all opinions welcomed

[eZ vv]

lemme know what you think of this, i wrote it for this girl i know and love, im not a big fan of the stuff i write but maybe someone will like it....

The Girl


There was this girl,
This I girl I wanted to find,
This girl I wanted so bad to be mine,
She would be one of the prettiest things you ever did see,
And it wouldn’t stop there,
Nope,
This girl would be someone that would instantly make me smile just seeing her face,
She would be someone I would have tons of fun with no matter what,
Someone that I could stay up with,
All night every night talking about everything and nothing at the same time,
And enjoy every second of it,
She’d be someone I’d always want around,
Someone who could pick me up instantly if I was down,
A girl I could go to and tell anything to her,
And say whatever I was thinking,
Without being judged,
Yep there was this girl I wanted to find,
And I'm sure no girl like this exists,
Anywhere besides my mind,
This girl makes every mans mind run too,
But my mind stopped running,
The day I met you


any and all opinions and criticism welcomed

 

[WickedEve]

Here's a quickie edit to give you an idea of other ways to present this poem.

There was this girl
I wanted to find,
wanted her so bad to be mine.

She'd be the prettiest thing
you ever saw,
and it wouldn’t stop there.
Nope.

This girl would make me smile
just seeing her face.
We'd stay up all night
talking about everything
and nothing.

I'd always want this girl around.
Yep, there was this girl I wanted to find.

I'm sure no girl like this exists
anywhere besides my mind.
This girl makes every man's mind run,
but mine stopped
the day I met you.

 

[eZ vv]

looks a lot better, thanks