Spider Rand
Patriotic Cunt
- Joined
- Jun 25, 2005
- Posts
- 3,763
Air Traffic Control Stories:
The controller was working a busy pattern and told the
727 on downwind to make a three-sixty (do a complete
circle, usually to provide spacing between aircraft).
The pilot of the 727 complained, "Do you know it costs
us two thousand dollars to make a three-sixty in this
airplane? Without missing a beat the control tower
replied, "Roger, give me four thousand dollars worth!"
--------------------------------------------------------------------
PSA was following United, taxiing out for departure.
PSA called the tower and said "Tower, this is United
586. We've got a little problem, so go ahead and let
PSA go first". The tower promptly cleared PSA for
takeoff before United had a chance to object to the
impersonation.
--------------------------------------------------------------------
A DC-10 had an exceedingly long roll out after landing
with his approach speed just a little too high. San
Jose Tower: "American 751 heavy, turn right at the end
if able. If not able, take the Guadeloupe exit off of
Highway 101 and make a right at the light to return to
the airport."
--------------------------------------------------------------------
Western Airlines had a term for its second officers.
The term was "GIB," which stood for, "Guy In Back."
The term was strictly unofficial and was actually
frowned upon by the management at Western. It seems
that some wise-guy pilot had been browsing through a
dictionary and had made the discovery that a "gib" is
a castrated tomcat.
--------------------------------------------------------------------
It was a really nice day, right about dusk, and a
Piper Malibu was being vectored into a long line of
airliners in order to land at Kansas City.
KC Approach: "Malibu three-two-Charlie, you're
following a 727, one o'clock and three miles."
Three-two-Charlie: "We've got him. We'll follow him."
KC Approach: "Delta 105, your traffic to follow is a
Malibu, eleven o'clock and three miles. Do you have
that traffic?"
Delta 105 (long pause and then in a thick southern
drawl): "Well....... I've got something down there.
Can't quite tell if it's a Malibu or a Chevelle,
though."
--------------------------------------------------------------------
Unknown Aircraft: "I'm $&!% bored!".
Air Traffic Control: "Last aircraft transmitting,
identify yourself immediately!!"
Unknown Aircraft: "I said I was %$&! bored, not $&!%
stupid!"
--------------------------------------------------------------------
O'Hare Approach Control: "United 329 Heavy, your
traffic is a Fokker, one o'clock, 3 miles, eastbound."
United 329: "Approach, I've always wanted to say
this...I've got that Fokker in sight."
---------------------------------------------------------------------
The German air controllers at Frankfurt Airport are a
short-tempered lot. They not only expect one to know
one's gate parking location but how to get there
without any assistance from them. So it was with some
amusement that we (a PanAm 747) listened to the
following exchange between Frankfurt ground control
and a British Airways 747 (call sign "Speedbird 206")
after landing:
Speedbird 206: "Top of the morning Frankfurt,
Speedbird 206 clear of the active runway."
Ground: "Guten morgen! You vill taxi to your gate!"
The big British Airways 747 pulled onto the main
taxiway and slowed to a stop.
Ground: "Speedbird, do you not know vare you are
going?"
Speedbird 206: "Stand by a moment ground, I'm looking
up our gate location now."
Ground (with some arrogant impatience): "Speedbird
206, haff you never flown to Frankfurt before?!?"
Speedbird 206 (coolly): "Yes I have, in 1944. In
another type of Boeing. I didn't stop."
--------------------------------------------------------------------
Tower: "Eastern 702, cleared for takeoff, contact
Departure on 124.7."
Eastern 702: "Tower, Eastern 702 switching to
Departure ... by the way, after we lifted off, we saw
some kind of dead animal on the far end of the
runway."
Tower: "Continental 635, cleared for takeoff, contact
Departure on 124.7; did you copy the report from
Eastern?"
Continental 635: "Continental 635, cleared for takeoff
roger; and yes, we copied Eastern and we've already
notified our caterers."
The controller was working a busy pattern and told the
727 on downwind to make a three-sixty (do a complete
circle, usually to provide spacing between aircraft).
The pilot of the 727 complained, "Do you know it costs
us two thousand dollars to make a three-sixty in this
airplane? Without missing a beat the control tower
replied, "Roger, give me four thousand dollars worth!"
--------------------------------------------------------------------
PSA was following United, taxiing out for departure.
PSA called the tower and said "Tower, this is United
586. We've got a little problem, so go ahead and let
PSA go first". The tower promptly cleared PSA for
takeoff before United had a chance to object to the
impersonation.
--------------------------------------------------------------------
A DC-10 had an exceedingly long roll out after landing
with his approach speed just a little too high. San
Jose Tower: "American 751 heavy, turn right at the end
if able. If not able, take the Guadeloupe exit off of
Highway 101 and make a right at the light to return to
the airport."
--------------------------------------------------------------------
Western Airlines had a term for its second officers.
The term was "GIB," which stood for, "Guy In Back."
The term was strictly unofficial and was actually
frowned upon by the management at Western. It seems
that some wise-guy pilot had been browsing through a
dictionary and had made the discovery that a "gib" is
a castrated tomcat.
--------------------------------------------------------------------
It was a really nice day, right about dusk, and a
Piper Malibu was being vectored into a long line of
airliners in order to land at Kansas City.
KC Approach: "Malibu three-two-Charlie, you're
following a 727, one o'clock and three miles."
Three-two-Charlie: "We've got him. We'll follow him."
KC Approach: "Delta 105, your traffic to follow is a
Malibu, eleven o'clock and three miles. Do you have
that traffic?"
Delta 105 (long pause and then in a thick southern
drawl): "Well....... I've got something down there.
Can't quite tell if it's a Malibu or a Chevelle,
though."
--------------------------------------------------------------------
Unknown Aircraft: "I'm $&!% bored!".
Air Traffic Control: "Last aircraft transmitting,
identify yourself immediately!!"
Unknown Aircraft: "I said I was %$&! bored, not $&!%
stupid!"
--------------------------------------------------------------------
O'Hare Approach Control: "United 329 Heavy, your
traffic is a Fokker, one o'clock, 3 miles, eastbound."
United 329: "Approach, I've always wanted to say
this...I've got that Fokker in sight."
---------------------------------------------------------------------
The German air controllers at Frankfurt Airport are a
short-tempered lot. They not only expect one to know
one's gate parking location but how to get there
without any assistance from them. So it was with some
amusement that we (a PanAm 747) listened to the
following exchange between Frankfurt ground control
and a British Airways 747 (call sign "Speedbird 206")
after landing:
Speedbird 206: "Top of the morning Frankfurt,
Speedbird 206 clear of the active runway."
Ground: "Guten morgen! You vill taxi to your gate!"
The big British Airways 747 pulled onto the main
taxiway and slowed to a stop.
Ground: "Speedbird, do you not know vare you are
going?"
Speedbird 206: "Stand by a moment ground, I'm looking
up our gate location now."
Ground (with some arrogant impatience): "Speedbird
206, haff you never flown to Frankfurt before?!?"
Speedbird 206 (coolly): "Yes I have, in 1944. In
another type of Boeing. I didn't stop."
--------------------------------------------------------------------
Tower: "Eastern 702, cleared for takeoff, contact
Departure on 124.7."
Eastern 702: "Tower, Eastern 702 switching to
Departure ... by the way, after we lifted off, we saw
some kind of dead animal on the far end of the
runway."
Tower: "Continental 635, cleared for takeoff, contact
Departure on 124.7; did you copy the report from
Eastern?"
Continental 635: "Continental 635, cleared for takeoff
roger; and yes, we copied Eastern and we've already
notified our caterers."
