allowed?

[laurel-marie]

After having a nice email exchange with a friend on the subject of masturbation, It dawned on me....not all submissives are free to enjoy themselves freely. I am very fortunate in the fact that my husband encourages this act...he is the one who buys my personal toys.

My questions to you are..

Dominants:
do you encourage your submissive to masturbate?
alone or only in front of you?
any special instructions...(ex. use pink vibrator only, no fingers)?

And a general question...
where do you enjoy playing...mostly in the bed? in the bathtub? or.....?

 

[sphynx's dragon]

I enjoy playing pretty much anywhere. Though I get periodic bouts where She doesn't let me. <shrug> At those times of course I enjoy it WHEREVER and WHENEVER I can.

 

[Neomagalie]

........

 

[Quint]

I can when he's not here; when we're together, he doesn't want me to do it without his involvement in some way, which is sometimes totally counterproductive in my mind.

 

[h_i_s]

i am encouraged to masturbate in front of Master. i'm not to do so alone, of my own initiative. There are exceptions to the rule, however. When He is not here, such as when He has been hospitalized for a few days at a time, i am permited. It's not nearly as enjoyable or even close to being as much fun though (without Him). An average day in the life of sinn0cent1 does not leave much reason nor need for masturbation. He enjoys playing with His slave, and usually does on a daily basis, and quite thoroughly at that.

¸,ø¤º°sinn0cent°º¤ø,¸
... proudly owned by, wed to, and devoted to INSIDEYOURMIND

 

[serijules]

I am never permitted to touch myself without her permission. Gets pretty frustrating at times, but over the past year it has also trained me to have no desire for my orgasms or my pleasure to be for anyone but her, not even myself...which is a very powerful state of mind for me.

A few weeks ago I touched without permission...and I had to go a few very long weeks without touching or orgasm at all. I learned my lesson there...not to mention I had to EARN the orgasm I was finally permitted, which was quite painful.

 

[Aeroil]

While I'm here, Mistress gives me free leave, when I'm in her presence though, I'm not going to be allowed to orgasm without her permission.

 

[Trinique_Fire]

*frown*

Perhaps this is silly, but if you hate to ask permission or feel that the involvement of your Dom/me is counterproductive, what's the point?

For some reason this just struck me as...strange, I suppose is the right word.

 

[TaintedB]

Perhaps this is silly, but if you hate to ask permission or feel that the involvement of your Dom/me is counterproductive, what's the point?

For some reason this just struck me as...strange, I suppose is the right word.

Are you talking about your own situation or something you read in this thread?

A person may feel that the involvement of their dominant in controlling their sexuality is counter-productive, I suppose, although to me that's a strange idea, orgasm control being the fun intimate thing that it is, but if so I imagine they'd talk to the head honcho about that, wouldn't they?

The point of following this rule for me, if I hated it, would be the same as the point of following any rule your dominant gives you. I'm a communicator type, so if something like this really bothered me, I'd bring it up. In the past, when I've brought up things that have bothered me to a dominant, he's either changed them based on information I gave him that he hadn't known before or he did a great job of explaining to me why, in spite of my dislike or discomfort, I should do the thing. In either case the problem got solved.

 

[Trinique_Fire]

Are you talking about your own situation or something you read in this thread?

A person may feel that the involvement of their dominant in controlling their sexuality is counter-productive, I suppose, although to me that's a strange idea, orgasm control being the fun intimate thing that it is, but if so I imagine they'd talk to the head honcho about that, wouldn't they?

The point of following this rule for me, if I hated it, would be the same as the point of following any rule your dominant gives you. I'm a communicator type, so if something like this really bothered me, I'd bring it up. In the past, when I've brought up things that have bothered me to a dominant, he's either changed them based on information I gave him that he hadn't known before or he did a great job of explaining to me why, in spite of my dislike or discomfort, I should do the thing. In either case the problem got solved.

I meant something I read in this thread.

I agree with the orgasm control being fun to do and share with your dominant, which is why I didn't understand the counter-productive part of it. I don't know why...but perhaps something clicked with me tonight when I read this thread, like some kind of deeper understanding (stupid as that sounds).

If someone hates having to ask for permission, then why not bring up that issue with the dominant, rather than just continue to hate it...?

 

[Bandit58]

i am encouraged to masturbate in front of Master. i'm not to do so alone, of my own initiative. There are exceptions to the rule, however. When He is not here, such as when He has been hospitalized for a few days at a time, i am permited. It's not nearly as enjoyable or even close to being as much fun though (without Him). An average day in the life of sinn0cent1 does not leave much reason nor need for masturbation. He enjoys playing with His slave, and usually does on a daily basis, and quite thoroughly at that.

¸,ø¤º°sinn0cent°º¤ø,¸
... proudly owned by, wed to, and devoted to INSIDEYOURMIND

It's the same for me, except that I also have permission to play alone if I feel inclined. While I was away in New Zealand I told Him I had played because I had felt so restless and needy, and was told that was a GOOD thing and that when I got home I would get that spanking I was craving

It's been hard for me to open myself up to playing in front of Him. My upbringing was very sheltered and I didn't even learn to masturbate and come to orgasm until I was 22, and I'd been married 3 years by then Sex was a big yawn, with a husband who was impatient and didn't know anything about pleasing me and didn't seem interested in learning. When I told him I masturbated he took it as an affront to his masculinity and that if I was horny I should be having sex with him *duh* So I continued to do it secretly. It was my private pleasure fantasy time. I used fingers and a roll on deodorant bottle - I had no sex toys until after I left him when I bought my first vibrator.

Now - I'm still shy but once I start, and we have various toys I use now, He joins in and helps to bring me over the edge. During our play times He will tease and hold me back from my orgasm until I'm begging to cum, and when I do it's so fantastic He is the first man I have been able to orgasm with and to think I thought there was something wrong with me

 

[Neomagalie]

..........

 

[SueJ]

No restrictions here.

 

[h_i_s]

Perhaps this is silly, but if you hate to ask permission or feel that the involvement of your Dom/me is counterproductive, what's the point?

For some reason this just struck me as...strange, I suppose is the right word.

i can relate to this thought. i must have /ask permission to orgasm, and i do, and His control over me in my having to do so is something i know is pleasurable to Him, and i am proud to honor Him, in submitting such.

At the same time though, i am always aware that not all of us live by the same rules. What does it for me may not do it for everyone else, what suits one's PYL may not suit ALL PYLs, what does it for anyone else may not be what does it for me... etc ect. -- Baskin Robbin theory ... a flavor for everyone. --

 

[TaintedB]

Well I don’t think it is counterproductive that is someone else, but I did say that I hate to ask.

Maybe hate is too strong of a word, I dislike it. Partly because I don’t like the idea of planning the pleasure I have by myself. Let’s say I am in the shower, it’s a moment I have to myself and then I feel a little spark of sensuality… I can’t. It is a good reminder of his power over my body and those thoughts always bring a smile but still on the moment it can be frustrating and I do miss the spontaneity.

Then the asking part… I don’t mind asking for pleasure when with him. I will ask or beg happily but when I am away from him I have trouble asking for the permission to pleasure myself. It’s like there is this little part of me that puts a barrier there and sees it as being weak.

I hope I make sense today English is not quite with me.

Yeah, you made sense. The lack of spontenaity always bugged me a bit too. I used to bring that up to him, forget what he said about it, though--maybe just that this was the way he wanted it to be and that was that? Actually it was probably more than that: I think he placed a very high value on controlling my sexuality and sexual pleasure, it was something very important to him and to the functioning of the relationship and that outweighted my desire for spontaneous "in the moment" pleasure.

I hope for your sake that your dom isn't "away" a lot of the time. I never felt that asking for an orgasm when I was away from my dom was weak, but I sure thought other things were weak, so I can relate to the feeling even if it's not about the same thing.

 

[arctic-stranger]

Yeah, you made sense. The lack of spontenaity always bugged me a bit too. I used to bring that up to him, forget what he said about it, though--maybe just that this was the way he wanted it to be and that was that? Actually it was probably more than that: I think he placed a very high value on controlling my sexuality and sexual pleasure, it was something very important to him and to the functioning of the relationship and that outweighted my desire for spontaneous "in the moment" pleasure.

I hope for your sake that your dom isn't "away" a lot of the time. I never felt that asking for an orgasm when I was away from my dom was weak, but I sure thought other things were weak, so I can relate to the feeling even if it's not about the same thing.

Unfortunately her Maitre is more than 3000 miles away, a situation we hope to remedy as soon as we can.

And I really enjoy making the French Girl wait for her pleasure, almost as much as i love it when she gets it.

 

[Guest]

After having a nice email exchange with a friend on the subject of masturbation, It dawned on me....not all submissives are free to enjoy themselves freely. I am very fortunate in the fact that my husband encourages this act...he is the one who buys my personal toys.

My questions to you are..

Dominants:
do you encourage your submissive to masturbate?
alone or only in front of you?
any special instructions...(ex. use pink vibrator only, no fingers)?

And a general question...
where do you enjoy playing...mostly in the bed? in the bathtub? or.....?

Hmmmm..

Yes

Both

Yes..Depending on the effect I am after.

Lots of floor work... The extra room is good.

 

[Killishandra]

I almost dig the idea of being denied masturbation privileges in a 24/7 live-in relationship, but right now I love masturbating - it's my only sexual outlet.

I would fear for my sanity if I was denied it at this point.

 

[Quint]

Perhaps this is silly, but if you hate to ask permission or feel that the involvement of your Dom/me is counterproductive, what's the point?

For some reason this just struck me as...strange, I suppose is the right word.

Because I'm selfish and sometimes I really just want to relax and not have to think about another person's attention and reactions and am I making enough noise and should I move my hand more than normal to make it interesting and am I taking too long is he getting bored should I hurry up and get it over with and by this point I don't even want to come anymore. Reworded: I can't pretend he's not there and sometimes I just really want to think about me. He can dig, ergo no problem.

 

[Bandit58]

Because I'm selfish and sometimes I really just want to relax and not have to think about another person's attention and reactions and am I making enough noise and should I move my hand more than normal to make it interesting and am I taking too long is he getting bored should I hurry up and get it over with and by this point I don't even want to come anymore. Reworded: I can't pretend he's not there and sometimes I just really want to think about me. He can dig, ergo no problem.

Yes I agree it's nice to be selfish sometimes! However I find I can relax more if I am blindfolded - I can pretend He isn't there and my damned shyness doesn't interfere

*Plus it's also nice sometimes to have the added touch of another and not know when or where or even if it'll happen*

 

[sphynx's dragon]

I almost dig the idea of being denied masturbation privileges in a 24/7 live-in relationship, but right now I love masturbating - it's my only sexual outlet.

I would fear for my sanity if I was denied it at this point.

LOL...So you're sure you still have it now huh?

 

[Killishandra]

LOL...So you're sure you still have it now huh?

Sanity is in the eye of the beholder, SD.

Ever heard the one about people in glass houses? *mumbles something about people believing they are mystical animals*

hehe, *noogie*

 

[sphynx's dragon]

Sanity is in the eye of the beholder, SD.

Ever heard the one about people in glass houses? *mumbles something about people believing they are mystical animals*

hehe, *noogie*

Yes thank you I am a rather mystical type of person.

As for the glass houses...well...I don't live in one... Ran out of glass a LLOOONNGGGG time ago

 

[Trinique_Fire]

There have been one or two instances when I was told by Luna to go and get myself off or been denied release instead. It's only happened twice, if not three times. I think both experiences thus far have felt enjoyable, if not a little frustrating. I suppose it's all in the person.

 

[Killishandra]

Yes thank you I am a rather mystical type of person.

As for the glass houses...well...I don't live in one... Ran out of glass a LLOOONNGGGG time ago

Dragons are notoriously clumsy indoors. You probably broke all the glass with swishes of your tail.