All Bow to Purple Haze, the Blow Job Guru of Lit !!

[Madame Pandora]

Yes…
I know…
I know…
I KNOW what you’re thinking!!!

Purple Haze? The guy with the funky-mellow manner who posts all those pictures (my personal fave being the Whip-Dee-Fucking-Doo, of course).

Ladies, I tell you, tucked within that mild-mannered Clark Kent exterior there is a SUPERMAN of knowledge

He recently let me in on a little secret and….ummm….having tried it on my s.o. the night before last, girls, I’m telling you it’s the BJ technique to beat ALL BJ techniques…

I’m not sure if he’s got it copy-written or patented or what, but Lord-o-Mercy, what a response.

I post this here, not only to give THANKS (on behalf of not only myself, but with a grateful, sheepish nod from my s.o.) but also as a public service for those who would seek the wisdom BJ Nirvana. If you wanna know – find out from Crazy Hazie…

It’s all in his brain, ladies…and it’ll make your man kiss the sky. I gar-un-tee

MP

 

[Purple Haze]

ROFLMAO!

 

[Deborah]

See Purple Haze, you can teach an old dog new tricks.

OK, spill it (no pun intended). I am willing to learn also.

 

[Purple Haze]

Okay, I can breath now. I'm glad it worked for you, I told you it would. Any other ladies having problems getting their guy off with a blow job can email me and I'll describe, in detail, the best blow job I ever got.

 

[Deborah]

You never were shy before, PH. Describe it right here. Maybe you'll get Sparky off.

 

[Sparky Kronkite]

I allready know his technique....

Described on another thread.

 

[Purple Haze]

It's best described on the phone of course, but I did my best to write it all out for a few ladies already this fine morning.

Maybe I should make a recording and send out CD's.

"Blow Job Techniques and Polka Music"

Or I can send Sparky a picture of me sucking my own dick.

 

[Dillinger]

Lucky so you got there, MP.

So PurpleHaze - you going to share?

 

[Purple Haze]

Due to overwhelming demand I'll post it here, I've spent the whole morning answering emails and I need to get some work done, so here it is:

It is quite simple really. It'll work even if he's drunk.

Starting at the base of the shaft, she gave my cock little baby kisses all the way up to the head, sucked the head into her mouth briefly, then gripped the head in the palm of her hand and twisted firmly. She then started quickly and smoothly alternating between the suck, the squeeze, the suck, the squeeze, the suck, the squeeze. My cock was probably a good inch longer than it had ever been, and she was a little disappointed that I came in her hand, and not in her mouth. She could have gone professionall.

Rhythm is crucial.

I'll say it again,

Rhythm, ladies.

Class dismissed.

 

[Purple Haze]

Madame Pandora, master of the written word, I think you would do better describing the technique you practiced on that extremely lucky guy. It would certainly be of great service to the lovely ladies of Lit,

And of course, I love it when you talk dirty.

 

[Deborah]

Purple Haze, that's it? That's fucking it?

Sparky's dog could tell a better blowjob story than that.

I can see I'm going to have to reveal the details of a little game I invented called "Zipper." It's kind of a contest thing. I love competition. Gets the juices flowing.

But MP, you go first. When you leave get them screaming it'll make it all the easier for me. Just make sure you get the damn money before they give it up.

 

[Purple Haze]

Deborah,

That's fucking it.

When did I ever claim to be good writer?

Sorry for the let down here, the technique was so simple, it doesn't need any embellishment.

Maybe you oughtta go try it on Sparky, and then come back and share it in technicolor with us.

 

[nitengale]

I dunno...

sounds too complicated to me.

 

[Madame Pandora]

Oh, okay, fine….

First of all, it just isn’t that complicated. Although, admittedly, when Purp explained it to me, I had trouble understanding. Second of all…there IS a trick of rhythm to it, but I am telling you, it pleased my baby like GANGBUSTERS (and, no, he wasn’t drunk).

First, I would test it out with a patient guy. I have one of those. Even still, my experimenting left him more than a little frustrated while I worked out the kinks.

Get him stiff in whatever method you choose. Wiggle the arch of your foot into his fly, grind your ass on his lap, etc. It’s all good. You need to work him up to at least a semi to get started.

In addition to rhythm, MOISTURE is crucial, so if you’re afraid to get a little spit on your palms, exit stage left and thank you for playing. I actually had to use both hands, but I’m a very tactile girl.

Slobber him up form tip to nuts. Really get him juicy. A lot of tongue lathing along the base and slurping on the tip. Those of you who stock flavored oils would probably be well served to employ them here. Once he’s raging and messy, it’s time to start the music.

I employed a suck-pop-squeeze-tug tempo, focusing entirely on the head of his cock. The shaft really came into very little play, except to set up the next hand. With one hand resting on the base of his cock, press your lips over the tip and suckle on it like you would a thick shake through a narrow straw, rolling your lips tightly on the underside of the head so that the suction builds up. Then, still sucking, yank your head up. There should be a popping as his cock bursts from your lips. The INSTANT his cock is free of your mouth, slide up your hand to the head (your other hand should immediately take its place on the base of his cock), give it a good squeeze and then a tug…until his cock jerks out of your hand. Then, quickly, back to the mouth.

suck-pop-squeeze-tug-suck-pop-squeeze-tug…

Lather, rinse, repeat until you’re both messy and he can’t remember his name

Damn! I wish I had slides.

MP

 

[Purple Haze]

Excuse me, but I need to leave for a little bit.

 

[DevilMayCare]

Mmm, Mmm, Mmm. And this turns out to be the first thread of day I visit! MP, you sure have a way with words. I chuckled at the thought of how those instructions would look on a label for lord knows what. Maybe a bottle of flavored oil. Would that blow somebody's mind or what?

 

[Madame Pandora]

Would that blow somebody's mind or what?

Their MIND? Ummm...no

MP

 

[nitengale]

MP...

I'm gonna try this...if he gets hurt, I'm giving him your email address!!

 

[Deborah]

Hey MP, I have a favorite technique I'd like to share with you to try out on your Honey. But I'll do it privately, don't want the guys getting all squeamish here. I'll even let you borrow something out of Madame Deborah's "tool" box. You'll have to buy your own lube though.

 

[Shelby]

MP & Purple...

How does the "twist' that Purp described work? He said a hard twist with the palm. Cup the head in your palm and turn? Or is it a roll while in your mouth thing?

 

[Shelby]

Sorry folks, just putting it back up to the top. Inquiring minds want to know about the twist. Ok, I just want to learn how to give a Grade A blowjob.

 

[Ree]

I asked Haze about it earlier today and had a good idea of what I needed to do but thank you MP from the bottom of my little heart for the clarification. I will let you know what my conquest thinks after I try it on him. Now I just need to practice, practice, practice.

 

[Shelby]

Back to the top.

Ree...clarification now please. Never mind him!

 

[Deborah]

Right now Madame Pandora is twisting, practicing the new techique I taught her. Dang but she has a bunch of holes in the wall to fix, though.

 

[Shelby]

Twist, spackle & blow. Fill those holes.

Wait, that's fucking and This Old House stuff.