"Think to myself" -- "Talk out loud"
"Think to myself" -- "Talk out loud"
"Think to myself" -- "Talk out loud"

It's sorta of related to your other thread where you ask how much a poem reflects who you aren't.

We have insides and outsides. We have experiences real and imagined.
All of the above in moderation; Each or any in their raw extreme is ... technical term: icky.

 

[Angeline]

Since the first post is most likely long-winded, then let me simplify this: Have you, or would you, write a poem about a specific event, but then change the facts to make it a better (easier to understand) poem for your readers? Like in the poem above, I made cherry boy into some guy smoking butts instead of a boy with polio.

It depends on the poem. If it's about me or my ideas--absolutely. In general, I don't think poetry is about factual accuracy, it's about saying whatever I want to say so as to affect the reader. If I can find a way to do it that requires me changing details or even making stuff up, why not? On the other hand, if I were writing about the life of someone in the public eye or an historical figure, I might be obscure or metaphoric but I wouldn't alter the truth. That just seems wrong for me.

But--if I were writing say about a dream about Lester Young , there could be made up stuff in there but it would be clear that it was fictionalized.

And I edit all the time. All. the. time.

 

[Tathagata]

If it's about something that actually happened...
no i wouldn't add any thing
If it was special enough to make me write it doesn't need a " happy" ending..
Or, as Anna so perfectly put it, it doesn't need more " fuckity fuck fuck"


If it's something I wish had happened or something where I'm not sure how it ended
then yes I'll fuck around with it till it gives off some kind of message.
I know, I'm tired of the message poems too but they just keep coming out of me


I think I need some fuckity fuck fucky stuff.

 

[WickedEve]

I suppose I started this thread, because a few weeks ago, my mom was sharing all these great memories with me. I smelled a poem before she was half way through. Then after writing it, I felt a bit bad for changing the facts. I do that with some of my work--my memories and experiences. My outhouse poem, for instance, was changed slightly. It was my uncle that scared the... well, scared the crap out of me about Ruth's outhouse. But I left uncle out of the poem, since Ruth, Mom and I were in it. I made Ruth the one scaring the poor little girl. It was just less complicated that way. But I still feel a bit bad about changing my mom's memories. I take things too seriously, don't I?

 

[Tathagata]

I suppose I started this thread, because a few weeks ago, my mom was sharing all these great memories with me. I smelled a poem before she was half way through. Then after writing it, I felt a bit bad for changing the facts. I do that with some of my work--my memories and experiences. My outhouse poem, for instance, was changed slightly. It was my uncle that scared the... well, scared the crap out of me about Ruth's outhouse. But I left uncle out of the poem, since Ruth, Mom and I were in it. I made Ruth the one scaring the poor little girl. It was just less complicated that way. But I still feel a bit bad about changing my mom's memories. I take things too seriously, don't I?

Yes





but I understand what you mean, you feel as though you aren't being honest...

 

[JCSTREET]

One of the grteatest devices in poetry is to link

Like all, or most, poets, I'm flooded with memories and stories that have been passed along to me. It is important for me to preserve these as accurately as possible. But I tend to alter the original for public consumption. I mean, what does the reader know? The reader knows only what I choose to reveal in my poetry. There are times that an altered poem flows more smoothly or may make better sense to a reader.


Here is my Looking Back Down the Road poem that is online here at literotica:

we are dust
and modern metal
past purgatory mountain,
through pear fields.

but the poem you cite here gives me few opportunities to continue in this vein

instead it takes off in your usual beauty with rampant images which amuse and inspire

but then of course you devolve into a poem of such awesome beauty that I can no longer hold my train of thought and have to drift back into other days--other times--other loves

your ham apples and honey makes me think of the sweet. sticky honey painted on just one pink nipple and how my tongue explores like the first unicellular organism that walked the world and how I take in that goodness--molecule by molecule and then it just all falls apart becaus you have me sighing and crying down in the long corn

carl



=================

dissimilar things in a dramatic contrast

no one would think of running through pear fields so the reader struggles to resolve pears and fields and realizes that there body has shuddered


with calmer hollows,
we settle,

where boards
and swing rope
(just pieces)
stir reminiscence.

then down easy
windings
to terpin's:

come in.
buy
ham, honey
and apples.

I resist.
she remembers

smoking roadside butts,
with cherry boy,
on her way here,
when the way was still dirt.

we leave these roads, soft
beside knee-slapping grass,
and continue home.



And the original version:

we are dust
and modern metal,
past purgatory mountain,
through pear fields.

with calmer hollows,
we settle,

where boards
and swing rope
(just pieces)
stir reminiscence.

then down easy
windings
to terpine's:

come in.
buy
ham, honey
and apples.

I resist.
she remembers

picking up butts
(one puff left)
on her way here,
when the way was still dirt.

we journey on
to old oak--

it no longer talks.
see it over yonder,

bent silent near places
cherry boy sat
crippled?

there were vaccinations
that summer--
someone's needled backside
in local papers.

she smiles,
wondering if it was hers.

we leave these roads, soft
beside knee-slapping grass,
and continue home.



I do like the second version, but when the online version is read, it's moves along at a better pace, in my opinion. As you can see in the bold sections, there was a big chunk of words condensed and changed to make the poem cleaner and less of a cluttered read--again, that's my opinion.

I'm sure I'm not alone in doing this. Who else thinks altering the original can be beneficial before publishing it online?

 

[BooMerengue]

Is a poem the best device for delivering information? I don't think so. But it IS the best place for sharing the emotions that the information can cause.

I don't think its a lie to withold or modify the facts, Eve.

But I also think poetry can be divided into several piles...

1 the ones we write for the world to see

2 the ones we write for ourselves

Let your poetic heart and soul be your guide... otherwise I feel you won't be happy with what you've written...

IMHO, of course